Oh you are a cruel woman! That was an amazing bit of action there. I can see where you might have had some difficulty getting it all sorted out, but your hard work paid off because it reads beautifully. It's the sort of writing that has the reader glued in rapt attention speeding from paragraph to paragraph to see what happens next. The various plotlines were woven expertly and were not at all confusing. Very well done! But you left Harry and Remus and Severus and Maeve in a burning building... I'm glad to know that the next chapter isn't far behind as this is your most nerve wracking cliffhanger yet!
Author's Response: I know I'm a cruel woman... I'll be cruel right up until the very end of this story! LOL *Blushes at the compliments*
I forgot to say: 'you are the best author on this site'
amazing chapter. can't wait to find out what happens. major suspense.
I give you a brilliant 10!!!! Your story is the best! Really funny how HArry and Snape must stick together, and they are both in-charcter. Just, what do you think of when you describes the scenes? And the twists, do they just pop up, or do you plan it to the finest details? And, what did you mean when i had to much details, you have as much as I. Do I use to much adjectives? A 10 to you. I take my hat off. PLEASE ANSWER
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Half Blood Prince. I have a general plot and ideas that need to be woven into the story but often ideas just pop up with the writing. When I'm describing the scenes i'm seeing them in my head, a bit like a director plotting scenes in a movie. If the author can't see them then the reader doesn't have a hope. I answered your query about your excerpt in the forums. I really can't add anything to what I said to you there. :-)
Okay, The numerical system again. 1. Percy, I felt, was ever so slightly over-egged, not much, but just slightly over-done, he's pompous, but not stupid. 2.Comparing Harry with Snape, an unusual idea, but one with merit, very interesting. 3.I don't think Snape says Voldemort, he might have changed but up until the end of OotP he says "The Dark Lord". 4.I'm running out of points and it's getting late. So I'll just say that Snape et al are completely IC and I am on tenterhooks as to what happened in the past and what will happen.
Author's Response: You're right, of course, about Snape and Voldemort. It's something i realised and changed in the latter chapters and it's something that will have to be changed on edit in the earlier ones.
Maeve, I am really most annoyed with you. First of all you write really long chapters, and then you make them really good ones, it's a right b**ger to con crit ;) OK, I'll get all the minute con-crit I can fit in out of the way first, then I'll wax lyrical about it's excellencies. 1."still alive to consult but she wasnít so" needs a comma before but (I did say minute) 2."accept with that." Either lose the "with" or change it to "come to terms with that". 3."as the calm before the storm." I think you need quotation marks around the-storm. Yes, I know I'm being picky, but if I only tried to crit characterisation and plot I wouldn't have a review other than "Great". 4. When you say "when she'd left Hogwarts" I think you meant when she left school (I am remembering right that she went to a private school am I? Or is it a part-time job) 5. I don't think Draco would say Voldemort outright, I think he says "The Dark Lord" at the end of OotP. 6. Hmmm, 6 is my iffy one, but I'm not sure that Narcissa would be so openly prejudiced in a bookstore, but that's an iffy matter of opinion, and I'll trust yours. 7. If Remus thinks it's Harry under an invisibility cloak, I'm sure he could think of a way to find out, he might not bother, but I'm sure he'd have a way. 8, I don't have an 8. Look it was Great, you hear me, Bloomin, soddin, great. Quite possibly the best chapter I've read,(but you've got a lot more chapters, haven't you.)
Author's Response: Awww...don't be annoyed, Tom! LOL Scribbles on her ever growing list of things to changes on edit! Thanks again for such comprehensive reviews....they really do help.
I was absolutely transfixed!
Quite magnificent - you made the transition from writing that had me laughing out loud (very rare!) to gasping with surprise and anxiety. A wonderful twist to this tale. You are such a talented story teller.
Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you!
Oh, Oh! I was just thinking that what this magnificent story needed to make it 130% perfect was a bit of humour and then . . . you delivered . . . in spades. Roderick Rampton - where did he come from! The man's a masterpiece! Nice to see Harry at last and everyone brilliantly in character. And yes - I think the Chudley Cannons do need a new motto - although the old one made me chuckle! well done!
Author's Response: Thank you for all your reviews, Harriet! I’ve just gone back to chapter two and I quite agree about the ‘hang on’ comment. That will be changed. And keep your eye out for Roderick; you haven’t seen the last of him yet. I have tried to weave some humour in; I think you can’t have a decent story without a bit of humour. *Blushes from all the compliments*
I know I've told you a million times how addicted I am to HPDL. You know how much I love Snape and Maeve! And I'm so very thankful that I'm not your beta b/c all I ever want to do when reading your chapters is gush! And rail at you for leaving us with such cliffhangers (and you yell at me...) I loved the interaction between Hary and Snape, their being stuck together is very funny! I'm much happier with Lucius in this chapter, he seemed less like a bumbling fool and more like he was carelessly ambitious. I had a brief moment of concern over Maeve's wandless magic, but you sold me on it. The way she got the door open was very cool! Now that I've got my chapter in the queue, I just want to kick you out of the chat and make you start writing! I've got to know what happens! I think I may have picked up my habit for cliffies from you! *points finger* An excellent chapter and a beautiful fic!
Author's Response: Harry and Snape are a great double-act. They love each other really, you know. LOL Cliffies…Moi! Your cliffies are your own, love…don’t be blaming me…..*snorts* I did drop you a clue about the wandless magic in the previous chapter… she’s also Irish and we know very little about their magic in the HP world…indeed in my original fic there will be no wands for magic, not in Ireland anyway…. Wands are so last year! That was just a way to get them out of the room but it’s actually become quite important… as you will see….and there will be little chatting for me today…I have to finish!
Fabulous. Sorry, words fail me. This is the most amazing thing I've read on MNFF.
Loved this chapter - the whole description of the journey by boat had me in awe. I agree - Dumbledore is excellent. Also how you are gradually letting us in on Maeve's character and what has gone before. Just one little gripe - I just don't see Snape saying "Hang on" - ever! - Sorry! Otherwise, brilliant.
Wonderful writing. Fabulous description - you have set the scene quite perfectly and intrigued me sufficiently to make me want to come back, very soon. Thank you.
I finally got to chapter 2! Woot! Slowly, but surely I shall complete this story :)
Your imagery is very strong; I especially liked the use of the adjective phrase 'cloak & dagger', it was brilliant. Everything is so wonderfully described, I can see it all playing in my mind.
I feel like I'm getting to know Maeve as a character bit-by-bit. I like the more gradual introduction. Some writers try to explain their characters in the first chapter (fan fic and otherwise), and I find it rather annoying. I'd rather grow to love a character than have a general idea of their personality from the get-go.
I'm having a bit of trouble with Snape, mainly because I think our perception of his good qualities differs, but I did find his characterization stronger in this chapter than in the first. Especially with the dialogue concerning Harry, James & Remus. I also like the small narration of his childhood. One thing that is irking me is that you switch between 'Severus' and 'Snape' constantly in your narration, and there doesn't seem to be any reason for it. I just have a peeve for inconsistency. (Which is a crime I know I have commited in the past, but I do like to avoid it at all costs if I can)
Your Dumbledore is the best I've seen in fan-fic. He is completely pure in what is the essence of his canon character. 'Time sometimes has a way of erasing feelings and memories if we donít take care of them...I thought that, perhaps...'- this line just knocked me off my feet. Wonderful; it is something I can imagine myself quoting from now until years to come. It is the kind of line that goes down in history, and resounds through the ages.
Overall, I of course love your writing, and this story is already proving to be intriguing and I can't wait to continue. :)
Author's Response: Stick with Snape…. ask MJ about his development! And I know…I am a bad, bad author and the name switch is one of the things that will be cleaned up when I get to re-edit these earlier chapters. There are some other things to come out and some to go in. But if I held of finishing to do that then MJ would kill me! Wow! Great complement of the Dumbledore characterisation. I just think of him as a cross between a comedian and a philosopher with a dash of deep-seated understanding for humanity thrown into the mix. Oh, and he’s a powerful wizard too, of course! Glad you like it, Jenna… given your very high standards it’s a great compliment.
I agree with Half_BloodPrince. A quick line slipped in about one of your books (present or future) would be much appreciated! (Sorry, I know I've review a dozen times already). The chapter's even better the second time around!
Author's Response: Well, there is an original fic plotted and as soon as I have finished HPDL I will be moving on to preparing a manuscript so that I can start the nightmare procedure of sending it off to publishers. Maeve will be there (in a slightly different incarnation) along with a male OC and a few other interesting characters. It’s set in Ireland, a little bit of mythology, humour, romance and magic. I’ll keep you posted with any developments and thank you so much for asking!
sorry i wrote Sirius/Maeve I meant Severus/Maeve - sorry!!!!!! oooops! lol :)
I absolutely loved that chapter, this is what makes reading fanfiction worthwhile, these types of fanfictions are simply amazing, the plot is worthy of JKRowling herself, you truly have a brilliant talent and I have to say i truly suspect that you are a professional writer for you to be of this standard and not be is a crime to literature! I love the Sirius/ Maeve plot it is so believable, for Snape to fall in love with someone she would have to be like Maeve, I have read some snape relationship fics which change his character to suit his partner which you have never done, which is brilliant! I have to say that i simply loved the parts with Roderick in this chapter (basically nearly the whole chapter) his devious character is so interesting, you have built him up so well it is as if he is a canon character; we know so much about him. I love his involvement and I think he is one of the most intriguing characters of your fic! Go you please update soon since i check your fic for updates about 15 times a day! Well done oh great one, lol!
Author's Response: No, not professional… not yet anyway! LOL. I agree, Snape is never going to change to fit a partner…that partner will have to make allowances for Snape. Love is the one thing that keeps these two going when most others would have given up and it’s a love that’s been there for a long time. Maybe one day I will write their past history from before the time of HPDL. Given my lovely Roderick’s popularity I may have to devise a different ending to the one I had planned…but we will have to see. ;-)
Poor Remus,just when he thought he could forget about her he goes and kisses her.Snape os being horrible to harry which is great.If he wasn't it wouldn't be believable.I wonder if harry is going to meet voldemort or not.its getting very very exciting!
Author's Response: Remus needs a good slap and a cold shower…. And a girlfriend!
First off let me start by saying AAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! Your in love too! lol! Dont worry im not one of those psycho stalkers or anything. Just a huge fan of your fic! You alone seem to fully encompass everything a fan fic is supposed to be about! An original atory line that bulids so seamlessly off of J.K.'s story. I truly think you are an amazing author. Now to the story. What an amzing chapter. I like how Snape still has to get in his digs on poor Harry. And what about poor old Remus, a love that he cant fulfill burning inside him like 1,000 candles on a stormy night! well maybe I should leave that sort of stuff to you! What I must thank you for beside the story is always taking time out to respond to my posts!(One of these days when your big and famous dont forget little old Half_BloodHero!) Seriously though if you were....no when you become published let me know so I can buy the book and send it to you for an autograph! I generally know a good thing when I see it and you my dear are a great thing! Please update soon! you once again recieve a 10! Anxiously Waiting, Half_BloodHero
Author's Response: *Grins* Thanks for the encouragement. You will be one of the recipients of my ten free author’s copies if I do get published. We’re nearly at the end now so I hope it doesn’t disappoint.