I don't think I've ever read a better account of Remus' feelings about his transformation. It so perfectly in character and portrayed so touchingly, that I don't think JKR herself could have done a better job on it. I especially loved the comparison of what Sirius and James complain about in their lives and how it's nothing to what Remus faces on a monthly basis. I think his resentment was right on. I also loved your portrayal at his despair that this is indeed forever. I can't imagine how he goes on in the face of that, although I think his friends have a lot to do with that, and I'm hoping we'll see that in upcoming chapters. Wonderful, wonderful job, and I'm going to rec this fic to all my Remus-loving friends.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm honored by your praise and recommendations. :) This was definitely the most emotional chapter for me to write so I'm glad it came through.
Lovely opening. You've captured the atmosphere of the return to school very well, an atmosphere in which Remus' description stands in stark contrast.
"You guys" is an Americanism. "You lot" would be more in keeping with UK speech patterns. I'm also pretty sure "bullshit" is an Americanism. I think Sirius would be more likely to say "bollocks".
I'm glad to see that Peter is portrayed as being a bit of a joker along with the rest of them. In all too many Marauder-era fics, he's characterised in such a way that the reader wonders why the heck anyone is friends with him, let alone popular students like James and Sirius. Nice to see you avoid that pitfall. Peter having a brother is also an interesting twist on things. I don't believe I've ever seen that before.
Your damn right it was. You want "you're" in there, not "your".
But first, I’m going to play with the pure-bloods, like a good Black. I like that idea very much -- Sirius is taking his frustration with his family out on Snape. It seems very fitting. I also like Remus' thoughts about fighting hatred with hatred near the end, but I can see the whole "I'll confront him next time" happening. And it'll just keep on happening. I really like this first chapter, with the dynamic between Sirius and Remus. I can't wait to see where you take it.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review and the advice! You're right, Sirius was getting a bit American there. I'll watch that in the next chapters and I'll fix that typo.
I didn't know Peter had a brother. Is he dead? Anyway i liked this chapter even though it was really long. I also didn't know Remus smoked, but i liked how you decirbed his ash face. i think that would make me cough, but it was intersting to read. And what does pallid mean? I forget. I liked how they were all in the train adn everything, though they were mean to Snap. and what place was Remus stuck at all summer? And i don't think Sirius is cute. Like, he's really old, even though he isn't in this story. I thought you did a great job on your writing.
Author's Response: My dear Interloper, I'm so glad you read my story. You have such an interesting take on things. Remus doesn't smoke, he's just sick, and he was stuck at home all summer. And I'm sorry you don't think Sirius is cute; he's always spoken so highly of you. ;)
That was so sweet! I don't usually read Remus Lupin stories but this one is worth the time. Please update soon!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! The next chapter's in the queue, so it's in Mod's hands now.
are you gonna update soon? I love this story and im so looking forward to the next chapter!!!please hurry!!:)
Author's Response: I am, I promise you. I'm submitting very soon. Thanks for hanging in there!
Well the opener really had me smiling. Wonderful wordplay between the Marauders and perfect characterisation, but then I wouldn’t expect anything else from you after the previous chapters. Remus instinctively knowing that they had done something was a great way of showing just how well the friends know each other. And the Yorkie was very funny; I would have liked to see Sirius with a pink bow in his hair though. You constantly give us wonderful insights into Remus’ character and bring his earlier self alive so vividly. The introduction of the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher implies that this is a post that has always been difficult to fill. I enjoyed your description of her; it was very subtle and yet quite detailed. Remus observation about her guarded look served a twofold purpose; it gave us a look at how well Remus can read people and also let us know that our Spanish lady may not be all she seems. Peter’s attempts to master the process of becoming an Animagus were well written and I liked the mention of the Flobberworm. We know he became a rat, which is a fairly small animal, and you’ve given us a different reason to the generally assumed one for him becoming that animal. I also liked the distinction you had him draw between the voluntary change involved in being an Animagi and the enforced change that Remus has to undergo. And I love the wit that runs through the whole story; there are some real flashes of brilliance. I really liked Sirius’ admiration of the new teacher and the line ‘Until tomorrow, my sweet Cabernet’ made me laugh. Lily- Lily is beautifully written, one of the best I’ve seen. Her reactions to James and Sirius are perfect and of course her connection with Remus is extremely touching. They are connected both by their prefect’s badges and by their blood status but I think there is a deeper connection underlying their blossoming relationship and I hope you explore that. Remus’ line about it not being healthy to talk to her in his state was another that made me laugh. I love humour when it is a subtle as this…it’s very clever. Do I have to offer criticism? I honestly don’t think I can! Apart from a few phrases that sounded a bit modern for the seventies I couldn’t find anything to gripe about, It’s brilliant and I look forward to the next chapter with eager anticipation.
Author's Response: Thank you so much, you flatter me so! I'm so happy you're enjoying the story. The line about Remus thinking it isn't healthy to talk to Lily actually came from my own experience. I kept thinking of romantic moments over and over to feel that palpitation, kind of like "method" writing, and I thought, "If I keep this up, I'm going to pass out!" So I figured our werewolf friend would feel the same way. :) Thanks again for your review!
The first thing I would like to review is Pettigrew. I liked how you made him win the chess match. He may be a coward, and not very good at dueling, but we have know idea about his logic. Most people hate Peter so much that they try to make him the stupidest character, but he's not. Then the descriptions in the Shrieking Shack were wonderful. I think it was good that you had the full moon on the returning day; it helps the readers understand Remus very early into the story and feel sympathetic towards him. It almost feels like you sat down and literally studied the characters so you could write them well. Then there's the woman you've mentioned that we don't know who is yet; great way to get the readers hooked. It makes people guess and then read further so they can see if they were right. Great job overall. 9/10
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked Peter's chess game; I think he must have been good at something and chess seemed like a good strength. All the strategy and duplicity and patience. (12 years as a rodent!) Thanks so much for your review!
Remus’s face had been carefully transfigured in his sleep and was now adorned with a dog’s nose, whiskers, and a shining coat of brown fur. His hair was sticking up and had been shaped into pointy ears. What a great way to show the ever-continuing friendship they have. It's so nice and wonderful to see. You are so good at characterization, for even as his friends are doubling over with laughter, Remus is bemused, chuckling in spite of himself. I loved the hospital scene and the way Madam Pomfrey lost it after seeing Remus. I found myself imagining the horror as she realized what had happened. That was great.
I'm intrigued to hear about Professor Corvas. Who is she and what role is she going to play in the Marauders' future? The way you described Remus's uneasy feelings about her was great because it showed an instinct about him as well as foreshadowed things to come. Just what is going to happen?You have great lines peppered throughout your story. Peter’s face lit up with excitement. “Maybe they’ll even let us sleep in their beds!” Tee hee hee. Images of teenage boys drifted through my mind right there. I also loved, “Can’t you see it’s tearing us apart? You enforce order and discipline now, the very things I fight against. We’re like Romeo and Juliet!” I thought that it hinted at things to come as well as showed just how annoying James is. God, if I had known him... lol This was great as well: “Wow, if you wanted to tear my robes off, all you had to do was ask,” he said.
I really like your portrayal of Lily. She is a strong character without overbearing. I love how she just demanded her badge back. I could totally see her doing that.You have a wonderful talent at characterization, as I've already said. I love everyone's loyalty to Peter as he grumbles about the possibility of being a flobberworm. The fact that Sirius said he'd carry him on his back hints at just how strong his feelings are for his friends. How could anyone have ever doubted him? How could anyone have said he'd betray his friends? The friendship you have portrayed here makes me sad to think of what's to come. Just what happened to make Peter turn? How is it, with such loyal friends, his fear overtook him? I read with these questions in mind and I keep searching for clues.
Lily's defending of Snape in OOTP, were you thinking that was recent for Lily, or had she been defending him for a long time? How has that affected her ability to relate to the Marauders? And how will Sirius's family dynamic affect them? So many questions... Sigh. Great chapter!
Author's Response: Wow, thanks for your long, lovely review! You'll get to see a lot more of Professor Covas in the next chapter. I had a lot of fun writing her. As for Lily and Snape, we'll see more of them coming up. Lily's always stood up for the underdog, but I think fifth year is when the Marauders' egos really start to blow up and they torture Snape more. Poor, greasy little dear. :) Thanks again, I appreciate your review!
Remus’s face had been carefully transfigured in his sleep and was now adorned with a dog’s nose, whiskers, and a shining coat of brown fur. His hair was sticking up and had been shaped into pointy ears.
update as soon as you can!!I know that now with the move and all you can't submit any chapters, so i'll just tell you why you should asap! I need to hear more about Sirius because i really like the way you wrote him, I want to know more about the growing R/L relationship, I wanna know how James will react and I wanna see some more funny Sirius scenes cause he's amazing lol. Honestly, this story is insane! I usually try to stick to J/L fics, but this story is so good i cant. You should feel special, you're an exception lol..yay! Anways, update as soon as possible!:)
Author's Response: Oh, I feel so guilty seeing the "update soon" requests from weeks ago. I promise it's coming very soon! Thanks for reading my story even though it's not J/L (yet). Most of the things you're looking are coming in the next chapter, so hang in there! It's coming!
They're so terrible but they make me laugh!
Author's Response: :) Glad you like them!
Another great chapter. There's no "e" after Madam by the way. I always imagined that there would be some chemistry between Lily and Remus. You know what, I think they suit each other. "Animal magnetism" - lol, I remember where that came from!
Author's Response: Thanks for catching the Madam/Madame error! I thought I'd gotten them all, but I'll go back and edit. I think Remus and Lily go well together, too. But we know it wasn't meant to be. :(
Excellent descriptions of how Remus felt in the shack! You really caught the angst and I felt sorry for him. Interesting how you made Peter good at chess. I'm sure most authors portray him as a useless tag-a-long. You even added a bit of mystery with the dream. I think I have an idea of who the girl is.
Author's Response: I think if you have an idea of who the girl in the dream is, then you're probably right. ;) Thanks for the review!
Interesting. I like the way you make James and Sirius attention-seeking pranksters like they are but not show them as mean people.
Author's Response: I figured I'd get pretty sick of writing James and Sirius if they were jerks all the time like we saw in OotP. Thanks for reviewing!
Wow. This is the best R/L fiction I've ever read, even though I don't fancy them too much, this one is really awesome! Please update soon!
Author's Response: Hee hee, this is the third R/L comment in a row and I can tell the ship is not that popular! But thanks for looking past it and thanks for the review! (Check out the previous comments for reassurement about the ship)
omg i love this fic. haha i love Sirius at the end "you're welcome mate" BIRLLIANTE! yes, im not all that into R/L fics..buuttt this one is quite good. I like the feelings you give Remus. Well done..and update soon please:)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! It's still weird for me to think of this as an R/L, because even though he has a crush, I didn't really think of it as a romance story. So hopefully Remus's crush isn't too off-putting to J/L shippers. (I'll give you a hint: it's not AU so we all know how it ends up!)
I really love this story. You write it very well. Even though I'm not much for L/R fics, this one is superb.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you looked past the L/R, because if you stick with it, you'll find it's not as L/R as you might think.
I was so pleased to see Lily appear and act exactly as I have always imagined she would. The interplay between all the characters was as good as ever, including the way Sirius stepped in with his wild story that just made Lily even more annoyed with them. Peter's laugh and immediate stifling of it was another great little character piece. The line about Lily being sassy was loaded with Americanisms but it was so good that who cares! I especially liked Remus waking, alone, in the Shrieking Shack. His symptoms where almost hangover like but with sinister undertones. Another fabulous chapter that moves along at just the right pace and with a lot of attention to perfect characterisation.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review! LOL, yeah I had a feeling the sassy line might be off, but it just stuck in my head for some reason.
I couldn't help laughing when Remus said that any child Lily and James would have would turn out to be a monster. If they only knew. Sirius was, as always, hilarious. I just can't get over how accurately the characters are being portrayed. You write them so wonderfully. The story is moving along nicely with a good pace. I am eagerly waiting for the next chapter.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the Harry line; I was hoping it wouldn't be too cheesy. :) Thanks for sticking with the story; I'm sorry for keeping you waiting so long!
Yipee!!! You updated. I read it and it is really good!!!! I love your story. Please continue writing it!!!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!