They are sooo adorable how you write about them! Love the chapter and can't wait to read the next! I am DEFINETLY adding this to my fav. stories list! :) 10 *'s like ususal
very intersting story, i like it so far, i like everything about it so acutually, good job! 10 *'s
I enjoyed the story, though after reading vadars review i have to agree with his opinions. For example, i know for a fact (due to my fic) you get a lot more praise if you use imagery and description. Its a pretty sad plot at the moment, hope it all works out for them. James
great story i like your ideas on the relationships of hermione and viktor and waht your doing to harry. keep reading as good as you do because its making the story great
I love this story too. I give you props on the twist on what happened in OotP. Nice touch. PLEASE update!
You asked for some more reviews? Vader will deliver. I like the start you have here, even though I have some comments to make about it of a constructive nature. This story is unique in the fact that you don’t see many stories written in first person from Hermione’s point of view. I did enjoy that. Let me make a couple of suggestions and general comments, and please note that these are only my opinions. First, I feel like this chapter is a little rushed. Your main idea is good, that Hermione “rescues” Harry for the rest of the summer. But, I think you could slow down a little bit and maybe do just a bit better of a job selling us all on your storyline. Use some more imagery, describe for the reader the scene, the characters, make us feel part of your story.
Do you use a beta reader? I did see a couple spelling errors here and there that maybe a beta could have caught. For example, In this sentence, “…and the brightest which of her age,” which should be witch.
You say in your story that Harry was jealous of Viktor at the Yule Ball. I don’t think that’s really true. I think Harry may have noticed that Hermione could be really pretty when she wanted to at the Yule Ball, but I don’t think he was jealous. I think Harry was far too distracted by other things at the time. I think Ron was the jealous one. Finally, I thought the way Hermione just told her parents that Harry was coming to spend the rest of their summer was a bit of a stretch, even OOC for Hermione. Hermione is pretty respectful and would probably ask and not tell her parents about Harry staying.
I think what you have so far isn’t bad. I think if you would have just eased up the pace a little bit and taken a little more time describing the scene and selling us on how Harry ended up getting to stay with the Grangers for the rest of the summer, your story would have been much better. Keep in mind I’m not an expert, just a big fan of H/Hr stories. These are just my opinions and I hope some of what I said is useful to you.
hey come on i reviewed and i really like your story. please update. Or you other people, review!! once again i loved it. ;)
hey ill review. i like the story a lot. ur a great writer. i like the way u made harry sound like he was breaking up with hermione. please update soon. cause i reviewed. ;)
Hmm... Well, I am almost positive that that Tyler Black dude isn't related to Sirius. Nope. Anyways, this story is getting somewhere. This chapter was sort of fast but that is what really happens with dialogue. Well, continue working on it. 6
Well, now I've read the three other chapters and it's not that bad...but I really can't imagine Harry and Hermione are going so fast... I really can't! Rating is still 9.
Hm. I thought that Hermione and Viktor weren't going to kiss each other after all? And Harry jealous at the yule ball? Doesn't make any sense to me... But your writing is quite good, so I'll give you a nine. Going to read next chapter now...
I also agree. I would not think of Harry and Hermione having so much passion and the mushy stuff. It is still good, but back to the snitch part. I think that Hermione wouldnt have been able to get that, a 24 karat snitch with diamond wings is not likely to be found, or affordable. She is not as wealthy as Harry. But nevertheless it is still a well written and interesting story, just doesnt interest me.
I agree with sygner he should at least use the snitch and she could never afford that her parents are muggles remember?
ok. to start with its a good story, but not highly belivable. I was reading it and some of that stuff i know wouldnt happen. For one the dursleys probably wouldnt have enjoyed the company of a nother witches parents. even if they are muggles. For two i could not see Harry and Hermione snogging that whole time. and since when does hermione get all mushy about "no gift is too much for you" I dont think it keeps the characters who they r. any way its a good story but i think it could have been better. but thats just my pov. R:6
Author's Response: Thanks for reading my story. I'm sorry if you don't like it. I know that the characters are a little OOC. I was planning to get deeper into the mystery and not romance when they get back to school. Luckily, I working on that chapter now but I barely started it. Don't worry, the whole story is not about these two and their love lives! I promise. At least you told me the truth about my story and I really appreciate that.
This is excellent. I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! I can not wait to read more. Please update soon.
omg i love this fic im a huge h/hr shipper. pleez update soon.
Aww.. so sweet. Keep it up!
Great story. I really like it. Hope you update soon.
Author's Response: Thank You! I would love to read your story(ies), just give me the title!