Some very fascinating stuff! You've got an excellent way with words, m'dear, your description is dazzling, and that would be an understatement. I enjoyed your first two chapters, and your grasp on Maeve is evident. Not many people can pull off the Metamorphmagus bit and still manage to stay far, FAR way from Mary-Sue-ville. She's a fascinating character. Your grammar is superb, the only mistakes I spotted were a couple of typos, nothing major. Your fingers must have slipped a couple of times with quotations, there are some occasional spaces there. Lastly, as great as your description is, I find it gets a wee bit tedious. While the development is certainly there, I'm an action buff, and I think it's time to get the action into high-gear. The stage is set, let's get this party started! Anywho, your fiction is excellent. I'm nit-picking with those little points there. Great job!
I'll be honest and say that I usually can't stand to read anything AU, and certainly not anything with an OC that has quite so much spotlight as Maeve does. However... I like her, and I have a soft spot for Snape that I don't quite understand. But in any case, what I'm getting at is This is one of my favorite fics. Your characterization is brilliant and Maeve is so perfect for Snape that she helps a great deal to be able to stick to the Snape-is-not-evil position. He just can't be, can he? The apology between Harry and Snape was just so perfect. It makes me sad, thinking of what's coming... Anyway, wonderful story.
Sorry, I noticed a small joke and couldn't help but tell you I appreciate it--little things like this, on top of the writing style, the vocabulary, the sentence structure, etc etc and so forth, make this story a joy to (re)read. Anyway, to tell you what I noticed--Maeve's pink cardigan. The house-elves wouldn't touch it--I wonder why?! Thank you, that made my day to notice that. Have a nice day! *D*
Thank you so much for that background information. Although you described everything well enough that it all made perfect sense, the additional 'facts' made it even more interesting. Wonderful story...great creativity!
So this is it, right? It really is a shame that such a brilliant story has to end, but at least there is a sequel to it, which will more than likely keep me occupied for quite a long time, considering my rather hectic life at the moment.
The grande finale in Abbeylara was thrilling. I nearly forgot the two healers you introduced into your story in one of the earlier chapters, but bringing them back for those scenes in St. Mungos showed again how every little detail you write has a place in your story and a role to play before the end. I'm so glad Arthur is well again. I was frightened for him when some of the other sleepers died because of previous injuries.
Then there's Roderick. He's still an enigma to me but I can't make myself not like him. I had tears in my eyes when Maeve thought he had died. It was a really brave thing to do to 'sacrifice' himself to get the vapour and I admire him for that. I'm so glad you brought him back in the epilogue, I hope we'll see him again in the sequel.
One thing I didn't like all that much was how easy it was for Roderick to persuade Lucius and Bellatrix to do what he wanted them to do. Especially Lucius seemed too readily persuaded. I always imagined those two to hardly trust anyone and to never go with anyone else's plans before they haven't done their own planning and plotting. It works for your fic but generally speaking I think of them as steadfaster to their own plans.
On to the epilogue. The wedding was hilarious and made for a nice, lighthearted finish after the story had gotten darker as it went on. Maeve and Hermione's dresses were hilarious and I especially liked Maeve's payback. I'm glad that Remus finally found someone to occupy his mind with instead of thinking about Maeve and Snape. Snape's jealousy was quite delightful as well.
I love how you managed to get some kind of truth between Harry and Snape without any OOC-ness. Thos scenes, Snape's apology and later Harry's apology were the highlights of the whole epilogue. This had to be one of the best HP fanfics I've read so far and I've read quite a lot.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Ilka! Sorry it took me so long to get around to the reply. :-) Yes, the sequel is moving along, so there's stillmore of this story, although HBP changed a few things. The thing about Roderick, and Maeve alludes to it in the narrative at one point, is that he has the remarkable ability (magical, perhaps) to make people believe in him. It even works on Maeve, until she gets to Abbeylara and the inherent magic of the place strips away that persuasiveness in him. I'm working hard at building a failibility in the villians. Everyone is falible...and good or evil, their weaknesses are always exposed eventually.
I LOVED writing the epilogue. After all the stress of the previous chapters, it was nice to get into a more lighthearted frame, give them all a respite from the war and Voldemort. I think it was during the wedding that Snape REALLY started to grow on me...poor man!
Thanks again for reviewing, and I hope to see you reading the sequel at some point. :-)
As they drew closer to the walls they could see the buildings that skirted the harbour were just ruins and had not been inhabited for many years. Old cottages with roofs that had long since disintegrated were home to assorted wildlife. There were the rotting hulls of abandoned boats by the water’s edge, their aged wood beaten into submission by the unsympathetic elements.
What delightful imagery! I don’t know if you’re describing a real place or an imagined one, but your description is so clear that I’m no longer sure whether this is a place I’ve been or a place you took me.
they made for unusual viewing Fortunately
Oops! Another missing period.
*gets lost in story, forgets to make notes*
The chair itself was violently upholstered in dark pink velvet and appeared to hover without any visible means of support.
a huge Persian rug . . . As she watched it she could have sworn the corner twitched
I adore these fun little details! I could go on and on, but I want to get to the next chapter!
Author's Response: You and your nitpicky edits! I've been re-editing the whole fic for the past fortnight because of them . :-D I've never been to that place either. it's an amalgam of lots of different, spooky deserted harbours. Glad you liked the trip, though. :-)
*Giggles* I'm back for more! A little dose of magic before I plunge into the day's work.
Are my eyes getting tired, or are you missing a period at the end of your first paragraph?!
I love Fin! I want to read his dialogue over and over again. I could picture him instantly, the salty old Irish fisherman.
Watching someone sleep is indeed a very intimate thing. You handle that moment very nicely.
The owl and Snape glared at each other as if coming to an instant and mutual loathing for reasons neither could fathom.
Isn’t this a tasty little tidbit?! A bit of foreshadowing, I wonder?
“You may argue to your heart’s content at another time but we are not alone here and we need to maintain awareness and our senses.”
A piece of good advice, if ever there was!
Ah Maeve, you truly are magical! What a yummy treat you've laid out here! My review is a random collection of notes I took as I read. I shall endeavor to make them sensible...
Dull, heavy clouds spread across the expanse of sky, filling every last inch and giving the land beneath a claustrophobic feel.
Beautiful imagery! I know this feeling. As if the sky is closing in on you, and everything is closer than it ought to be… You use wonderful imagery throughout, just this was one of the first that caught my eye.
Perhaps the colour of her own life had drained from her and bled into her surroundings, leaving her a pale imitation of the wallpaper.
This bit of imagery didn't flow as cleanly as many of your other descriptions. I had to think about it a bit. (Heaven forbid!) After I chewed on it for a while, though, I think I got it figured out. Maeve's rooms are brighter than she is. Perhaps reflecting an inner beauty, or a happier former self.
Liam however had other ideas and was being very tight-lipped about the argument that had preceded Malachy Meany’s departure.
Need commas around however: Liam, however, had other ideas...
“No.” The conversation so newly begun ended abruptly.
What a beautifully awkward moment!
I love the unfolding of the character of Maeve as she changes her clothes and puts on jewelry.
Well, you've got me hooked. You are such a wicked witch! But I've learned my lesson. No more staying up all night to read many long chapters. I'll just have to ration them out...
Author's Response: Yay! You're reading DoL! *grins widely* Glad you like the imagery, it's my favourite aspect of writing...well apart from the characters, and the plot....:-) And no matter how many times you edit... and this chapter more than any other has had the most edits...mistakes still creep in! And don't ration those chapters too thinly...I'm looking forward to more reviews!
Okay, I read your story because it was recommended to me by a friend, but now, am I glad I did find it. I'm lazy to review each chapter, so I'll say everything here. Maeve, you're the best author I've ever read(on this site, at least) I'm really amazed at your writing style and how you've managed to put it all together. I liked your fic because it showed us different faces of many characters: Snape, Remus, and Neville. Your writing style's very captivating, too. I can just see it all in my head as I read, something that I've been able to do only in the case of Jo's writing.
I really don't like Snape, but after reading your fic, I think I might need a quick attitudinal change.
And then, onto Maeve. She's so enigmatic and I don't know what else to say... All that I can say is that I really enjoyed reading your fic and I'll go staight and read it's sequel. Your writing's magical, Maeve. *salutes you and your perfect style*
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, and the compliments! I'm so glad you enjoyed the fic. I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you go on to enjoy the sequel as much. When I sterted I wasn't sure where the characters were going to go, but they all took on a life of their own and grew... which is why Severus turned out the way he did...naughty man! LOL Thanks again for letting me know you enjoyed it. :-)
I finally have some time on my hands to leave a review. I've been reading your story for quite a while now, it's actually the only story I've read on MNFF so far and I love it. Both characters and plot are great. I love every little detail you manage to include in your fic. The way your main plot and your sub plots are entwined is remarkable. You kept me guessing the whole time and each chapter, while it answers some of my questions, raises a whole lot more. I can only read one or two chapters every other day so it will probably take me another month to finish your fic but I can tell you now that I'll start reading its sequel as soon as I'm finished with this one. Your characterisation are brilliant. I especially love Neville, there's so much to him while he still remains the insecure, shy boy JK introduced to us in SS/PS. And Maeve is just extraordinary. It's like she's always belonged into the potterverse. She's so likeable but also has her flaws, I love how we get to know more and more of her past as the story continues. Snape is also very IC, your fic has made me like him, even though he isn't exactly a nice person. Are you Irish or are you just interested in the country? I myself love Ireland since I lived there as part of an exchange for nine months last year. Anyway, I'm off to read the next chapter. ~Ilka
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, Ilka! I had great fun with the characters, they're all so good to me that they made it easy. Neville is a delightful character and, for me, one of the stars of the books. Another Snape convert! Hee hee...it's my mission in life to convert everyone to Snape. :-) I am Irish, but grew up in England. Needless to say, I go back a fair bit and am very familiar with the history and mythology. Hope you enjoy the rest of the fic and the sequel.... the sequel is a little more gloomy, what with the war and everything... but it still has its light moments.
Where to begin? First off, I'm not a Snape-phile, I don't love the brooding greaseball the way so many people do, and that's why it took me so long to actually decide to read this fic. A dozen stellar reccomendations, the fact that you're an awesome beta, and a little boredom finially got me past my Snape-fic bias.
It was definitely worth the read. Maeve is a rariety among OC love interests. She's likeable, believable, and she fits with Serverus very well.
I love how you wove real Irish folklore/culture into the overarcing plot. You paint a detailed lovely picture that breathes and lives.
Thanks for writing and sharing such a lovely fiction....now I must go read the sequel. I'm rather excited to see how you merged some of the HBP truths with your fannon truths. :)
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, deanine! I'm glad y6ou enjoyed it. It turned out to be far longer than I had anticipated and it was never supposed to be so heavy on the romance between Maeve and Severus, but once they got together again I just couldn't stop them. :-) The Irish folklore/myth was the main reason for writing the fic so I'm pleased you found it interesting.
Hope Severed Souls doesn't dissapoint! Jo gave those of us with sixth/seventh year fics some tough options.
Funny how thngs go. I've seen this story quite a few times on the site, but it didn't sound like my cup of tea, so I passed it up for several months. Finally, yesterday, I decided to give it a try. By the third paragraph I was hooked, and honestly spent the entire weekend, in two sessions, reading this start to end. It's been a fascinating journey, and I guess all I can really say that I'm in awe of what you created here, and the skill with which you did so. The caliber of authors on this stie is amazing, but I doubt anyone wil exceed the skill and creativity you've shown here. Simply spectacular. Thank you so much.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review! And I'm glad it proved to be an enjoyable read for you. :-) The sequel is gathering steam so you might want to check that out as well...although it's nowhere near finished yet! Thanks again for your kind words, it's really encouraging.
Oh my gosh, I found this and I didnt even know it. This was the first story that I read when I came onto MnFF in Febuary and I wasnt logged in so I couldnt add it to my favorites, I have been looking for it since.
Sorry one more off topic thing, I admire you on the forums and on here, I love your work in general and just love it.
Okay, this chapter, I liked how I could see the scene, you do that so well, and how you can feel how Mauve is feeling. erm..You are truly talented.
I'll try reviewing better tomorrow when I read chapter 2.
Dumbledore knew that the immortals Lugh shared his existence with would take a very dim view of one of their kind interfering with events in the mortal world and he wondered what censure he would face. As does Jenna. Jenna wonders very worriedly. And Jenna wishes more than ever that Lugh shall come back and pay is a visit, or that we can at least learn what has become of him. It also appears that deep emotional stress causes Jenna to speak in third-person. How sad.
She couldn’t contact him or even see him in his human form but she could always feel his kiss when the sun rose. Beautiful. There is not another word for it.
Ah. Maeve’s decision to cast of her disguise. Amazing, though, on paper and in the minds of many rule-abiding writers, her confident ability to defy Dumbledore’s advice, to make him realise she was set resolute and not to be dissuaded – might make her seem… dare I say it - “Mary Sue” But she is not. She is Maeve O’Malley. She is strong, and she has her father’s Godly advice, anyway. What is Dumbledore but human? And there is the point. You have not emphasised a perfection. You have shown a trait that can be as much of a flaw as a weakness, and you have highlighted that Dumbledore is human, not godly as we sometimes view him. I have never seen him better betrayed as mortal than in this situation. Because you showed a moment where he could not use his own strengths. And yet, he remains perfectly IC. And in the meantime, Maeve is as amusing as ever!
Potions class. Malfoy’s taunts. Harry and Severus fleeing to Dumbledore, and all the madness that ensues. It is done superbly. With each passing moment we do not know how serious this matter is, how serious it shall become. It rings true to real life. Even when the first plane hit the tower. Even when Katrina set course for the Gulf Coast. Nobody realises. Not until it is done, and all we can do is recover and prevent these horrid things from happening again. Not until then do we realise just what has happened. And even in those final moments, we are still trying to comprehend the events that surround us. This chapter’s sense of realism is astounding. “And so it begins, Minerva. The division that could cause our downfall.
As for Severus and Harry’s momentary bond. That was done superbly. They still have an understanding of mutual animosity, that was not changed. But for a time, they each reluctantly accepted one another. Excellent.
Hermione was making it sound like there was something more insidious going on. And why do I feel like she’s right? Other than the fact that it’s usually a safe bet that is? Perhaps because of the implications, tone, descriptions and the building tension that is the work of Jan. Hm. Yes, I think so. ;) And.. the “little” things. The book that rustles to the page Harry desires to read. The ‘Fork-Tongued-Charm. Lovely.
Harry on the other hand was very happy Excellent. So few people ever allow this to happen for a single moment in a sixth year story. It’s horrible, really. This single sentence has a great effect, simply because you recognise that it is entirely possible for Harry to be happy, if only a ‘mere’ five months after Sirius has passed on. *scoffs* Wonderful. I am pleased to see a Happy!Harry. Severus Snape was also deeply unhappy, although for most people it was hard to tell that he was any more unhappy than usual. Though there were many lines that made me chortle, I shall only pick one this time. So, yes… *chortle* You have a lovely subtle comical style. It amuses me to no end.
The costumes – wonderful. My own fancy-dress Halloween at Hogwarts pales in comparison to this. Very creative, very entertaining. From Harry persuading a suit of armour o be ‘borrowed’ to Dumbledore as Merlin (though nobody could tell the difference) it was enjoyable through and through. Not that you missed to opportunity to remind us of serious matters: Ron’s way of avoiding the need to purchase a new costume for instance. My overall favourite had to be Professor Snape going as… well – Professor Snape. Hehe. I did miss Hermione, though. And The Dark Deeds? Wonderful – in my hour of need for a wizarding musical group to perform on Halloween, all I came up with was The Druids. And for St. Patricks Day, the record of choice in the Gryffindor common room? The Ulster Warlocks. *is shamed by Jan’s subtle brilliance*
“Sometimes things are not what they seem,” I have suspected from the very beginning that Niall O’Malley was not Maeve’s father – and yet, this ‘cryptic’ line went above even my head. I of course assumed that Severus referred to Maeve’s belief that Niall would do nothing to cause her harm – it did not occur to me for a moment he might have been referring to the fact that Niall might not be her father. The foreshadowing here is done excellently – you have laid words down for your readers that, upon a second glance or a rethinking, they will find themselves cursing themselves for not having noticed it sooner.
…he wanted everything to be as it had been before, before what? This brought on an excellent line of thought for Severus. It is a difficult thing to ponder, when we wish to go back ‘before’. There is often the question of when would be a good time to return to. Because the plot that our lives weave his far more intricate and difficult to dissect than we’d like. But, in the end it does not matter because we must ‘deal with what was and what would be’. The amount of space you conveyed this in is awe-inspiring. Your thoughts are so concise, and though your chapters are so lengthy, it is clear that it is not a result of any inability to say what you mean in only necessary words. The length of your chapters is proving to be more of a blessing than before, because 3,000 words would simply not be enough from you. You don’t jump from plot point to plot point. You give your readers moments of light amusement, time to breath, time for subtle development. You allow characters to adjust to their changing setting. But you do it in a way that never ceases to entertain.
You’ll have to forgive me, as I have read further than this chapter, but I must say that what I feel when reading your story is quite extraordinary from other fan-fics. Harry or no Harry, this doesn’t feel like fan-fiction. It feels real. There is an essence of JK Rowling somewhere within your writing, but it is only subtle. It is the existence of her characters and her world. Your ability to write new ideas that I might have to check the Lexicon to be sure that they weren’t canon. But, there is something much more present, and that is your own style. Your own characters. Your own plot – and even parts of your own world. I doubt Jo would ever include an mythical God in her story, for the sole purpose of not touching religion within the books. Lugh Lamfada and his fellow Gods make this story yours, not Jo’s. And it changes the boundaries of Harry’s world, exciting the reader’s to learn more with each chapter.
While expected a revelation that Maeve’s father was not who she thought him to be, not for one moment did I think that Lily or Alice were her ‘sisters of light’. That was quite a twist! But not one that came from nowhere. Not one that wasn’t believable. It was unexpected, but much more than a cheap thrill. And how it warms my heart to see this connection between Harry and Maeve, and Neville, too. Oh, extra points for giving Neville a spotlight. No pun intended ;)
It scares me to think we won’t see Lugh again. Something in me hopes, and feels, that he’ll make another appearance. A bigger part of me tells me I know a number of people who have read and completed this story and I could beg them to tell me. But. I won’t. I shall wait. ;)
Biggest criticism? Sometimes Lugh refers to Maeve as ‘child’ and sometimes as ‘Child’. I prefer the latter one myself, but I’d like to see either chosen for consistency.
I feel that we're taking a big step away from exposition now, and really getting into the telling of the story. I found the writing style of this chapter particularly entertaining, and it moved even faster than the previous one, but in a good way. I thought for a moment, Lumos (yes, I'm sticking with that title) might reveal itself and its intentions, but I suppose I'll have to wait a bit, eh? I still think its friendly, but I've had a nagging feeling since last chapter that we should be a bit worried, and Dumbledore isn't helping matters much by being so precautions. *is conflicted* The description of its laughter of 'honeyed' I particularly admire, because it really symbolises what I feel towards it. Honey is sweet, and can be pleasant... but, I don't think it is restricted to having a positive connotation. (Reminds me a touch of Umbridge).
let me just note, your chapter transitions are very smooth. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but just glancing at the opening of this one, and how it led from the end of the previous, I think they are very well done. It is a strength that I envy you.
...or my imagination but now it seems maybe I did actually seen something should be 'I did actually see'. I want you to avoid being alone. Certainly do not leave the castle alone unless it’s unavoidable. I thought this was redundant. Not just the word use, but the fact that he says that they are to 'avoid' being alone.... unless it's 'unavoidable'. The repetition of 'avoid' makes his latter instruction seem far too obvious.
The Ministry was being cautiously optimistic in tone, issuing pamphlets entitled “What every Witch and Wizard should know to protect themselves” and “How to distract Dementors”. That was wonderful :) I thought of HBP and smiled. Unlike Amelia's appointment as Minister (I went with her, also), which made me a little sad. Thought I applaud the inclusion of the opposition to a woman leading the fight against Voldemort, I thought that was a great addition, that most would have simply bypassed. I think it seems a very accurate portrayal of wizarding society, and it has some interesting reflections on our own society, and I find myself pondering how people would feel if a woman were left in charge of a leading nation in times of war.
And again, this chapter was highly amusing: He had even been given a detention for placing a particularly good Jelly Legs Jinx on Goyle, much to the amusement of the other Gryffindors. and Harry was half running and half attempting to wave his wand over himself, which resulted in his swimming shorts turning into bright purple bloomers. Had me laughing aloud, these lines did :) Oh, and I love well done wizardism, too: Too many wizards spoil the potion and all that, so off you go
I suspected from the get-go that Niall wasn't to be trusted. And I was telling myself that if he knew Selene was Maeve, it would be a bad thing, and that she shouldn't sign the house over to him... I really don't know why - perhaps Severus is whispering in my ear - perhaps I deem her father untrustworthy? I don't know, I just have a bad feeling - which I think I should attribute to your writing. I think the sense of foreboding was weaved in there somehow - and I picked up the feeling, but am unable to pinpoint how you may have conveyed that to the reader. Expertly done!
I enjoyed Grawp and Hermione, I thought the Kelpie lesson was excellent - there isn't really much to say about this chapter that isn't in the form of one glowing adjective or another. Very enjoyable indeed :D
Oooh, it really does get better and better! Those 8,000 words just flew past ;)
She had told him he should swallow his pride were Professor Snape was concerned' 'were' should be 'where', I believe.As far as Harry was concerned Firenze’s lessons where much more convincing than Professor Trelawney’s had been. And, funnily enough, this 'where' should be 'were' ;) hot buttered crumpets,” he said to the fat lady, 'fat lady' should be capitalised. Something that's not really nitpick, more me being silly, when Ron mentioned 'Moody' doing the ferret bit, I wanted to remind everyone that it had been Crouch, Jr. who'd done that one. :x
My mind is reeling over all the characterisation - because this is the first chapter of yours I've read since HBP. I do feel that your characterisation is all very consistent, and true to canon, though a lot of it is more similar to what I see in other sixth year stories and less like what we saw in HBP. I think it's Hermione in particular who seems to have been written 'easily'. Oi, that sounds so harsh - it isn't meant that way. It seemed for a moment that Harry had also stayed in his OotP mold, but I was pleased (and pleasantly unsurprised) when he 'swallowed his pride' where Maeve was concerned. I think Harry is true to his developing character (as is Ron), while Hermione... isn't so much (yet. This is just based on this chapter, mind you.) It makes her feel like just a side character, though she is still true to her established character, I'd rather have seen a certain amount of change stirring within her. What I've said of Hermione is also true to Draco, he seems to still be the same old 'bark without the bite' this year, and is still mind-numbingly irritating. Again, true to canon character, but I'd like to have seen you take a chance on evolving his character. These characters are young, and are living in a time of great changes, and it's just something that feels necessary, especially at this point of the story. It feels like it should be visible now, rather than something that will be happening sometime in the process of this story.[Again, pay me little mind, it's just something that stuck out a bit to me as I read, and probably only so because of my having read HBP].
On the topic of characterisation, there is also McGonagall, Snape and - of course - Maeve. I thought McGonagall was perfect; I love that you gave an uncommon insight into her. It seems nobody puts an awful lot of thought into her character, and just use her as a necessary tool in the development and movement of a storyline, but I liked that you gave us a little moment with her thoughts. Snape's role here was small, but it was highly enjoyable (and, despite what we may or may not have learned about him in HBP, I still feel connect to your Severus and Maeve's insistince that he is a good man.) Maeve: what can I possibly say about her, other than 'I love her. Fantastic - she's a bit cheeky, I think ;) The fact that she hexed Draco into the kitchen rubbish bins was simply wonderful. She established her authority, though in a rather unconventional (and probably inappropriate) manner. I also thoroughly enjoyed who she dealt with Snape - why did I know she wouldn't allow him to let her look bad? No, she held her own in front of him - reinforcing to Draco, et al, that she is not someone to be reckoned with. “Are you calling your student an abomination, Professor? I hardly think that’s fair, do you?” she replied evenly. LOL, she is, in a word, fabulous.
And, somewhat related to characterisation, I feel, is point of view. You're not focusing on a single character, and are allowing a touch of insight into all the character's minds. I must admit, I was a touch surprised when the story deviated so far from Maeve's narration, but it felt like I was being given a treat. I enjoyed it, and am amazed at how superbly you pulled off the multiple-PoV. I can honestly say I have never seen it done so well. Usually, if not limited to one character or switching distinctly between different characters, I feel this kind of PoV is awkward and uncomfortable. But this is smooth and delightful.
Now onto what I really want to talk about. This 'light' fellow. My thoughts are running around in circles (I think they are dizzying Siobhan, poor girl). First, Maeve bright glint in the corner of her classroom, then Harry is greeted by a luminous being, and then - at the end - the fire flickers and the two are bathed in light? I've decided whatever Lumos is (as I should call him for the time being), he's friendly. 'it felt like the sun had bowed down to kiss her face' for one (a beautiful personification of light and sun, might I add.), is the first of many positive connotations in this chapter surrounding the mysterious Lumos, sun, and light. He didn't seem at all threathening in Harry's 'dream' either, and the fact that the room is filled with a 'rich, sweet' laugh when Harry and Maeve are bathed in light also comforts me. Though, I'm still not entirely sure what I'm talking about. (Though, the fact that Harry associated the luminous being with Maeve, and the fact that this story is title 'Daughter of Light', causes my mind to run even faster and run into walls.) All in all, this is done superbly. The 'light' is subtle, but shines just brightly enough that the reader should be able to take delight (no pun intended) in picking up the hints.
Another example of something developing right under our noses - “Then you also know she has a formidable reputation in the Potions field.”. When I read that line, I almost died in literary enjoyment. How well you weaved this into the chapter, reminding the readers of Harry's 'Potions problem', and following it with the solution which I should already have guessed, but did not. But that line was nothing less than perfection. I can't really explain why, but that is often the case with the best work, you simply know it's wonderful and words fail to reason why.
Her severe look made him feel very abashed. The anger that he had been feeling was being replaced with a grim determination to do whatever was necessary to fight the threat they faced. He knew now that this involved being a little less judgemental and a little more accepting of people that were trying to be truthful with him. This was the point when I realised that you were, in fact, writing a developing Harry, and I just loved how IC this was - for HBP Harry. Which is just exceptional, because you have predicted what his character would become. It shows a great depth of understanding, which would be nothing if you couldn't write it well instead. Bravo.
Okay, that's all for this chapter. I'm so glad to know there is a bounty awaiting me... :D
When I began reading, I knew that I would never get through your story if I left reviews on every chapter, or every other chapter, or every third chapter - so I decided to save all my reviewing until the end. Obviously I changed my mind - this chapter was too good to pass up without a review.
First of all, I have to say that I love the quality of your writing. By quality I don't mean how good it is (though it is exceedingly good, of course), I mean the personality of your story. Because your story has a personality of its own, apart from Maeve and Snape and the others. Your writing style throughout is very warm, very...I can't even find the right word. It reaches out to the reader; you have a very friendly story, if that means anything. Very fitting for something about the Daughter of Light. I guess I really noticed it here, because the style of your narrative has changed over the course of the story, in keeping with the events. Chapter one is colder and more introspective; we start out watching from a distance, separated from Maeve. The horse and rider moved slowly across the landscape. They were clearly in no hurry to get anywhere, giving the impression of having all the time in the world. Viewed from a distance it would be impossible to gauge the sadness that emanated from the young woman or to decipher the reason behind it. We're set back from the beginning, reserved in our judgment, isolated from the life you are describing...just like Maeve herself. As Maeve comes out of her isolation so do we, and by chapter fourteen your narrative has become warm and alive, changed in keeping with the setting; we watch the students in their costumes from a place amidst them. Does that make any sense? I'm not sure it does; what I'm trying to say is that you've done a very good job at keeping the tone of the narrative along the same lines as the tone of the story. Does that make even less sense? Ah, well...
I loved the description of everyone dressed up in their various costumes, especially Snape dressed up as Snape. And speaking of Snape, I thought the foray into his thoughts was exceedingly well done. The paragraph in which he wonders to which part of his life he wants to return to, and realizes that he cannot return...*goes into raptures* And then there was the scene with her father; I think the description of her father is responsible for the entire confusing paragraph I wrote on your style...you did such a good job of communicating the mood even in the small bits of description. "Severus nodded mutely." I have a really vivid picture of the entire scene in my head, of Snape's realization that he is powerless, of the confrontation with this being of such great love... beautiful job!
I did find one typo: the possibility that she had been wrong to do so was no insinuating itself into her brain. Should 'no' be 'now'?
I know this review has been overly rapturous and underly critical, but I didn’t have anything really critical to say. Not to mention that I’m feeling a bit daunted about criticizing something this good, especially since it is already finished and has over two hundred other reviews. Maybe I’ll work up more courage when I get to something unfinished. Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling on now, because I really want to go back to reading. I'm really looking forward to reading the sequel; I can't wait to see how you've worked in the events of HBP.
Great additional info, many thanks for that. Always nice to see an author has done their research. Its no wonder that the places and the people seem so vivd. Thanks for a great story.
This is the first story i've read in the Fanfic style of HP and all I can do is say what Ron would probably say... "bloody brilliant" I've read all of the HP books several times and this one fits in perfectly. In fact wen I get around to reading Half Blood Prince, I'll have a difficult time forgetting to disentangle the two differing plotlines :) When's the sequal starting?