I feel that we're taking a big step away from exposition now, and really getting into the telling of the story. I found the writing style of this chapter particularly entertaining, and it moved even faster than the previous one, but in a good way. I thought for a moment, Lumos (yes, I'm sticking with that title) might reveal itself and its intentions, but I suppose I'll have to wait a bit, eh? I still think its friendly, but I've had a nagging feeling since last chapter that we should be a bit worried, and Dumbledore isn't helping matters much by being so precautions. *is conflicted* The description of its laughter of 'honeyed' I particularly admire, because it really symbolises what I feel towards it. Honey is sweet, and can be pleasant... but, I don't think it is restricted to having a positive connotation. (Reminds me a touch of Umbridge).
let me just note, your chapter transitions are very smooth. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but just glancing at the opening of this one, and how it led from the end of the previous, I think they are very well done. It is a strength that I envy you.
...or my imagination but now it seems maybe I did actually seen something should be 'I did actually see'. I want you to avoid being alone. Certainly do not leave the castle alone unless it’s unavoidable. I thought this was redundant. Not just the word use, but the fact that he says that they are to 'avoid' being alone.... unless it's 'unavoidable'. The repetition of 'avoid' makes his latter instruction seem far too obvious.
The Ministry was being cautiously optimistic in tone, issuing pamphlets entitled “What every Witch and Wizard should know to protect themselves” and “How to distract Dementors”. That was wonderful :) I thought of HBP and smiled. Unlike Amelia's appointment as Minister (I went with her, also), which made me a little sad. Thought I applaud the inclusion of the opposition to a woman leading the fight against Voldemort, I thought that was a great addition, that most would have simply bypassed. I think it seems a very accurate portrayal of wizarding society, and it has some interesting reflections on our own society, and I find myself pondering how people would feel if a woman were left in charge of a leading nation in times of war.
And again, this chapter was highly amusing: He had even been given a detention for placing a particularly good Jelly Legs Jinx on Goyle, much to the amusement of the other Gryffindors. and Harry was half running and half attempting to wave his wand over himself, which resulted in his swimming shorts turning into bright purple bloomers. Had me laughing aloud, these lines did :) Oh, and I love well done wizardism, too: Too many wizards spoil the potion and all that, so off you go
I suspected from the get-go that Niall wasn't to be trusted. And I was telling myself that if he knew Selene was Maeve, it would be a bad thing, and that she shouldn't sign the house over to him... I really don't know why - perhaps Severus is whispering in my ear - perhaps I deem her father untrustworthy? I don't know, I just have a bad feeling - which I think I should attribute to your writing. I think the sense of foreboding was weaved in there somehow - and I picked up the feeling, but am unable to pinpoint how you may have conveyed that to the reader. Expertly done!
I enjoyed Grawp and Hermione, I thought the Kelpie lesson was excellent - there isn't really much to say about this chapter that isn't in the form of one glowing adjective or another. Very enjoyable indeed :D
Oooh, it really does get better and better! Those 8,000 words just flew past ;)
She had told him he should swallow his pride were Professor Snape was concerned' 'were' should be 'where', I believe.As far as Harry was concerned Firenze’s lessons where much more convincing than Professor Trelawney’s had been. And, funnily enough, this 'where' should be 'were' ;) hot buttered crumpets,” he said to the fat lady, 'fat lady' should be capitalised. Something that's not really nitpick, more me being silly, when Ron mentioned 'Moody' doing the ferret bit, I wanted to remind everyone that it had been Crouch, Jr. who'd done that one. :x
My mind is reeling over all the characterisation - because this is the first chapter of yours I've read since HBP. I do feel that your characterisation is all very consistent, and true to canon, though a lot of it is more similar to what I see in other sixth year stories and less like what we saw in HBP. I think it's Hermione in particular who seems to have been written 'easily'. Oi, that sounds so harsh - it isn't meant that way. It seemed for a moment that Harry had also stayed in his OotP mold, but I was pleased (and pleasantly unsurprised) when he 'swallowed his pride' where Maeve was concerned. I think Harry is true to his developing character (as is Ron), while Hermione... isn't so much (yet. This is just based on this chapter, mind you.) It makes her feel like just a side character, though she is still true to her established character, I'd rather have seen a certain amount of change stirring within her. What I've said of Hermione is also true to Draco, he seems to still be the same old 'bark without the bite' this year, and is still mind-numbingly irritating. Again, true to canon character, but I'd like to have seen you take a chance on evolving his character. These characters are young, and are living in a time of great changes, and it's just something that feels necessary, especially at this point of the story. It feels like it should be visible now, rather than something that will be happening sometime in the process of this story.[Again, pay me little mind, it's just something that stuck out a bit to me as I read, and probably only so because of my having read HBP].
On the topic of characterisation, there is also McGonagall, Snape and - of course - Maeve. I thought McGonagall was perfect; I love that you gave an uncommon insight into her. It seems nobody puts an awful lot of thought into her character, and just use her as a necessary tool in the development and movement of a storyline, but I liked that you gave us a little moment with her thoughts. Snape's role here was small, but it was highly enjoyable (and, despite what we may or may not have learned about him in HBP, I still feel connect to your Severus and Maeve's insistince that he is a good man.) Maeve: what can I possibly say about her, other than 'I love her. Fantastic - she's a bit cheeky, I think ;) The fact that she hexed Draco into the kitchen rubbish bins was simply wonderful. She established her authority, though in a rather unconventional (and probably inappropriate) manner. I also thoroughly enjoyed who she dealt with Snape - why did I know she wouldn't allow him to let her look bad? No, she held her own in front of him - reinforcing to Draco, et al, that she is not someone to be reckoned with. “Are you calling your student an abomination, Professor? I hardly think that’s fair, do you?” she replied evenly. LOL, she is, in a word, fabulous.
And, somewhat related to characterisation, I feel, is point of view. You're not focusing on a single character, and are allowing a touch of insight into all the character's minds. I must admit, I was a touch surprised when the story deviated so far from Maeve's narration, but it felt like I was being given a treat. I enjoyed it, and am amazed at how superbly you pulled off the multiple-PoV. I can honestly say I have never seen it done so well. Usually, if not limited to one character or switching distinctly between different characters, I feel this kind of PoV is awkward and uncomfortable. But this is smooth and delightful.
Now onto what I really want to talk about. This 'light' fellow. My thoughts are running around in circles (I think they are dizzying Siobhan, poor girl). First, Maeve bright glint in the corner of her classroom, then Harry is greeted by a luminous being, and then - at the end - the fire flickers and the two are bathed in light? I've decided whatever Lumos is (as I should call him for the time being), he's friendly. 'it felt like the sun had bowed down to kiss her face' for one (a beautiful personification of light and sun, might I add.), is the first of many positive connotations in this chapter surrounding the mysterious Lumos, sun, and light. He didn't seem at all threathening in Harry's 'dream' either, and the fact that the room is filled with a 'rich, sweet' laugh when Harry and Maeve are bathed in light also comforts me. Though, I'm still not entirely sure what I'm talking about. (Though, the fact that Harry associated the luminous being with Maeve, and the fact that this story is title 'Daughter of Light', causes my mind to run even faster and run into walls.) All in all, this is done superbly. The 'light' is subtle, but shines just brightly enough that the reader should be able to take delight (no pun intended) in picking up the hints.
Another example of something developing right under our noses - “Then you also know she has a formidable reputation in the Potions field.”. When I read that line, I almost died in literary enjoyment. How well you weaved this into the chapter, reminding the readers of Harry's 'Potions problem', and following it with the solution which I should already have guessed, but did not. But that line was nothing less than perfection. I can't really explain why, but that is often the case with the best work, you simply know it's wonderful and words fail to reason why.
Her severe look made him feel very abashed. The anger that he had been feeling was being replaced with a grim determination to do whatever was necessary to fight the threat they faced. He knew now that this involved being a little less judgemental and a little more accepting of people that were trying to be truthful with him. This was the point when I realised that you were, in fact, writing a developing Harry, and I just loved how IC this was - for HBP Harry. Which is just exceptional, because you have predicted what his character would become. It shows a great depth of understanding, which would be nothing if you couldn't write it well instead. Bravo.
Okay, that's all for this chapter. I'm so glad to know there is a bounty awaiting me... :D
When I began reading, I knew that I would never get through your story if I left reviews on every chapter, or every other chapter, or every third chapter - so I decided to save all my reviewing until the end. Obviously I changed my mind - this chapter was too good to pass up without a review.
First of all, I have to say that I love the quality of your writing. By quality I don't mean how good it is (though it is exceedingly good, of course), I mean the personality of your story. Because your story has a personality of its own, apart from Maeve and Snape and the others. Your writing style throughout is very warm, very...I can't even find the right word. It reaches out to the reader; you have a very friendly story, if that means anything. Very fitting for something about the Daughter of Light. I guess I really noticed it here, because the style of your narrative has changed over the course of the story, in keeping with the events. Chapter one is colder and more introspective; we start out watching from a distance, separated from Maeve. The horse and rider moved slowly across the landscape. They were clearly in no hurry to get anywhere, giving the impression of having all the time in the world. Viewed from a distance it would be impossible to gauge the sadness that emanated from the young woman or to decipher the reason behind it. We're set back from the beginning, reserved in our judgment, isolated from the life you are describing...just like Maeve herself. As Maeve comes out of her isolation so do we, and by chapter fourteen your narrative has become warm and alive, changed in keeping with the setting; we watch the students in their costumes from a place amidst them. Does that make any sense? I'm not sure it does; what I'm trying to say is that you've done a very good job at keeping the tone of the narrative along the same lines as the tone of the story. Does that make even less sense? Ah, well...
I loved the description of everyone dressed up in their various costumes, especially Snape dressed up as Snape. And speaking of Snape, I thought the foray into his thoughts was exceedingly well done. The paragraph in which he wonders to which part of his life he wants to return to, and realizes that he cannot return...*goes into raptures* And then there was the scene with her father; I think the description of her father is responsible for the entire confusing paragraph I wrote on your style...you did such a good job of communicating the mood even in the small bits of description. "Severus nodded mutely." I have a really vivid picture of the entire scene in my head, of Snape's realization that he is powerless, of the confrontation with this being of such great love... beautiful job!
I did find one typo: the possibility that she had been wrong to do so was no insinuating itself into her brain. Should 'no' be 'now'?
I know this review has been overly rapturous and underly critical, but I didn’t have anything really critical to say. Not to mention that I’m feeling a bit daunted about criticizing something this good, especially since it is already finished and has over two hundred other reviews. Maybe I’ll work up more courage when I get to something unfinished. Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling on now, because I really want to go back to reading. I'm really looking forward to reading the sequel; I can't wait to see how you've worked in the events of HBP.
Great additional info, many thanks for that. Always nice to see an author has done their research. Its no wonder that the places and the people seem so vivd. Thanks for a great story.
This is the first story i've read in the Fanfic style of HP and all I can do is say what Ron would probably say... "bloody brilliant" I've read all of the HP books several times and this one fits in perfectly. In fact wen I get around to reading Half Blood Prince, I'll have a difficult time forgetting to disentangle the two differing plotlines :) When's the sequal starting?
Fascinating. Are you (part) Irish? If not, you seem to have done a lot of reading. I had no idea such stories existed about Ireland. But you have described the place so beautifully that I now want to visit one day. Please give us that next part soon!
I loved hearing that background. I can't wait for the summer interlude. Thanks!
Wonderful story you have there!! I really look forward to reading more about Mauve and Severus. I knew that something happened that Roderick didn't die!!! I want more Remus and Felicia and just more!! You give lots of surprises and intrigue in your writing! That is one of the best stories I've read here, and I really look forward to more!
P.S. My log-in won't let me create paragraphs on the reviews, so I know this is hard to read. Sorry! Thanks again. Goodbye.
*Sigh* I'm sorry I haven't reviewed before now, but I suppose my review makes this story in all its intrigue, suspense, and subtle threads of information an ended one...at least to me. For 41 chapters and at least 9 months I've explored this site, looking for updates from you. Sometimes I've gotten online for the sole purpose of checking for an update, a wonderful new chapter that would dispel some theories while fueling others. A frightening twist would make my breath catch in my throat and my heart to beat faster as my eyes read rapidly. It never ceases to amaze me how simple lines put together in a certain fashion can create the words you weave so skillfully. Those words, in turn, create phrases and sentences as beautiful as the dawn and as eloquent as a mockingbird's song. So here I’ve waited, patiently, never once speculating as to when this journey might end for fear of its increased urgency. Ignorance of time was bliss. My greatest fear in those days was that you might succumb to a devilish case of writers block and I would be left alone to wonder and speculate with no answers and little hope. I am immensely pleased to say that all such doubts have long sense been put to rest, as you- a clever writer with clear ideas and intricate twists- seem immune to the terrible misfortunes that murder so many other fics so harshly. It seems strange to me, yet pleasantly fitting, that in America, today is the Fourth of July, our Independence Day. Today I welcome the end to this story, this journey, and look forward to a wonderful future in you as an author. True authors cannot stop writing and your fans here, this curious family that has followed Daughter or Light for so long, will never wish for you to waste your gift. Today you are at a crossroad. You may continue onward with these characters, Maeve, Severus, Felicia, Roderick, and the others (which I desperately hope you do, in a selfish way) or you may follow a different road. You have a choice as the colonists in the New World did over 200 hundred years ago (if you’ll forgive the rough parallel). You may go on as things are or you may break away to follow another thread and create a new world of your own, which we would love to read of it you wish to share it with us. Whatever you decide, so long as you post, I, for one, will read. So thank you for all you have done for us to date. Thank you for sharing this wonderful world with us. Thank you for teaching us about life and love as you envision them. Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from Magical_Maeve in the future. Today is bittersweet. Goodbye for now. 10 End. ~Katie
EEEE! I KNEW Roderick couldn't really have died! I just... didn't know for sure... You worried me, you know. I really like him. Even when he seemed like he was evil, I still couldn't help but like him. And I applaud your choice of spider for his animagus form. It very much fits his personality. Oh, and you are writing a sequel, aren't you? Soon, hopefully?
That was an amazing chapter and a very fitting end to an enchanting tale.
In the last four days i haven't done anything but eat, sleep, work and read this story. I was determined to finish it and every second that i was away from the computer this story played in my mind. For the past four days it has been my life and what journey it has been.
I wouldn't be the first person to say that there are some truly wonderful stories on this site, but without any question, this is amongst the very best. It really work of art that would JKR herself proud.
Your descriptions were so vivid that i felt a part of every scene, i felt every breeze and sensed every atmosphere.
The way you manipulated characters was ingenious, in particular Snape. I would never have imagined him doing some of the things that he has done in the course of this story. Yet you never once left character and his progression felt completely natural. Maeve was a particular stroke of brilliance and i loved her almost from the outset, she is the perfect match for the dark and brooding Snape. Harry, Ron and Neville were allowed to grow in a particularly charming way and you emphasized their maturity very well. In the epillogues you managed to capture Fred and George spectacularly and i couldn't help my laughing.
I found myself so enraptured in this story that i was reduced to tears of sadness and joy, i even found myself whooping and clapping in the fashion of Fred and George. You were able to draw me in every inch as well as Jo does, and you made feel for everyone in the exact same way. As a writer myself i know that it can be hard to evoke the reactions you want but you seem to do it with such ease with everything flowing together beautifully.
I'm praying for a sequel, although this was rather a fitting ending but i desperately want more! Promise you're writing a sequel? I have this enjoyed reading this more than i could have ever imagined, thank you for several hours away from my tiresome life and for a delightful read. I hope to read to read more from you soon! natpat ;-)
The spider is Roderick, right? It was a beautiful ceremony, i was so glad to see Harry and Severus over come their feelings towards one and another. Nice to see Remus getting some female attention reciprocated. I love the Harry/Ginny hint's you're dropping, i just love that pairing. I can't believe that i'm almost finished.
I love the twins! The excitement of the wedding! i can't wait for the wedding itself!
Bravo, a spectacular ending to a spectacular story. I cannot express to you how wonderful it was! But Hooray! I'm not finished yet, i've still got to read the epilogues!
I was really touched by what Maeve said to Alice, it was so kind of her to do that. I felt all teary eyed.
got to agree with wiccan before me. all that action has left my head spinning. wow (again)
HaHa! The witch is dead! haha! (try your best to imagine a short, rather plump red-haired young woman doing a funky victory dance) What an action packed chapter, phew. Will they get out alive? I don't even know why i'm asking i can just go and read the next chapter to find out!
Ahhhhhhhhhh! the tension!
Ooooooh! Something had to go wrong, things were going far to well. I'm sitting on the edge of my seat, i know i'm getting close to the end and i can't contain my excitement. I'm actually at the stage where i'm gasping, clapping, laughing and crying without any shame. I'm so glad my flatmate isn't in right now!