Lovely. You played the house stereotypes with Marian, a Slytherin, following the pureblood thinking and feeling, and while she gives in and helps at the end she still does it in the smirking Slytherin way. I loved how Dennis was pacing too. A very believeable thing for him, and other Gryffindors for that matter, to do.
My only critique is that you need to develop more flavor to your writing. It is nice and correct but it lacks a flavor to separate it from the countless others on here. It needs something more to it to make it memorable and to make the reader wanna check out your other stuff. Similies, a certain brand of humor, metaphors of the less thought of sort, creative ways to give birth to imagery in the mind, all these things that add flavor and that I suggest looking into.
A good read nonetheless though.
This deserves a review so I'm going to read and review *scrolls up*
Whoa, that was deep. Okay I just had the image of a blond surfer saying that.
Anyway I love how you had her internal conflict. Dennis Creevey is so brave. Even though you had Marian go against her fathers’ wishes she still had that Slytherin feel about her. I love that you kept that alive. I hope all goes well for those kids.