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Reviews For Phases of the Moon

Name: Harriet Evans (Anonymous) · Date: 05/31/05 8:31 · For: A Cry in the Dark
Fabulous writing - it's all been perfectly summed up by your other reviewers so I'll just add that I was transfixed by your description of his transformation - it gave me the shivers! Well done.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Like I said below, this was an emotional chapter to write so I'm so glad to hear when it reaches people.

Name: Harriet Evans (Anonymous) · Date: 05/31/05 1:29 · For: Reunion
I thought this was a wonderful first chapter. You managed to give us a very concise snapshot of each of the boys' characters, and I thought you introduced some very original ideas. A really good writing style and well paced. It captured my interest, so I will be reading on.

Author's Response: Thanks very much for the review!

Name: caren_the_hpfan (Signed) · Date: 05/25/05 23:56 · For: Reunion

I've been trying to review every member of SPEW, and because I clicked on your banner, here I am! (Psst.. your advertising worked.) I really did enjoy this first chapter. I loved the fresh dialogue and way you kept everyone in character. Literally everyone. I can talk about each of the Marauders forever, and perhaps I shall. :D

Firstly, the way you introduced Remus' age to us, the readers, was not sudden or unexpected. In fact, I had to read it again to find the age because it flowed so nicely with the paragraph. I hate when you get a fic where the author says something like, "This year was his fifth year." Yeah - so unoriginal. But I liked these sneaky hints you put in. Note: the first two paragraphs were beautiful, full of nice imagery and chock-full of sentence fluency.

Ah, Sirius, the one whom all the girls swoon over. This version of Sirius was well-written, I think, because of his smooth dialogue and actions designed to impress the girls. :) And Peter... wow. I admit that I'm not too fond of Peter, and usually write him as too cowardly to be clever. But I found myself liking Peter in this fiction. You clearly demonstrated why he was a Marauder without overdoing it. “Oh yeah,” said Peter happily. “He’s not going to forget that for a long time.” Haha! That's a funny line.

Sirius' "row" with his family was very interesting! I think my memory's gone strange on me, but isn't it that summer that Sirius finds a place of his own? Or perhaps he's sixteen. I don't know. But having him talk about getting a new place just to get away and not have to depend on the Potters would be good, even if it's next year. I think you've summed up everything about the Marauders - they're really close, they'll stick with each other, and Snivellus. Dear old Snape. “But first, I’m going to play with the pure-bloods, like a good Black,” he said through gritted teeth and pulled out his wand. I liked this line too, except that it should be "purebloods." And the trolley witch confused me. At first, I thought that she only blamed Snape. But suddenly, she "flung out her arms and faced Sirius angrily." I can understand that she realises the conflict is between Sirius and Snape, but we didn't know she thought that Sirius was the cause. And perhaps you should include that she "faced Sirius angrily" but then turned to face Snape, because she yells at him right afterward.

There were only a few minor errors with your story. On the whole, I was pleased by your clean writing without being too verbose, and the simple imagery. [Peter:] Stupid git… Hey Remus, what’s up? You look bloody awful.” “Right back at ya,” Remus replied. Would they say that in the seventies? I would question that. It seems more modern to say, "What's up?" and "Right back at ya." “Your damn right it was,” he said with a malicious smile. "Your" should be "You're."

And that leads me to my next point in this ridiculously long essay - the language. It's my opinion that if you have to put in cuss words, then you don't have anything to put there. Don't get offended! But I have a bit of a prejudice when I see those words. And it surprised me to see words like, "g*d*mn" and "Good Lord," because JKR is careful to avoid mentioning religion of any sort in her books. An easy one to go with is, "Merlin" or "Merlin's beard." Or you could twist it and say "Merlin's thumbs" or something like that. Go ahead! Be creative! And with the amount of language (though quite mild), I think you should change the rating. I noticed it was G-PG, and really, I wouldn't want a 12-year-old reading this material. If you change it to PG-13, then it should be more appropriate.

I'm sure you've heard all of this twice already, but I hoped it helped! You have an excellent grip on wording and sentence fluency (which I struggle with at times). As this is an intro chapter, the plot hasn't started flowing yet, but I'm sure it will. I have yet to read your second chapter, and I'm excited to read it. Good job, BC! Loved it.

Author's Response: Wow, long review! Yay! :) Thanks so much for all your comments. I think it was either that summer or the next that Sirius moved out. I wasn't sure, but I knew it was somewhere around that time, so he may just got back to pick up his toothbrush. As for the trolley witch, she didn't necessarily think Sirius was the cause. She thought Snape tripped on his own, but then she saw Sirius taunting him and starting a fight, so she knew she had to separate them. (I figure with so many years on the job, she can smell trouble a'brewin'.) And you're right about the "right back at ya." It does sound off to me now; modernisms and Americanisms always slip into my writing. As for the swearing, I know where you're coming from, but I imagine Sirius-the-teenager would swear to look cool, act tough, and especially to refer to his family. He's flawed, but we love him. :) I will take your advice and change the rating, though. And the religious phrases completely slipped by me! Usually I'm sensitive to those too, but I didn't even think of the religious implications since they're such common phrases. I'll watch for those in the future, too. I like JK's secular world. Whew! That was a long review. :) Thanks for taking so much time to tell me what you thought; I really appreciate it!

Name: Zetera (Signed) · Date: 05/21/05 7:54 · For: A Cry in the Dark
Wow, fabulous insight into Remus's mind, you can reallt tell what he's feeling. Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks very much!

Name: Zetera (Signed) · Date: 05/21/05 7:44 · For: Reunion
Wow, this is great stuff! I'll definatley keep reading. Well done! 10!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

Name: mala (Anonymous) · Date: 05/09/05 21:27 · For: Reunion
This is probably the first marauder fic I've read, and a very good place to start too. The problem I have with most marauder fics is that they just know too little about the actual people to make well developed characters, but you did a great job of that. I know it's been mentioned, but Peter especially was great. I could only find one nit-picky error: continued James, “Even as a werewolf, should be continued James, "even as a werewolf, because it's a continuation of the sentence above. Otherwise, I had a hard time picking out any thing you did wrong, and look forward to reading more. =)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, and I'm glad I could pull you into the Marauder genre! It's always been my favorite. What can I say? The Marauders are sexy. ;) And thanks for finding that typo; I'll fix that now.

Name: dumblydoor (Anonymous) · Date: 05/07/05 12:15 · For: Fear
WOW--is BlackClaude JKR's penname, because, if not, you could've fooled me! :-0 I don't know where to begin--this is easily the best story I have ever come across on fanfiction. I feel like I just read an installment in the real Harry Potter books. You combined heart-wrenching moments with laugh-out-loud remarks and presented it so seamlessly that I can't even find words to describe it. I've never seen so many really long reviews in one place, and everything that is said is true. I could never write something so flawless--you are amazing.

Name: dumblydoor (Anonymous) · Date: 05/07/05 12:13 · For: Fear
WOW--is BlackClaude JKR's penname, because, if not, you could've fooled me! :-0 I don't know where to begin--this is easily the best story I have ever come across on fanfiction. I feel like I just read an installment in the real Harry Potter books. You combined heart-wrenching moments with laugh-out-loud remarks and presented it so seamlessly that I can't even find words to describe it. I've never seen so many really long reviews in one place, and everything that is said is true. I could never write something so flawless--you are amazing.

Author's Response: Wow to you too! Thank you for such a glowing review! I'm very flattered, and I'm going to get the next chapter up as soon as I can! :)

Name: Magical Maeve (Signed) · Date: 05/03/05 8:16 · For: Fear
I keep repeating this so often that it has become like a mantra…your Marauder’s characterisations continue to impress the heck out of me. These four guys in your fic ARE the Marauders! Nothing JK gives us in canon will ever change my opinion of them now. Covas is a marvellous creation, clearly clever and knowledgeable but do we like her? At the moment maybe not, and we do very much want to know if she knows about Remus after her little werewolf question. Everything is so precisely detailed and at the same time you bring in some profound notions for the characters to chew over. My favourite line has to be James inviting the werewolf for tea! It did so much to break the tension and show us that not even a fierce teacher can subdue his quick tongue. The horseplay between them was well done and gave Remus the opportunity to remember why he loves his friends. These guys don’t appear to be ready to let romance get in the way of their friendship... but I wonder what James would think if he knew what Remus felt? Can’t wait to get my hands on the next chapter… it’s bound to be a treat, they always are. I can’t offer any concrit because I’ve already given you that… and even then it wasn’t much! You’re a brilliant writer.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! Both for you great review and your beta help. What would James think if he knew how Remus felt? Hmm, good question. I don't know if he ever would know, since Remus would never tell him. But if he did find out, I imagine he'd be in as tight a spot as Remus is now. I hadn't considered that part of it, but who knows what will come down the road many chapters from now? ;)

Name: Ashwinder (Signed) · Date: 05/02/05 16:18 · For: Fear

As usual, beautiful set-up and description. I love the attention to detail. I can see the scene unfolding in my mind.

Congratulations, you're dead! Very snappy as a line, but if a vampire bites you, don't you turn into a vampire as well? Shouldn't she say,"Congratulations, you're undead"?

Madame Pomfrey Madam Pomfrey.

Dumbledore could never hire somebody so cruel. Well, she is coming across as a bit tough, if not cruel. IMO she could give an adult Professor Snape a run for his money. She hasn't given much in the way of a melodramatic speech the way Snape did in the first book, but the way she's using the rapid-fire questions here reminds me of that scene. And LOL, I simply hadn't read far enough yet. The speech seems to be coming now. I wonder how Sirius is going to react to her personality?

You were all quite comfortable at the beginning of class. Nothing has changed except your fear of a name. What an excellent way to make her point! I'm assuming the goal is to take away their fear of pronouncing Voldemort's name.

But are you a rat? No, but Peter is...

Now James would tell him off and probably never speak to him again. He wondered if he could still be Sirius’s friend even if James was angry at him. Probably not, he thought. Maybe Peter’s? He's still so vulnerable when it comes to their friendship. I can understand why, but it's heart-wrenching. You've portrayed it so well. I think the juxtaposition with his sensitivity over the werewolf issue really drives the point home. I also like how Remus' fear here is all in his own head. James wasn't asking about Lily for the reason Remus thought he was. And then bang, James shows Remus his own vulnerable side. Poor Remus can't catch a break, can he?

But Remus couldn’t make himself see the cool, arrogant Quidditch star who was so easy to resent. He saw an eleven-year-old boy grinning at him, the first friendly gesture extended to him at Hogwarts. He saw an expression of acceptance rather than fear when his secret was discovered. He saw a weary face poring over Transfiguration books for hours, tirelessly researching the Animagus spells. And there it is, the entire crux of their frienship. This story is such a joy to read. I hope the next part will be out soon!

Author's Response: Shouldn't she say,"Congratulations, you're undead"? LOL, you're probably right. Just don't tell Professor Covas; she'd be quite miffed. :) And you just reminded me of The Incredibles, too. You caught her monologuing! Thanks again for another wonderful review; I always look forward to seeing what you've written. And hopefully the next chapter will be out soon!

Name: Rita Writer (Signed) · Date: 05/01/05 19:34 · For: Fear

Mostly, in Marauder fics, the main and hardest thing to do is keep everyone well in character, and you've done just that. By now, your readers really feel sympathetic towards Remus. You're doing wonderful with him as a character. All the Marauders are quite in character; James is ego hungry, Remus thinks he can't compete, Sirius is witty, and Peter is not ruthless and crule [thank you!] but still somewhat helpless. I really enjoyed how you write Lily. We don't know much about her, but from what little information we do have, you've done a great job with her.

I really enjoyed the lesson with Professor Covas. Not only was it a non-cliched lesson, but it really helped push Remus's feelins towards being a werewolf out. Being refered to as 'it' can't be fun. I loved how you described him as being scared that someone would since his fear and discover what he is. It was so in character.

The last scene by the lake really brought out how all the Marauders act together. They're excatly what I imagened they would be like, especially with Remus staying behind at first. Perfect. 9/10

Author's Response: Thanks very much! It always makes me so happy to hear that I've maintained the readers' visions of the characters. And I was worried about writing the lesson because at first I didn't know where to begin, so I thank you for your praise!

Name: Ksenia (Signed) · Date: 05/01/05 11:28 · For: Fear
The chapter's end is beautifully written. The struggle between Remus' feelings towards Lily and his friendship with James has a nice balance and isn't overly dramatized. I like that it is a concious choice that Remus makes in helping James.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I liked the idea of it being a conscious choice too, rather than him just losing her.

Name: kaltaru (Signed) · Date: 04/27/05 8:50 · For: Fear
You already pretty much know how I feel since I took a look at it before it was validated, but I thought I'd go ahead and review. :)

Once again, it's clear you've taken great care to keep your characters IC. I smiled as usual when reading about Sirius's antics. I enjoyed reading about the class and seeing Remus's reaction to being told to kiss the snake. o_O I also liked that all the males were up front in class in order to get a closer look at our dear Professor Covas.

And of course, let's talk about Professor Covas. I mentioned that I thought she was quite creepy. I still think that, but I love the character. I can't wait to see more of her as she had a class completely under her spell, even if it was creepy why. If she had been my teacher, I think I probably would've completely hated her. You've done a marvelous job with characterization. You did a great job with foreshadowing as I remember Remus having "feelings" about her in previous chapters. Considering that this is the first chapter we've seen her and she's already so well developed speaks to your ability to think characters through. Great job with that.

You touched on a lot of themes in this chapter. First we see the class and Remus's feelings of isolation about being a werewolf. When he was put on the spot. even if indirectly, I gasped out loud. I became quite miffed at the idea that she would mention killing werewolves in the first place, but also at the idea that she might have so casually done so knowing that Remus was a werewolf. If it turns out that she did know... I'll throttle her. I don't know how I'll get my hands on her literary neck, but I will.

Then later, Remus's sadness about Lily shows his isolation within the group as well as foreshadows a sad future for him. You’ll lose both Lily and James, and then Sirius and Peter as well. You’ll have no one. This line simply must be spotlighted. You've just summed up Remus's entire adult life just about. It's so sad to realize that all the important people around Remus, James, Sirius, Peter, and Lily, will be lost to him. It's quite unnerving to realize that as you're reading.

This chapter was so great. I loved it and I can't wait to read your future chapters. :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I love long reviews. :) Ahh, Professor Covas. She's a slippery one. I imagine her somewhat like Snape, except not governed by pettiness and insecurity. And she's oh so fun to write. You're right, poor Remus is pretty isolated in this chapter. I felt kind of bad doing that to him, but I knew I had to, so I'm giving him a break in the next chapter and making it more humorous. Thanks again for your review and for all your help. I'll be asking for more advice with chapter 6 soon!

Name: missblack (Signed) · Date: 04/26/05 20:23 · For: Fear
Okay, i have to let you know that you are amazing! This story is soo well written. This chapter was really great and i loved the fear speech. You are an amazing writer so keep it up and update soon!:D 10

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked the fear speech; that was interesting to write.

Name: d3pr3ss3dNhappy (Signed) · Date: 04/24/05 22:11 · For: Fear
Wow. That chapter was amazing, in short. The lesson was so fascinating, you did a really good job on that. I noticed a few minor errors with dialogue punctuation (beta skills kicking in, Argh). But the lesson was really impressively written. Congrats!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! And feel free to point out the punctuation errors. I pride myself on being a grammar queen, so I must cover up any mistakes I make! :)

Name: Ashwinder (Signed) · Date: 04/24/05 20:51 · For: Lady of Spain

Great opening with Remus and the other Marauders. You really capture their friendship well -- it's so easy and natural. One thing you could possibly have added was a mention of Remus getting rid of his wolf-feaures. The way things read it's almost as if he walked out of the hospital wing with them, and, as funny as he found the joke when it was just between him and his friends, I don't quite think he'd want to do that.

I also have to wonder if they'd discuss their becoming Animagi and Remus' condition so openly at dinner, where someone can easily overhear them. I love all the speculation about sneaking into the girls' dormitories, though. That sounds just right for 15-year-old boys.

The pink lady? Are you implying she's gained weight over the intervening years? Too funny!

Poor Remus, this whole prefect thing has really put him in a bad spot, hasn't it? I know it was sort of hinted at in canon that he didn't do anything to stop the others from pulling their pranks, but your portrayal has made it so much more real and poignant.

Yet another excellent chapter.

Author's Response: Pink Lady, Fat Lady. LOL! I didn't even realize I did that! Oops, I mean yes. It was all part of my master plan. :) There was a quick mention of Madam Pomfrey vanishing his wolf-features, but it went by quickly. That's quite an image of him walking through the halls with it, though! And you're right, it is a little dangerous for them to be talking about the Animagus spells at dinner, but it's noisy, they whispered amongst themselves, and they're 15, i.e. invincible in their own minds. Thanks for another wonderful review!

Name: Ashwinder (Signed) · Date: 04/24/05 20:23 · For: Home Sweet Home

Excellent description at the beginning. It really sets the tone.

Love the image of Lily turning Bellatrix into a Medusa. Now who has she practised on? Petunia? Actually it's pretty cool that you leave it up to the imagination. Also good idea for the way Bellatrix attacked Lily. I can definitely see that happening. I love it when authors make up plausible new spells rather than relying completely on canon.

The interaction between Remus and Lily is just wonderful. I have the feeling she's going to work out what the problem is, if she hasn't already and isn't bothering to let on. The whole attack on her for being Muggle-born sort of gives them a commonality, doesn't it? They're both out-casts in their own way.

The way Sirius ended his story with "That's low, Evans," gave me a giggle. So did the "animal magnetism" line. You've echoed Ron there.

You have "guys" in there again, which is an Americanism. Unfortunately I'm not too sure what to suggest to replace it. Using "mates" (plural) sounds off to me. You could leave it out altogether.

Overall, another excellent chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks for another great review! I imagined that Lily has had to defend herself in school quite a bit. Since this is shortly before Voldemort's rise to power, I imagine there had to be a lot of anti-Muggle sentiment running rampant, sort of like pre-Hitler Germany. As for whether or not she'll discover Remus's secret? Well, we'll just have to wait and see. :)

Name: icantbebotheredwiththis (Signed) · Date: 04/24/05 15:26 · For: Fear
That was sweet. So Remus has to choose between a girl and his best friend.

Author's Response: Yep, it's a hard choice for poor Remus. Thanks for reviewing!

Name: DragonGirl (Signed) · Date: 04/23/05 14:25 · For: Fear
I loved this chapter. You write Remus' character sooooo good. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

Name: 2Hopeless2Care (Signed) · Date: 04/22/05 20:34 · For: Fear
Poor Remus. Hehe, great idea. I would never have thought of kissing a snake. I hope that Lily still shows up in the next chapters with Remus (sorry I'm kind of disliking James at the moment). Can't wait for the next chapter! 10/10!!!

Author's Response: Yes, James is sometimes hard to like, isn't he? And you will get your wish, Lily will be back in chapter 6. Thanks for the review!

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