yay! snaps for moonysmistress!!! *snaps* woohoo! yay!!!
All right, here goes. Awhile ago, I started your story and -- I'M SORRY-- I didn't like it. *cringes* So I, er, stopped. Seeing it as a featured story, I thought, "Well, you know, I'll try it again." And I'm actually pretty glad I did, because I liked it a lot better this time around. Enough to put it on my favorites and give it a 10, anyway. *wink* I won't take off a point for it, but occasionally Remus seems a bit OOC (flirting? Oh, goodness gracious me...), and I don't always get Isabelle, and at one point I think you used the word 'surpass' wrong, although I could be mistaken as to what your intent was. But overall, you have a really lovely writing style, and it's a great story with an interesting storyline. Very original stuff in there, the Raining Draught and all. I'm intrigued, I am. Let's see some more of this story, then, shall we?
Author's Response: Well, Isabelle quite a mystery as it is, so it's okay that at some points people may not understand her. As the story goes on, her character will slowly unravel and everything she's now will be better understood. Anyway, thank you for the kind review. I'm glad you gave my story another try and enjoyed the second time around. :)
Firstly, I'm a reader, not a nit-picker. I only point things out if I notice them and they then stick with me long enough to make it into the review. I don't hunt for problems. Nothing but your wonderful setting and characterizations have stuck with me, so no con-crit... sorry. I have about twenty other things to do right now, but having read your first chapter, they've all been set aside. I have succumbed to the beauty that is your writing, and from the rest of the reviews, I can see that I'm in for a treat!
Author's Response: Don't worry, I have other people who keep me on my toes with nit-picky things. So no con-crit is fine. ;) It makes me happy that people are enjoying the setting and my characterizations so much! Thank you for the wonderful compliments.
By the way, though I may not have reviewed all the chapters of your story. So far, your story's the only Harry/Ginny one I'll read. So Kudos to you. Anyone who hasn't checked it out, should!
I have a few nit-picky grammar things to get out of the way before I get down to the real review, so--- “Ill-lighted” should be “ill-lit.” “Taking long inhales of the tobacco” is also incorrect, I believe. I should be “long inhalations.”
You’re writing is very detailed and clear. It gets the point across with very nice images, so that I can see, hear, and smell everything that is going on. Description seems to be your strong point.
I haven’t seen enough of your OC to really judge her yet. However, I love your characterization of Lupin. Your view into his thoughts is quite interesting. I especially liked the following lines: “ ‘I doubt he’d be a good conversationalist,” Remus analyzed.” I think the wording is perfectly Lupin. And this one: “A million words could’ve been used to describe her, but her eyes summed her up in two: determined and obstinate.”
A really great start to what promises to be a really great fic.
Author's Response: LOL, I'm a bit of a nit-pick myself. Thank you for pointing those out.
You're not the only to have told me that. Even in the other fandom I wrote for, they said that description is my strong point. It's not surprising, though. I such an observer and like to draw out scenes, even if I do not do it all the time.
I'm glad you're enjoying my characterization. The lines you picked are a few of my favorites. I love picking Lupin's mind, hence the reason for seeing his thoughts. :D
OK, I have become somewhat less hyperactive. That was a great chapter! I really liked "visiting" Isabelle's job and seeing how differently she treated her boyfriend and students (she talks to her students a tad bit better than how she speaks to Rich). Waiting for an update!!!
Author's Response: Yes, true about her students versus her boyfriend, but there's a lot behind her and her boyfriend's relationship we have not seen. This isn't the last we'll be seeing of him.
*gasp* how DID she know his address? is she STALKING him? is she this? is she that? oooooh!!!! snaps for Lycanthropist! *snaps* sorry, i just recently had dinner and I'm much more energetic than usual.
Author's Response: No, she's not stalking him. That would be uber creepy. We all get a little hyper and energetic once in a while. It's okay. Thank you for the review.
Again, great chapter. I really enjoyed it, if possible, even more than the previous ones. So many events lifted by depressing feelings, and made me belive that not all fanfiction authors are beginners, or unexperianced. I love your vivid vocabulary and sentence structure. It seperates this particular fanfiction from the majority of the others. O.K. Enough chit-chat, off to the next chapter!
Author's Response: I prefer working with mature subjects and natural human emotions. It's my style. Thank you for the wonderful compliment. I do my best to capture the feelings without botching them up... too much. :D
Just so you know. I read the sonnet-didn't skim or skip. Lupin's reaction was definately correct. Generally I like reading stories that are in the past and try to fill in the gaps of the story. I realize that this may not be your purpose but it is interesting to see life from Remus' point of view.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. :)
Thought I'd do a counterpoint about the song. I am like the poster that when confronted with ambigious poetry at the beginning of a chapter tend to skip it or skim it. But at the part where Remus sat down across from her and she continued singing the song I wasn't aware who was talking as I was unfamiliar with the song. It wasn't until I read further down and saw the whole song there did I put two and two together. So far it seems as though Remus is in character. It makes sense that he would be a little bit bored and depressed after leaving Hogwarts.
Author's Response: I am happy you thought Remus was in-character. I try my best to keep him that way. Thank you for the review. :)
I would also like to add how excited I am to share interests with Isabelle. I love to read all night, gothic kitchen (really, my/my mom's kitchen is green, but I wish it was black), etc. But, I'm not drunk (... yet *evil grin*).
I really enjoyed getting into both character's heads and seeing what their lives are like. I am amazed that you described the home of a werewolf so well, and went beyond what was happening to explaining it all. How Remus felt, being a werewolf, and his worries and fears. 10.
Author's Response: I am glad that you enjoyed this part. Remus' character is so interesting. I loved this part in particular because of his musings about life and such. :)
ahahahahaha "shite" that's funny! i really enjoy you're style, even though very detailed descriptions of how a girl or boys looks, you managed to pull through! YAY!
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind review.
Whoops - I meant obsessional...
As a sadly obessional Ron and Hermione shipper, I rarely venture to the 'world outside'! However, Lupin is one of my favourite characters, so your story on the 'featured section' tempted me. I'm glad... I really liked it. The story is intriguing and nicely paced. I wasn't sure about Isabelle at first, her language didn't quite seem to fit her personality, but I'm warming to her now. Lupin is nicely drawn and it is good to see glimmers of the character traits that made him a marauder showing through. I would describe your writing style as elegant. (That's meant to be compliment, by the way.) I always appreciate seeing a wide vobabulary used in writing, but I think you need to be slightly careful that you don't get carried away. Sometimes 'everyday' words can be just as effective and allow the writing to flow more evenly. Anyway, I felt this was a really enjoyable, well written piece and certainly worth making the journey outside for! I will definately be reading on.
Author's Response: I know what you mean about venturing into the "outside world." Actually, I rarely read fanfic as it is, but I try to read a variety when I do. Anyway, I thank you for the wonderful review. It's greatly appreciated. And yes, I know I sometimes get carried away with my vocabulary. LOL I like delving into my mind and seeing what I can come up with. ;)
You are unique. Again, I love Remus in this story...it's so sad what he has been reduced to. The only thing I would suggest is more description. The plot is good, the characters interesting, but I would love to get a better feeling of the world around them. Other than that, this is so good.
Author's Response: I am working on adding more description. Thank you for the kind review. :)
I'm thrilled that you're adding new elements to the lovely HP universe (Ex. Raining Draught). The little chase down the road sent my mind a-wandering. I wonder how much Remus can take from such a strong personality. He seems truly interested, and perhaps mildly infatuated, but how long can that last with someone who insists upon being an utter mystery? You've concocted fertile ground for a developing story. How long do you expect it to be?
Author's Response: The "Raining Draught" won't be the only thing I'll be adding to our lovely HP-verse. There will quite a few more creative spells and potions and things. ;)
Yes, Remus is truly interested. The plot really showed through in this last chapter and will be getting stronger. This next chapter is going to be quite intriguing. Anyway, if you mean how long the story will be—well, I'll say this; I have many plans in store for this saga that won't be wrapped up in one story....
You have captured the sadness in Sirius very well. And the description about home was quite interesting...The only comment I have about this is that maybe this sentence: (Closing his eyes and laying his arm across his line of vision, letting darkness engulf him, he sighed.) It reads a little akwardly. I guess i would put something like, "Closing his eyes, laying his arm across his line of vision, and letting darkness engulf him, he sighed." Just switching the placement of the 'and'. Other than that, I'm liking this so far.
Author's Response: That description of home is important, so I had to make it interesting. ;)
Yeah, the sentence you mentioned gave me quite a bit of trouble when writing it. Anyway, I am glad you're liking this so far.
I'm predisposed to like stories about Lupin anyway, but I think that even if I weren't, I'd enjoy the way this chapter progresses and characters are introduced and developed. (Wow, long sentence) I enjoyed the inner debate that Remus had with himself about who he would speaking with. Sounds very similar to something I might do... Do I talk to him?....No, he looks like brain cells are missing...and him?... Yeah so I enjoyed that part. The way you described Isabelle's appearance was quite concrete. I got a sense of seduction and danger from her mannerisms and her flippant disregard for the Daily Prophet. I like her. :) I did have a question: Wouldn't someone who works with potions automatically be considered a chemist? So the Alchemist/Potionist label might be redundant. Also, is potionist a word? Just asking. I think this is a great chapter.
Author's Response: The debate in Remus' head is something I do quite often and I know others do too, so I figured the more realistic the better. Also Isabelle is definitely an interesting figure, from the way she looks to the way she acts. I am happy her description was concrete and that you sensed that from her.
Well, a Chemist in England is a Pharmacist, so I scrapped that idea. And no, "Potionist" is not a word; I made it up. Alchemy is quite different from Potions, but are the same as well as different. The difference will be explained better later on in the story.
I really like it so far and I couldn't hold myself back from reviewing. But I can't help but agree with Vader on the song bit. When there are songs in stories that I read I tend to skip over them. I did read the first portion of this one, but about halfway down I got a bit bored with it adn continued on with the story. Also, when you first have Isabelle in The Three Broomsticks you have two paragraphs from her POV and then you suddenly switch to Remus' POV. Maybe you could put the page break thing in between the parts. Not that big of a deal, just pointing it out. Other than those to little bits I really can't give much more constructive critisism. The spelling and grammar is good. And the description is fantastic. I feel like I am actually in the story when I'm reading this. I also really like how you depicted James, Sirius, and Remus in Dumbledore's bit. I really like how you described them perfectly in about two sentences. Great work. My last bit that I'm going to say is that the way you write Remus is also very good. Very in character from what we know about him already. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I will eventually modify the song, but I am too lazy to do so right now.
I was worried about that scene with Dumbledore and his thoughts on the three. I am glad the portrayal came out right, and that my portrayal of Remus seems in character. :)
I do like this Remus . . . he's an observer, calculating but accepting . . . I like your story, keep it up!
Author's Response: I'm glad you like my story! Thank you for the kind review.