delightful chapter. I'm glad you showed that they didn't all transform at once. Sirius' debut was hilarious. I like how you portray how annoying James and Sirius are to Lily and yet show James vulnerability.
Author's Response: Thanks again!
As I read this story grows on me. I liked Covas' lesson.--the explanation as to why werewolves attack people and especially her lesson on fear. It was a worthy lecture.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
That was a great chapter! You can really feel the comradery
between the boys. And having James completely freak out over being bald - so funny! You really brought out each of the boy's seperate personalites. Welll done and i look forward to your next update.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
So I wanted to review chapter nine, but it’s not up yet – instead, here I am back at chapter one. In general I don’t like reviewing things that were written a long time ago, just because I think the reviews often are no longer relevant to where the author is currently, but I wanted to read this anyway, and I thought it might be kind of fun to see where you’ve come from compared to where you are now. So I’m going to try and keep specific nitpickiness (which you know I tend towards) to a minimum, and look instead at general things.
I have read perhaps too much of Sirius as the handsome object of girls’ desires, and at first I was rather skeptical at the Ravenclaw girls giggling over him, but I Love what you did with Peter. Seriously, if you’re going to have his friends react like that, feel free to have girls moon over Sirius all the time, because you had me laughing out loud. And as for Peter – he’s really a hard character for me. I’m dead set against the stereotypical Peter as annoying little follower/brat/ignored character/insert something here, but while I can acknowledge that, I have a lot more trouble actually liking him even as a teenage character, and my interest in the Marauders is definitely centered around the other three. That said, there are all sorts of possibilities to explore with him, and I really like what you’re doing.
“Anyway, Remus,” continued James, “even as a werewolf, you’re only half as destructive as Sirius, and he was over all the time. Even when he almost blew our house up practicing hexes, my mum still couldn’t get enough of him.” In a high voice, he mimicked, “Oh James, why can’t you be more like your friend Sirius? So I said I was going to avoid nitpicks, but… I can’t help myself. I’m a hopeless cause. Two things about this section; one, they have just cautioned Peter for speaking about the full moon with the door open, and then James refers to Remus as a werewolf. Also, there should be a comma after “oh” and before “James.”
And by the end, you’ll be able to transform into some wild animal and maul them all.” Interesting that they already seem to have the plan to become Animagi. I’d like to see a bit of Remus’s reaction to this idea here, as it’s the first time it has been brought up – foreshadow later events, have Remus already starting to have doubts. Also, some background as to where they got the idea/how long they’ve had it might be nice (though I’m aware that there are seven chapters in the middle that I haven’t read yet, so…).
A great beginning to a great story, and I can’t wait to read more. (Nice to start it after the hiatus, so I shouldn’t have to wait toolong. Right?) *hugs*
Author's Response: *hugs* Thanks so much for reviewing! I know what you mean about reviewing chapters written so long ago, but I still love the feedback. :) Hee, I'm glad you liked Peter's reaction to Sirius, and you don't need to worry, because that's about all the female attention Sirius gets. The more I got into it,the more I realized the cliches to avoid. ;) And thanks for catching the "Oh, James" thing; I'm going to go edit that. As for James referring to Remus as a werewolf, Peter closed the door after he got called on it, so James considered it safe at that point. (It's still probably not a good idea, but that's as cautious as they get.) That's also a good idea to have more background on their Animagus plans. Although doubts are coming into play currently, it would have been good to plant those seeds from the beginning. Maybe I can sneak some in for future readers. ;) Thanks so much for your comments and advice!
I bet you never thought I’d read a Marauder Era fic unless I was beta-ing it, huh? You were wrong! Ha ha. Though honestly, it’s because I love you more than I’ve given in to the category (which I haven’t).
“No more would he suffer the endless onslaught of experimental cures, each of which his mother sobbingly referred to as “his last chance.” Remus felt like he was waking from a long nightmare.” I’d never before wondered what Lupin endured during his vacations, but this seems completely true to me. His poor mother. They do ridiculous things sometimes, even to the point of rejecting their children for their illness, trying to ‘cure’ them of their permenant flaws.
I’m also glad that you made Remus’ transformation happen the first night at Hogwarts. I think it’s important to remind the reader that the changes aren’t convenient, and they do interrupt his life quite a bit.
“Good lord, don’t encourage him!” said James, exasperated. “That’s the last thing he needs!” That line sounded a bit too feminine for James. I would change ‘lord’ to ‘god’. I would also change the second part of it to something like, “We’ll have to beat the grin off him next.”
You’ve incorporated external lives, too! Brothers and parents…you haven’t made the Marauders exist in their own bubble of joke-playing and no consequences. Very responsible writing. ;)
I’m not sure what to think about your James. He’s alternately a decent guy and a complete ass, and my mind is still trying to negotiate the two into one person. Your Remus, on the other hand…such a pacifist it’s annoying. But that’s what makes him realistic to me.
It was a good first chapter. Not boring at all (like mine tend to be). I hope that future chapters make the two sides of James seem like sides, instead of an entire separate person.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you for venturing into Marauder Era for me! *hugs* You're right about James, as we discussed. I'm still trying to figure out what makes him tick, and maybe surreptitiously observing my guy friends with jerky tendencies... ;) Since this was written two years ago, I hope I've bridged the gap since then, but I'm honestly not sure. I welcome your input on my next chapter! And yeah, Remus... poor, pacifist Remus. I get why it's annoying, and sometimes I want to slap him, too, but I think it really is a serious character flaw of his. Not just, "Aww, he's a softie," but "omg, he didn't even have the balls to tell Dumbledore about Sirius when he thought he was a murderer!" Thank you so much for your review; I always love your insight!
this is really good! I was concerned as i had come up with the title 'phases of the moon; a while ago but had done nothing with it and despite that i was concerned as to whether you would do i justice and you've done more then that! I have a picture for the title if you want it- i tend to spend a fair while in photostudio 2000m its yours if you want! Love the story so far!
Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm sorry about taking your title. :) I'm glad you liked the story, though, and yes, I'd love to see the pic you made! Thanks for the offer!
BC, I’m just stunned.
Your characterization of the Marauders is, hands down, the best I’ve seen outside of canon. Remus is so melancholy and troubled that he makes me want to hug him, and has remarkable depth. His reaction to Sirius’s bullying of Snape is just great; I like how he was quietly troubled, but tried to convince himself that it wasn’t anything to get upset about. And then there’s his crush on Lily—I think it’s both plausible and sweet, and look forward to seeing where it goes.
James, Sirius, and Peter are equally wonderful. James is the perfect combination of good humor and cockiness, as well as showing himself to be a good friend. I thought that it was particularly insightful of you to show Sirius losing his temper so suddenly in the very first chapter; it unflinchingly shows his bad side. But Peter is the most exceptional by far. You’ve transformed him from the forgotten Marauder into a true friend. He cracks jokes, he sympathizes, but he still has that shady undertone, just barely there. It’s a great accomplishment.
The interaction is lovely. The scene where they’re mock fighting was so great—it’s light-hearted and is so obviously male bonding that it made me grin. The humor of this fic is very nice, especially Sirius’s “wooing” of the new professor; I actually laughed aloud at that. The dialogue is also perfect, suitably relaxed and informal for their maturity levels. All in all, you’ve succeeded in portraying exactly what the Marauders are—young boys.
When I set out to write this review I had the most terrible time, because there’s so much to compliment and very little to criticize. In fact, there’s nothing. I truly did try to search for some weakness, but your flawless grammar and characterizations, and well as the pleasant style (which has equal parts wonderful description and compelling action), make this fic as perfect as any I have found. This might not be a true SPEW review, but you deserve the unadulterated praise. ;) Only…write more! Soon.
Author's Response: Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I appreciate this review! I don't even know what to say; I'm just sitting here grinning. :) I've been having a hard time with my latest chapter, so your praise is very timely and gratefully received, especially because it addresses the things I've been having trouble with. But you've motivated me to work through it. :) I'm so glad you've liked the story so far, and I will endeavor to keep it up!
This is a beautiful peice. I couldn't tear myself away from the computer untill I had finished!
You've captured the Marauders wonderfully - they're perfect!
I adore the "Arrival Of Padfoot" chapter - it's amazing! It's written so well, you've brought out Sirius's charactor excelently in the dog. I actually cried for Remus when he was hugging and thanking Sirius (in Padfoot form) in the grounds - it's so beautifully written.
I love the line in the "Confrontation" chapter where Sirius bribes Remus to stay awake with a scone - that really made me laugh! It's a typical Sirius move.
My one question was going to be about Remus-Wolf biting Sirius-Padfoot, but you've answered that already, and either way it's very good for the plot - it shows a starteling contrast between Remus and the Wolf brilliantly. I love it.
I love this Fic - you're an excelent writer! I look forward to future chapters - this is one of those rare Fics that I just don't want to end! Can't wait to read more - this was amazing.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for your kind praise! I'm so flattered that I evoked a tear; that made my day to hear that. :) It's really motivating to get that kind of feedback. I appreciate your reviewing!
So I've read 2 chapters now and I'm very impressed with your prtrayal of the Marauders. I'm not typically a fan of Marauder fics, but you've managed to give each of them, including Peter, lovely nuances and dimensions. I'm very intrigued and feel a great deal of empathy for your Remus, so I shall herd my kids to bed so I can continue reading.
One brief thing to think about. When Peter and Sirius are playing chess, Peter would have likely informed Sirius that his king was in check and I could be wrong, but I don't think that there can be another move if the king is in check. He would have had to get the king out of jeopardy. I'm just being anal - please feel free to completely ignore me, especially since I'm no master chess player.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing; I'm glad you enjoyed it! As for the chess game, you're totally right. You can't move your king into check.... crap. Hmmm, can I just say that Wizard's Chess has different rules? :) Nah, I'll go back and fix that. Thanks for pointing that out!
i had to say something(mostly because i am a political scientist and theories are my narcotics). still it infinitely vexes me that this is fiction and there should not be any ontologies as such, in fiction there is only deontology.
so i will be as succinct as possible.
(i)your responses to reviews are as good as your story. there is such a good effort beyond it all. and i think it is important that you convey as much as possible about the methodology behind the story. in fact, i came across phases of the moon while doing research on animagi. i consider canon to be way to equivocal on that point. but the bottomline is mugglenet fanfiction search engine returns only a few stories when you enter the keyword -animagus. so if you share your resourcefulness on those matters(like you had done with werewolves), it would be best.
(ii)in fact before reading your discussions with jeograph, i was content with the quasi-impression that not only canon but fanfiction lore on the subject as well was perfunctory on questions of causality. so i sort of had given up. but this late discussion changes everything. again it is not important that we get into JK's jar of muse(her intentions etc.) but that our efforts to understand further and perhaps salvage good theories on questions not addressed in canon(but still within its general parameters) are what matters. and your efforts are so far very sound.
Author's Response: Thanks for your comments! I'm so glad that my review responses are appreciated; it's great to know that people not only care about the story, but also about the thought process behind it! I'll try to give some more information on the Animagus spells too, maybe when Peter still has trouble after James and Sirius have already accomplished it. I'll have to think about what those spells entail, because I find the canon to be equivocal there, too.
The issue of bites, was in fact one of my questions. My memory of the books was that the werewolf was not violent toward animals, only toward humans, and so the Marauders in their Anamagus forms could keep Lupin company without fear of attack...
But I would have to do some canon research to be sure of my interpretation. I really like what you are doing... but yes when Sirius was bitten as a dog my first thought was... "But, he would contract lycanthropy, wouldn't he? because he would still be bitten after transformation. I was sort of hoping you would explain why this is not so?
If one assumes that an Anamagus becomes the subject animal all the way down to the genetic level, you might assume that animals simply have some natural immunity to lycanthropy therefore if they maintain their animal form for a length of time appropriate for their immune systems to kill off all of the lycanthropy virus, they would then be able to transform without fear of contracting the disease.
But then again, lycanthropy may be a magically based condition and not transformed by a conventional virus, but a magical virus that is keyed to magic potential, so that only latent Wizards and Witches would be able to become Werewolves. Personally I find that an interesting idea, but it is not addressed in canon. Perhaps - becoming an Anamagus is an effective immunization against lycanthropy? If that were so, most Witches and Wizards would attempt to become Anamagi... but it is an interesting thought.
Anyway... I am looking forward to your explanation.
Author's Response: Excellent questions! I had to look it up just now in PoA to remember the specifics, and I actually find the canon a little confusing. Remus does say,"A werewolf is only a danger to people," and also "Sirius and James transformed into large enough animals, they were able to keep a werewolf in check." Now, I always remembered that part as meaning that a werewolf is only a danger to people because it can't pass lycanthropy to an animal, and also that Sirius and James transforming into large animals was important because they had to defend themselves against him. However, re-reading it now, it does sound as if a werewolf is only aggressive toward humans, and that the "keeping in check" part was important for keeping him from running off outside, not for defense. So, oops... maybe. :) But I can live with that, because Remus-wolf will certainly calm down a bit with his animal companions in coming chapters, since he does say that his mind became less wolfish with them. I'll just use my artistic license to say that it took a bit of getting used to first. As for the lycanthropy part, that's where it gets confusing. I agree that it really does seem as if they should be in danger, since Sirius clearly still has the bites after transforming back. There is a small bit of canon that backs it up, though. When Sirius transforms to keep Lupin from attacking everyone after leaving the Shrieking Shack, it says "They were locked, jaw to jaw, claws ripping at each other" and then "Black was bleeding; there were gashes across his muzzle and back." I'm assuming that the muzzle gashes were from Remus biting him when they were jaw to jaw, so I also have to assume that something about being bitten while in animal form renders the lycanthropy harmless. I lean more towards the magical curse theory than the virus theory, so I imagine that the curse is passed at the time of the bite but it doesn't take hold because Sirius is an animal, and that's the end of it. By the time Sirius transforms back, the curse of the bite is long gone, off wherever other misfired spells go. That's a long bit of rationalization that readers will not have gone through, though, so I will certainly slip in some exposition into the next chapter. Thanks for pointing that out to me!
Wow! I love the confrontation... I have so many questions though I don't know where to begin. Your interpretation of the werewolf is non-traditional... or perhaps it is merely non-Hollywood. I think perhaps I will wait until you post another chapter or two and just see if you answer my questions without my having to ask them.
I really enjoyed that you switched from Remus to the wolf and gave us the wolf's perspective. I can't wait to see what you do with this in the future.
I will of course look forward to the next chapter. And if you ever want opinion on anything feel free to contact me in the forums or directly through e-mail.
It is wonderful... keep it up.
Author's Response: Oooh, I'm intrigued by what your questions are, but chapter nine is almost done, so I'll wait and see. :) As for my werewolf portrayal, I don't know a lot about standard lore, so I've basically taken JKR's interpretation and made up my own from there. Sometimes I fear I'm writing inconsistencies, such as the fact that his friends will have no Bill-like complications from their bites, but JKR's said nothing of the Marauders going through that in canon, so I'll go with it. :) Thank you for all your opinions, praise, critiques, etc. When I need help with my sticky parts, I'll definitely seek your advice!
Oh wonderful! Finally a glint of what exactly brings Lily around. Not that the boys shouldn't meet her half way... but I was becoming worried that the conflicting views of Lily and the boys were on the edge of irreconcilable. I loved lily's frustration in the face of Slughorn's nonchalant reaction to the conflict in the hall. And I of course adored the scene with the tea cup which followed.
I wish I could offer more practical - technical advice, but I think your knowledge of grammar and mechanics exceeds my own.
You have really given me insight to Remus' character that I had just never thought all that much about before. As you have seen with my own story... most of my thoughts at present are dealing with the book seven era. I do think however that when I get to dealing a little more with Lupin's character, as I have some plans to do, I will have to credit your writing with giving me a more in-depth understanding of his character and his motivations. Thanks for that.
One more chapter and I will be caught up, so I can join the ranks of those eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Very good work.
Author's Response: Wow, I'm honored that you would look to my characterization for your own story! That's probably the best compliment I could receive, so thank you! And yes, Lily did have to show a little bit of a vindictive streak in her. ;) As we've seen in OotP, fifth year doesn't end on a good note with her and the Marauders, but I wanted to show a bit of hope for seventh year. Thank you for your wonderful review!
It's definitely getting better and better. I must confess this is the first marauders era fic I have read, and I am really enjoying the dynamic you create between the four boys.
I will keep reading as I can and continue to enjoy. Oh! having Sirius piss and Bellatrix was grand fun. And the DADA class was wonderful stuff. Can;t wait to get truly caught up so I can await each new chapter with eager anticipation.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! As always, I appreciate your reviewing. :)
I doubt you remember, but I'm your fan from over at the beta boards. =P
As I said there, your story is absolutely enchanting. I love it, and especially how you've characterized Remus, the rest of the Mauraders, and Lily. They seem so real and lifelike, and you truly did capture Remus' thoughts and feelings.
I absolutely love werewolf stories, so needless to say "Phases of the Moon" is on my favorites list. Great job, and I can't wait til your story is updated! =)))
Author's Response: Of course I remember, you saved my chapter! Thanks so much for your lovely review; I'm glad I could satisfy a werewolf fan. :)
Very nice, quite vivid in emotion. I hope you continue to plumb the depths of Remus' emotional journey through lycanthropy. I am fascinated by this aspect of the character, I always have been, though in the actual books I figured it was too complicated to get into. I am loving the way you are developing the young marauders. I am going to watch for their subtle maturation as your story develops.
Thanks for a wonderful read. I'll keep reading as I have the time. You've definitely made it to my favorites list.
Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! Yep, you will be seeing more of Remus's coping with lycanthropy throughout the story, and especially in the newest chapter that I'm working on now. My original focus for this fic was Remus and a certain red-haired girl who shows up in chapter three, but I'm finding myself more interested in the werewolf aspect as I've gone along. :) Thanks again for reviewing, I really appreciate it!
Okay, I am definitely reading further. This first chapter really has drawn me in. I love the dynamic you create between the four marauders. I have never really given it too much thought as I haven't yet read any marauder era fics. I love what you are doing with Wormtail so far, making him a bit of a clown, but fitting securely with the other three. From what we know from J.K.R's books, he did in fact fit this way, but to see it written into form is very pleasing.
I am no grammarian so I cannot really offer much in the way of technical critique, though I did see a few typos, not enough to trouble me particularly in the reading, but you could go through at your leisure sometime and try to catch them yourself.
I am anxious to keep reading, and I'll set you more reviews as I progress. Great start.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you came by. :) You have sharper eyes than me, because I looked through and couldn't find any of my typos. Can you give me a hint where they are? I'll go mad knowing they're out there! (Yes, I'm a bit of a grammar freak.) :)
I stumbled upon your story and fell in love. It's entertaining to hear about their 5th year instead of their 7th.
I like your use of detail for the transformations. Very suiting for the situation.
Oh, and I loved how you called Bellatrix, Trixie. Classic...
Can't wait for the next update
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I've been writing a lot lately, so hopefully the update will come soon.
You are right about the second point, that is exactly what I meant.
One more thing -you may like to read Soltice Muse's Eternal Sunshine of a Scorgified Mind(I think that is what it was -trust me you will find it) on fanfiction.net. It is a whole different category of fanfiction or even fiction(especially compared to yours), but I think you will like it. And perhaps it will help you stray out of canon when canon gets too prosaic.
Author's Response: Thanks for the suggestion! I always like reading fics of a different type to get stylistic ideas.
Well done. So much in your fic has the element of breakthrough. It towers over so many other petty efforts. Blacks invented the mean, and you invented the Blacks. It is quite standard-setting. Still I like to mention two things. And please do not berate my humble review because it is rather too late for tinkering with the story.
First, there is no subtext for Lily's late more-friendly-attitude towards Lupin. Am I missing something? One encounter in the infirmary and then wham, they rehearse an intimacy unusual for people in their age. I am quite aware of the fact that you have planned on this element of suspense -whether, in fact, Lily, romantically speaking, likes Lupin or not.
And, that is the second thing. Suspense broods over everything for too long. You have developed well Lily's and Lupin's first encounter with the undecidability of circumstances. But when change comes, will not the effect register because it took you too long to arrive at that juncture yourself literarily(longer than for our protagonists to do anyway)?
Again well done. looking forward to next chapters.
Author's Response: Berate? Never! I really appreciate your taking the time to write a review with such very good points. As for the first one, you're absolutely right about the lack of subtext. Here is the background as I imagine it: Lily is quite familiar with Remus, having been in his year and house for four years, and she's talked to him along with James and Sirius, but never really one-on-one. However, she's noticed that he's more mature and a kinder soul than his friends, but also a bit lonely, and she wants to get to know him better outside of his friends' shadows. Therefore, in their first real conversation alone and after discovering that they'll both be prefects together, she opens up to him, extending an offer of friendship. So that's the subtext that I imagined. But how much of that did I make clear in the writing? Oh, maybe 2%. :) It was abrupt, and admittedly written more to move the plot than as a logical consequence of events. But fear not! I'm actually in the process of editing my earlier chapters, (it's never too late for tinkering), and I will be making some changes to their meeting.
As for the second point, I have to admit I'm not entirely sure what you mean. But I think you're saying that I've set up the suspense and then let it drag too long. That's quite possibly true as well. I think I've fallen into the beginning writer's trap of taking too long to get things moving, which I will try to rectify in coming chapters. But at the same time, the Lily thing is not really the focus of the story. She is just one of the many trials and tribulations in young Remus's life.
Thank you again for your review! I'm very flattered by your praise, and I always appreciate any constructive criticism that will help me improve as a writer.