Reviewer: LilyPotter
Date: 03/17/05 19:14
Chapter: Learners of Apparition

Very nice chappie, I'm glad there is a sequel. Are Ron and Hermoine older than Harry in the books? 10 :-)

Author's Response: Yes, Hermione's birthday is September 12 (I think) and Ron's is either March 3rd or 1st, I keep forgetting, but those months are both before July.

Reviewer: Snowflake_Dove
Date: 03/16/05 15:04
Chapter: Learners of Apparition

This is going really well! i can't believe it's almost over.. :'(

Reviewer: StarryNight
Date: 03/15/05 16:00
Chapter: Learners of Apparition

Yay!!!!!!!!!!! You updated!!!! (doing a little dance while signing) Great chapter!! I hope that Harry can get his permit soon enough so he can try, but not til the end of July.....oh well. Great chapter!! Update soon!!

Reviewer: sumeet
Date: 03/08/05 13:13
Chapter: A Dismantled Attack

I won't repeat the criticism from my review of your first chapter, but suffice it to say it applies.

This is the first story I've read where Dumbledore is killed. I find myself impressed that you were able to gather enough strength to write a storyline so contrary to accepted thought. It was wise, I feel, to give readers a rude awakening that in this world of war casualties are not limited to small character.

One thing that bothers me a little is your portrayal of Ron and Hermione standing up to Aberforth (who by the, you are brilliant in writing). They seem to have a strength in this story that I don't see developed throughout the chapters. They appear to have this innate boldness, but when did it come about? Standing up to Rita Skeeter or Trelawney is one thing - but Aberforth, being Dumbledore's brother, is a different kind of character altogether.

Overall, the chapter moves the story along at an expected pace. I would hope Aberforth makes another appearance in the chapters to come, because otherwise his sudden apparition would be a complete non-sequitor. But I bet you knew that. Good job on the story so far. 8

Reviewer: sumeet
Date: 03/07/05 3:29
Chapter: Return Owl

First things first: Great job. I'll continue on why I enjoyed it in just a moment.

Like others before me, I noticed several technical errors. While your storyline is compelling to the point where I really don't care about mispeled (hehe) words, I think there is something to be said for such accuracy.

So... I decided to do a quick (really quick, so I might have missed some) read of the chapter and jotted down a few sentences with clear techinical errors. I know a few of your fellow SPEW members Beta read, and Jenna in particular is quite good with technical editing. But she's also pretty busy. Anyway, my point is that you should consider getting a Beta that specialized in editing syntax.

Meanwhile, here is the list of sentences with quick and easy fixes so you can get a start on revisions:

I suppose you might not have known about that, but incase you did, here.

I'm Pretty sure you’ll make it here before your birthday.

Harry set aside the papers and forcedhimself to put the thought out of his mind.

Not wanting to alert the Dursleys of his presences, he placed some socks on his feet to prevent them from sticking to the floor.

“I suppose we’ll be going man down.”

"...We’ll take care of it.” Tonks said before kicking off into the air.

However, Harry was staring to doubt how much he wanted to go back to Grimmauld place.

Harry only wished that he could rip the canvas apart, but maintained calmness.

Harry and Ron’s bedroom was still the same, as Pig flew around it.

Everyone continued to tell stories of thing that had happened.

Harry looked at is bed with utmost envy.

//

As to why I enjoyed this chapter, I thought the set up was fantastic. You present so much material that creates such a good backdrop for future plotlines that I'm compelled to just read through it all now... but I know doing that would mean less meaningful reviews. So I won't :-)

Kudos. 8

Reviewer: AlexisTaylor
Date: 03/01/05 15:33
Chapter: Quidditch at Catchpole

That was an interesting chapter. I don't think Mrs. Weasley would have risked allowing them to practice out in the swamp, no matter what day it was. Also, I don't know if it was just me, but it took me a little bit to realize who exactly the Dementors were gliding toward. Still, a good chapter. You may consider clearing that up a little. I hope there's a good reason for how the stag turned kind of solid to pick up Harry. If James is a part of him, that doesn't really explain how there was substance enough to pick him up. See what you've done? You've got me all caught up in the stopry. Good job.

Reviewer: AlexisTaylor
Date: 02/28/05 16:11
Chapter: Return Owl

I really enjoyed the chapter The Leather Book. I really thought the Veil being associated with Death Eaters was an interesting take. Such a fact does bring up some questions, but I won't divulge my inner workings here. The characters were well written. I do, however, doubt that Hermione would pull her wand on Harry. Ron wouldn't do so, so readily either. At worst, Ron may threaten him physically. You have a way of writing and displaying your ideas that makes me far more interested in your plot than technical details and syntax. I think you have a beta looking over your spelling errors. Overall, I think you've got an interesting, unique point of view that sets your story apart from others. Wonderful.

Reviewer: AlexisTaylor
Date: 02/28/05 15:59
Chapter: Return Owl

I really enjoyed the chapter The Leather Book. I really thought the Veil being associated with Death Eaters was an interesting take. Such a fact does bring up some questions, but I won't divulge my inner workings here. The characters were well written. I do, however, doubt that Hermione would pull her wand on Harry. Ron wouldn't do so, so readily either. At worst, Ron may threaten him physically. You have a way of writing and displaying your ideas that makes me far more interested in your plot than technical details and syntax. I think you have a beta looking over your spelling errors. Overall, I think you've got an interesting, unique point of view that sets your story apart from others. Wonderful.

Reviewer: x2pttrclue32
Date: 02/27/05 14:41
Chapter: The Familiar Castle

Good chapter, but it was a little slow compared to the other chapters that I've read. You did better with the typos, though. Again, you wrote Mrs. Weasley and Moody was good too. And though it was slow, things seemed to be moving too fast, if you get my meaning. I think you tried to squeeze too amny unnecissary events in one short chapter. Maybe elaborate more, or just don't put it in at all. Good workd though. I really am enjoying this story. :) 7/10

Reviewer: x2pttrclue32
Date: 02/27/05 13:04
Chapter: The Order's Meeting

I liked this chapter. Really interesting how you had the extendable ears go through the ceiling. But there were a lot of typos and they were sort of distracting. Try to read over your chapters after your done to see if it s alright, or have a beta reader do it for you. :) I liked the was you wrote Mrs. Weasley...but...I think that you should have said "said" more in the story. You used too many variety words, so it got confusing. Overall though, it was really good. 7/10

Reviewer: TheGreatLinkster
Date: 02/24/05 19:44
Chapter: To Walk in a Veil

Brilliant. Your description is amazing. This story is great.

Reviewer: TheGreatLinkster
Date: 02/24/05 18:06
Chapter: Occlumency Aside

I loved the scene with Harry and Lupin at the end. Well done.

Reviewer: TheGreatLinkster
Date: 02/23/05 21:24
Chapter: Switched Burdens

Very good, and very sad. Ouch, Malfoy is BAD in this story. How cruel is he for making fun of her parents death? Keep up the good work. You just need a good beta to work out the small spelling errors.

Reviewer: TheGreatLinkster
Date: 02/23/05 19:35
Chapter: The Burrow's Christmas

This was a good chapter. I liked the presents Harry bought....wow, lucky Ron. ;)

Reviewer: kaltaru
Date: 02/23/05 16:35
Chapter: Return Owl

This was a good chapter. You make very good use of description and creating a tone. I noticed a tendency to split up words like headquarters and himself. I myself get confused by certain words, like each other. I'm always wanting to connect them. Also, you have good knowledge of canon, but it's okay to assume that your readers do as well. So you don't have to bog your story down with details that don't pertain directly to your plot. Plus, kudos to you for not doing what really peeves me: calling Fred and George "the twins." JKR doesn't do it, so it bugs when others do. I'm so glad you didn't. :) Also, more Tonks! I want more Tonks! ;)

Reviewer: TheGreatLinkster
Date: 02/23/05 11:59
Chapter: Separation from the Serpent

This last chapter was really good. Your story has the ability to just suck a reader right in. Good job. I'm really liking this now! It's so exciting.

Reviewer: TheGreatLinkster
Date: 02/23/05 11:48
Chapter: Hermione's Trip

Really well done so far. Still a few misspellings and grammar stuff, but that's it. This reads really quickly and is interesting.

Reviewer: TheGreatLinkster
Date: 02/23/05 0:54
Chapter: Alternative Occlumency

Really good so far. I like this, even though I usually don't read general fics. The typos are still there, but I'm sure that's just a minor thing.

Reviewer: AlexisTaylor
Date: 02/22/05 23:33
Chapter: The Dream

Hoorah! Plot development! That's all I have for you. My shoulders hurt.

Reviewer: x2pttrclue32
Date: 02/22/05 21:22
Chapter: Birthday at Grimmauld

Very good. I really enjoyed it mainly because of the Pensive. You did very well with it. The instructions, however, confused me. In the books, Dumbledore uses his wand to put memories in the Pensive, as well to take them out, I think. He puts the wand to his head and pulls out the memory. Why did you choose to do this differently? Anyway, I really had fun reading the memories that Harry brought up. Good work. I did see a couple minor typos, though, but it's not a big deal...oh yeah! I have another thing: Lupin didn't really seem to have much character in him. It seemed as though his purpose in the story was to just give out information. I mean to say, he didn't really seem to have a personality. I think that this was mainly because he didn't elaborate on anything that he said. Just try to have him talk more in the future. ;) Great work on the rest of it! 8/10

Author's Response: I don't believe we seen anyone put a memory into the Pensieve, but using the wand would make more since. I think your right about taking them out though. This confuses me. =(

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Unexploded Bombs by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
Dudley Dursley has just experienced the death of his elderly father Vernon from...
Ginny's Big Decision by dg04 1st-2nd Years
After Dumbledore's Funeral, Harry tells Ginny that they can't be together anymore...
Little Lions by SexY_LydZ 6th-7th Years
On a stormy October evening, a letter, a late night trip to the library and...
FEATURED
Going Against Salazar's Grain by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
"Sometimes," said Dumbledore, "we sort too soon." Originally writtten for...
Whispers in the Night by lucca4 6th-7th Years
"Swear to me, Cissy. Swear you won't tell." It's a secret, and it haunts...
Fear and Loathing in Florida (Mostly Loathing) by minnabird 3rd-5th Years
Scabior and Greyback had to escape the Aurors somehow - they just hadn't expected...
Just Before Healing by WeasleyMom 3rd-5th Years
With Hannah, things always go to yellow.
In Bloom by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor 3rd-5th Years
It figures that he ignores the other side of roses. Thorns fit to draw blood...
Magical by Nagini Riddle 1st-2nd Years
Ginny and her brothers sneak down the stairs to look at presents, but instead...
CATEGORIES