Love the title of the chapter. I like how your Remus is darker and not quite so "prefect" as some others'. Sleeplessness can be torturous for some, but can inspire and ignite others, I think the latter applies to your characters. Am wondering about the references to an iceberg and the drinking water like an alcoholic....
Author's Response: I was skeptical of the title at first, I do admit, but I'm happy that I stuck with it, ultimately. I'm glad that Remus does come off as darker, because he's always been like that in my mind and I hoped that he would come off as so in my writing. Not that he's an angsty character, of course, but he has his troubles.
Thanks for the lovely review!
I think you capture the lonely feeling I always assume Remus has because of his curse, like being a bar, just wanting some company. I wonder if Isabelle will help him out, being an alchemist and such?
Author's Response: Hmm, will she? Isabelle might help him out of some things, but others remain more permanent and there's little she can do.
Thanks for taking the time to review! It's very much appreciated!
I really do like this story, and I know you like big words, but it feels like your trying to hard to put them in, instead of telling the story. They get in the way. That's just my opinion anyway. Great ideas, and great writing, but i do think that you need to use more imagery. R~7
Author's Response: I concur that I sometimes get carried away, but it's so natural for me to do it. I'll try and tone it down a bit and add more imagery as well. Otherwise, thanks for the review.
I agree wit Kerian Remus is TOO COOL
Author's Response: Hee, thanks for the review!
Oh dear. For the second time I am reduced to criticising minor things, it's dificult this constructive criticism lark. Oh well, minor: Didn't really understand what Isabelle meant by "stand up back up". I think the "like a bunch of second years" remark would fit an adult Education course, I had to think for a bit to realise what you meant, and it seemed too out of place almost. Lastly: I didn't really like her omitting werewolf twice, seemed a bit contrived. Could she just say ministry instead of -----Registry. I'd say how excellent it was, but it'd take too long.
Author's Response: Yes, it was silly of me at some points, but I have edited the chapter, and I hope it's a tad better to understand than before.
Thanks for the review!
Firstly I enjoyed it. You're strength (as ever) is your description of Remus' thoughts. However (as Vader said) you're physical descriptions aren't very detailed. Secondly, I'd doubt that many businesses would advertise "NO Werewolves" just seemed a bit to blatant to me, but I might be wrong. I also ummed and arred a bit over the "piece of work line" seemed slightly un-Remusish. But you're probably a better judge of Remus than I am.
Author's Response: LOL, thanks for the review! Yes, my physical descriptions need a bit of work, but I'm slowly getting there.
It comes to me as no surprise that this story ended up on the Featured list. I'd say some constructive crisitism, or *something*, but, in all honesty, I have none. Update soon!
Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much for the review!
Hmm Remus, you definetly cant pass up the chance to analyze her some more! And I love that Remus is having a love life! Poor werewolf!
Author's Response: Yes, the poor dear needs some loving. Thanks for the review!
i love it! im glad to see remus HAS a love life!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Im reakky sorry for not reviewing on my first read imy mom was yelling at me to "get off the damn computer" i had been on for like 3 hours but ne way i snuck in you r story and am now here to tell you that I LOVED IT!! keep up the good work
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, even with the 'interference.' ;)
I continue to enjoy... Think you are doing a good job developing Isabelle's character (I love her name by the way; I think a good choice of name is important). Their gathering interest in each other is portrayed well, the chapter title is very apt. Good stuff!
Author's Response: Yes, I think a good name's important as well, and I'm glad you like it! Thank you for taking the time to review. It's greatly appreciated. : )
Wow, I just have to say, your writing is absolutely marvelous. You manage to tie your "big words" in without soudning utterly random or as though you are purposefully trying to add them in. I would only give you one criticism, and that is that several of your characters, namely Remus and Isabelle, tend to sound a bit too proper at times. I completely understand your wonderful use of advanced vocabulary in narrative writing, but when spoken by the characters, they all tend to start to sound slightly similar and pompous. Other than that, wonderful job sticking to the characters JK so diligently created, and I can only hope to become as amazing as you in my writing techniques. Perfect 10.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review! Yes, I do sometimes get a bit carried away with my vocabulary, and I'll try and harness it a bit as I move forward.
Gosh, I'm blushing. I hardly know what to say to such a kind review, except thanks again, and that it's very much appreciated!
I saw Narziss' review, and wanted to tell you what a sleeze they are. I checked to see if they'd written any stories, but the person that reviewed made that account just so they could give that bad review that had no basis. It's probable that the real reviewer doesn't want to ruin their good name, so they made a new account. What a slime ball. Own up to what you want to say. Your story is great, and any real person can tell Isabelle's not a Mary Sue or self insertion. You can generally tell when one or the other, usually together, happens, and it just hasn't. I give you my compliments on making such an interesting, real-life character.
Author's Response: Thank you! It means a lot to me that you say that! Again, thanks. It's very much appreciated!
Just read you story and I must say it is really good. Can't wait to see where this is going. Congrats on being "Featured"!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Seeing Isabelle's personality comes out has been infinately interesting to me. I won't tell you who I think the boy in the picture was, but I will say I can see a connection to Lupin. I like that you've portrayed a common adult relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of times when it is sexualized like this, the gentlemen don't quite act like gentlemen. Granted, she's a handful and never refrains from speaking her mind. Sometimes that characteristic is simply ignorance. Other times it is born of hard times, when the world rolled over someone. Thus far, we can see she has some demons that contribute a lot to how she treats other people. She may be pretty, but I would describe her as....a witch with a B. That's not a MS, just to remind some drifting minds. Your plot is carrying me toward an ultimate scene, and I can feel it. I can't wait to read it when it gets here.
Author's Response: Yes, Isabelle can be quite a handful, and she has her fair share of enemies as well as acquaintances, like anyone else. Ultimately, she is quite the . . . witch with a B, but it's understandable, to an extent. I'm not sure about the excusable part though.
Thank you for the wonderful and constructive review! It's very much appreciated!
Good chapter, and it's very effective how you skip the month; I find it drags on if you write about it. I must confess, I only read a little into each section, then continued when I found it safe and skipped that section causing the rating all together; hope it wasn't too important. Anyway, from what I read I didn't see any mistakes and it was written very nicely and imaginable. Also, I wanted to thank you for telling me how to put up pictures; I honestly couldn't figure it out. Just a little tid bit I just found out, Remus' middle name is John. I just thought that was interesting.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, and you're welcome!
Don't worry about skipping over that scene, it was none too important, as there are other indicators to help further the story long throughout the chapter.
I agree with caren_the_hpfan! *screams* premarital sex! ...i'll get over it too... neat banner, better plot. e-v-i-l richard! *sticks tongue out at Richard* *twitch*
Author's Response: ::snicker:: Thanks for the review!
Hi I've just sat and read through all six chapters at once! The story is developing brilliantly and I feel as though I know all the characters! It is interesting to see Lupin's journey to discover Isabelle, and as someone said earlier, it's great that now you have the readers questioning who she is? And why she doesn't fear werewolves. Congratulations on becoming a featured story it's a great acheivement and keep the chapter rolling in as I'm adding this to my list of faves.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review! It's very much appreciated, and I apologize for only having now responded to your review!
very nice! good job! =) this one went straight to my favorites once i saw it.. it's no wonder the mods featured this one.. keep it up!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!