First to the gushing, I loved it. Now on the serious review. I like the subtitle way you brought in the traditions of the pure blood families. It wasnít the cliched abusive family who beats you into submission forcing their beliefs on the child. Her sense of justification seems logical, in her situation and one can almost wonder how Hermione would have acted if she had been born in Bellaís place. This is a very rational, one could almost say compassionate view of Bella, but she is still a person passionate about her believes and acting as if it were a us or them, do or die situation. The style of the story is equally beautiful circular in nature it reflects the story as a cycle of hatred and persecution: muggles persecuted wizards, then wizards persecute muggles. I would love to see why Sirius didn't follow the same path as Bella if he too was initiated as she was.
Author's Response: Yay, that's how I meant it to be, really, honest ;) Thank you.
I like the idea of a series of one-shots of different characters. I'll look forward to your next character exploration. Very good! Thanks!
Author's Response: Your Welcome.
Author's Response: You're not your.
You've written a chapter that dares to humanize a hated Death Eater and then you show how she started and what her plans for the future are. I noticed that this fic is still not complete, so I wonder, what's going to happen next?
I did notice some errors and I made a couple if suggestions: The house had passed to her upon the death of her worthless cousin. I feel like there should be a "been" between had and passed. Her aunt handed her a book, no, a diary. I think it might better if you used ellipses rather than commas. While commas indicate pauses, ellipses show willful hesitation and is used for dramatic purposes like what you've got here. Muggle needs to capitalized. Also, MacNair is misspelled here: Bellatrix did not count herself as an extremist; she was scornful of Macnair... Or rather, it is miscapitalized. Then, any of them holding high office would have to resign it in favour of the pure blooded wizards who were eminently better qualified to perform their duties. There needs to be a hyphen for pure-blooded.She could not conceive of how they could bring themselves to merge their lives with the descendants of those who had persecuted and murdered their forbears. I like the idea that old anger is what motivates hatred of Muggles. Even if there is more to it, I imagine it is used as justification for all the actions carried out by Death Eaters. She was on fire! They had set her on fire! Her initiation is horrifying. It's a very unique idea to write an initiation of this sort. I commend you for giving a sympathetic beginning for Bellatrix as people seem to shy away from that.
Obviously they couldnít be killed; disposing of that amount of bodies would be extremely difficult. I immediately thought of the Nazis and their "disposal" of the Jews. Interesting that the only reason they don't do that here is because it would be too difficult to get rid of the bodies. Blech. Basically, the plan to be rid of Muggles and Muggleborns is rather chilling to read. It makes me all the more angry to think of Death Eaters and their "mission."This has been a very good chapter to read. Continue the story! You're clearly a good writer. Nice job.
Author's Response: Next? Next I'm going to submit a lovely comedy chapter, I'll leave whether Bella succeeds or not to JKR. Right: ellipses, capitals, and hyphens, don't you just love grammar? I like being unique ;) Yes, I did add that line with the Nazis in mind, just because I'm unique doesn't mean I have to be original does it? Thank you, I am glad to receive such comments, small monetary gifts will also be welcomed.
Well, you certainly have already received much praise for this. Just thought I'd say ditto to what everyone has said. Definitely liked seeing why Bella feels so strongly about her pureblood beliefs. However, at the beginning of PoA, Harry has that bit about the witch burnings in one of his history books, and it says that wizards would perform a tickling charm so that the flames didn't burn... So it might conflict a bit with your memory. But it was still good!
Author's Response: I know, but I didn't want to let it ruin my fic, so I decided that for some reason she couldn't perform it, most probably because they'd confiscated her wand.
Very good. A well written and intelligent piece which went a long way to giving a plausible explanation for Bellatrix' fanaticism. Great use of vocab. but not overloaded so the meaning remains clear and the style not too fussy. Suggest some reviewers might like to purchase a dictionary - they can be invaluable! lol ! Suggestions for subjects? My vote would go to :Winky, Molly Weasley and Cornelius Fudge. Loved your disclaimer btw so I would be interested to see you write a humorous piece. Well done.
Author's Response: Thank you, on all counts. I can't think of much else to say.
Nice, but I'm really thinking you might have an odd attraction to good ol' Bellatrix...heh heh. Well written.
Author's Response: Thanks (I think)
This was the first, and so far only, Bella Black story I have ever read and I want to start by saying that I liked the Disclaimer and was tempted to steal it but I didn't. I loved the descriptions used and the flashbacks of older times. I already gave you spelling and gramar when I helped beta read the story. There isn;t much to say except great job...now if Only I could find another Bella story as good as this. I usually hate anything that doesn't relate to The Marauders but this story was one of the rare I would read not dealing with them. It kept my attention, a hard thing to do trust me, and didn't make me once say I can't get through this story, like a few I read. Great job once again.
Author's Response: What can I say except, thanks, and Yay.
First things first. I liked the story, even if I didn't really understand it all. Second, does the person you stole the disclaimer know you did that?. If they did, were they mad? Anyway. To the story. I liked it. But what does pragmatic mean? And docile, I don't know what that means either. You used a lot of big words actually. My brain just can't remember what they mean. I liked the dairy, but does she like, write with different handwriting? and it was kind of creepy how she was on fire. was that real? my sister says harry Potter's going to hell because it's all not God and everything. I like it anyway. adn wow! this is a long review. i didn't know I had that many words in me. Maybe i'll get into spew.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. I didn't tell them, I don't want to go to prison for theft, so please don't tell them. I find that the word dictionary is a very helpful one. If you're unsure about that word try thesaurus. If all else fails google is also a useful one.
Thank God, I'm finally finding some good Bellatrix stories. She is one of my favorite characters. Nice job, very descriptive. 10/10! p.S. I submitted my first Bellatrix story yesterday. Might you review my stories when you get the chance? Thanks!
Author's Response: Simple unadaulterated praise, I don't know why people complain about it so much.
Points for the disclaimer! I giggled.
How refreshing that you have Bellatrix inherit 12 Grimmauld Place. So many fics have it going to Harry, and that doens't make a whole lot of sense to me. What happened to the Order though?
Bellatrix remembered her initiation, as she called it, because thatís what it really was, an introduction to a more adult state of mind, before it she had seen the world through a childís eyes, naÔve, inexperienced and uncomprehending of the way things were and how they should be, afterwards she had been able to understand certain necessities of life that had seemed insane before. That's a bit of a run-on sentence. It could do with being broken up into shorter sentences.
How chilling. I remember seeing you post something about the idea that the Pureblood hatred of Muggles had historical basis and was passed on in this way on the boards, and I thought it made sense then. Seeing it written into a story is even more moving. It's certainly not pleasant to read about -- and it shouldn't be -- but it goes a long way to explaining more than one thing in canon. I'm just glad that it doesn't look like Bellatrix has reproduced... I especially like how you used the idea of the diary which hearkens back to Tom's diary in COS.
"...a nightmare of smoke and fire on a cold winterís morning." Very nice image there.
Bellatrix doesn't consider herself an extremist... Nicely ironic, that. Nice job getting into Bellatrix's head in general.
Author's Response: Yay, someone liked my disclaimer. This started out as a fic about a post-war Bellatrix looking for revenge after most of the Death Eater's (that's why her name is Black and not Lestrange) and order are dead (posibly strewn about the house). But then I realised I had no plot and turned it into this. So the order are, somewhere randomly secret. The diary was a bit of artistic license (how can a witch who is burnt record it in a diary?) but it was the only way I could think of to get her back there. That was (and is) my favourite sentence, by quite a long way. I don't think many people consider themselves extremists, they think that their way is the reasonable way and I tried to show that, and it seems to have worked out somehow. I'm glad you liked it anyway (If I wasn't afraid of offending Maeve I'd say that yours was my favourite review so far ;)
Fantastic! What a way to rationalize and almost justify the behavior of Bellatrix or any other Death Eater. An experience like what she saw through the diary would definately shape the ideas and thoughts of an eleven year old girl. I almost feel for her when I read that chapter. Good job.
Author's Response: Almost? Nooooo, I've failed. Ah well, I'm glad you liked it at least. ;)
Lovely, Lovely. Who knew there could actually be a rational Death Eater? Or about as close to rational as a Death Eater can get. A very imagianitive way to present Bella's case. For a more humorous character to see through the eyes of, I would suggest Fred and George.
Author's Response: I'm of the opinion that everyone is rational in some way. Fred AND George simultaneously? *runs and hides from idea* (I'm lazy)
At last! Someone gave a reason to why Bella thinks the way she does. I always thought she was an interesting character... The initiation was so wonderfully evil and lovely. Her family are so biased *snigger* I love it. (Maybe I should be worried that I love this fic so much...meh) Your discriptions were wonderful! Please continue with other people. I suggest Salazar Slytherin or Tom Riddle (before he was Voldemort, you understand) or Severus Snape. Yay evil people! *waves a flag*
Author's Response: A kindred spirit I see. I'm glad you liked it (I must have got something right). As for the next character, I'm probably going with Dumbledore's Gargoyle. I'm avoiding another dark character for awhile until I can think of a good idea for them (I'm evilled out for a bit).
Yuck! You made me see Bella in an almost sympathetic light and for that I will never, ever forgive you. :-) I saw you working through this idea on the forums and I was never quite convinced but in the flesh (so to speak) you pulled it off. I like the idea of the initiation, it's something akin to a debutante taking their place in society. You have taken us behind the scenes of a sadistic personality and made us see her with fresh eyes and that's a good thing. I did want to pluck out some stray commas (a whole paragraph without a full stop is quite an achievement!) and insert them in one or two other places but then commas always are pesky little things. This works really well as a one-shot... a glimpse into a personality that we normally write off as being too evil to care about....well done.
Author's Response: I knew cheap hints would work. As for commas, I just randomly add one every now and again, seems to work. Doesn't Bella deserve a little sympathy? As for the debutante thing that's what I was aiming for, almost something similar to "The Talk". I'll just take the compliment and run ;)
Ooh, I like this a lot. Especially the part with Bellatrix's initiation. I like seeing things from a new point of view. I also like how she outlined the plans of the Death Eaters.
Author's Response: Thanks, I was trying to show her rationalisation of things. Yes! Second Review *Goes into mad dance of delight.
Fantastic! You write her so well. A true Slytherin to be sure. The description is to the point and enough to give the story a sound base. It's an interesting insight into Bellatrix's reasoning, I enjoyed it immensly. Cheers!
Author's Response: You're very kind (probably too kind, but I'll definitely take the compliment). I'm glad you liked it.