I first discovered your fic when it was featured and since then have loved it! I would have reviewed, but I only just got an account so... right. I think you've created a very real OC here -- I feel like she is a real person. The chemistry between her and Remus is great. Thanks for an amazing read! I can't wait for another update! 10/10 for you!!
A lovely chapter, full of thought, depth, and beauty. I think this is my favorite chapter. You have such a way with words, such eloquent vocabulary. You method and style of describing is grand and elegant, even if the scene isn't. Not to mention you have a talent with writing soap-opera like romance. I'm not really a romance novel lover, romance is probably my least favorite genre. But you pull it off so nicely. It's not all fluff, it includes life, politics, and such realism....it's beautiful. LIke I said, this is my favorite chapter. Thank you
Another update in my favorites list! (celebrates) :) :O :P
I liked the little Maurauder flashback the best. It was well written, not too long, not too short, and it fit in with the rest of the chapter very nicely.
I though this was a very good chapter! I enjoyed the bit where Remus was analyzing the whole situation with Isabelle. You really showed us his whole thought process. Oh, and I liked the little bit about the Marauders in there. It was a small scene, but very meaningful and significant. I liked the way you played around with the idea of a cigarette all through this chapter, and it ended off on a very sweet note. All in all, I think this is one of my favourite chapters! Very well done and hope to see more soon!
Whee... I'm first! What a conflict for poor Remus, but I'm glad he came to his senses and finally told her how he feels. I'm assuming that since the story is not over yet, there's more to come even though they have essentially admitted their affections. This chapter ran smoothly, but there was one part here: He may not share every aspect of his life with her, not that she was very keen on sharing hers The first part of this sentence doesn't seem like it is in the same tense as the second part. But that could just be me. Anyway, you could add "have shared" to make it past tense. Other than that, very good chapter!
Author's Response: Yeah, I had a feeling there was a slight tense shift in there, but I wasn't sure. Thank you for pointing that out! Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed, and yes, there's still much more to come! :)
Wow... I think I begged for this chapter and then never read it! Silly me! Well, less of a wait til chapter 10 I suppose ;). Imust say that I detest Richard. You've brought me to the point where I wish Isabelle would see what an drain on her he is... and ditch him once and for all! And not just because I want Remus to be happy, but because you've made me really care for Isabelle as a person.
I have one itty bitty thing to point out to you: Also, if you elude information on what's That's in Sirius' letter and I think you meant "exclude."
Nothing else in this chapter jumps at me as needing correction. Your writing is so simple and straightforward, but conveys so much depth. I loved Isabelle's run-in with Crouch. It was brief, but we see so much history there as well as a huge tie-in to GoF. I wonder what her relationship with his son was... How IS she connected to Barty JR.??? another piece that caught me was the brief mention of how busy her department is... what with the search for Sirius Black and all. That has me sitting on the edge of my seat in anticipation! I can't wait for her to find out that Sirius is Remus' best friend!I look forward to seeing more of Remus' POV... I do really want to see what's going through his head about now ;)
Ha, ha. I like Sirius's letters. He's always managing to throw in some humor. :) :O :P
YES! Chapter nine! I suppose I could go on about how happy that made me, but here's your review, LOL. Anyway... The opening paragraphs were very well-written. When I went back and re-read, I finally appreciated how carefully they were constructed. I guess the first time, I was too excited to be reading chapter nine I didn't pay enough attention. But there was a small error I noticed. Crossing her arms over her chest and shuffling her foot left to right, she stared at the wooden floor boards wishing to assuage her perplexed musings. There should be a comma after "boards;" it's not as if the boards are wishing to alleviate her state of mind, LOL. The remainder of the scene was so awkward (I was screaming, "Do something!" inside to Isabelle and Remus) but now as I think about it, it's appropriate. It would completely unlike both of them to not back away. In fact, I rather like it that they're showing some self-control.After the first break in the story, the part that begins with "So to torture her when he very well knew..." and ends with "...skills in speaking it had diminished since her adolescence)." should be combined. The second sentence is a fragment, though it may seem not so. Also... "Well, what was I suppose to be enjoying yesterday...?" It should be supposed. Also, when Isabelle curses: you know I don't like profanity (especially when it's used casually or in the wrong context) but I think you can substitute something else. You could simply say something like, "Isabelle shot a look at the now-empty fireplace and cursed loudly enough for anyone to hear." The point is, you can capture how intense her feelings are without necessarily resorting to certain language. In the books, you'll notice how Jo never actually quotes the word or words (yes, I know, it also saves the ears of her children readers) but also manages to convey the meaning.
Eek, sorry to spend so much time on one word. :) Isabelle's job: how interesting! I like how you give the readers information but never over-elaborate. The scene with Barty Crouch was very well played (mostly because I love how Isabelle stands up to him) and showed how controlling he was to others. And the last part with Sirius' note: how very refreshing after that intense scene! Sirius' plea for help made me smile; it's exactly like him. His nickname was amusing too. He always makes light of terrible situations. And a note: Howler is always capitalized.Overall, I much enjoyed it, and am definitely looking forward to chapter ten! (The promise in your summary made me happy, LOL.) Hopefully this review will push you toward writing (in other words, write more please.) I'm looking forward to more of Remus too, since he's been a little bit neglected POV-wise. You've got such an excellent story, Kay, and so mature for one so young (even if you have aged, haha). Just kidding - I'll never think of you as young or old. Here's to chapter ten!
Lovely chapter. It's wonderful how you incorperate reality into romance. It makes it very realistic, and a pleasure to read. I cannot express enough how much I love Isabelle!! She's just genius. And Sirius! Ha! I love it. His letters to "Moony" are very Mauroder-like. As of right now, I cannot think of any critism for the story. Just really keep with it and keep it going!!
Aww Sirius. How we all miss him :) That letter was spot-on, in-character, or at least I felt it was so. Ahh *slaps Barty Crouch*. He's even more annoying at work!
I'm was so glad to see that Chapter 9 was finally up! It was fantastic and definitely less dark than the previous chapter. I love reading Sirius's letters to Remus because they're always funny and Sirius-like. Do update soon (I know it's hard because you're modertaing too right?) and I'll be looking forward to the next chapter! =D
that was a totally awsome chapter. i was kinda nervous when barty cornered isabelle like that, but it was ok. please update really really soon!!!
I've only read up to chapter two and I'm already hooked!
wow, that was probably my favorite chapter so far! you really got me thinking, and i cant wait for the next chapter! good luck with exams and stuff too! --chl0e
wow. that was hella good. the beggining was kind of confuing, but then it got clearer later so all is good. please update really really soon. i love this story!!!!
Wow, Kay. I'm an impatient person, as you well know, but I'm always satisfied once you post your chapters. The "R" rating freaked me out for a moment, but I'm actually glad you did that. It sort of warned me of the content of this chapter.Haha... the SPEW alter-ego in me is going to take over. One thing I noticed was the word choice. Sometimes I felt a better word would communicate the feelings better. For instance... Each step she took sounded wooden and plank-like, echoing eerily off the corridor walls. Would a step sound "plank-like?" I can see how the planks creaked under her feet, but not how her steps sounded like that. "What?" her sister replied with an edge. Her hazel eyes tiredly reflecting her impatience. It should be "...edge, her hazel eyes tiredly...." Simple punctuation mistake. Though, Morgaine already knew the answer... First of all, Morgaine is a way cool name. It reminds me of Morgana le Fay (sp?), the enchantress of the King Arthur legends. Try changing "though" to "but" with no comma after the first word. It's the most, really, you can do for Patryk since you can't use magic outside of Hogwarts. When Morgaine is talking to Isabelle, it sounds awkward for her to say "really" in the middle of the sentence. It would sound better to the listener's ear if she said "really" at the beginning of the sentence. He lay sprawled near a patch of filtered sunlight, as if scratching to escape the darkness. I'm a bit confused... Patryk was scratching himself, but perhaps you could say, "...filtered sunlight, as if scratching himself could help him escape the sunlight." Isabelle cautiously approached him, balancing on the fronts of her feet so not to step in puddles of blood strewn around the room. I believe the correct term for the "fronts" of the feet is "balls." I could be wrong, though. Isabelle sat on the couch, her knees closely huddled to her and arms encircling them. "...her knees closely huddled to her chest and her arms encircling them." She swung her foot uncomfortably in the air, keeping her gaze to the floor. I would keep my gaze on the floor, not to it. Isabelle, on the otherhand, was astray in a world of confusion and entangled feelings. "Otherhand" should be separated.
In all, it was an excellent chapter! The brutal imagery was tasteful enough not to gross me out (I tried not to envision it so much). Isabelle is so fascinating. So, she's had some experience with werewolves. Her brother? This fic only gets more and more interesting as your chapters are posted. And Isabelle and Remus kiss... ::sigh:: Thanks for reining in all the "R" rated content. It's easy to put words on a page, but much harder to keep it within the bounds of reason. Great job, Kay - I hope to see chapter nine soon! *crosses fingers*
Wow, you write so well. It's like the story floats, slowly uravelling... Its really beautifully written. UPDATE!