Wow. that was really good. Well written, and so... human. I love it, I really do. Thank you for writing such a touching story
Normally, I'm a total technical error Nazi, but I will refrain from bombarding you with "suggestions" to edit your story with. (It was the occasional misplaced comma. Nothing important at all.) I thoroughly enjoyed your story and I'll keep in on my favorites always to read when I encounter a truly horrible Historical fic, to remind me that there are good authors out there! :DI have to admit, I remember seeing this as a featured story a long time ago, but was too busy to take some quality time and read it. When I first saw this story's title, I thought that it was some clever paradox of some kind to draw me in. How I was proved wrong! I loved the way you named your story so aptly. And Snape did sever more than one lining - I thought that was the coolest thing.
I had to reread the ranking game part again. I finally understood that it was both the boys and girls who played it. If you could clarify that a bit more, it would be helpful. I thought at first that girls were more likely to play this game, and that they were the only ones playing it. The mirror was surprising too - I didn't think he'd be that anguished over her. Angry, yes, but mad enough to smash a talking mirror? (That reminds me of Erik in the Phantom of the Opera. Thanks to you, I now have that music running through my head. *wink*)The description of "severing a lynynge from a clouwde" was true to its age. It was imaginative enough to keep me reading, but not so misspelled and purposefully aged to stop me. Also, the interjection with the house-elf provided tasteful comic relief. But I think it’s odd that Snape would redirect sunbeams, even for Lily. I suppose it’s important to the plot, with the lightning harnessing, but it’s even admitted that Severus with a dark cloud behind him in fitting.
And oh, how I love paradoxes. The lining of the cloud was perfect – both bright and grey at the same time. And that Snape had to pick the darkest, biggest, most ominous cloud for a lining. Dark clouds don’t have very visible linings. The rent in Lily’s Present is appropriate too. And James and Snape both holding magical clothes, so much the same yet so different. No wonder I love your story!Your ending almost made me cry, and I’m not a sensitive at all. Just the fact that Lily wore the dress when she sacrificed herself for Harry… wow. That James lit a candle for Snape, lamenting his “sacrifice” was surprisingly, but necessary, I think. And that her dress fended off maggots…! Great allusion to the beginning of the story there.
Lily seemed a bit distant in this one. She didn’t seem to be the vivacious young lady you described her as; rather, a gentle one with a ready smile. James, however, was portrayed very nicely. His reactions to Snape’s obsession over a dress were very in character. Snape was perfect, to say the least. Your notes at the end looked professional – the entire piece of well-written! Excellent writing, and I hope to see more. Don’t say you only write part of the time, it’s seriously making me sad. ;)
Author's Response: Thank you for your long and appreciative comments. I'll check the story for stray commas, but I suspect that everything is where it is quite deliberately. I occasionally bend the rules if I want a sentence to have a certain rhythm or sound a particular way in the reader's head. As regards clarity, I'll sacrifice ANYTHING to elegant syntax, and sometimes a fuller explanation of what's going on leads to clunkiness and story hold-up. As long as the reader CAN be reasonably expected to work it out, I'll won't make it easier if it spoils the style. I'm afraid I have stopped writing fanfiction for the time being, as my RL job takes up all my intellectual and creative resources. However, there are more fanfiction fragments of mine at fanfiction.net, ashwinder and adultfanfiction.net. Cheers.
The story is beautiful. You've kept from making a cliched James Lily Snape love triangle. I enjoy the fact that Snape found beauty in nature and brought them out through the use of charms. It eludes to why Snape might not like charms in the present. I especially liked James reaction to Snape's work. During those moments while he watched Snape even he saw the beauty of Snape's love and was unable to feel jealous. Beautifully written.
Beautiful - granted, I have a soft spot for angsty, heart-breaking Severus stories. He's especially touching when he's young, so much more vulnerable. The image of losing a piece of his heart is exquisite. And I absolutely see him with an artistic, even poetic side to him, though I wonder how much he would be able to show this as an adult. Again, as a boy, he hasn't closed off completely, yet. I think this still fits canon, even after OoTP - I know James is a jerk in book 5, but I presumed this story took place in their 7th year, and James would have grown up by then (or Lily would never have married him). I like the idea that James might have even shown pity for Severus, but Severus would never be able to receive it.
That was absolutely amazing. You really should write more.
That was one of the most beautiful stories I have read. I got the same feeling from it as I did from the original version of The Little Mermaid.
When you had Snape staring at his masterpiece, simultaneously loving the garment and throwing anger at it's future own, I felt that encapsulated the entire story.
I want to thank you for the incorperation and explanation of the various ideas and phrases borrowed for the story. I certainly was wondering where all of that came from. It was very useful
I am not sure if it's the hauntingly dismal rainy day that is occurring as I write this, but I truly felt all of Severus' emotions. The idea of the dress was truly beautiful.
I do think Lily was a bit too feminine- she lost a lot of her vivaciousness in this story. However, we only know her from tiny scraps of information, and she likely had many sides that we did not see. What woman wouldn't want nature to fawn over her? It's an inherent wish that I think many females share. Of course, I was far too caught up in the story to check for grammatical errors and such. I think I spotted a blip or two, but nothing that was glaring.
Thank you for sharing this piece with us. It is truly wonderful.
Brilliant. Unbelievably realistic and beautifully written. You put many authors (such as my humble self) to shame.
Beautiful and very believable. Nicely done.
Wow. I don't usually read general fics but I decided to read this and...wow. I'm staring at my computer dumbstruck right now. That was probably one of the best written stories I have ever read. Maybe the best. Definitely the best fanfic! That was just AMAZING!
It was wonderful. Absoulutely lovely! At first I was hesitant to read it, but once I read the first paragraph, I was enthralled. The story touched me, and I am so glad you wrote it.
This is so beautiful... it really touches you to the heart. Bravo.
This is seriously the best fic I've ever read. You are right: everyone can love, and wants to love, and longs for love. People who do not seem to have these qualities have been hurt by people they loved, or else made a sacrifice with love that backfired or had a horrible effect. This cloth was woven evenly and with obvious skill and talent; it is beautiful and all love it. *proceeds to give you a standing ovation*
It was beautiful and sad and funny all at the same time. I absolutely loved it, and I'm so, so grateful to you for taking the time to write it.
Fantastic. Tribute to art indeed.
This story actually brought tears to my eyes, it was so beautiful. I don't know how you do it, but I am in absolute awe and wish I could produce anything half as good. The imagination and exquisite use of language/imagery that went into that is astounding.
There is nothing more I can add to the mountain of compliments already used to describe this story of utmost brilliance. It is beautiful, gorgeous, poetic, brilliant, well-crafted, equally well thought out, a wonderful pleasure to read...I dunno, it was just so good. You don't always find stories of this quality. I loved the Snape Lilly thing, and the idea of a clouds silver lining was truly...I can't seem to find the right word (something that’s been happening to me a lot lately). I applaud your tale of love, of a love so sweet and true it could never come to pass. Wonderful, touching…sweet in the saddest of ways.
Wow. That was absolutely amazing. You are an extremely talented writer; the flow of your story was perfect! Quoting Zetera, I do look at my work with shame now. Great Job!
What an amazing, original story! I particularly enjoyed your literary references as well as Snape's obsession. There was almost a Frankenstein-esque tone to the whole thing that I admired. Well written and crafted!
This is so beautifully bittersweet. Very fairytale like, in the true sense of fairytales. I love your description and the flow of your writing. I especially enjoyed the well placed and timed authorial interjection. Probably a thousand people have said this, but you are a very talented writer.