please please please update soon i just love any story with neville in it. 10/10 :-D
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I meant that last review for the fifth chapter..sorry!
Author's Response: Haha that's okay. I kind of figured it out! Thanks again! ~Eponine
This is amazing, it brought tears to my eyes. I think Neville plays a big part which JK will bring out more in the up coming books. And I think this fanfic is so different from the others which all talk about Harry, we all know what Harry feels anyway "I hate Voldemort...I have to kill or get killed ...I miss Sirius Black"...It's getting really boring to me, I'm tired of seeing everything through Harry's eyes. You have to keep this story going on because it's really special, and I'm a huge fan now!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I feel the same way about Harry, which was my primary reason for making this fic. Again, thank you for your review. ~Eponine
I have just read the whole of your fic and I really like it, I think Neville gets a bit of harsh deal in the books, everyone assumes he is almost worthless, I think he has so much potential, I wish he had more confidence. You have him really in character, love it!!!!!! 10/10
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for your review! I hope you liked that little cliffhanger... bwahaha. Chapter five is already written it's in the checking over period, so it shouldn't take too long... unless if it gets rejected a bajillion times. Thanks again! ~Eponine
Wow. You writting style is definetly one of the best on this website! It's so simple but rich , easy but sophisticated. The atmosphere of the story is beautifull. So sad, lonely and anticipating altogether. I think you have good future infront of you as a writer. I really can't wait to read the rest of the story. Can you please post sooner?
Author's Response: Wow... thank you so much! Yes, I expect sooner updates and I'm very sorry that one took so long. The truth is that I've written up to chapter eight, and it's being checked over... but it tends to take longer for me to get it approved than it does to actually write it. I'm just in the rebeta-ing stage of chapter four, so it shouldn't be too much longer. Thank you so much for the review!
First of all, Neville is my absolute favorite character and it's so wonderful to finally find a well written fic about him! He's such a great, and often neglected character. He deserves all the great characterization you gave him in this fic =). On to nit-picky things (which I have desperately tried to put in a seperate paragraph, but I can't quite figure out how to do that yet, so forgive me if this turns out to be one huge paragraph), I only noticed a few. Twice, I noticed you used "passed" when it should have been "past," as in moving past someone. You had a verb tense change in this sentence: Sighing, he skimmed over his classes for next term, and what books he’ll need. Even though his going to need them in the future, it would probably be better phrased as what books he'd need, instead of he'll. And one more...at one point you wrote, His patients running low, but that should be "patience." I thought Mr. Ollivanders and Gran were especially well done, and I loved in particular the line where Gran wraps her fingers around Neville's wrist and yanks him down the hall--that's a great image, and so IC, I think. I also loved when Gran just sort of nonchalantly took off her huge stuffed crow and dusted it, another great moment. Neville's wand length might have been slightly disproportionate, I think typically average height people have about ten-inch-long wands. Wand lengths usually correspond to a witch or wizard's height, so Neville would probably end up with a shorter one. But that's nothing major. I thought it was a great representation of one of my favorite characters, and I'm adding this to my favorites to look for some updates. Good job! =)
Author's Response: Thanks a million for your review and your help! This is for all of my readers, now. I'm really sorry it's been so long since the update. Chapter 3 wasn't accepted the first time, so I have a bit of editing to do. But with my scehdule I haven't had any time. School's out REALLY soon though, (thank G-d) and I can get to editing. I'll update as soon as possible, thanks!
Finally! A story dedicated to the mind and behavior of Neville Longbottom. "Why does everything always happen to me?" I always got the notion that he liked Hermione, but you took it too a whole new level. Absolutely refreshing and new! I hope he tells off Harry and Ron, too; I think it would be about time he came out to being more than just the shy, lonesome boy interesting entirely in Herbology. I almost cried at the scene where he went to see his parents. I see...Harry has a new "enemy" he never expected. This is definitely going to my favs list! 10/10 Keep it up. I'll be waiting "patiently", staring at the computer screen.
I liked it. It's something different and you have a nice grasp of Neville's character. You have a few typos, including 'heals' instead of heels, 'song' instead of son, and 'Me' ' instead of mine. Additionally, the chapter felt a bit more like a one-shot than a chapter, probably because there was tons of different ideas stuffed into it. Rating this a 7.
It's so refreshing to see a story about Neville; I'm glad you've taken this story on.
This is a great opening chapter, it moves the readers right into the story, and familiarizes us with the characters and plot. I think you have a very nice writing style, very consistent, strong descriptions, nice flow, not dull or redundant; you need a bit of fine tuning, but that's something we all learn with coming chapters. Great start.
The biggest problem I had with this chapter, is the characterization of Neville's gran. I understand she's a very stern woman, but you have her painted like a Nazi *chuckle* - I think she'd be more understanding of Neville's plight, considering the situation with the war, and I think she'd act kinder and more patient where Frank and Alice are concerned, and I don't think she'd grumble so much about Herbology. I don't think you should soften her up very much - but I think you need to show a more caring side of her. She's too 'evil stepmother', here.
I grumbled a bit with the H/Hr scene... I don't think they're relationship could have developed that quickly. Harry has so much more to worry about.
I enjoyed the flashback scene, and you have portrayed Neville's feelings for Hermione very believably and accurately. I think it's lovely - I already feel myself rooting for him to get the girl. Or maybe get over the girl and get another one. I don't mind - as long as he's happy.
I have to wonder over your wand choice... is that random, or is there more to it? *pokes you* I can definitely sense the formation of a plot here, which is, unfortunately, a rarity among many fan-fic first chapters - so I definitely applaud you on that.
Overall, this is a very good first chapter, and a nice idea for a story. Keep up the good work.
This is great! I'm a big fan of Neville too. Actually I'm exactly like him; clumsy, forgetfull, and I also have a very roundish face! Moreover, I never get noticed by my crushes (because I'm not as pretty as all the other stupid popular gils). Man I'm gonna make myself cry! :( Forget about me now, you have to post more! I can't believe only a few people are reviewing here and so many others are going crazy about the disgusting gay stories! (they all want to read about Harry and Draco have sex..ugh!).
Nice writing. You certainly are a dedicated Neville fan. That's cool. Any thoughts on him being the half-blood prince?
Author's Response: ^^ I love my Neville. Well, I really would love for him to be the half blood prince, but I haven't seen any mention of him anywhere being a half blood. But it would be great if he was, because that would mean that the next book would have a LOT more of Neville in it! *gets excited* but for some reason, I always thought it was Hagrid. Don't kill me if Jo has already said this wouldn't happen, but I don't remember reading anything about it. I always thought that his mum was somehow a giant Queen or something, making Hagrid the half blood prince. But who knows, maybe it'll be a new character. Well, anyway, before I start ranting even more, I better stop. Thanks for reviewing!
I like seeing a Neville fic, good ones are hard to come by. :) Your story so far is really good. I like the flashback and how effectively you describe Neville's feelings. I'll be reading your next chapter for sure!
wow! you have really great description. I love the way you added in the way neville and hermione met. This is such an awesome story! i can't wait to see where it goes!! great job!
Good story, as Neville fan I like your choice of subject.
This is a very well-written story. H/Hr shipper I'm not, but I still think it fits very well here in relation to Neville's feelings. Goodjob! :) I look forward to reading more.
This is a wonderful beginning, and I'm very glad to read something about Neville. Please update soon
Author's Response: Yay! Thank you for reviewing. I'm actually just waiting for my next chapter to be accepted, so it shouldn't be too long... or at least I hope not. Thanks a million! ~Eponine