*wow - worships Maeve* Finally, buckled down and got to it, didn't I? Needless to say, so far this is brilliant. I would definitely say that description is your strong point. I loved that Dumbledore was IC (with DD it's either you can write him, or you can't - and you can). I wasn't sure about Snape - but then again there is so much we don't know about him (and from what I've heard, much to be learned in this story). But his behavior while in Maeve's room was very IC, too. I like this opening chapter because it linked to the end of OotP, and also raised many new question that I'm already seeking answers to in my mind. Already, with only one chapter, you seem to have created side-story that is perfectly interwoven with the main story of Harry. My only crit is that sometimes you have *too* much description. I like description, but I also don't like to read/write it too elaborately. I like to give the reader room to imagine. That's merely a personal preference though, so feel free to ignore. My attention easily wanes, I am ashamed. But all in all, amazing job, will come back for more quite soon. *Looks forward to getting hooked*
Its taken forever to get logged on long enugh to review so ill keep it short.Bloody brilliant...chapter after chapter gets better and better.I'm in love with your Snape, hes totally amazing.
I don't want to sound repetitive, but your story is high quality at the least. I liked the bubble gum recipe... I can connect to it after learning about the horrifying stuff in Jello and makeup. I especially liked the first POV from the trio. You need more of that, because the voice is so refreshing. The scene with Filch really made me laugh. JKR hardly ever describes him but I liked your description! Now the words Rampton Court have an ethereal feel to them after reading the details of the appearance. Roderick's red cloak always gave me chills - it reminds of vampires. Hopefully, he's not that much of a traitor. I'd better go read the next chapter before I burst with excitement.
I've been reading through your story, and it's taken me a couple of days, considering I only have time to read a few chapters a day. It is amazing. I don't think I can write 6000-word chapters, but the length never bothered me - the story held me in all the way through. I love your plot line, because it shows evidence of your incredible ability as a writer. I always thought I hated Snape/OC, but I'll never hate Maeve's and Snape's relationship. Critique! Your vocabulary is excellent. I come across words I don't know - and that's good, because it shows the quality of your work. There really isn't much I can say about grammar, etc. because it's just the occasional comma and marks that must have been left over by betas. The flow and fluency of your sentences were very nice; if a sentence had five phrases, I hardly noticed, because it never got too wordy. I loved the tie-in with Alice Longbottom and the bubble gum. At first, I thought it was too trivial, but I really have to admire the way it corresponds to the plot. I love this story, keep updating! I'm not going to change the rating below, because this story deserves a 10.
You never cease to amaze and surprise me! This chapter was brilliant; you had me gripping the edge of my seat! I only saw one inconsistency, and that was Mr. Malfoy’s character. He did not seem on par. He was far too gullible. Now for some praising! I never was fond of Snape, and up until your later chapters I still wasn’t. He has grown on me gradually however, while still remaining undeniably Snape. Anyone that can so convincingly make me like, nay love Snape without allowing him to lose the Snape aura is indeed very talented! Only someone with Snape’s strong character could withstand the assault Maeve was dealing without hiding, or even flinching. He is too unrelenting for his own good. You also have me questioning the strange properties of Maeve’s necklace. When you first introduced it, I thought it was just part of your lovely descriptions, yet you worked it into the plot! I would never have guessed. Please, for the sake of my sanity, update soon!
A very interesting chapter! First I must say that it's so satisfying to see Draco get his lights punched out by Ron. But the real heroine is Hermione! The way she chides Ron and Harry for their bickering is so completely in character for her, and I felt that "voice" of hers come to the forefront.
As usual, it is the little things in your fic that give such richness and depth to the landscape! The slimy critters that Hagrid's first years were playing with, Trelawney's class reading bark, the hookah-smoking beetle trap....all of these were so delightful to read about and I could see each and every event. Speaking of plants - hooray for Neville! I love reading fics where he shines and isn't a dope. You gave us a real taste of Neville's true talents. Such a shame that Snape still doesn't see them.
That Drooble's Gum wrapper is bothering me. I've always felt that Alice Longbottom was giving those things to Neville for a reason. Hopefully Maeve will figure out who left it in her room. I have a feeling they aren't working "for" her.
I think this story is one of the best proofs that romance alone can never build a great tale. It takes so many other things, and you make sure we aren't after any simple snogging by letting us read chapter after chapter of amazing storyline, and then! when we're faithful, tied down and haven't got a chance whatsoever of ever escaping the story - you so kindly reward us with the most beautiful of love scenes. *sigh* I couldn't believe at first how you could hold it back for that long, so I was very relieved when I read your two one-shots and realised that you were as mortal as the rest of us (although I still doubt it!). I cheered inside when you hinted that sequel - I'll be there for it. For now, I've got two chapters to go until I'm up to date with the story, and believe me I'm going to make the most of them. And oh, I just have to mention - at the moment I live in the same house as a dog called Severus (who, would you believe it, doesn't get along at all with my own Sirius) and I have never actually associated him with Snape until now, when you have showed me the (at least rather) likeable man behind the dark robes. Thank you so much for sharing your words!
So whose side is Rampton on anyway?!?!?! He's too evil to be on the good side. For the first time ever, I am pitying Snape, and pity for characters does not come easily from me. It was definitely excellently written
Oh - My - Gosh! Snape actually, truly loves her! I'm in complete shock! And it was so beautiful. Maeve lashed out at her love when she was expected to fall trembling to the ground, just another brilliant twist that, once it's done, makes me wonder: How could I have ever expected anything else? I have never, ever, thought I could actually like Snape, let alone love him, and today I do. This story has come so far from "Flight," it's amzing. I disliked Snape so much then! But I have to remember that your Snape has developed in a way Jo's may not, and I'll have a hard time hating him when he does something else despicable in HBP. :-) I also agree with Beney, this is an experience like reading a best-selling novel. Though here, we have to wait longer than we would like to turn the next page and reach the next chapter. I am completely intrigued by Maeve's necklace now. It stopped her from hurting Snape more, though she practically mutilated him in her anger and pain. I also loved her yearning for her brother, which also seemed surprisingly ironic considering how Remus feels about her. I will confine in you, and everyone that reads your reviews of course, that I was in a rather bad traffic accident on Good Friday. In fact I may have scars from when the SUV I was iriding in rolled over. And I was nearly brought to tears for the first time since the accident when I read Maeve's reaction to Dumbledore's revelation. Her happiness was shattered and she could not see how she could go on. The entire passage was very similar to how I feel about the accident that could have killed me and my parents, while it would have left my brother alone. I'm in awe at your skill as a writer and how your descriptions of pain can bridge tremendous gaps of emotion and circumstance to embody a sort of pain everyone can somehow relate to. I thank you for that. Perfection. 10.
What a brilliant, moving chapter! Poor Maeve, nothing works out for her, but she should remember her father's advice. Roderick is as confusing as ever, and Dumbledore is worryingly feeble. Your story keeps moving and I can't wait for next chapter!
I really love this chapter! You managed to make me cry, which is a very rare occasion! I never really took much to Snape in the books (as I tend to see in black and white as Harry and Snape do), but you have managed to make me feel compassion and pity towards him. All I can do is thank you for giving all of us the pleasure of reading this story.
Harry! Naughty, naughty boy! He should know better than to pinch magical items that don't belong to him! His almost maniacal zeal to help Remus is clouding his judgement, and I hope he and Hermione don't do anything foolish. I about fell off my couch with the re-appearance of Roderick Rampton. What a flamboyant and colourful character! He always makes me smile. His background story was also quite amusing. I'm curious about the pranks and how they relate to the coming danger that surrounds Maeve. Your story is murder on my fingernails, love!
WHEW!!! Thank goodness Arthur is alright...well, relatively alright! You had me very frightened last chapter, but much relieved in this one. It was nice to see Maeve getting some of the comforts of home, especially the portrait of her mother. I also like that she now has Liam. He will be a great sounding board now that Remus is away. I thought you crafted the suspense expertly in this chapter. Your descriptions of Bellatrix through Niall's eyes are brilliant and spot-on. I can't wait to see what's become of Maeve's book. That, to me, is more nervewracking than wondering what will become of Arthur!
Wonderful!!! I was so happy to see that you updated so quickly. Once again, you've written Snape perfectly. I love the way he witheringly revealed the Drooble's list and how he took the news of his father: "Severus hadn’t allowed Dumbledore’s words to reach anywhere important inside him yet." It was such a telling contrast between Snape and Maeve as to how they deal with their emotions. But then when Snape did let his emotions out.... "'SPEAK TO ME!' he shouted, shattering the silence into a million screaming fragments of love." Wow! That was an incredibly powerful display of his passion. I also love how you've fleshed out Filch, even though he is a repugnant little man. And poor Dumbledore, losing his edge. That made me sad. He's always the one you can count on, and now his reliability is fading. I liked Bella sizing up Edward's importance and then deciding to brush past him. That was a perfect depiction of the way she thinks. I also liked Lucius wanting to tell her "that he wouldn’t have to see her haggard face with [the mask] on." LOL! And Mave... poor, poor Maeve goes through so much! I wanted to cry when she asked for Remus. She was so sad and helpless, and I'm glad she still loves Remus as a brother. I really loved the line "looking out across the water had become too painful in its simplicity." That was beautiful. There were a few typos, which I've listed. I hope it's not obnoxious to list them all out, but I don't want typos to intefere with your story. Drooble’s best = Drooble's Best, Of it will be nothing = Or it will be nothing, leaving in her hunched = leaving her hunched, Voldemort says irregardless!!!, the idea if the warmth = the idea of the warmth, very gave mistake = very grave mistake, that is my question = That is my question, sent him crashing to floor = sent him crashing to the floor, “Where you attacked?” = "Were you attacked?" Looks like you might have been in a hurry. :) So in closing, since I can't end on silly typos, great story! Great characters! Great lines! Great humor! Great mysteries! And though I've resigned myself to the fact that Maeve and Snape belong together, please bring Remus back soon. I miss him, and so does Maeve. :)
you have a great story in here. its like reading a real novel and not just a fanfiction at all.you developed your charters well and your main char remined me of a female and older harry potter. im not reaaly a snape fan so it kinda hard to imagine him and maeve kissing(eww). just cant w8 for the next chapter. (btw it took me almost 5 hours to read all your chapters and my eyes is kinda blurry now.)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review Beney! Wow! That was a marathon reading session and thanks for sticking with it. Rest those eyes! Snape's grown on me throughout this fic...I have to picture Mr Rickman rather than canon though when I write any smooching!
Okay, Im going to rush through a couple of crits, because if I don't start with them, I 'll never get to them. I feel like Lucius and Voldemort are out of character. The scene in the caverns made Voldy seem like some villain out of an old Batman cartoon. And I don't think Lucius is so bumbling. Ambitious, yes but not stupid.
Okay, that's over with. Idon't know where to begin. Snape's father? My heart dropped out of my cheast when I read that. Wow. And Dumbledore's faults. While the adults hold him in high regard, they are adults, not children. I think you have masterfully shown us the Headmaster through an adult perspective. That he makes mistakes too, and misjudges... wow.The duel with Lucius was exciting and very well done. We still don't know about Roderick. I hope he's on their side of the fence when it's all said and done. And Severus admitted he loved her, I gasped and waited for her to crumble and she didn't, she lashed out. It was perfect, absolutely perfect. Snape, as you portray him, is absolutely beautiful. i have fallen completely in love with him... and would happily become a bat on the wall!I get so caught up in your characters, you've truly made them your own, that I just lose track of everything else. I don't know how you mangae it, but you hook me every time and the world around me dissolves until I'm in the one you've created. Masterful writing. Beautiful, haunting and tense. Thank-you.
Author's Response: Voldemort is a truly evil creature, but I like to think he's not without his comical side...well, what we would consider comical. he's a pompous swine with a tendency to let others do his dirty work. Don't worry though...he will emerge at his evil best later. And Lucius...I hate Lucius that I have such a hard time writing him in a detached manner! Bear with me....I needed the baddies for light relief in this chapter...everything els got so stressful! I've fallen in love with Snape too...I didn't intend too quite so much but I love his character and at the moment he is on fire in this story...not literally!! And thank you for your constant support...without my two bats where would I be???
how? that is all i ask! how? chapter after chapter, time after time you enthrall me! i cant quit reading, and i cant function without a new post so please do so soon!!!! 10
Author's Response: By slaving over a hot keyboard and concentrating very hard! LOL It will be at least wednesday before you get an update, sorry...Easter and all that! Thanks for another review, you have been one of my most loyaly reviwers and it's great to have your support.
WELL WHERE DO I START..................THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO SAY OTHER THAN BRILLIANT, I AM SPEACHLESS!!!!10
Awesome chapter! I like how Snape acted in this, it was perfect. 10!
Author's Response: Thanks, Lily
In my opinion, your story has only got one single fault - the chapters are too long for my time! :) No, don't get me wrong, I really do love them, the longer the better - I just wish I had more time. Now, there is something I'm wondering about. Percy seems to be on good foot with Dumbledore, but why would Dumbledore take Percy "under his wings" if he was still such a git about his family? Dumbledore is, after all, a close friend of the Weasleys... I suppose the story will give me an answer, in good time. Until then, I'd like to remove my hat (although I'm not wearing one) and bowe in a very Robin Hood-like way to salute your story. It's very cool indeed! ;) /Fantasium
Author's Response: You will have to wait for the explanation for Percy's presence. It may even not be explained in this story but in its sequel....I can hear you all groaning at the prospect of another monster fic! LOL. On the plus side percy will be glad to be written into the background a little at this point because I was going to kill him. he's been spared for now!