I really enjoyed this story. The characters were very well written, from Lavender and Padma's squealing to Neville's burst of protectiveness to Ron's irritability... all of it was right on. I especially liked Ron and Hermione's bickering into the closet. I'll be very interested to find out what quieted them! There were just a few little typos, (Parvati was Parvat once), but overall the mechanics were good and the narrative flowed well. One thing, that could just be a matter of style, is that it's pretty informal to have asides in parantheses. e.g."(the closet was VERY small)" or "Harry turned to go (run) up the stairs." You may want to avoid that, unless you're going for a very loose feel. Aside from that, keep up the great characterizations!
Aaaaaaaaa! That was so brilliant, I'm lost for words! I loved how well you portrayed Seamus, Dean, Neville and Ron. So true to their characters. Hermione and Ginny were very well written as well. The only suggestion I have here is that I think we should have had a bit more on Harry's feelings, but maybe you're saving that for later. Wonderful story and it was humouros as well! Please update as soon as possible and this is going straight to my favorites!
excellent! very, very good: )
Oh my word!! that was AwEsOmE!!! i was so happy to see that the newest H/Hr story was written by you. Again: you are a wonderful writer (you could practicly put this stuff in a Harry potter book and nobody would know the difference. cant wait for the next chapter!!!
This chapter was done very well! You got the characters just right. The title scared me at first, but once I read the story I got over it! Your a great writer! What a clif-hanger! Can't wait for the next chapter!
First I want to state I am a R/Hr shipper, and don't see H/Hr together at all. But I decided to review a H/Hr chapter today, and let me say: I am very glad this is the one I chose.
I found this chapter immensely entertaining, from Seamus & Dean's guy talk at the beginning, incorporating Ron & Neville's reactions, to the hilarity of the entire "7 Minutes in Heaven" drama.
You portrayed R/Hr platonically (don't worry, I won't rag on you), and did it very well. You paid attention to the defining traits of their relationship (something many H/Hr shippers just ignore). They bickered, and it was hilarious, but they were not malicious to one another (even many R/Hr shippers make that irksome mistake). As for H/Hr's relationship, you have that down pat as well. I especially liked Harry's ability to recognize her reaction has fear over anger; I liked their coinciding mumblings ("You would,", "Oh, joy"/"Just lovely,"). I picked up some Ginny/Neville, and I must say that was also done adorably. ("She smiled demurely..." teehee) A very well written line: "what had begun as a study session was, from the sound of things, rapidly deteriorating into an impromptu party. "
I find your ability to keep the characters true to their canon selves is exemplary, and done very naturally. It shows a great understanding of those whom you are writing, something very important to the fan fic writer. The only crit I can scrape up is that the first sentence scared me a little into thinking this would not be written well (which I was glad to find to be an incorrect assumption). Perhaps you should rework that sentence, I think it's the only noticably *average* line in the chapter. I might have also like to see you drag Harry/Ron/Hermione's torture out a bit longer. Perhaps while the other couples were in *Heaven* we could hear Harry's train of thought. A longer more elaborate chapter would definitely improved this, if only because it was unfair to give me such a small taste of this enjoyable chapter. Try to make the next chapter longer, and I will return. (Wow, I'm returning to a H/Hr story! Give yourself a pat on the back and treat yourself to a Frappucino!)
Hahaha I love it! This is a good story so far! And I got to be the first reviewer!YAY!! Anyways, I like the idea of teenagers in the wizarding world playing games we play!(If only we could play quidditch!) You write very well, I like your style, it gives us just enough of what the characters are thinking, but still stays on the story! Good Job, Rating~10