Quite well written. I found the repitition to work well for this sort of a thing. It makes it more realistic. Nice job.
I know exactly what you mean, because as a writer myself, I know how important it is for you get a good constructive review. I’ll be honest, the reviewer who tick me off, are the ones like below. I personally don’t mind if a reader tells me that a story I wrote is the biggest piece of **** they ever read. But I think as a writer, and as a human being, I need to know why they thought so. Then and only then will I ever learn, and that way I can improve on my writings. If you would like another beta reader, let me know at I will be more than happy to help. After all, us writer’s need to stick together.;) Good job once again, and I hope you have a fantastic day.
Author's Response: It is nice to see someone understands the importance of concrit. And if I were interested in the beta ... how would I get in contact with you?
I thought this story was excellent. You really have a talent for drawing the reader into the story. Writing in the first person is extremely difficult, so I will give you Merit for that. However one thing I noticed was it seemed to be a little too repetative. Which is something I'm working on avoiding myself. Keep writing, you are really good at it. I'm going to give this a 10, even though it truly deserves a 9.5.
Author's Response: The repetition was on purpose, but I can see how it could be distracting. I am glad that you liked this story and took the time to give me concrit to help me improve my writing. That means a lot to me as a writer. I have written many more stories than this one, but I am in the process of sending them through a second round of beta before I post them here. But thanks for the encouragement ...
Oh. My. God. Good. Gravy. That was the most stupid thing I've ever heard. You get a big fat ZERO.
Author's Response: Flaming is not necessary. Reviews like this do nothing to help me improve my writing. So as a reviewer I give you a big fat Zero.