I see the classic love story beginning but I never get tired of in none the less.
fancy dumbleddore spriting
cool chapter very twisted
lovey sory but you need to work on grammar and puntualization.
too bad voldie got away.
the only thing that marrs this ridiculously funny chapter is hermione's agreement with draco at the end. she needs to put up a fight. but other than that...I love dumbledore, I love draco's proposal...this could get silly really fast. I love it.
nope. harry/hermione is the WORST SHIP EVER. i would've read this story, too, it seems pretty decent; but i cannot STAND hr/hm. it's just wrong.
wat a manupalative bastard... i cant say i wouldnt do the same thing to get a boy
wow awesome story!
It was a really good story!
It's weird but Draco is so hot. Evem with being a bloody bastard.
that was a good story will it be a sequeal because i would love to read it
I have always been a huge fan of Draco/Hermione fics. When I started out on MNFF I was obsessed with James/Lily and gradually the ‘Other Pairing’ category drew me in. It took me quite a while to find D/H.
The thing about Draco and Hermione is that they are involved in such a fire and ice relationship. To write both forces and involve both elements is an extremely difficult task but Kyte, you have done it. I originally thought that their relationship was purely platonic but I must give your fic the credit of pulling it off. I have read a variety of fics, each with their own explanation of how this pairing came about but I loved your idea! It was very original and did not deal with circumstances forcing them together. So kudos to you for that!
One thing that bothered me a bit about this fic was how quickly Draco and Hermione came together. They have been enemies for seven years and can one kiss really change all that? Even if it did, I think both of them would be in denial at first and wouldn’t admit it so openly to each other. Perhaps you should extend your second chapter a bit, concerning this.
Another aspect of this story is the dance. Now, dances are generally considered cliché in the fandom and pulling them off is difficult. For one thing, I do not think that Dumbledore would ever host a dance to raise school spirit. He might allow potential Lockhart’s to have their fun with decorating the halls, but we haven’t even seen one dance other than the Yule Ball in the six years Harry has attended Hogwarts. For one thing, is the dance really needed? Harry and Hermione could still make out with Draco Malfoy coming across them. The dance doesn’t seem that crucial to the plot.
"How does he expect dancing will take away the fear of You-Know-Who simply bursting in on us at any moment?” sighed Hermione. Ron shook his head and Harry simply stared at his dinner plate without saying a word. He seemed to not be talking and staying silent quite a lot lately.
I think that you captured Hermione’s reaction perfectly. She would take a rather logical stance at this. And of course, you captured Ron and Harry perfectly too. Right here, you characterisation is spot-on. Good job! Also, Harry’s reaction wasn’t sudden at the end. When I first read this, I was wondering about it’s relevance but when I went on I realised that he was thinking about Hermione.
"Well then....that was unexpected," said Hermione, and Harry and her both smiled, happy for their friend.
I am a grammar freak unfortunately. The thing is, you really should have elipses in that dialogue instead of four periods.
"Does Weasle know about this? Does Weasle know that his two bestfriends are kissing in the moonlight by the lake", cried Draco.
This is such a typical Draco statement and perfectly shows the rivalry between them. Alright, again my grammar freakiness comes into play. There really should be a space between best and friends. Also, Draco calls Ron ‘Weasel’. Aaaargh! How I hate my nitpickiness.
"Fine. Your friendship will be ruined then." Hermione sighed and, without looking at Harry, said," Fine. But once and only once."
Oh wow. Perfect ending to a lovely chapter. I love the finality with which Hermione says deal but there was one thing in this paragraph that confused me a bit. ‘Hermione sighed’ should really come as its own paragraph to avoid confusion. You should get something like-
“Fine. Your friendship will be ruined then."
Hermione sighed and, without looking at Harry, said," Fine. But once and only once."
Overall, I love the theme of the fic and its lovely characterisation in the beginning! You have an excellent start here. All you have to do is to remember to take things a bit slower. Other than that- lovely job! I look forward to reading more from you.
Fantastic writing! IT's written so smoothly! great JOb! I couldn't ask for a better story and how it's written! Keep up this fantastic work!
wow. but i think voldie was a bit ooc in the last chapter. he is too "elegent" to say 'screwed'.
Great story but some of your words are stuck together ie. eachother and some is not spelled sime :)
Not bad. I think you had quite a few misspelled words and i think that you shouldn't make Hermione that weak with the whole she screamed at the top of her lungs when Luciius hit her. But other then that it's good.
please find someone to gorrect your spelling!!! It HURTS!!!
Lord Voldemort was wrong?! And what is that supposed to mean?(I am not saying that he is always right) Do you mean that someone else is gonna die? please dont let it be Draco orHermione.
Interesting but quite a small chapter.