Once again, I saved yet another sticky pad aimed at criticism. The relationship definition between Isabelle and Richard is oh so well put together, a solid form and easy flow of thoughts and understanding for me. I just hope you don't let Isabelle seem over-adulterous. Richard is obviously the pushover, but you've still defined him as her boyfriend and as having a steady sexual relatoinship. Why not show some reject from Isabelle to his voracious appitite? I feel as though she gave in way too easily. Since they don't have half increments on the rating system, I'll say 9.
Author's Response: Isabelle does have quite an appetite, but it's much more complicated than her just bedding him. Otherwise, thank you for the review.
I couldn't find any detracting elements in this passage, it flowed nicely. Its almost like you developed your style through writing this Fic, is it your first one? Your writing has improved graciously within this chapter, I just hope you kept it stable. Definitly a 10.
Author's Response: Thank you so for the kind praise!
This is my first fiction for HP, but I have written for previous fandoms, though I will say that they are not my best work.
Thanks for taking the time to review!
The best chapter so far, as far as balance between development and plot twists. And you didn't give too much away, a rather intrigueing cliff hanger to see what Lupin does with Isabelle's potion and apology. I hope the sonnet is not a tribute to Isabelle's talent as a poet, and is supposed to come off as an innocent and juvinille approach to an apology. Sonnets have iambic pentameter, 10 syllables per line consisting of 5 pairs in the order of "stressed syllable / unstressed" . You were correct in the amount of lines being 14, but a sonnet has 3 stanzas of 4 lines each, and a rhyming couplet as a resolution. Despite your strike out with this so called poem, sonnets are most often reserved for the "damsel in distress", as in a chivilrous man putting his beloved women on a high pedistal. An apology does fit this discription, and its a popular flavor of the equal rights supporters and early feminists to be so bold as to have the women write the sonnet. I'll gladly give this ch. a niner.
Author's Response: Yeah, the sonnet is now referred to as a poem, as when I wrote this, I had no idea it was written as you so described. How stupid of me. Plus, I can't write in iambic pentameter worth crap, as I have difficulty sounding out the syllables. Anyway, thanks for the review!
And, believe me, Isabelle's not a poet; hence the reason she never went into writing actual potions books. She uses writing, though not all that good, just to get her thoughts down on paper.
Again, thank you.
Still way too blatant, the dialog has too much author's intent for me to believe in these characters just yet. You build so much in so little time just to have Isabelle drop it, a little too suddenly and unexpected with such an intellectual character. I love the description of the friendship between old time students James, Sirius, and Remus from Dumbledore. Thats what a good story needs, some basis for a characters actions, beautifully put. Way to quote the song from Donnie Darko, as I can't imagine you actually scripted Tears For Fears. Too bad Isabelle doesn't actually kill herself, which is the theme from both Tears for Fears and Gary Jules. Just.. weird, and I think unnatural. I like how you did include more imagry without becoming wordy, it was a nice change.
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed my description of the Marauders. When I first posted this, I couldn't believe that I had forgotten to add Peter into that little description.
I heard the song long before I saw Donnie Darko, though I will admit to loving both versions. I think the song is subjective to the listener. ::shrugs shoulders::
As usual, thank you for taking the time to review. It's very much appreciated.
Very pessimistic outlook on the definition of home from Lupin, as is expected from the title. This story is way too wordy; it is an expansive vocabulary, but using so many bunched together is way too confusing. This just adds to the blatant character definition with Isabelle in the end of this chapter, no development or color, just the cold hard facts. I would've liked to meet Richard, or be present with the telephone call, not just a recap. I am interested in seeing where this leads, and if I am correct in my assumption that she somehow cured Lupin and the ride off together into the sunset...
Author's Response: Yeah, this is not one of my best chapters, to say the least. I'm always rusty in the beginning, and it's been a good year or two since I've really written anything.
I concur that I got a bit carried away with my vocabulary, as has been pointed out to me a couple of times. The wordiness is less frequent as chapters are added.
I'll continue to let your assumption slide, but I will tell you this: I don't believe in riding off into the sunset.
Thank you for taking the time to review!
I am such a twit! I was reading through it and got to the dark mark and thought "It's just like GoF, not very original," and then I remembered when the story was taking place. Much better now that I've remembered that. It's very good, and you can tell Remus is very distracted by Isabelle; otherwise he'd have remembered the full moon.
Author's Response: LOL, I've had a couple of those moments myself. Thank you for taking the time to review, dear!
Honestly, creating a solid literary device within writing is light of good technique, but pointing them out as if Lupin is criticising his own dialog is quite unnessessary. I have an uneasy feeling about Isabelle for some reason, and its obvious that somewhere in the story she is going to try and create some great potion to cure Lupin of his disease. I am reviewing chapter by chapter, so I may be wrong, but the business card was just too forbearing. Really enjoy the style though.
Author's Response: Mmm, I wouldn't be so quick to judge Isabelle's intentions or the plot for later in the story. I'm very happy you enjoy the style, though.
Thank you for taking the time to review. It's very much appreciated!
I love the way you portrayed Remus' turning--it was painful and just what I would imagine, especially his dread and reluctance of it. And I too, was relieved that Isabelle noticed the full moon. Excellent chapter. Best new word (for me): transmogrify (had to look it up).
Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful review, as per usual! I giggled at your 'best new word' quip.
Again, your reviews are so very appreciated! I don't know how many times I can say that without it sounding redundant.
Best chapter so far!
Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I enjoyed writing it. = )
Author's Response: Thanks!
A little on the violent side! Great. I love Isabelle. She breaks the mold. You have a great character going. I feel as if I know her, and that's always a good thing. I like how you don't spill out everything at once. This story breaks the mold. I don't have anything to say in the matter of constructive critism. Just keep us on the edge of our seats, just as you are now doing.
Author's Response: You are too kind! I'm happy that you enjoy Isabelle's character and that she comes off as realistic. Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to review!
glad she looked up at the sky and put two and two together. But Remus could have still come during the day couldn't he?
Author's Response: Well, I always imagined the cup being in the evening, and Remus most likely had things to do, and when he came to his senses, it was too late to contact her.
Thank you for taking the time to review!
I was overjoyed to read a familiar scene. I was practicially skipping around the house, dancing, because of the Dark Mark (imagine that!)! If I were a character, I would have lost my head due to panic, but I'm a reader, so I'm content.
Author's Response: LOL, your reviews are always so quirky! Thank you for taking the time to respond. = )
I definitely think Isabelle is in the right mind to understand. . . She's a smart girl, obviously. He's too insecure for his own good - (aren't we all?) - but I'm sure somewhere along the line things will turn out for the best.
Author's Response: There's always a silver lining . . .
Wow...your description at the beginning of the chapter with the letter, and Remus' room and everything...was just so VIVID. Good job! I'm intrigued with this story, you certainly deserved the featured fic title for sure. There isn't anything in this chapter that needs fixing. Is Richard gone from her life yet? What a zero, I swear. Does she have feelings for Remus yet?
Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I was hoping that those descriptions helped the chapter along a bit more, and I'm glad to find that they did. I don't think your the only one who wishes Richard to be gone from her life.
Thank you for taking the time to review!
I am dying to know who that man in the photo was. I am thinking maybe she has a relative afflicted with the curse, or old friend... Richard is a fluffy little playmate for sure, and I am so glad she asked Remus to the games, but my, it seemed hard for her to do. Is she just with Richard for physical reasons, or because it is easy, or because she is scared to look for something deeper? Is that why she is "unchained"? And how did she get into his kitchen? Are they doing something you aren't letting onto? Delightful chapter.
Author's Response: You will find out soon enough, hun! As for Richard, their relationship looks simple and easy, but it's complicated in some ways. There are many reasons as to what makes her unchained when she's without him and I hope that my writing helps you see how in later chapters.
Thank you for your kind words and wonderful review!
Congraduations of becoming a new moderator! Yay! *throws confetti*
Author's Response: Thank you!
He is a Marauder--of course he is flirtatious! She is a very interesting character, indeed.
Author's Response: You're just on a roll! Thank you for taking the time to review! It's so very much appreciated!
Again, I like the insight into Remus--imagining what it would be like to hunt for a job when one is a werewolf, very cool. Very neat way to end the chapter too, with his shocked realization!
Author's Response: Aw, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Great chapter--I like it that he unnerved her slightly.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!