I'm sorry, but I have to say that it just doesn't seem true to character anymore. I think that Ron would be really upset because Harry just gave him the position as Quiddich Captain. Ron is too proud and wouldn't just accept it like that.
Thankyou for actually including the sorting hat's song. Even some of my favorite stories are missing the song. I look forward to hearing it because it kind of tells me what the rest of the year will be like.
I don't usually write reviews. You might say that I'm too lazy but I just had to commend you on this fan fiction. It was UNBELIEVABLE. I had me laughing and crying all at the same time. It was so wonderfully written that it could even be compared to our dearest love, J.K. I believed this as the next book in all honesty. Once I began reading I could NOT stop. I read all 70 chapters today and what an awesome way to spend my time! I could be constantly found screaming "HOLY CRAP!" to the computer. No matter how hard I tried to observe all the little details, I didn't pick up on ANY of the twists. I look forward to reading your stuff in the future. Your biggest fan.
Wow, what an awesome story! I've until the very end to write a review and even though it's well you finished with the story-getting ready to read the sequel after I finish writing this :^) - and even though you might not even read this, I really loved the whole thing. So sad about all people who died though, but who can't write a story about Voldemort without killing people now can you? So anyway thanx so much for writing an entertaining fic, only took me 2 days to read- that's how good it was, couldn't get away from the computer- great story and great job!!
Ah! I finally know why you were always going on about Katie and Harry. I thought you had maybe created an OC but now I see the seeds of a relationship between the two of them.
Another good chapter. I like how you've written Snape, brief as his appearance was. You're moving your chapters along quite quickly and the brisk pace is nice."...I had this weird dream I was doing ironing with a house elf...” I laughed when I read this. It's so completely random and IC for Ron to say. I also like how Hermione took the opportunity to spout about SPEW, misguided though she is. I also liked the beginning of the chapter with Ron's talking in his sleep. Nice humorous touches in this chapter.
Nitpicks: “Leevmeehalown... imbizeewitdahouzelf” You need a period or ellipses at the end. “Well if it isn’t the ‘boy who lived’” Again, a comma is needed. “You’re scum father doesn’t scare me, Malfoy.” Either "you're" should be "your" or you need to add something to make it like: "You're scum and your father..." “Is there something you find funny, Potter ” A question mark and comma are both needed at the end.I liked this chapter as well. It made me laugh and made me wonder how things are going to happen with Katie and Harry. Harry likes older women, eh? Tee hee. You've done a good job weaving your tale together thus far and I look forward to reading more.
I skipped a few chapters in my reviewing. (Obviously. ;) )
I love the fact that you connected the first book to this tale. So many people are intent on making new details that they forget the intricate details that JKR put into her tale. It's wonderful that you connected the fact that Ron had a desire to become Quidditch Captain to the fact that he didn't get it. It's nice to feel that connection to something JKR wrote.This chapter moved along pretty quickly, as usual. I don't really have an opinion about the Hermione/Ron dynamic so I'm just going to speculate on it. I've often wondered if Harry would feel out of place if the two of them were to get together. Would it be awkward? Would he be supportive? Would it exasperate him if they constantly bicker or are constantly lovey-dovey? Rumination on my part, but it helps me to figure out how Harry fits in when it comes to Romance.
The way you have him is quite realistic, in my opinion. Sort of in the middle, more relieved to just have it done and no one mad at him. Then you move on to his realization that Ron had desired to become Quidditch Captain. I assume he is going off to insist Ron become Quidditch Captain. He owed it to his best friend. Loyalty at its best. Harry trying to repay Ron for everything he had for him is so nice, it makes me want to hug him. (Does that make me weird?)Some nitpicks: Katie Bell returned as Chaser, joined by Ginny and a second year named Euan Abercombie.. You have two periods at the end. That night, the Gryffindors relaxed around the common room... I feel like you should start a new paragraph with this. “Good night, Ron” She kissed him on the cheek and proceeded up to her own dormitory. A comma is needed after Ron. You know, I've heard you say that you hit your stride in the middle of your story, but I must say, for someone who hasn't yet hit her stride, you're doing pretty good here.
It's nice that you make sure to include other Hogwarts members in your tale. I've noticed that it often seems to be Harry, Hermione, Ron and Malfoy. Those seem to be the most ubiquitous players in HP fandom. In your tale, I see Dean, Neville, Seamus and a Ginny that isn't necessarily there only for romantic purposes. It gives the story a sense of camaraderie and familiarity that helps me to feel more connected to the main plot.I can see why this is one of your favorite chapters. It's very nicely done and I look forward to reading more. You'll be getting more reviews from me, whether they be for consecutive chapters or for chapters here and there where I feel the absolute need to heap praise on you. Good job.
The message arthur leaves behind cannot be somehow- he didnt write that right afterwards he saw Ron and Hermione or? Its more likely he wrote it when they realized that Sirius died and they ought to write something like this.
i also cried
YaaaayyYY!!!! HOrRRRAAYY!! LIttle *#%@ twerp. (singing) Draco's gone (but is he). Somehow, there's this little voice inside that's telling me to take pity on him. Let me squash it. YAY!!! MALFOY'S GONE FROM HOGWARTS!!!!!
AWSOME!!!!! Almost like J.K. herself.
Awesome story! *tears in eyes* Poor Ginny! I almost cried! Now, onto the sequel! Mwuhahahahahahahahaha!! 10/10!!!
Hello! *Stating the obvious alert* I'm reviewing your second chapter. I'm a bit surprised that you only have one review for it. Interesting.
There were some errors: The Ministry had been really busy – the new Minister of Magic Amelia Bones was working them hard since the public had now excepted You-Know-Who’s return... "Accepted" would be the correct word. :) Ron looking slightly abashed. Harry called after them, laughing slightly “It’s great to see you... A comma should go after "slightly." “Howya Harry?” Seamus greeted him. “It’s been quite a summer, hope you’ve done alright, nice to see you in one piece.” I feel like he's eating here while talking. Is he? If he isn't, it seems a bit rushed. Also, Apparate needs to be capitalized. :)Anyway, you've got a lot going on in this chapter. Once again, I like the fact that you're getting to the point and moving it along quickly. I do think maybe you need to slow down the dialogue here as there are commas missing and the like. I liked that Mr. Weasley had to have a car that was non-enchantable. It was a nice touch since we all know the kind of mischief he can get into. I also liked that he was pretty accepting of Ginny's relationship with Dean. I thought it was quite in character given his fascination with the Muggle world. How would he react to someone else? I like seeing everybody like Seamus and Neville quickly into the story. It makes me feel immediately connected with what's going on. Good job!
Author's Response: I'm responding to both reviews here, due to the threat of the MNFF moochie.
Yeah, my early chapters are riddled with mistakes. I need to fix that (though I fear I might end up rewriting the first third of the story...). I do get to the point rather quickly, but then I dawdle for a good bit, too. I do agree with you about hugging!Ron... the more time goes on, the more OoC it feels to me. I may have changed that on ff.net, but now that you've said it, I think I'll update my early chapters and that hug will be the first thing to go. Thanks, em :) And thanks for taking the time to review, also. I appreciate it muy mucho.
Ya know... You leave such nice reviews for me, it's really about time for me to reciprocate!
So... Blue, eh? *images of powder blue prom tux's run through mind* It's an interesting and humorous take on it. Also, since Ginny was laughing while Luna hummed the Wedding March, were the lyrics alternative? Or was there a Muggle custom in weddings that Ginny found funny?Suddenly a lump had formed in his throat and he felt as though a pewter cauldron had landed in his stomach. Interesting image that ran through my mind right there. I winced when I read that. Ron came over quietly and gave Harry a hug, something that he would never have done before... This might just be me, since I'm female, but even with maturity, I just don't see Ron hugging. I always imagine Giggly!Ron when I see hugging. I suppose that's my fault, not yours, lol.
The Prologue was short, but well written from what I could see. I would have liked to see more of how Harry came to be at the Weasley's but at the same time, I'm glad that you got straight to the point. Pre-Hogwarts can be exciting, but I typically end up being impatient to get to Hogwarts. It will also be interesting to see if anything in your story parallels what happens in HBP. Have you been thinking a lot about that? Anyway, good chapter! :)
just checking cus i have read the whole fic and started the second.... is there summat wiv ginny or were u misleading us???? brill by the way lol
love your story!! harry and katie isnt a link I have thought about but it works!!! wot is this squeal called?
Everything was so much in character that it is scary. It's not scary that they were in character, though most fics I read weren't which is why I dislike them so much, but it's amzing that I was reading it and thinking about how it shuld have been longer. The description of the wedding scene was so beautiful that I wished it wasn't a dream. I didn't catch any errors, though i asn't paying attention because your writing and details were unbelievable. I found an author that I like on the site besides maybe five or six others. Hope this helps you make your chapters longer. This is amzing. Great job. I loved the veil part and where Percy is missing.
Author's Response: Hehe, when I said review one of my stories cause they're short, I didn't mean the 70 chaptered one :) But, thanks anyways. Such a wonderful and glowing review - I'm very appreciative. This is the first chapter of anything I ever wrote, so yes, it is very short. Now I average 2500 words :) Thanks again, Binxy :) *smiles at new nickname for Binks*
I finally get to the mighty Jenna’s fic! LOL You almost had me with the wedding…I’m already sharpening my canon-nazi pen and then…bang! It’s a dream. The wedding scene was nicely done but the biggest- and possibly smallest- line in that first bit was… Percy was missing. That really tells a tale, doesn’t it? Hermione’s veil was a nice touch, not that it’s hard to confuse poor Ron. And Sirius winking…how heartbreaking was that given what we know. They’re all in character, which is always a great start, not that I expected anything else from this great story and I’m looking forward to seeing how you develop this. It was a short opener, but I think I liked that, gets us right into the story without too much preamble. Loved the reference to the Anglia in CoS, details like that makes us feel we are in familiar territory without overloading us with back-story. My only nitpick would be the use of alright over all right, which as I type my computer is having a fit over! Apart from that one, minor insignificance it read perfectly. Great, short and snappy start.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much. This is the best review I've gotten for an early chapter in this epic fan-fic. I only wonder if you have what it takes to make it through all 70 chapters... (it gets easier, I promise... just make it to chapter 25 and you should be cruising). Thanks again, hon. You've boosted my confidence :) *toddles of to read DoL*
Wow. I really liked your story. Very interesting plot line. Some of it was really, really good. You could be a writer. 10/10. Do me a favor please! Read my story HARRY POTTER AND THE DRAGON OF VIRTUE. Search that or my penname SyraBillsLican. Please Read and Review.
ok cant be bothed reading all ur reviews too meany u are one of the gratest i know BUT u do like to kill lol ur so good i a big fan
I can't put the praise this deseves into words. Outstanding (lol) is an understatement. Really, really well done.