this is awesome :D love love love it
halle needs to be more apologetic but besides that its AWESOME!!! :D keep writing!!
sooo offing sweet XD james is perfect and so is lily!!!
no changes :D
james should have been more surprised when she kissed him, more speechless and all and there should have been a moment where they didn't speak. cuz its like james dream and stuff to have lily and now she kissed him and is willing to go out with him :)
overall i loved it :D
cant wait to finish this "book" :)
the end part was very fast
a bit too fast
halle should have been shocked when sirius said that he loved her becuz she didn't believe it
and sirius should have been speechless
and they shouldn't have just separated after they said all that!!! D:
(my personal opinion! don't listen to it if you don't want to)
it would have been better for them to have chatted a bit more b4 going off :)
great chapter!!! loving every minute of it!
totally sweet!!! did voldemort rlly kill lily's mom? lf so, time would be needed, and for lily to tell james, it needs to be slower, she has to have that nagging feeling that she hated him and she has to spend some time with james before they actually end up in eachothers arms
and it would be more believable if lilly was thinking more "WTH??? why am i feeling what im feeling right now about james???" and stuff :)
overall it is very good :D
this is really sweet :) this is the second time i've read this "book" and i love it!!
great! grammatical errors here and there but :D its good it really is!
This is just....wow. Its so...bland? I'm not sure what the right word is. Its just so un-original. They always have James and Lily get together. Then break up. Then get back together. And the wording in the dialogue is.....a bit more formal than it should(I mean that no one expect someone to talk like that in casual everyday life)(Unless of course said person is a snob.) be. But still correct. Good spelling & Grammar.
Everythings good. Cept' Lily.....hit Snape. Totally out of character.
Okaayy
Overall it's a pretty good story with a great storyline
But I feel like the characters are too unreal, I mean Lily and James act so immature and snape should have had a bigger role since he was a big part of Lily's life
I think the way you portrayed Sirius was pretty believable but the lovey dovey-ness was so not him lol I just think you over did it with all the mushy gushy romance
But overall you did a great job :)
I doubt that Venus bitch can be as bad as Umbridge. Now, that woman was some serious trouble.
Omg.... This chapter made me cry. Especially when Sirius says he is going to defeat Bellatrix if it's the last thing he ever does. But what he doesn't know is that Bellatrix will actually end up killing him and he has no idea! He never gets to keep that promise! And I know it's not acually part of the real story of Harry Potter (written by JK Rowling) but it is just so sad. You are a great writer, I have to say. Keep up the good work! :)
Well isn't it kind of obvious? Lily and James had drunken sex...
What kind of crap is this? HA! That would never happen! I mean, Lord Voldemort dancing at a Masquerade Ball? Seriously, like come on. You can do better than that. Just ridiculous.
Finally! The story begins to develop! It sure has taken long enough though... Most people would have stopped reading by now. :/
Great story. Venus Adams sent shivers down my spine, imagine whacking a 17 year olds head of a metal bar ? She was sick and twisted... I take my hat off to you for making such a brillaintly evil bitch! I'd of liked it better if Lily said yes to James's proposel and they didn't split up as much! I really liked Katy as a charector and I will always love James so I'd say they were my favourite charectors. Oh the Suspence in this story was BRILLIANT.. I kept reading and never wanted to stop! I'm looking forward to Catch My Fall!
Aw! he said "the girl" thats soooooo cute! *fangirl squeal*
Aw! he said "the girl" thats soooooo cute! *fangirl squeal*
that was an amazing story! i loved it sooo much! u r an amazing writer!!
Great story, bit confusing in parts, a few grammars errors, but overall, I thouroghly enjoyed it
Thanks :)
