I really liked your choice of words with 'languidly.' It gives you the feeling Remus more melted into the couch than sat on it. I get the feeling from how you described Isabelle that she's a vampire, although that's just me. Of course it would explain what she told Remus. There was a spot with Isabelle where you should change how it's punctuated: “I can’t concentrate.” She stated to no one in particular. This would be better as '"I can't concentrate," she stated to no one in particular.' The way it is now detracts from the story.
Author's Response: Thank you for the con crit. The first four chapters of this were not beta'd, so I'm editing as I go along. "Languidly" was really the only word worth use in that scene, so I figured it would make the picture more vivid. Thank you for the kind review.
Very interesting. I love the quote used on Isabelle's card; it makes me feel as though she's searching for the fountain of youth. I like your style of writing, it really makes the text flow, and it doesn't feel like you've just discovered the thesaurus. I don't have any suggestions, I like it just how it is. P.S. I'm in love with the picture you made for this story.
Author's Response: I'm glad you're liking this. Thanks for reviewing!
I loved your few lines about the home at the beginning of the chapter, I can easily see you're setting up your story for plenty of secrets and events to come, as well as throughly creating in-depth characters both with Isabelle and Remus. However, you are giving your readers little incentive to read on. Please try to work on that.
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing.
A nice beginning. Isabelle seems like she might slip into Mary Sue-dom if you're not careful, but I can already see that her good looks are very well balanced with her personality. You had a few typos: you capitalized 'host' when describing the first of the other three people in the Hogs Head, and added an 'e' onto the end of 'shit' in the paragraph containing the words Isabelle says before she leaves the pub. I look forward to reading the next chapters of this.
Author's Response: Isabelle's practically the antithesis of Mary-Sue, but as you said, her personality will later balance her looks. The 'e' at the end of 'shit' was there on purpose. Thank you for reviewing.
My review will be a lot shorter than most. It's awesome!
Author's Response: LOL, short or long, I love feedback. Thank you! :)
That was a really well written chapter. It's engaging at once by jumping right into the story. It kept me wanting to read more. I've put it into my favorites.
Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review. It's greatly appreciated. :)
I really like this. I haven't been much of a Fanfic Lupin fan because he is often made out to be less of a man and a bit of a bumbler when it comes to women. I like they way you've made him vulnerable, but Isabelle is vulnerable as well and Lupin isn't completely clueless. This was an excellent choice for the featured stories list. I look forward to future updates.
Author's Response: I know what you mean about Fanfic Lupin... Grr. I don't like those types of stories. I also dislike CompletelyClueless!Lupin. Gah. He doesn't strike me as the type to be horrible with women, but also not to be absolutely brilliant with them either. He's a normal guy. He has his faults. Okay, I'm shutting up now. You have definitely got me on a heated topic. LOL
I am so happy you pointed out Lupin and Isabelle's vulnerability. Those traits are both very important to the story. I'm glad you're enjoying the story. :D
yay! snaps for moonysmistress!!! *snaps* woohoo! yay!!!
All right, here goes. Awhile ago, I started your story and -- I'M SORRY-- I didn't like it. *cringes* So I, er, stopped. Seeing it as a featured story, I thought, "Well, you know, I'll try it again." And I'm actually pretty glad I did, because I liked it a lot better this time around. Enough to put it on my favorites and give it a 10, anyway. *wink* I won't take off a point for it, but occasionally Remus seems a bit OOC (flirting? Oh, goodness gracious me...), and I don't always get Isabelle, and at one point I think you used the word 'surpass' wrong, although I could be mistaken as to what your intent was. But overall, you have a really lovely writing style, and it's a great story with an interesting storyline. Very original stuff in there, the Raining Draught and all. I'm intrigued, I am. Let's see some more of this story, then, shall we?
Author's Response: Well, Isabelle quite a mystery as it is, so it's okay that at some points people may not understand her. As the story goes on, her character will slowly unravel and everything she's now will be better understood. Anyway, thank you for the kind review. I'm glad you gave my story another try and enjoyed the second time around. :)
Firstly, I'm a reader, not a nit-picker. I only point things out if I notice them and they then stick with me long enough to make it into the review. I don't hunt for problems. Nothing but your wonderful setting and characterizations have stuck with me, so no con-crit... sorry. I have about twenty other things to do right now, but having read your first chapter, they've all been set aside. I have succumbed to the beauty that is your writing, and from the rest of the reviews, I can see that I'm in for a treat!
Author's Response: Don't worry, I have other people who keep me on my toes with nit-picky things. So no con-crit is fine. ;) It makes me happy that people are enjoying the setting and my characterizations so much! Thank you for the wonderful compliments.
By the way, though I may not have reviewed all the chapters of your story. So far, your story's the only Harry/Ginny one I'll read. So Kudos to you. Anyone who hasn't checked it out, should!
I have a few nit-picky grammar things to get out of the way before I get down to the real review, so--- “Ill-lighted” should be “ill-lit.” “Taking long inhales of the tobacco” is also incorrect, I believe. I should be “long inhalations.”
You’re writing is very detailed and clear. It gets the point across with very nice images, so that I can see, hear, and smell everything that is going on. Description seems to be your strong point.
I haven’t seen enough of your OC to really judge her yet. However, I love your characterization of Lupin. Your view into his thoughts is quite interesting. I especially liked the following lines: “ ‘I doubt he’d be a good conversationalist,” Remus analyzed.” I think the wording is perfectly Lupin. And this one: “A million words could’ve been used to describe her, but her eyes summed her up in two: determined and obstinate.”
A really great start to what promises to be a really great fic.
Author's Response: LOL, I'm a bit of a nit-pick myself. Thank you for pointing those out.
You're not the only to have told me that. Even in the other fandom I wrote for, they said that description is my strong point. It's not surprising, though. I such an observer and like to draw out scenes, even if I do not do it all the time.
I'm glad you're enjoying my characterization. The lines you picked are a few of my favorites. I love picking Lupin's mind, hence the reason for seeing his thoughts. :D
OK, I have become somewhat less hyperactive. That was a great chapter! I really liked "visiting" Isabelle's job and seeing how differently she treated her boyfriend and students (she talks to her students a tad bit better than how she speaks to Rich). Waiting for an update!!!
Author's Response: Yes, true about her students versus her boyfriend, but there's a lot behind her and her boyfriend's relationship we have not seen. This isn't the last we'll be seeing of him.
*gasp* how DID she know his address? is she STALKING him? is she this? is she that? oooooh!!!! snaps for Lycanthropist! *snaps* sorry, i just recently had dinner and I'm much more energetic than usual.
Author's Response: No, she's not stalking him. That would be uber creepy. We all get a little hyper and energetic once in a while. It's okay. Thank you for the review.
Again, great chapter. I really enjoyed it, if possible, even more than the previous ones. So many events lifted by depressing feelings, and made me belive that not all fanfiction authors are beginners, or unexperianced. I love your vivid vocabulary and sentence structure. It seperates this particular fanfiction from the majority of the others. O.K. Enough chit-chat, off to the next chapter!
Author's Response: I prefer working with mature subjects and natural human emotions. It's my style. Thank you for the wonderful compliment. I do my best to capture the feelings without botching them up... too much. :D
Just so you know. I read the sonnet-didn't skim or skip. Lupin's reaction was definately correct. Generally I like reading stories that are in the past and try to fill in the gaps of the story. I realize that this may not be your purpose but it is interesting to see life from Remus' point of view.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. :)
Thought I'd do a counterpoint about the song. I am like the poster that when confronted with ambigious poetry at the beginning of a chapter tend to skip it or skim it. But at the part where Remus sat down across from her and she continued singing the song I wasn't aware who was talking as I was unfamiliar with the song. It wasn't until I read further down and saw the whole song there did I put two and two together. So far it seems as though Remus is in character. It makes sense that he would be a little bit bored and depressed after leaving Hogwarts.
Author's Response: I am happy you thought Remus was in-character. I try my best to keep him that way. Thank you for the review. :)
I would also like to add how excited I am to share interests with Isabelle. I love to read all night, gothic kitchen (really, my/my mom's kitchen is green, but I wish it was black), etc. But, I'm not drunk (... yet *evil grin*).
I really enjoyed getting into both character's heads and seeing what their lives are like. I am amazed that you described the home of a werewolf so well, and went beyond what was happening to explaining it all. How Remus felt, being a werewolf, and his worries and fears. 10.
Author's Response: I am glad that you enjoyed this part. Remus' character is so interesting. I loved this part in particular because of his musings about life and such. :)
ahahahahaha "shite" that's funny! i really enjoy you're style, even though very detailed descriptions of how a girl or boys looks, you managed to pull through! YAY!
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind review.
Whoops - I meant obsessional...