wow, this is not unlike reading a small book! It just keeps going...well it did for the first 22 chapters anyway. Fantastic work, i really love the way you've taken on the different perspectives such as having Minerva and Ferinze (sorry my spelling's a bit unreliable) and the inclusion of stuff like Sirius getting his motorbike and meeting Mrs Figg - truely insipired!
I hope to see more soon!
Author's Response: Thank you - hopefully the next chapter will be up soon, but I'm exploring different ways of going about it - I think I need to quicken the pace...
This story is amazing!!! Please update soon!
Author's Response: Thanks - hopefully the next chapter will be up in a couple of weeks!
just so you know, artifacts is spelled with an i
Author's Response: Thanks for the tip - but while it may include an "i", it is "artefact" when written in the English I use (UK/Irish)... so we're both right!
i like how you jump from character to character. keeps it interesting.
Author's Response: Thank you - I really like to the alternate the viewpoints!
I really enjoyed this chapter. I never really considered what might happen on O.W.L. Night so this was especially interesting. Not that I'm really surprised by Sirius's behaviour! And Prongs and Lily. Wormtail was taunting....I wanted to smack him but generally I do so...Good Chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you - so glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you for the advice, do you realize that you were the only person to see that my snippet was an actual call for help and not just a prank :).
I love your story, so far it my favorite Fic of James and Lilly. I can't wait for the next chapter, you have their characters so perfectly done.
Lilly is exactly how I had imagined her. So is James and Lilly's relationship, the love-hate thing they have going on coincides perfectly with the book :).
I love the touch you made with Lucius and James being such close friends, it makes the fact that Draco tried to befriend him first off more rationalized.
Please keep the chapters coming, I love your work :)
The ever grateful
Author's Response: No problem - hope publishing is a bit easier now! Thanks for your feedback - I really love writing characters - and watching them grow (though sadly these aren't technically mine!)... as for the Lucius/James connection - it's just something I had imagined to create some dramatic scenes early on, but Book 7 never dismissed the idea, so I can keep it going - and I hadn't even thought about Draco's attempts and how they could be related - excellently spotted!
A deeply downtrodden person sits at her desk surrounded by crumpled parchment. Deeply disturbed at the happenings of the last few days and anxiously awaiting the reply that must come. She worries about the great horned owl she has just sent will it return with aid? Or will it be shot down on sight.
If the message is coming through please help me
The Mentor was sitting at his/her desk, it had been a long day. The Fan fic writers had always had horrible grammar and there run on sentences would drive her batty. As she bent low to add another parchment to the to many corrections pile, which happened to sitat the bottom of her/his garbage can. She heard a flutter of wings as a great horned owl swooped down into her/his office. She unraveled the letter quickly and hopefully, casting her eyes at the first three words she new it was going to be a long day. She sat down at her desk and began to read.
I need your help on this most mentally fixating problem
I do not know how to contact any one from here
she/he read on
For the past 3 days I have been diligently working on a fic, My first fic ever. I have attempted about 5 hundred times to submit this fic when I realized it was my formatting at approximately 4 am I finally got it across but this morning it has disappeared from my archive.
I don't know how to get a hold of anyone in here and decided this was my best course of action. Please help me, It really is driving me quite and irreversibly crazy at the moment and I cannot rest until I have overcome this problem.
If you understand my predicament I would love your aid
anxiously awaiting your reply
The most frustrated Lobena
Author's Response: The great horned owl returns... a scribbled reply tied to its right leg...
Ok... so you submitted a story and it just disappeared? That's happened to me before - I know the feeling!
If it happened in the past few days, I don't think the mods were accepting fics (what with Book Seven and all), so your story may have disappeared simply because the queue was closed... I would strongly recommend saving your work in an email account - using a gmail or hotmail draft, say - so that you can retrieve it at any stage, and so that you will still have a copy in such cases as these... (an alternative suggestion is that your computer simply logged out the moment you submitted it)
If it's a case of your story simply disappearing from your author account, the story is possibly still being viewed for submission - I don't know much about the background workings of this site, to be honest... but the fic could resurface. If you wish to inquire with a moderator on this issue, I'm sure you can find someone to contact on the homepage, or help section.
If the fic has indeed disappeared without a trace - and though you may find this soooo unbelievably frustrating, you may have to rewrite the fic... the words and structure will all still be in your head, at least, and you might even find that you prefer the revised version - I speak from experience. Then make sure to save a copy of it somewhere, so that you can re-submit if necessary.
Sorry I can't offer any further help - just continue to persevere - learn from these horribly annoying technological errors - if you love writing, you won't let them get in your way! Best of luck!
I love it; keep going, even if some things don't match up with the seventh book (if they have, I didn't notice).
Author's Response: Thank you! - the seventh book doesn't seem to have messed it up - only very minor details, which I hope to rectify without much notice...
That was short. Make them longer. I love them.
Author's Response: Thanks again!
That was short. Make them longer. I love them.
Author's Response: Well, I was going to make 21 really long, and then I didn't want to risk it in case it wasn't accepted, so I submitted in two parts... hopefully 23 will be up shortly - thank you for your lovely review!
This is one of the best Marauder, James/Lily story I've ever read. You've characterized Lily PERFECTLY; so many people make her bookish, waspish, and in general, rather annoying. Rowling's always described her as popular and well-liked, but still kind and caring, and I think you've caught that well.
You've also managed to convey James' pranking and general silliness in a way that's not exagerated. His change from bullying toe-rag to mature young man is also believable; I like that Lily isn't the sole motivating source behind it. The scenes with his parents are so touching; I love the way you write his mother.
And having him related to Lucius! A very nice touch that, and one I never really thought of, though of course, it makes perfect sense. It's so tragic too, that they were once so close and happy and now Lucius has been corrupted.
Your story is also refreshingly free of cliches while remaining canon and believable. While I love these stories, many of then annoy me because they've been written eight million times. But yours is unique, and an absolute pleasure to read. I can't wait for more! Please don't let another year go by before you update, though I won't beg you for an immediate update. That would be nice though...
Author's Response: Wow - thank you so much! I'm really glad you like my characterization - I love writing the characters, and I feel that, as the marauder era is rather shadowy in the canon, there's more scope for fanfic writers... and thankfully, the great DH didn't rip my plot to shreds, so Red can and will continue - Part Two is on it's way!
Are you EVER going to mention Lily? Come on! I've been thru 12 chaps and no mention of her, except 1.
Please mention Lily?
Author's Response: Yes, keep going - there's plenty later on!
really great one
Author's Response: Thanks!
I didn't get an email warning me this had been updated. I. Didn't. Get. The. Bleeding. Email! And I wanted to be the first to review! God, I need to kill somebody!!
Okay, in case you weren't able to tell from my half-coherent imprecations, I loved this chapter. There seems to be a little problem with the formatting, but otherwise it's... wonderful. I love the Sirius/James interaction. I also love your description of the French village--it was perfect; and I would be able to tell, since I used to live in Provence.
Speaking about French... *evil grin* I won't let you get away with this. Maybe someone told you already, but I am the expert in French, so I will review the passages in French. Period. :)
Your French is, on the whole, very good--but it's not how the French would speak; it's a little too obvious that you translated from English.
A recurrent problem is the gender of "moto"--"moto" is feminine in French, so you need to write "la moto," and not "le moto". The demonstrative would therefore be "cette", not "ce", the possessive "ta", not "ton", and the equivalent pronoun "elle," not "il".
Why did you write "...tienne"? I suppose you meant "Etienne"; don't worry about the accent, we don't write it on capital letters.
Something else: to like is rarely translated as "aimer". "I like this motorbike" would rather be translated as, "Cette moto me plaît." (It's the equivalent of "gustar", in case you know a little bit of Spanish.)
Oh, know what, I'm gonna stop my grammar lesson and give you my version of your dialogue--never changing the meaning, of course. Your version was correct, but again, it doesn't really flow.
So here we go:
“La moto te plaît?” asked the motorcyclist somewhat incredulously.
“Oui, elle lui plaît beaucoup,” replied James, whose knowledge of French, which had deteriorated since starting secondary school, had returned somewhat now that he was surrounded by it once again.
“Je n'ai pas acheté cette moto,” the man told James. “Un ami me l'a donnée, mais elle ne marche pas. C'est un peu dangereux…”
“Il veux acheter ta moto,” said James, and the man looked at him as though questioning both of their sanities.
That's it! It's as good as I could make it!
Thanks for this very, very nice update.
Author's Response: Merci beaucoup pour ta critique – elle était trés encourageant! Et je suis désolé que tu n’as pas reçu l’email – mais maintenant, tu ne dois pas attendre le prochain chapitre pour si long… j’espère! Je suis trés heruese aussi que tu as aimé le petit village (quand j’ecrivais, j’ai su qu’il y avait au moins une personne qui va lire ce chapitre, qui habite en France) – mais je ne suis jamais allée en Provence – je suis allée à l’ouest de la France pendant plusieurs vacances avec ma famille, quand j’étais plus jeune. Le premier fois, j’avais sept ans, et pour moi le paysage était incroyable, car il était jaune, et j’avais été accoutumé au paysage trés vert! Ok, I’m way faster at writing en anglais… Anyway, hence the descriptions of dry, yellowing grass and leaves, which was really nice to write about – and thank you for the French lessons – I hadn’t been too confident when writing, knowing that my school-y French was a bit sparse, but I decided to give it a try anyway, knowing that if it didn’t flow properly, I might hear from you! Thanks so much for the editing – I will make the necessary changes immediately. I hadn’t been sure of the gender for “moto,” but as the enormous and heavy dictionary was in another room, I tried Googling it – which obviously didn’t prove very effective! Now I know it’s “la”, so I will correct it and the associated gender-related mistakes… I’ve never been taught the difference between “me plaït” and “aimer”, but now I intend to make full use of it in my exams! Whereas in English “… pleases me” sounds excessively formal, so I didn’t even think of an alternative to using “aimer.” Unfortunately I have extremely limited knowledge of Spanish – except that “gustar” reminds me of a song my Manu Chao (it’s that limited). En fait, j’ai su qu’on n’utilise pas l’accent sur une lettre capitale, mais en irlandais on l’utilise, et donc j’étais embrouillé… Etienne it is! Thanks again for the very lovely – and educational – review, Rockinfaerie (Hopefully the next chapter will be up in coming weeks, I’ve already written about a third of it)
Author's Response: Sorry, that looks extremely difficult to read - here is a better formatted version: Merci beaucoup pour ta critique – elle était trés encourageant!
Et je suis désolé que tu n’as pas reçu l’email – mais maintenant, tu ne dois pas attendre le prochain chapitre pour si long… j’espère!
Je suis trés heruese aussi que tu as aimé le petit village (quand j’ecrivais, j’ai su qu’il y avait au moins une personne qui va lire ce chapitre, qui habite en France) – mais je ne suis jamais allée en Provence – je suis allée à l’ouest de la France pendant plusieurs vacances avec ma famille, quand j’étais plus jeune. Le premier fois, j’avais sept ans, et pour moi le paysage était incroyable, car il était jaune, et j’avais été accoutumé au paysage trés vert!
Ok, I’m way faster at writing en anglais… Anyway, hence the descriptions of dry, yellowing grass and leaves, which was really nice to write about – and thank you for the French lessons – I hadn’t been too confident when writing, knowing that my school-y French was a bit sparse, but I decided to give it a try anyway, knowing that if it didn’t flow properly, I might hear from you!
Thanks so much for the editing – I will make the necessary changes immediately. I hadn’t been sure of the gender for “moto,” but as the enormous and heavy dictionary was in another room, I tried Googling it – which obviously didn’t prove very effective! Now I know it’s “la”, so I will correct it and the associated gender-related mistakes… I’ve never been taught the difference between “me plaït” and “aimer”, but now I intend to make full use of it in my exams! Whereas in English “… pleases me” sounds excessively formal, so I didn’t even think of an alternative to using “aimer.”
Unfortunately I have extremely limited knowledge of Spanish – except that “gustar” reminds me of a song my Manu Chao (it’s that limited).
En fait, j’ai su qu’on n’utilise pas l’accent sur une lettre capitale, mais en irlandais on l’utilise, et donc j’étais embrouillé… Etienne it is!
Thanks again for the very lovely – and educational – review,
(Hopefully the next chapter will be up in coming weeks, I’ve already written about a third of it)
I can't believe I mentioned Sirius in my review but not James! *smacks head* I wanted to mention that I like the "visible" change James is going through - there was something that changed him during this period of time (when Lily noticed he was different), and this is evident in your writing of the story. Your style is so poetic and lovely. I'm anxious to read more.
Author's Response: Thanks once again! I must say I like writing James - he's probably the Marauder that we readers know least about, which I suppose gives more freedom in terms of writing him in fanfiction, and at the same time I didn't want to make this one-dimensional "perfect" character, because to be honest I think I'd find him a bit dull! I don't know when the next installment will be, but I hope it'll be soon. I don't have a huge amount of spare time on my hands these days, I'm afraid!
I'm so glad I discovered this fic - it's rare to find a story from the Marauder era that doesn't paint Sirius as a complete...anyway, I love your characterizations and the story itself is divine. So well written. I'm kinda glad I came at it this far along so I got a chance to read so much at once. Keep up the excellent work!
Author's Response: Thank you very much - I'm glad you like it - although it is a huge amount of stuff to read at the one time - I never expected it to be this long, even! I know what you mean about Sirius - I mean, there are traits of him in the books that are rarely seen in fanfiction, and vice-versa - I believe that he's supposed to be loyal, caring, and very rebellious, not to mention a tad arrogant, but also very intelligent, which I hope I've conveyed properly... anyway, I'm really happy you like it!
New chapter! Woot! I am so excited! Now then, that was really good. Sirius and his motorcycle...sigh. The radio description was perfect (I had forgotten how much I loved your descriptions)! I loved everything except the bajillion spaces between paragraphs. I'm assuming they were accidental, because they are more than a bit ridiculous. So glad you updated!
Author's Response: Thank you - and I'm so glad you noticed the radio description - I actually spent ages on that little paragraph trying to get the wording right! As for the format - I have no idea why that happened, and it looks quite annoying to read, I would think - but I'm trying to improve things, so hopefully it won't look too bad!
Gorgeous! *dances around in glee* Your imagery and description were as breathtaking as they usually are, and the characterizations equally stunning. I'm actually became quite melancholy while reading this; I think it's because I'm listening to the soundtrack from Angela's Ashes. *sigh* Haunting music=Love. But it's also due to the fact that I know what's going to happen to the Marauders and Lily, I think. Are you going to continue the story until Lily and James die? It'd be a good emotional climax, methinks. I mean, it seems like the purpose of their life is to die...is that odd? Everything that they do in their lives leads up to their partial fulfillment of the prophecy. It's a strange combination of fate and chance.
Sorry. I won't bore you with my vague contmeplations any longer; you don't need any concrit, so I need *something* to say, right? lol. Wonderful job; just keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I really liked writing the imagery because I wrote those parts in the midst of a heatwave, so it was inspired by reality – at least to some extent! Yeah, I think it is a very melancholic tale – I mean, the end result is so tragic that it can’t be hugely upbeat and stay in canon at the same time, but I try not to make it depressing! As for Angela’s Ashes – now there’s an effective combination of suffering and humour – have you read the book as well? It’s so funny and yet the subject matter is so serious – I’d say that’s a difficult thing to achieve when writing! I’d really like to continue the story up until their deaths – and perhaps a bit afterwards, as an epilogue, but I don’t know if I’ll have the time this year, and by the time I get any way close to that period of the canon the seventh book could be out, no doubt disproving any little theories I might have about that aspect of the series! But that is what they’re fated to do, and the thing about Marauder fics is that we all know what the outcome will be, so we might as well throw a bit of destiny and fate into the equation. Anyway, thank you once again for your lovely review!
YOU FINALLY UPDATED! HOORAY! They're going to leave the borders open, aren't they?
Author's Response: Thank you! The borders are a tricky business - there'll be definite restrictions imposed as to who can leave and enter the country - I have often wondered whether or not people - during the First War - like the Weaselys with their young family, say, or the Potters when they were in grave danger, didn't think of leaving the country, and then I wondered if it was even possible... so I have decided to explore that. Glad you enjoy reading it!
I like the atmosphere you've created. Good job!
Author's Response: Thank you - wow, nintieth reviewer! The atmosphere is really important to me, because the story does take place during an intense and terrifying war, but at the same time, many of the main characters are teenagers... and sometimes it can be difficult to address both issues at once (it's easy to get too caught up in one area ), so I'm glad you like it! I hope you like the next chapters also, which will be long, to make up for the wait!