The beginning is very good. It really pulls you in. Making him look for a job sets a nice tone and gets you in Remus' mood. The fact that he can apply to 4 of 127 makes his problems even harder. You seemed a little repetative with saying Wolfsbane twice, but it is not necessary to take it out. I like how you get us into his mind and how he feels like without the control of the Wolfsbane. You said the pen from the table. Wouldn't it be a quill? Also wouldn't Remus be wearing robes to interviews rather than a tee-shirt. Or does this just add to his layed back and dirty attitude? I love the name of the stationary store. It is very original. I also like how the old woman used dark creatures instead of werewolves. The song in the cauldron was funny. This shows a caring and sensitive side of Isabelle which I like to see. It is always interesting learning the characteristics of an OC. I also like how wolfsbane was inside. It brightened Remus' spirts. I like the cliffhanger ending and it is definetly not overdone. There were a few grammar errors throughout, but nothing major. Great job on this chapter and I can't wait to read the next one.
hey, two reviews in a row...i feel like a stalker...muahaha! (im not, im just weird like that, ya'no?) anyway, i forgot to say last time that ur banner is flippn awesome. thats all. :)
great fancy moses, u really gotta update soon!! its been like, a month!! please update, this is one of my top 3 favorite fanfics!! i absolutley love your writing style, never give it up. please update, im dying! *gasps for air thanx to lack of chapters* :)
Really well done, a few repetitions of words (surface used twice in two sentences) but I can't wait for you to update!
PLEASE UPDATE this is one of my favorite fan fictions
Interesting beginning. I like how you still are describing his messy living style. I like how you kept the most important areas clean. I like the letter except for one thing. What if the letter got intercepted? I always thought they had to be careful with the letters and he is giving them information that it is going to Sirius. Some examples are convicted criminal, Harry, and Buckbeak. Maybe you should be a little more low key with the details. I like the last line of his 'scene' because it shows that he doesn't really have anything to do.
I love that she has a boyfriend. If there is some romance between Remus and Isabelle, Remus will have an obstacle. I really like the 'score' you have. It shows that their relationship is more of fight than an actual relationship. I love how she hates him. We are getting more of a struggle that Isabelle has to deal with.In your paragraph about how good a student Remus was, you use student a few times. Maybe you could replace the word student with another word. Of course there is no need to change this, just a suggestion. I like the conversation between Dumbledore and Remus. It seems like the way they would talk to each other. Just one little pet peeve I have. When someone describes Dumbledore, his eyes are always twinkling. That just gets on my nerves.
I like how Remus could sense Isabelle's feelings. This seems a likely trait of Remus and many would disregard it. I was wondering why Isabelle was in the Three Broomsticks when she said she liked the Hog's Head better, but you explained that. Is it also because she was afraid that she would see Remus again? I like the little flirting between the two of them... Again very realistic. I also like when she went in a fit when Remus made that comment. I now see another purpose of the fight earlier. I really like the last paragraph. Comparing Remus to a book is very IC for him. I can't wait to read more of this amazing fic!
I see why this fic was featured! The opening in the beginning... wow. That was a great way to start the chapter. I love how you gave both sides of the definition. It relates so well to Remus. I am sorry, but I just found this out today and it is an interesting fact. Lupus means wolf in latin. It is probably on mugglenet, but I just thought I'd add that in there. The way Remus' home looks is very much as I would have pictured it. Skipping to him thinking about his conversation with Isabelle, I thought that his confused thoughts were, of course, totally on target. I myself was confused by this, but it is kind of a little demeaning to Remus although it is the truth. Like kal said previously, I think the haunted him twice was a little repetitive. The way you ended his segment was great with the vowing to commit suicide if he ever killed someone. (and having this promise since seven) Isabelle is an interesting character which we have yet been able to learn much about. I like the fact that she semi-realizes that she was not 'on' because of Remus. It is like some kind of connection that they have. (or something) I liked how she thought that she seemed too 'good' for the Hog's Head to be the highlight of her day. Could this be cockiness? Well all in all, I think this story is one of the best I have read and can't wait until I read more!
i'm sorry if i dont write as much as the person b4 me did but i loved it all the same keep updating
This story is very well written, I especially like the effort you put into all the sonnets and excerpts. I would read more, but I have a volleyball game to go to! I can see why this is a "featured" fic.
Again excellent. The opening description with Sirius' note was probably the best part, it seemed so "real". Two small points, Richard would have apparated into her flat not disapparated, and she would have led him into the bedroom not lead. That's all the criticism I could find. So good.
I think it's really sad that Isabelle had to go to the QWC all alone. Even sadder that Remus couldn't go because of the moon. Is he at the shrieking shack or somewhere else?
The paragraph where Remus is debating with himself over his decision to not tell Isabelle about the moon was greatly done. The whole seesaw of emotions was heart breaking as Remus tells himself she'd understand but he wouldn't want to hurt her.The transformation was very nicely described. The thought of larva under his skin made me squirm in my chair. The wolf was taking over, and its ringing mirth was filling his transmogrifying ears. What a great line. I loved the mental image I got of an evil wolf kind of swallowing him up.
Isabelle's sadness and anger over what she initially presumes is a standup was interesting. I liked that she considered Remus to be interesting. Considering that she knows he's a werewolf, doesn't care that he's a werewolf, I found myself wondering why she didn't realize what night it was until later. Thoughts of werewolves don't appear to enter her mind at all, which is odd, considering that she has clearly taken it into consideration, given that she looked him in the registry. Considering how carefully you've woven this story together, I wonder what you're hinting at. What is it about her that makes her see him so clearly to the point that his lycanthropy is forgotten? Isabelle is such a puzzle as she's afraid to say 'werewolf' but not afraid of them. Considering what Remus thought earlier about her being afraid to say Voldemort, it makes me wonder.One little nitpick and I'm not even sure it's a valid one. Thank God for obliviating. I keep thinking it should be obliviation, but at the same time, obliviation sends up images of people being destroyed, which I'm sure you don't want to do. So, I'm fency on that, lol.
As she stared at the nasty green insignia, she noticed something else... It was a full moon. Perfect ending to this chapter.
I love Sirius's letter! It was quick and the fact that it was on a Firewhiskey label was priceless! I want more...
I like that Remus is constantly thinking of Isabelle and growing to really like her, even if his doubts bubble to the surface. How must it feel for him? How must it feel to be rejected for so long and then to experience someone who seems to accept him for who he is.That said, Richard needs to go away. Period.
So. She's on a first name basis with Ludo Bagman, eh? It makes me curious given clues about her past and clues in canon about Ludo. Makes me wonder where she came from. But oh well. It opened the door for her to invite Remus. Yay!
Author's Response: Yes, Sirius' letter is one of my favorite aspects of this chapter. Then Remus' growing affections for Isabelle will be explored throughout the story, of course.
Yes, Richard does need to take his cockiness elsewhere.
There are a few people within the Ministry who Isabelle is acquainted with, but not necessarily on good terms. You will later on what I mean.
Thanks for the review!
Is the class Isabelle teaching an Auror class of sorts? At first I thought she was teaching at Hogwarts because of the second-year mention but then I saw that her students are around twenty-two years of age. Is it a different type of class altogether? And what would Isabelle think of Severus's skills in Potions? Would he make the grade? lol All complete speculation on my part, I tend to take clues a step further than necessary sometimes. And if Remus was "clocking out" where is he working?
I loved the date that they had, even if it spontaneous and all. Them holding hands was subtle, something most people would take for granted. (Though not me, I prefer linking arms, but you don't care about that.)Isabelle gazed wide-eyed and chortled, “How do you think? Anyone can go straight up to the ------ Registry and ask for the address of a known ------.” I think the dashes look out of place. If you're trying to convey hesitancy, then maybe ellipses or "erm's" would do the trick. It just looks... weird otherwise. The following paragraph: “You can say it, you know—werewolf,” he whispered with emphasis. “It’s just a word. It’s not like you’re going to offend me in any way by saying what I am.” is quite powerful in its solemnity and grace. You have conveyed what has been going on with him, how he feels about it, and how he has handled all in just a few words. Good job.
You're very good about hints of things past and things to come. Having read that Isabelle has had trouble with her mother and having Remus feel as if he is asking her to dredge up old history makes everything connected. It's incredibly subtle, I might've missed it. I like the clues you're leaving about her and why she's so genial toward him when everyone else gives him the cold shoulder.
Author's Response: I love it when reviewers speculate! It let's me have a bit of fun, hee. Also, it was Isabelle "clocking out," not Remus. Maybe I need to reconsider how that was written.
I believe the holding hands, or some kind of subtle physical contact was necessary, and I hate that it's so underrated.
Yes, Isabelle does have trouble with her mother, and it will come to light later in the story.
Thanks for the review!
Another great chapter. The whole registration bit makes me boil, reminds me of Jews in the Holocaust days. I sympthasize very much for Remus and I want things to improve for him... :(
I loved Isabelle's apology to Remus. I thought it was sweet and it hinted at a resourcefulness about her, even though we later find out that anyone can find werewolves. Just out of curiousity, as everyone can easily find werewolves, have there been attacks against Remus? People moving out of the neighborhood? It would drive home the unfairness that the registration law brings.My grammar radar was set off a couple of times. He was no longer thinking of jobs, but of when turned without Wolfsbane. The "of when turned" just seems odd to me. Maybe something like, "...but rather, the horror of being turned without Wolfsbane." Also, He remembered Severus showing him his license when he asked if he, in fact, could prepare it. At first, it sounds like Severus is asking if he can prepare it. I think you could just say, "when asked." The "in fact" part is unnecessary, as well... Also, I noticed that in previous chapters you spelled "dammit" but in this chapter and following chapters, it is "damnit." I think "dammit" is the right one, unless one is a British spelling. I don't know...
I thought Remus was done really well in this chapter. I liked how he tried to outsmart the shopkeeper and handled her idiocy pretty well. I loved the poem she wrote, thought it was quite funny. And the line "formulating an apology" was great because it fits with her being a Potionist. :)
Author's Response: Aw, thanks for the review! I'm glad you are enjoying the characterization. : )
It bugs me that Remus is being slandered. I just want to smack everybody for judging him. I like that you have Remus proof-reading his letter to Sirius. He's right, I don't think Sirius would care whether it was spelled perfectly, but it's nice that he cares. :)So... Are these chapters basically missing scenes? I was a little confused when Remus was writing to Sirius because it didn't make sense, but when I read later and saw that they were going to the QWC, things started clicking.
When you said that Dumbledore didn't want to make Remus Head Boy out of fear that parents would be angry, I couldn't help but think that was a little OOC. I think Dumbledore would've recognized the burden of Lycanthropy on Remus and chosen instead to give him a reprieve from the stress of hiding his condition. I liked the little mini-recap of the Marauders from when they were at Hogwarts, but you don't mention Peter. It might've been a good opportunity to mention how betrayed Remus felt about everything, or perhaps he could reflect on things he had missed noticing. Also, when Remus approaches Isabelle in the Three Broomsticks, who is she talking to?I love that Remus is kind of diving into a relationship with Isabelle, even if it's minimal. The way he was thinking about what the heck he was doing was great. I liked that Remus has inner dialogue. I did kind of think that Isabelle lost it out the blue. You've kind of painted her as pretty affable thus far, but perhaps it's the trouble she's having with her mother showing through...
I think you've done a great job with this tale so far. You're very good at characterization. :)
Author's Response: Yeah, some of the chapters, at least in the beginning, are a bit abrupt, and I apologize for that. Erm, I don't remember saying it was because his parents would be angry? Maybe it was the wording, but I did mention the burden of his Lycanthropy.
Anyway, I'm glad that your enjoying this, and thank you for the compliments. = )
Its interesting to get the point of view from other people who had been at the Cup. Aww poor Remus had to have the match ruined, lets hope Isabella decides to be very understanding! well written!
Author's Response: Yes, let's hope! Thank you for the review!
I feel for Remus in this tale. Drinking his insecurities away is unfortunate. I wish everything was different for him as I feel he deserved to be treated with respect. :( I like his feelings and uncertainties about Isabelle, as I imagine being a werewolf has stalled his success with the ladies, which is unfortunate.His final night at Hogwarts haunted him. The fact that he could have bit someone haunted him. I think that with the repetition of "haunted him," you might either italicize "bit" or find a word to replace "haunted." Perhaps, "shadowed" or "burdened" would suitable substitutes. Personally I think it would be easier to just italicize "bit," lol. And I don't know if you would normally capitalize The Powers That Be or not, but it's setting off my grammar radar for some reason. Also,For the past eight days, Remus’ sleep deprivation had hit an extreme, almost to the point where he was sleeping every other night, and those nights that he did sleep, it was only for five hours, tops. I noticed that there was a lot of repetition of sleep. Some of them I know can't be helped, but perhaps the last "sleep" could be replaced with "drifted off?" Just a thought.
I'm intrigued by Isabelle very much. I wonder why she's interested in Remus as he wears shabby clothes and the like. I like that you hint at something going on between her and her mother. It makes me want more, just so I can see if her relationship with her mother is like mine. :)I thought your writing was very good and concise. You conveyed what you intended and the imagery was great. I could perfectly imagine Remus's home and his gratefulness to be there.
Author's Response: I wish everything was different for him as well, but alas . . . Thanks for the constructive review and the compliments! They are very much appreciated. = )
Just amazing. I'm so glad to see you haven't neglected your story too much after receiving the honor of becoming a mod. The imagery was so clear in my mind's eye - I could see Remus' face as he transformed, Isabelle's horror at the end, and her sadness, among other things. A high quality chapter; it just gets better and better. I love the way you pay attention to JKR's storyline. Did she ever include the full moon in GoF? Better go check it, because if she did, you are a genius, even though you're one anyway. :S A ten very well deserved.
Author's Response: ::hugs:: Thank you for this; it is so very much appreciated!
Very well done! And I believe congratulations are in order; it's not every day that you find story deserving of reward and then recieving it. And I know a certian Moonfoot who will think the same.
Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much!