This is a great story. I really enjoyed it. My one suggestion is that you tell more about what happened when he was actually fighting Harry. You know, the bit where his hands are blistering. Of course, this is only a suggestion. Keep up the good work!!!!
Nice. Loved the part about the chess king filing his nails
That was a really funny fic. What really got me laughing the first time was the (insert name here) part about Quirrell. I liked it a lot and thanks for making me laugh!
OMG! You've opened up...a new world. Spying. Not evading. So simple, yet *sniff* so poignant. (Doesn't that word totally remind you of "pig" and "gnat"?) As you can clearly see, my artistic side is blooming. And now, to spy.....HEY! This isn't a mind reading machine! This is a barbie! Wait...ah, I see now. It is a mind reading machine MASQUERADING as a barbie...very clever...now, how do I work this model? It says on the back that I can dress Barbie up in surf clothes for a surfing party with Ken and all my other My Scene friends. *Ten minutes later* SO: Barbie. Gimme the deal on Russia...what do you mean you'd rather play with Ken? I don't care if you think he's the hottest thing in plastic. DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK. Yes, I know you want to make out with Ken and I can understand you're somewhat disabled due to crappy designing but come on. You can go to Russia and see cute guys....hey, wait a second...this really IS a barbie! And no refund? Why I oughta...well, hell, if you can't beat em, join em. I might as well get Ken and Barbie married in Hawaii...*continues to play with Barbie* The moral of the story is, giving idiotic spies toys iz a fery ztoopid thanh ta doo. Dey ollso cont sbel. Cee. Jast lic thez.
Author's Response: I thought the moral of the story was, "There is nothing sadder than a lonely, crying midget."
A) Canada is too cold. I will accept the offer if it was to buy Mexico, AND to make all Mexicans speak English because I can't be assed to learn Spanish all that well (el monstro pequeno es en mi dormitorio. AIEEE! Por que no hablo espanol?) B) I want that hay stack thing but I guess you don't realise how terrible I am at getting paid. Firstly, I have to remember to ask for a fee. Secondly, most don't want to give me a fee, as I have just humiliated them by correcting them. C) Do you possess a mind-reading machine for under $276? It would really help.
Author's Response: Mind-reading machine? For under $276?! You must be crazy. [argues with store manager] Of course we have one!!! Half off if you get the coupon in the Chamber of Secrets. Don't be alarmed if the label says "NOT A MIND-READING MACHINE". That's just those dastardly Canadians playing mind tricks on you. There is a mind-reading device inside that package, not a Barbie I found in a dumpster, as those wily illusionists would have you believe. That'll be $275.99. Erm, paid immediately. Before you show the product to anyone else, preferably. In fact, just send us a check right now. Remember our slogan: You will never recieve any refunds from us. [manager whcaks upside the head] That, and "You come in wanting to evade notice. You leave wanting to spy."
Clearly, I am a spy who deals in digging up misconceptions and unearthing them to those she sees fit. Occasionally she asks for a fee. It keeps slipping her mind. She can often be seen supposedly reading a newspaper, but as it has a 4cmx4cm square cut out in the middle of it, most people look at her strangely. As soon as she can afford it, she will buy herself a spy camera. Until then, she will continue looking for that golden needle in the sadistically large haystack...wherever it may be...
Author's Response: Worry not! Here at the Conspicuously Nonsecretly-Located Spy Emporium, we carry two-way newspapers (you can see through it, others can't) and, inexplicably, a machine specially made to sift through hay and find needles ($379.99). We also sell sound-recording hairpins and a wide variety of portable grappling hooks. For a limited time only, buy ten Translating Earmuffs and win a 1 in a billion chance to buy Canada, or half its retail value in cash.
All part of a day's work...*goes off whistling*...of being a spy who is absolutely keeping her lip shut...
Author's Response: What kind of spy are you? The Stratego spy, the 007 kind of spy, the ninja or the Peter Parker's parents kind of spy, or the Inspecter Gadget kind of spy?
Author's Response: What kind of spy are you? The Stratego spy, the 007 kind of spy, the ninja, the Peter Parker's parents kind of spy, or the Inspecter Gadget kind of spy?
Fine...the country that has Holland in it (Holland is not another word for the N country, it is in the N country. A common misconception) is where you go to get high. Not that I've done that...
Author's Response: Really? I thought Holland was just another name for the "N" country. Thanks for reconceptionizing me.
Executive Producer is a fancy schmancy title that basically involves doing nothing but saying "That's rubbish. Take it back to the drawing board" and getting a lot of money. Most excellent. The drinking age is *shock* 5 in the UK...but buying alcohol is something like 16, and drinking it in a pub is in some cases 18, but others 21...driver's license at 17 and sex and cigarettes at 16. My law is not too good but hey. And you've got to go to the Netherlands to get high. This snake dude sounds a bit obscure and snooty for my taste. At least I (in my metaphorical state) have some actual use. I complain about plates blocking my view..s.p.a.t.u.l.a.s and the spelling and about how I get chewed up into teensy pieces. Chapter 11 may not knock my socks off. Well, maybe the ones I'm wearing as earmuffs but I'm not wearing any other socks. I'm exec. No-one else. Just me. Because I'm so special I get to complain and do nothing but be on the film anyway. And give Magorian his own website. If I find out how to do that...
Author's Response: Shhh! Don't say that country around my fic! The one that starts with an "N". Not only does it sap Dumbledore of his strength, but it makes Finland jealous.
DUCKY IS IN THE DICTIONARY? OMG, freak out...but, then again, I have a dictionary that doesn't have the word troglodyte in it (a massive oversight - I love that word). Anyways, yah, Q-Man (my new name for him) could spent time in the Purg (have you noticed my exuberant use of brackets?! It's very fun) but...if Voldemort is evil....then who the hell is the Devil??? LIGHTBULB! Voldemort's father...but then again, who was the Devil before him? And him? Psh. I'm not clued up on Biblical matters. Now listen to me and hear me well: about this vodka business. Now, if you were British I would say get drunk, it's legal. However, you are in America, so it's twenty one, and really, you should be getting HIGH or crashing into poles with your damn car. That's what my brother did. Yup, he was with a girl at the time...LOL I'll never let him live it down. We could do Q-Man in the Purg: The Movie I call executive producer. *10* because you make me smile with your work...but ties can't smile. Darn.
Author's Response: Worry not- the elsusive Tie Snake, besides looking like a tie, has a nother characteristic unique to snakedomkind: the ability to smile. Learn how to do it from him. In my canon, there are no actual deities; there is just Magic, and The Powers that be. Thus, there is no Devil or Satan or any equivalent thereof, nor is there a God, per se, but there is a universal, orderkeeping force some alien races call the Cold Grey. What's the legal drinking age in Britain (or rather, the UK)? I'd love to get drunk and make Q-Man in the Purg: The Movie with you. (After all, that's the only way you can make a movie. By the way, these are parentheses. [These are brackets.]) You can be the exec if you want. I however, will take one the most prestigious job in the movie industry- foley artist! My favorite word is quodlibet. Look it up if you wish.
A) It isn't that different B) If I'm allowed to say spachelor I will C) You pssibly are right and it might be spatula, however my spelling of kitchen items is atrocious. D) I like the story. E) I'm a tie.
Author's Response: I looked up spachelor in the dictionary. It doesn't come up. Yet the word "ducky" does. Which must mean I'm right . Hehe. Ducky.
Author's Response: I just realized how stupid that response I gave was. Forgive me, I'm not on the top of my game today. Let it be stricken off the record. A) You're right, I was overreacting. B)But you're never allowed to say never. C)You think that's atrocious? Try typing "How many skins can a skinthinner thin if a skinthinner could thin skins" ten times fast. D) Thank you. I was thinking of a sequel, with Quirrell in purgatory. What would you think of that idea? E) And I'm The Savant. Oh wait, I am The Savant. I keep thinking my name is Ondorbgo the Cranky. I knew it didn't roll off the tongue well. I've got to stop those drunken nights of revelry and vodka with emaleth...
Author's Response: But "spachelor" is VERY different. Are you sure it isn't spatula?
What sort of idiot silk tie goes to a dish washer? OOH! One with a multiple personality disorder...a silk tie who thinks she's a knife. Is the metaphor for a girl with schizophrenia who hates one-shots. God, this is getting confusing. Why didn't the spachelor help her out? I tell you why! Because that idiot plate was in the way. They were all like, "Get out of the way, there's some moronic tie in here..." but the plate wouldn't move. So, the silk tie got chewed up. True story. Good thing it was my cousin, not me. Armani, as well. *Shame*
Author's Response: What the hell is a spachelor? Are you trying to say "spatula"?
Because there's no more. And then I can't get dragged into the plot slowly and subtly. With one shots, it's like I'm sucked into a washing machine, completely pulverised by the plot amazingly, then chucked back in again. I'm a very expensive silk....thing....and I need to be carefully washed, preferably by hand, at a temperature of - wait a second. Wait, no, no, I can remember what I was talking about. OH YES! I'm like a silk tie. I need to be washed carefully yet thoroughly so I can come out looking the best. Being battered around by an intense washing machine with anxiety issues just frays me. Okay?
Author's Response: Oh yes, I understand entirely now. I too love to curl up in the washing machine and just let loose- it relaxes me. Just stay away from those dishwashers. I've heard they're terrible teases. Sometimes a story needs brevity. Remember, it's the soul of wit.
“WHAT? YOU’VE LOST OUR WAND AND YOU CAN’T FLY? YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A PUREBLOOD, YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE A MUGGLE RIGHT NOW!” “Well, I can jump really high...” said Quirrell in a small voice. Funny! I like it. You should STOP WRITING ONE SHOTS. Write a good story, like Magorian, which I can get into instead of infuriating me with one shots. I'm so important. Get over it. Or, rather, don't get over it.
Author's Response: I only have two one-shots (though I am planning more). Why do they enrage you so?
Woooooooooooow. Beautiful ending, very beautiful.
Author's Response: If you were wondering, and even if you weren't, the center of the Universe, a gigantic swirling mass of magic, is called the Maginetisis. Or at least it will be once human wizards discover it.
(me again) Amazing. Both well-written and witty at the same time. I...have nothing else to say (which is rare)
Author's Response: This is just about the greatest review one can recieve. I thank you from the bottom of my raisenette heart.
i always assumed that the fake letter that dumbledore got from the ministry of magic would be alittle better worded than the letter in your fic. but, now, i understand that voldy was a hyper-critical bastard and quirrell was an idiot, so now it makes perfect sense! :) thank you so much for writing things i like to read. keep it up!
Author's Response: Great, thanks for the words of encouragement!
Very good. You're first fic? Good job, on to your others.
Author's Response: I have made others.
Wow, that's really cool! I likes it! I had always thought that the reason there was potion left was that it magically refilled itself. Very good!
Author's Response: If you like that, then you should review my other stuff as well... same sense of humor. They don't seem to be getting any reviews (as in, they haven't been getting any at all), so could you please traipse on over to Croaker and Magorian and chime in? Oh, and just to show I'm not ungrateful, thanks for the encouraging words.