That was a lovely ending. I do have a few criticisms Iíd like to get out of the way: Lavender made a very understanding and mature comment, that seemed entirely OoC for her Ė Iíd expect Ginny to have offered that line about Harry & Hermione needing to sort it out by themselves. Also, the Forbidden Forest bitÖ thatís rather clichť, and I donít know why people continue to place romance scenes there. You didnít draw to much attention to it, though, so that was good. But for future writing, stay away from the forest. Harry has only had bad experiences there, and I doubt itís likely to change. One last nitpick: Seamus said Ďbarking madí Ė thatís a British colloquialism that the Irish arenít prone to, and I canít imagine him ever using it. But thatís tiny, most people would never notice.
As for the positive, thereís a lot. You have a very natural flow of narrative writing. Itís consistent and smooth; thereís no awkwardness, no redundancy. Excellent word use, a constant variety of adjectives and adverbs, descriptions, etc;
This was a immensely entertaining ficlet; it was sweet without being sickeningly fluffy, and the humor was handled with good taste. You took a simple concept and transformed it into an original story. You handled the characters very well, overall, and I think the emphasis on their development, their dialogue and your overall exploration of their feelings is what made this your own. You deserve a round of applause and a pat on the back.
I feel that you understand Harry and Hermioneís canon relationship and feelings perfectly. You have a more romantic spin on it than I do, but it still fits beautifully. In my opinion, Harry and Hermione have an untouchable dynamic, and you have conveyed it wonderfully in this story, particularly in the last scenes, with the characters inner monologues. Harry cut off her flow of words in the only way he knew howóhe clamped his hand over her mouth. Hehe. I loved this line. I also adore the closing line; completely perfect, it was. You made an H/Hr story enjoyable and believable even for a devout R/Hr. Be proud, and please keep writing!
I thought this was a really good story. It flowed very well. The use of parthienses could have been avoided, but all and all, you did a great job.
I think she said this was the last chapter. Well, let me just say I really enjoyed this. I loved the way Hermione was thinking about Harry and not about herself after the closet scene. The only thing that I thought wasn't very Hermione-like was her crying like that--I mean Harry doesn't exactly need another Cho. I loved the rest of it! Good job!
FIRST REVEIW! all right! aww they are so cute and NOT OOC! i love the chapter! so plz plz plz write up the next chapter, i don't think i can wait!:) Rating:10 million!
Highly entertaining! The concept is a funny one, particularly to me, as I've witnessed this game played first hand. I thought that, under the circumstances, your characters were decently In Character, actually. A fan fiction is all about placing people from the HP universe in the situations of our choosing. And, seeing as how you chose this situation, you delivered it very well. I think Hermione would be just as hesitant and embarrassed as you portrayed her, and I think Harry would be full of shock, just as you portrayed him. Lavender and such were amusing, and your characterizations of them have added a great dynamic to your plot so far. I think Harry might be slightly more shy about Hermione's (and his) revelation, but nothing is perfect, yet you came darned close to it with staying IC. Your descriptions were great as well... you knew when to elaborate and when to get on with it and let us see what happens. You demonstrated a lovely balance, and your choice of adjectives were spot on and very Rowling-ish. Like I said, quite entertaining. I'm very eager to see what happens next, so do update quickly!!
WOW that isso cool you should keep writing you're really good dont stop i want to know what happens next.
very cute and funny! plz oh plz continue! rating=9
one word: AMAZINNG! i love 13 going on 30, and i thought it twisted in with HP perfectly! loved it! Rating 10
OMG! that was HILARIOUS!!!!!!! i was laughing my head off the whole time!! i loved it!!!!!!! i was amazed! thats so creative to think of! it was amazing!! i loved it! i liked rons part in it. you revealed the true character inside him. thanks for a great story... ~taygrint p.s. i would give it a 100,000,000,000,000 on the reviews if i could!
Cute story. I haven't read any Harry/Hermione romance before, but I enjoyed this. Thanks.
awww....i'm not usually a H/Hr shipper but this story is really sweet! keep writing!
haha..a good laugh..one that i needed so much..cheers!..LOL..it was fuuny..and cool! =)
I liked the general idea, I just think the characters slipped OOC. You did a good job with the descriptions and everything, but it was a little sudden. I am curious to what everyone is going to say when the door is opened, though! Can't wait for the update to hear what happens! Is the next chapter going to be the last one since the game is over now? I hope not, I would like to read more of this.
Okay. First I have to say that the title was a bit scary, but this is an AWESOME story. EVIL cliffe! Can't wait for the next chapter.
This was a great chapter. keep them coming!!
That was just as funny as the first chapter. I had to grit my teeth through some of the H/Hr bits, but I think you did a very 'logical' job of explaining Ron & Hermione's bickering, and of believable Harry & Hermione attaction. (And I'm a tough critic here). I still can't completely accept it, but you did a very good job. You were very, erm, *descriptive* about the kiss, and I still can't decide if that was very in character for Harry & Hermione. I think Hermione could be a very passionate person, but she wouldn't just jump into it, even with someone so close to her. And Harry is a bit more awkward too. I get the feeling you tried to convey a natural comfort between the two, but it just didn't feel true to the canon characters. I'm on tenterhooks to find out how the others react upon opening the cupboard though. Hehe. Before I go, my favorite line: "'After our WE-ARE-FRIENDS-AND-THATíS-WHAT-FRIENDS-DO-WITH-NO-OTHER-HIDDEN-MEANING-hug,' " Good job, hon, keep up the good work.
OOH, I absolutely loved it!! Very good job on keeping the reader hooked on their every word. I can't wait for the 3rd chapter!
Loved it! Keep typing! I wonder what everyone's reactions will be! Can't wait for more!
waiting for chapter 2 to come out was so worth it!! i checked everyday and just about started dancing around when i saw chapter 2 was out. i LOVED IT!!!! cant wait (although i will have to) for chapter 3!!
This was hilarious! Next chapter, please!