Reviews For Hold Me Once
Reviewer: sayiansirius
Date: 11/24/05 11:23
Chapter: My Wish Comes True

this comment is for hinaark: you have no right to come on here and tear this girl's story into shreads. You talk about her having no decency and is immature well hark who's talking and as you say, ur a parent. I agree with the person below that his is one of the best stories on here and don't even dare say i don't know what i'm talking about because i've been writing for years! I am her beta and only I have the power to tell her what is wrong and right...so don't you dare come on her and say all that crap...if you have nothign else to say, don't say nothing at all and don't you even try and come after me because u'll have it in for you. So take you, and your rude ass comments and go somewhere else! Thank you and HAPPY THANXGIVING :-D

Author's Response: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO KC! thank you! hark you asshole, kc is my beta and he's doing a very good job. besides i don't see you writing an fanfics, i bet you'll do worst!

Reviewer: harrypotterluver12909
Date: 11/24/05 10:34
Chapter: My Wish Comes True

you know what hinaark you better shut up before i cuss you out on the computer because this story is one of the best stories on this computer! and how do we know if your a parent. but anyway gosh give the girl some respect for her story!!! because it again is one of the best on this website!!!!!!!

Author's Response: THANK YOU DARLING! see why can't you be nice like her. share the love, today is thanksgiving!

Reviewer: hinaark
Date: 11/23/05 18:54
Chapter: My Wish Comes True

Also, I have read your previous response to someone who was offering you a bit of constructive criticism and praised your work as well (which I think was very generous of that person considering the quality of your work). You ought to take constructive criticism a bit more nicely. It would help you a GREAT deal!

Author's Response: i wasn't really that mad with that person because at the beginning of the story i didn't have a beta BUT NOW I DO AND HE IS DOING WONDERDUL! but you, you need to shut the fuck up and get a life because you are an annoying son of a bitch! my message to other fans: this is how i act when you piss me off after having one of the hardest weeks of my life!

Reviewer: hinaark
Date: 11/23/05 18:48
Chapter: My Wish Comes True

It saddens me to have to say this, but this is a very cheezy story. It does not flow at all. At one second Hermione is dreaming about Harry in her room and the next second she is at the Dursley's and Harry is snogging her senseless! Pure nonsense if you ask me. And, also I must add, the grammar and language usage is absolutely horrendous.

Author's Response: you know what FUCK YOU! you don't have to review if you don't have anything nice to say! WHAT PART OF FANFIC DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND! People have Sirius and Harry having sex in fanfics, god assholes! i'm tried of you people!

Reviewer: JKRFAN94
Date: 11/20/05 23:10
Chapter: Fly With Me

I absolutly love your story. It is an inspiration for me who is trying to write a good romance fan fic. Please continue with the rest of the story for I want to hear the ending!(I meant that in a good way!)

Author's Response: awww........sugar. thanks don't worry wednesday, i promise!

Reviewer: harrypotterluver12909
Date: 11/20/05 22:03
Chapter: My Wish Comes True

please!!!!write another chapter i have been waiting for 3 months now is it that hard to write a chapter does it take you 4 months?

Author's Response: don't worry wednesday i'm posting!

Reviewer: Yankee
Date: 11/19/05 14:24
Chapter: Fly With Me

You're not supposed to threaten with no updates if we don't review. But I'm begging you to update. A lot of people read and don't review.

Author's Response: trust me i needed it. too get peeps to review they need to review.

Reviewer: Zeshin
Date: 11/18/05 22:52
Chapter: Fly With Me

WRITE MORE! I BEG YOU!

Author's Response: i will probably wednesday.

Reviewer: Kealli
Date: 11/18/05 15:46
Chapter: Fly With Me

Loved it. I want you to keep writing!! ASAP!!!

Author's Response: no prob just keep rollin' in the reviews.

Reviewer: miasl09
Date: 11/17/05 20:23
Chapter: Fly With Me

Dear: What tha heck where you thinking. EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT! Stupid git , the hazel eyed boy! Hermy , WHY?!!!! Harry is damm perfect , sexy . incredible, smart, handsome, HAS GREEN SEDUCTIVE EYES, respectfull,...

Author's Response: GREEN EYES ARE SEXY! haha cliff hanger, don't worry there is a reason behind everything!

Reviewer: AlexisTaylor
Date: 11/08/05 21:35
Chapter: My Wish Comes True

Hello, I came across your fiction by the Recently Added page. I think you’ve got the tone and mood spot on in this fiction. It’s very romantic. I would, however, venture to suggest some changes, if that’s all right with you.

“I will not update any more chapters until I get some reviews!”

This isn’t really allowed on Mugglenet Fan Fiction (new rule). It’s perfectly fine to encourage readers to review, but not to threaten them with no more updates. ;)

“The way his eyes would grow wider when he would look at me or the amount of jealous Harry had when I went to the Yule Ball with Viktor.”

Here, the wording is slightly off. Maybe the ‘amount of jealousy Harry had’. However, I believe that’s a canon error, because Harry was quite jealous of Cho and Cedric, but certainly not of Hermione.

“I’m dying here! Save me and I’ll help you knit clothes for the house-elves. Please respond as soon as possible. With love, Harry “

I think the message could be mistaken here. I think if you put ‘even’ after ‘I’ll’, it’ll clear up the mistake.

I tried to stop thinking about Harry by reading New Theory of Numerology. The moment I picked up the book I remembered Harry had given it to me for Christmas. Still trying to calm my self I decide to read Hogwarts, A History.

Book titles should always be in italics or underlined.

“I finally meeting you Harry, Hermione has told me so much about you.” My dad said.

On the Beta Forums, in a section called ‘General Fanfiction Discussion’, there’s a thread called ‘Rejected for Dialogue Errors?’ I think it would really clear up some confusion with dialogue punctuation. For instance, here, there needs to be a comma after ‘you’ and the ‘my’ needs to be lower case.

“I love you, Hermione Jane Granger,” Harry whispered

First, nitpicky – you missed the period on the end of that. Second, while it is a very romantic ending to the first chapter, it wasn’t quite realistic. For one, Harry’s very young – 16 in this fiction, I think. Boys at that age don’t tend to say things like that, so surprisingly and out of the blue. It’s possible, yes. However, if it is going to happen like this, we need a bit more exposition leading up to it.

One last message. At the very beginning, you used third person PoV, then switched to first. I would say either change it to third person, or insert a line break right after that paragraph.

Overall, you had a very consistent tone. It was a nice, fluffy fiction. I would suggest that you visit the beta forums to correct some inconsistencies and get another someone to have an eye on it. A different perspective helps any fic. 

Good job.



Author's Response: well guess what honey, I'M THE AUTHOR! Two, why did I threaten people? Because there have been a lot of true fans of this story who try to get people to read it, and not enough readers. Three, this is a fanfic, I didn't stop my story when Harry and Ginny started dating so I can change one little fact from the reak thing. Four, I don't see any of the mods telling me about my grammar. Five, i do I have a beta who I'm perfectly okay with. I actually talk to my beta in real life and not just about HP. AND he is the best beta I could ask for so don't ever say he made a mistake because I bet you're not perfect either. Six, I'm a huge My Chemical Romance fan which means I will get my revenge on you. Seven, I AM THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY!

Reviewer: HermioneJPotter
Date: 10/29/05 15:40
Chapter: Fly With Me

Please update soon...I just can't wait to see what happens next... I just love this story... Please??? We're begging you... Please???

Reviewer: secondhand_lion
Date: 10/28/05 14:09
Chapter: Fly With Me

*sigh* WHY is it that ALL of the stories that I put in my favorites are the ones that never update???

Author's Response: OH i will update soon. it's just that ONLY 530 PEOPLE HAVE READ THIS CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reviewer: HermioneGranger363
Date: 10/25/05 14:57
Chapter: Fly With Me

Inspireroflove999 have you chosen the 3 people who get to have a sneak peek of the next chapter?If so i'm dying to know so if you could post their names up that would be great thanks :D

Author's Response: well see not enough people are reading this chapter so when people get back into the story when the next chapter comes i'll restart the contest!

Reviewer: lillypups91
Date: 10/23/05 12:44
Chapter: Fly With Me

i sent a review

Author's Response: tell your freinds to read and review!

Reviewer: harrypotterluver12909
Date: 10/23/05 0:04
Chapter: My Wish Comes True

your story is so exciting and very wonderful it is perfect in words and capturing the feeling of being right in the scene. Your story is so touching and when will you update? Please update soon!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's Response: awww suga. thanks when i get more reviews and readers i'll update.

Reviewer: hplover21
Date: 10/22/05 20:58
Chapter: Fly With Me

COME ON U GUYS SUBMIT REVIEWS I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i give u ur props on ur writing u defidently keep me wanting more

Author's Response: come on guys only 472 people read this chapter, if you guys don't read and review i'm finished with this story!

Reviewer: hplover21
Date: 10/20/05 22:37
Chapter: Fly With Me

this is SUCH an awsome story... it really reminds me of my better half aaron... that is what i dream of me and him being like... he acts like he loves me but he's gay... but he acts straight with me so who knows... keep writing u are such an awsome writer

Author's Response: thanks a lot. i'll post sooner if you guys keep up the reviews. I hope everything will be okay with you and aaron.

Reviewer: harrypotterluver12909
Date: 10/19/05 7:22
Chapter: My Wish Comes True

Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!update new chapters that was one of the best stories i read and i want it to go on please update new chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you rock anyway though

Author's Response: i rock? wwwwoooooooooooooo! just tell everyone to keep up the reviews and another chapter will be up in no time!

Reviewer: HermioneGranger363
Date: 10/16/05 2:28
Chapter: Fly With Me

Please update i'll write all 10 reviews if you want just please please update!!!!!!!

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