The balance of this story was very nice, with plot, emotions, and a bit of cynicism to balance it out. Your writing displays your point very nicely, being practical without seeming cold. It is a very nice backdrop to the story, with just the right amount of description.
Of course in this story emotions need to be discussed: Lily’s fear as a mother, Remus’s jealousy when he feels like a third wheel, his guilt at his forced betrayal later, Harry’s optimism, Mrs. Figgs’s interest. Those were, for the most part, subtly and powerfully shown. My first con-crit is about Remus’s jealousy-- it seemed slightly blatant when compared to the more subtle explanations later on. I would suggest toning it down slightly, showing it more in words and actions and less in his thoughts.
Harry’s ability to give Remus new hope could be considered borderline cliché. I enjoyed it, but it is skirting very close to the perfect!Harry that many people hate. Be careful about that.
Onto the plot, then. Lily’s forcing Remus into making that promise spoke a lot towards her fear for her child and her resignation that whatever happened wasn’t likely to be good. The way the two conversed also showed them to be who they were; the serious ones in a group of pranksters.
Harry’s life at Privet drive seemed slightly off to me, but I’m rarely happy with what I see set there in his pre-Hogwarts days. However, his emotions were very well done. I commend you for that. And I think that’s enough for you to think about, so, good story and I’m finally done with this review.
Author's Response: Wow! That was quite a review. Thanks heaps for that... always good to hear back, specially the con-crit :)
I have not read it yet but i am printing it off as i type and will reveiw ASAP bye! cant wait to read it!
Aww I've always felt bad for Remus, because James and Sirius were so close! Great one shot! I hope you write an actual story!
I enjoyed that very much. It was well thought, and I /really/ like the idea of it. Great job! ^^
Very good! Keep writing, this one shot was very well done.
So cute. Aww. That was a good one shot. You shouldn't end there though... Oh well. Hope you make other ones! :~) 10
Author's Response: Thanks Dan_D_Lion :) Unfortunately,I've never had the perseverance to write whole stories....
Sorry, spelling errors on the last review! I ment to say a "whole fic on". Sorry again
I love one-shots! I was thinking of doing a who fic oh one shots (hard to explain)! I really loved this one! Make more if u can! Look for mine coming also. Its Spring break so i have some free time!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm a fan of one-shots too, so I'll be sure to keep an eye out for yours :-)