i really like this chapter but you have put "is" instead of whatever you were on to put on the3rd line up from the bottom apart from that its great!
Oo! Intrigue! I liked it. It was very clever. The way you put Hermione and her parents in danger...wasn't...happy...but it was very...what's the word...intriguing? Yeah. :P Um...I'm felling optimistic at the moment and I can't find much critiscm to give...um...oh! I think you should have rounded off the chapter better. I think you could have transitioned into the ending smoother. Other than that, I thought it was a great chapter. :)
This was a great, light-hearted chapter! I really enjoyed it. I really liked seeing all of the presents Harry got everyone. But...I sort of found it unrealistic for Harry to get Ron a Firebolt. It seems that Firebolts are too expensive, even for Harry...I also enojyed the Quidditch match, thought you could have elaborated more on it. All in all though, great chapter! :)
Good chapter, but I was a bit confused throughout about the patronus and what had happened. Maybe you could explain it more quickly? For example, why was Ron happy (er...I think it was Ron) when the patronus started to disappear? Besides that I thought it was a good. I like how you got Fudge impeached. :D LOL. I also liked how Lupin cared more for Harry's knowledge than his safety. It was an interesting concept to introduce.
Good chapter. I liked the break from the more suspese of the previous ones. But it was a little confusing to follow at times...I like the part with Percy and his guilt and all of the effects that that had on the family. The rest of the chapter...was sort of confusing. I understood the part about Quidditch, but it was all a blur...especially that last scene. Were they being attacked my Dementors? Oh yeah, and one last thing, you capitalized Quaffle in some places and left it lower case in others. Might want to check that. ;)
Oo! Exciting! I realy liked this chapter and thought that it gave away a lot of answers to the questions raised in the previous chapters. I think that all of this is really creative. I would've never thought of it myself. ;) Anyway, first, I would like to say that I only found one grammar/spelling error. WOOT! Second, I think that you made Hermione have too much knowledge of the subject of the veil. I don't think that that book would have all the information and I also don't think that Lupin would reveal all of its secrets too her. Also, some of the parts were a bit abrupt, such as Harry finding out that Sirius had the mind of a DE. Lastly, I liked how you had Ron and Hermione *coughforevercough* try and stop Harry from leaving by putting their wands up. It showed just how much they cared for him. Great chapter! I'm going on to the next one right now. :)
Yay!!!!! great chappie....don't keep us waiting
Author's Response: I'm working on it, Kime!
Another good chapter. :) I thought that the last one was a little better though. I saw many spelling errors in the middle and towards the end. Also, something that was bugging me was that you kept on saying "Room of Requirements." It's supposed to me "Room of Requirement." Other than that, I enjoyed it. I thought it was clever to have Lupin have a map as well. I'm also a bit intrigued with the veil...I'm excited to read more. :)
Very well done chapter! I liked the anticipation about what was going to happen next and what was happening to Hermione. I thought it was interesting that you didn't tell us what was happening until afterwards, and you didn't give us a clear answer even then. I think that you did a good job connecting the events..until the end part with Lupin. It seemed that you got into the part about the veil pretty quickly. Other than that, it was a really good, suspensful (sort of) chapter. Great work.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Josh! I've been thinking about that lately, and now I have a second opinion. Thanks!
Hello Rita! I've decided to partake in your story and I have found that I quite like the ideas you have put in your story and I also like how your story flows in general. Generally you seem to be a good writer.
You have errors in your story, some of which I've pointed out: He didnít want to make everyone else to feel bad because he was. The sentence ends a little awkwardly. I suggest saying "...because of him." Also, by a bright light shinning in his eyes Shinning-->shining. :) Harry and Ron came downstairs a couple of minuets later. Minuets-->minutes. Having these errors detract from your writing, which is quite good. Fixing them would improve your story in a subtle way. :) Having errors doesn't mean that your story isn't good, just that it needs a little extra work. ;)You have a good sense of how a story flows. You seem to be pretty good at setting up a scene and moving things along at a good pace. Fixing the errors would make this story even better than it is.
I like that Fred and George are up to their usual antics. I also like that they made mistakes and accidentally gave Ginny the potion. How funny! The Quidditch outfit from Remus was a very nice touch and quite creative. I quite liked the idea. You have inserted a lot of creativity into this chapter and it's so interesting to imagine the images you describe, like the memory confetti. Quite a neat idea.Keep up the creativity!
Another great one, though it was a bit shorter than the last one. ;) Er..I didn't see any spelling errors which was good...:) I also think that you did a better job connecting the events of the story together. However, right after Harry woke up from his dream, hi seemed to 'recover' a lot faster than I would hvae imagined. Also, I think that the whole thing with Vector and Parkinson was a bit unnecscsary (gah, can't spell that). It would have been better if you would have had the trio go and get the book together under the cloak, just like old times. ;) Anyway, I look forward to the rest of the story.
Author's Response: *Winks* I have my reasons for the trio not going. (It would eliminate about 6 chapters) I'm getting better with spelling aren't I? That's good. I'm not much of a grammar person. Thanks for the review!
Whee! Great chapter Rita! I really enjoyed both the Occlumency and dueling scenes. I thought that they were done very well. Well, on to the concrit. ;) First, I saw (not a whole lot) some spelling errors that I'm sure were jsut typos. Second, overal, the chapter seemed a bit stiff, as if the trnasitions between each sence were a bit shaky. Try to change snces with a smoother atmosphere. As for the dueling scene, it seemd a bit intense for school, though I througly (sp?) enjoyed it. Great chapter! *goes off to read the next one*
youve got a really good plot, i really like the story line, just watch out for spelling and grammar errors. the imperius scene was great
Author's Response: Really? To tell you the truth, I hated it when I went back and read it. I was actually considering deleting it, but people say they like. *Is perplexed* I guess I won't. Thanks for the review! It helped.
its pretty good, but harry wouldn't be able to get into the girls dormitory, because the staircase turns into a slide when guys try to go up it. you've got a great plot, but always read over what you've written because some bits are a bit confusing
Not as much of an action-packed chapter as the previous ones, but still good. I will do the critiques first. You forgot to capitalize familiar in the title. At one point you said form instead of from. I liked the whole walking the rain. It set a very sad tone for the chapter. I also like the bit when he thought he saw a black dog running beside him. The train ride was interesting. Seamus and Dean are seldom mentioned sitting in Harry's compartment, but I still like it. I also like Neville's response about his Gran. I think that is like her character. (from the little information we actually know) Your grammar mistakes are becoming less frequent which is a good sign! Good job!
I liked this chapter. I anticipated more to happen, but it was still good. I really like that Lupin is going to be the DADA teacher again. He has been my favorite so far! A few little critiques are, wouldn't McGonagall be a guard at Hogwarts? She might even be better than Remus because she is Head of Gryffindor and would be able to see Harry more often. Also, Mrs. Weasley would call Moody Alastor, not Mad-Eye. (That is just a nickname). When you said Hermione was trying to act like a prefect, she is always like that, so I don't think that little bit is necessary. I like how Harry put those thoughts in the pensieve at the end. It was a good ending to the chapter.
Author's Response: As for Lupin being the only gaurd at Hogwarts, it will be explained. Thank you so much for the reviews. They mean a lot.
I really like this chapter! I especially like the pensieve part! That was such an interesting gift and it seems very Dumbledore-like. I love how you included the instructions and they sounded very realistic. I like the other gifts that everyone gave him and the confetti that turned into funny memories. That is something Fred and George would think of. It was also very Fred and George like to give Ginny the sleeping draft instead of Harry. Those little things you add in, really make it a good story. There were a few grammar errors throughout, for example: you said minuets instead of minutes. All in all, good chapter. I am going to read the next one very soon!
I really like this story. Let's get the critiques out of the way first, and then I can move on to the good things. First, you put a capital p on pretty. The p in Grimmauld Place should be capitalized. Would Harry really get an E in Potions? I find that very unlikely. The words, forced himself, are together and should be two words. Again the p in Grimmauld Place should be capitalized. These are very minor mistakes, I just wanna give you heads up.
I really liked how Mrs. Figg looked up at Harry. I haven't heard her mentioned at all in fanfics, so that was a refresher. I also like Moody's eye in the door. That caught me a little off guard. I also like how Fred and George were at Grimmauld Place. They always seem to lighten up the mood! I really like the story and will read more soon!
I love it! I've just read the whole story so far and it's brilliant. Keep up the good work :)
lol this chapter was really good. lol i laughed out loud at mrs. wealey because she sounded just like she would if jk wrote it...but the rating i will give u is cause the spelling.