I like the atmosphere you've created. Good job!
Author's Response: Thank you - wow, nintieth reviewer! The atmosphere is really important to me, because the story does take place during an intense and terrifying war, but at the same time, many of the main characters are teenagers... and sometimes it can be difficult to address both issues at once (it's easy to get too caught up in one area ), so I'm glad you like it! I hope you like the next chapters also, which will be long, to make up for the wait!
You're making me sad. :( Have you abandoned the story? I for one won't send hate mail if you have, but the suspense is killing me! (Though it would be a shame to discontinue probably the only realistic L/J story out there, I have to admit, lol).
Author's Response: I'm sorry! I definitely haven't abandoned the story - I Iove writing the story, so of course not! But I've been away from home for quite some time, and therefore haven't had much of a chance to write all of the next chapter! I've written some of it, but it's going to be really, really long - to make up for everything... and also I have a lot of ideas for this chapter and I want to incorporate them all in it... so there you go! I can't say exactly when, but I think it'll be up within the next four weeks, but I have other writing projects I'm focusing on as well. Don't be sad!
That was a very eventful chapter! Can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Thanks - I hope to bring you more soon!
Loving the story as always and hoping for an update soon! I just wanted to tell you (if you haven't heard) that story titles need to be changed to normal font and not bold! I'm sure you've heard but I just love the story tons and wouldn't want it to be deleted for a stupid reason like that. Please update again soon!
Author's Response: Thank you for the reminder - I've only just seen the notice! I hope I altered the summary to their satisfaction, and that this won't be deleted (I would then be very annoyed)! As for the update, I'm hoping it'll be up soon, either this week, or in two weeks - I'll have to see how busy I am - lovely to hear you're enjoying it - thank you, it's very much appreciated!
Sorry, I have an overwhelming need to clarify something. When I was talking about Mars, I meant the part in OotP where Firenze talks about there being a lull between two wars, but war will break out soon.
Author's Response: Yes, Mars - I thought originally you were talking about the first book, but this part is also very relevant (I had forgotten about it mentioned in OotP, actually). Anyway, enjoy the next chapter, and do let me know what you think of it!
That was SO romantic, without any kissing or the like happening! Amazing! I recall that I liked "your" Godric's Hollow much more than any I've read before. It just felt right. The comment about Sirius always being able to find the humor in a situation was interesting, to say the least. Is that your idea as to why he was laughing as he was arrested? Well, now I have some food for thought. There was a technical error in this chap. After the line "It's detrimental to your health, and she won't like the taste of it," there was no ending quote. Sorry. Well...I'm all caught up! [GreyLady does happy dance] Now I'll have to wait with everyone else for the next chap!
Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, the romance... I was afraid at first that it wouldn't work properly, so I'm really happy you liked it. I loved writing the bit about Godric's Hollow - it's on a moor, because it mentions in one of the books that Godric Gryffindor was from a wild moor, so that's how I described it! The comment about Sirius being able to find hilarity in the world ending was definitely linked to his arrest. I thought it would be interesting to make the two characters who Sirius is wrongly convicted of murdering discuss this, although that thought is a bit grim at this point in the fic... I put in that inverted comma - I hate when I make mistakes, but I've rectified it now, so it's all good! I hope you enjoy the next chapter!
If I'm not very much mistaken, James and co. are not going to have some very pleasant visitors...but we'll see! Yes, yes, Slughorn was lovely and I loved the way you chose to write the particulars of this scene...it's EXACTLY the way I imagine that the faculty would interact. The story about Norway made me a touch teary-eyed because I'm sorely missing dear old Dumbles. I really adored it! Although, the impression that I got from the scene in HBP where we first meet Slughorn was that he was younger than Dumbledore. This is your story, so if this is the way you wanted it, disregard what I said!
Author's Response: Glad you liked the faculty - I love Sluggy! I'm sorry if I made you miss Dumbledore, but right here he has at least another twenty years left, so you needn't worry - I like the idea of him going off to Norway though, don't know why! As for the relationship between him and Sluggy... I don't know, I just presumed that they were very old friends, and thought it would be nice to make them school friends (Sluggy's long been retired at the beginning of HBP, so I'd say he's quite old), though it's plausible that he's younger than him, too. Anyway, I just decided to do this to make the dialogue more interesting!
Again, another excellent character is introduced...*sigh* I'm telling you, it's making me downright depressed to see all this talent! I'm really happy that you included the information about Mars; I always thought that it was a genius touch by JKR. I mean, I read it and I was like "Voldemort alert!" Say, how long do you predict this thing is going to be? I'm hoping it'll be long!
Author's Response: Ah yes, dear old Firenze! I really loved putting him in (but don't get depressed, just enjoy reading it!) - I think he's a very important sideline character, and he knows what the future holds for James et al - just like us! I actually don't know how long Red will be - I hope not too long, but there is a lot of stuff I want to put into it. I'll probably accellerate the timeline soon, and then it can move quicker. I imagine it is going to be long, though!
Wow. I can hardly make my thoughts get into a more orderly form! I found your explanation of why Slughorn disliked James and Sirius very satisfying, as well as the way that you show Sirius and James' attitude toward Snape. I rather think that they make him a scapegoat for all that's bad. It occured to me that your writing style reminds me of a film - the way that you describe and set up a scene. James' loyalty was very nicely done and I think it was well-setup to make Lily regard James in a more positve light. Although, "your" Lily doesn't have quite the amount of animosity that I would expect, but it's not horrible. Speaking of which, I liked that "your" James preferred to keep his feelings for her private; in all else James is bold and brazen, but because he loves Lily he chooses to keep it moderately quiet. It's so sweet!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's always interesting to hear how readers react to the L/J relationship... well, I didn't really want to put a huge amount of open animosity there - my idea is, that at this stage a year has passed since that scene by the lake in Snape's pensive, so I think they'd be far more mature. Secondly, his father died very recently, and Lily was supposed to have been a very nice person, so I wouldn't make her mean to him, which is why she treats him so civilly. That's my explanation! I agree, even when writing I often think of films for inspiration (another passion of mine) - as I think descriptive writing is often a bit like cinematography - you're painting a picture, after all, and you have to show what's relevant to the story. I'm glad that the idea of James' loyalty to Sirius proving to Lily that he had positive qualities shone through - which is what I intended! And their attitude towards Snape, and Slughorn's towards them - I doubt he appreciated trouble-makers! I'm also pleased that you liked my version of James' expression - I've often read fics where he is "bold and brazen" too, but I decided that he tries to be subtle here (but I he's not very good at it - he's like an open book, simply because he's never needed to hide his feelings before, unlike Snape). Thank you!
This is just gonna be a quick note, sorry! I just would like to say that I appreciate that you could show Peter as a likable person, but still have that sense that he is easily duped and influenced. You mentioned that Sirius could not fit through the Whomping Willow in his Animagus form, but he could in PoA. Are you just assuming that because he was drastically skinnier?
Author's Response: Glad you like Peter - I hate when he's shown to be the "loser," or even the treachorous one of the group so early on in his life! Because I believe that there are plenty of people like him out there - who are easily influenced by others, and who do things for their own benefit, etc. As for Sirius - I did not notice that when I wrote it (sorry!). Let's just say it's because he was drastically skinnier... I try to remain in canon, but I recall wanting to get them out in their human forms, for some reason, and probably concocted an explanation on the spot!
You know, I'm rather glum after reading this...it makes me feel so jealous! I'm such an average writer, I despair of ever being able to rise to the level of all the great authors on FF sites! Ok, pity party over. Loved the reference to the Yeats poem in one of the previous chaps. I also think that grief is shown very realistically in this fic. In lots of other fics, when a character close to the central characters dies, they seem to be attemting to die as well. Stopping eating, sleeping, looking for love...but it just isn't like that in real life. People do move on, eventually. Albert is a nice way of bridging the gap, as it were. I'll freely admit, however, that I find guilty pleasure in angsty stuff, can't get enough of it! Now I'm just becoming loquacious, so I'll shut up and continue this intriguing read!
Author's Response: I'm surprised that you'd feel jealous - your reviews are so eloquent that I assume you have a great deal of talent for writing! Don't feel glum! Anyway, I'm really happy you liked this chapter - and the Yeats poem - I loved it when I read it, and felt I had to put it in... I was hoping to portray the grief realistically - but I didn't want it to overwhelm the story, and I agree - what you described is very exaggerated. Glad you like the angstyness - and you weren't being too talkative at all - I really appreciate long reviews!
This just gets better...I found your portrayal of prejudice very profound and truthful. It starts with jokes, with ignorance, but turns into something far more sinister. This fic seems old to me, in terms of vibes. Do you know what I mean? It has a historical feel to it, there is no doubt. Oh, and I thought your image of Mr. Black being shorter than Mrs. Black was very clever. Was it intentional?
Author's Response: Yep, Mrs Black being taller than her husband was most definitely intentional. She has the superior power in their relationship, I think - so I symbolised that with height. Mrs Black likes to look down on everyone, her husband included. Yeah, this chapter of the fic proably seems a bit old-fashioned (is that what you meant?) - but I'd say that's because here, the adults are trying to cling to a world that is rapidly vanishing - they have all these ideals that many of the future generation doesn't necessarily uphold (whether the adults realise or not), and even their socialising has become rare due to the War. The adults are trying to cling to and relive their past lives because they don't wish to think about the future; they don't know what place it will hold for them, and secretly, this frightens them.
I suppose I did think historically when writing this part of the fic, thinking about people's attitudes before the second and first world wars - particularly in Europe, and basing their fears on a very conservative, and as you said, sinister, "class" ideology. Glad you found that the portrayal of their prejudices were effective and realistic - I was aiming for that.
Anyway, thank you for your reviews so far - they've been great to read. Let me know what you think of the rest of it!
Author's Response: Wait - I just re-read the piece of this fic that you're talking about, and now I think I know what you mean. These parts I'd say are heavily influenced by Jane Austen's writing. That might explain why it seems rather old!
I decided that it was about time that I review. I absolutely love your writing style, I can now confess. You do equally well with dialogue and narration, something which I admire. Your characterizations are brilliant, both precise and vivid. I was struck by your semi-metaphor, "the emotion trailed thorugh her make-up" or something close to that. It was inspired! Oh, yes, there was a little technical error. You had James' mother speak of Albert as a "her." Sorry. And a few chaps ago, I recall enjoying your portrayal of Minerva, though I now think that it has nothing on this one! Well, off to continue my read!
Author's Response: Thank you! I appreciate your thoughts on the dialogue in particular, as I really enjoy writing it - often it's discouraged in general, but I like to make the most of it - as it can give an in-depth view of a character in a matter of moments, rather than simply narrating it. Glad you like the description too - just reading this review and reminding me of what I wrote - those chapters seem ages ago! I'm sorry about the mistakes - I'll go back and edit them (I hate when I make mistakes!). Enjoy the rest!
The additions fit in so well and I adored every word of this chapter! I loved all the little details, especially the little hidden alcohol crate, and the way that you have Peter fit canon while also being a likeable friend. Excellent work, it was great to see them all having a good time together, and Lily and James were down right adorable! I also loved their wonderings about the end of the world, it really fit well with the idea of how teenagers would feel during such an intense war. Great update as always!!!
Author's Response: Thanks - yeah, the alcohol crate - well, that's Sirius and his ideas for you, and I'm glad you appreciate Peter - and that you enjoyed their victory party and the romance and war wonderings... anyway, delighted that you enjoyed it!
The additions were good. The chapter is now massive, but the additions flowed right in. There was a little "action." And James loves Lily (c'mon everyone, collective "awwwwwww"). You did that well, not too tacky.
Author's Response: Thank you very much - glad you liked the additions!
I waited for a long time for this, but it was SO worth it. I loved it. I'm afraid I don't have much to say, other than that. I. Loved. It. Unless... ready for a bit of French?
J'ai vraiment apprécié le passage où James enlève les brindilles des cheveux de Lily. Pour une fois, leur rapprochement ne suit pas le schéma: "James a changé-Lily le remarque-tout le monde est content!" Cependant cela reste simple, tout naturel. J'ai beaucoup aimé ça.All right, I stop the torture. Oh yes, I will just add that I love how you portray Peter. I'm so tired of stories where he's a loser, or a mean coward, or whatever. 10/10, just on that!
Author's Response: Yay, j’ai compris ton passage francais!
Je suis heureuse que vous avez apprecié ca passage avec les brindilles – c’est gentil! Et je suis d’accord; je n’aime pas le schéma typique en fanfiction, parce-que ce n’est pas réaliste pour un propre rapprochement, a mon avis…
Mais les deux sont arrivés a maturité aussi – a la suite de la guerre, de leur situations familiales…
Anyway, I’ll probably end up insulting the entire French-speaking population if I try to explain myself further in French, so I’ll proceed in English (mixed with some French words at the end).
I’m glad you like the portrayal of Peter – at first, I was a bit afraid of writing him – he’s a bit harder to develop; not much is known about his background and stuff, or interests… but I do get really annoyed by the loser/mean-coward version. Because I don’t think of his student self as being like that at all.
I mean, he’s clearly not on a par with Sirius when it comes to James’ friendship with him, but at the same time he really does look up to him – a lot, and perhaps more so than he would to Sirius. I think it’s silly trying to make Peter out to be a traitor when he’s only in secondary school – that plotline is ages away, and no-one truly knows what they’re going to be like in five or six years time, and how their priorities might have changed.
And because Remus is the quiet, thoughtful one, and in his non-full-moon form therefore less exciting to someone like Peter, who wants to be entertained, I could imagine that Peter would prefer to hang out with James and Sirius instead – not that Remus is disliked, but that Peter, at this stage in his life, would deem the others way cooler, and therefore more entertaining.
Anyway, those are my rambling thoughts on sixteen-year-old Peter.
And I added more onto the chapter – I had been meaning to do it before the site published it, but I had no time. So you might like to read it again – it’s perhaps twice as long as it was originally!
Oh, et les garcons vont en France in a couple of chapitres, avec la mere, so I hope you don’t mind that, though I won’t have a huge amount of time to write in the next few months – je dois étudier, malheuresment! Merci beaucoup!
Author's Response: That was an enormously long response. Sorry!
Oh, I'm first. And my first first, at that! “Well, he has as good a reason to celebrate as you do,” Remus mused, picking a leaf up from the ground and tearing it into two green halves. This is exactly why I love your writing so much. You are so detail oriented, that you create these little images that completely set the tone for a scene, like Remus tearing the leaf. I almost feel bad, not having anything critical to say for this chapter. Er... I guess all I can say is great job, keep 'em coming! Oh, and a 10/10!!!
Author's Response: Thank you very, very much. I really love writing in those little details, and I'm so glad you appreciate them. And I'm glad you didn't have any criticisms about that part, but I just added two more passages, so please read them and then, let me know what you think. It now involves Slytherins, Snape, and more L/J stuff!
Oh, crud. I see that now. Long ghostly arms. Don't know what I was thinking. I'll just go stand in my corner now.
Author's Response: It's fine! - Maybe I should have elaborated more on his ghostliness.
Oh, so here's the Sabhdh pronounciation guide! Haha. Thanks though. I was mightily puzzled. So...Binns is alive! What a pleasent surprise, something that I wouldn't have thought of. I think everyone just assumes that he had been dead...forever. *shrug* Same thing with Firenze. You wondered why he wasn't featured more in Marauder fics...I (and I'm guessing other people thought similarly) always figured that he was a fairly young centaur in the Potter books and therefore just a little guy in Marauder days. *shrug again* Loved seeing Slughorn. I love him, and I would also have hated being on a boat with bloody fish heads. Yuck! That made me laugh...and the Liquorice. If that is what I think it is (same as licorice...thats how I've always seen it spelled) then I don't like it either! Ah, you're just so good with characters! I love them all! And I finally caught up! Update soon, por favor! Sorry if this rambles a lot. Good job. 10/10 :-)
Author's Response: Thanks - yep, that's how you say Sadhbh! But um, one thing... in this fic Binns is dead!
Maybe I didn't make that clear enough, but I thought I had... he certainly isn't alive, anyway - he's a ghost! I don't think I wrote him as alive - I hope I didn't, because I didn't mean to - did I? I should go and check! With Firenze, I assumed that centaurs live much longer than humans anyway, and he seems very wise, as though he has a lot of life experience, so I thought I should put him in here in his usual form - although the idea of a child-centaur is a cute one! Glad you love Sluggy - I love him too - he's so... proper, and definitely not comfortable in the presence of bloody fish heads! I used to hate liquorice too (I looked it up before I wrote that chapter; this might be the European way of spelling it) but it has grown on me, and it's old-fashioned confectionary, which is exactly Dumbledore's style! Thank you for your lovely reviews - the next chapter will hopefully be up soon - but not too soon - I've been really busy! There is also another short story in the works, which I hope will be up soon as well. Anyway, enjoy them!
The comparison of trees to friends grown apart at the begining of the chapter was perfect. I don't know how you come up with these things. May I borrow some of your genius, please? Haha. As in previous chapters, you introduced a character and made me fall in love with him (I'm talking about Firenze here, obviously). I actually felt bad for him, reading this. He knows so much and can do so little. Obviously he starts to interfere later, though. His scene also put a darker twist on a lighter school-day part of the story. Thats a good thing. I don't think it was overdone or anything. I noticed Sadhbh and, although I am glad you didn't use Phedra (MY OC name!), I was wondering how the heck you pronounce it. 10/10 (of course!)
Author's Response: The trees thing - you spotted it! I really liked writing Firenze here, as he's a much less frantic character - everything is slowed down - but he knows things that we know, that is, he knows what the future holds in store for the Marauders. I'm surprised he's featured so little in Marauder fics, as I find him quite interesting, and I'm happy to hear you love him too! But he is also sort of gloomy, but he has good reason to be... and Sadhbh - I was expecting few people to know how it's pronounced, but I wanted to spell it properly! I think I mentioned it at the end of the fic, but just to make sure - it rhymes with "five" - it's like the number five but with an "s" instead of an "f". The English variation is spelled Sive, but I think that looks a bit like sieve, so I didn't use it. I hope you're clear on that, and many thanks for the ten!