Your story avoids all Draco cliches brilliantly, and is original. Its beautifully written, and very powerful. There is no self-pity either which is very refreshing.
Wow, thats cool! Nice story!! Is this a one shot? Or will it keep going?
Wow, thats cool! Nice story!! Is this a one shot? Or will it keep going?
Very interesting,well written.
What to say other than ‘wow’…?
I don’t even like Draco, he is ‘ a conceited, arrogant, snotty spoiled little brat’, and I have pretty much despised any Draco PoV I have ever attempted to read, but this was so powerfully written that I was enraptured by every moment. Many people would have taken this plot and twisted it to create a great amount of sympathy for the misunderstood little Slytherin – but you kept Malfoy as the canon character he was, just as we see him, yet gave the reader many reasons to understand his ways and reasoning. Am I surprised that he gave in at the end? No. In fact, I might have chastised you if Draco had actually died in defiance instead of giving in to save himself from the pain. After all, Voldemort will soon be nothing, and then Draco will be free. Ah, the reasoning of a Slytherin. Serve yourself and no other and you should be fine, I’m guessing.
I loved your justification for his refusal to become a Death Eater, and his thoughts concerning ‘that little git Potter’. As for what he had to say about Crabbe and Goyle – that was wonderful. A nice light side for readers to enjoy in this otherwise deep, dark story.
You’re interpretation of the Malfoys and their pride in the family was perfect, too. So many wonderful aspects that I could praise you for endlessly. But I’ll try not to, because then we’ll be here forever ;) The view of the Malfoy estate enthralled me, too. And as for the scene of Malfoy’s torture/initiation, I found that both realistic and painful, but done tastefully and not sickeningly sadistic as I’ve read before. Powerful imagery put to good use, fully serving it’s purpose.
The only thing I didn’t like, and my reasoning is a bit silly, was the scene from Draco’s memory in which he and his father look across the ground and Lucius tells him, basically, what is his and his duty as a Malfoy. I think because it is so incredibly reminiscent of ‘The Lion King’ and ‘everything the light touches’ that it made me chuckle. I don’t really see Lucius and Draco as quite the Mufasa and Simba, and it threw me off from the intensity of the rest of the story.
If you don’t know this by now, I’ll have to inform you: I love Lucius Malfoy. Yes, I hate him, I think he is evil and despicable, and I wouldn’t put his actions in this story past him. But I still love him, and I was subsequently thoroughly caught up in ever moment of his role in this story. From the moment the ‘masked man’ approached him in the room of DE, I just knew it was Lucius – yet when you confirmed this with these lines: “I recognized the voice immediately. My father, my own father had just pronounced the words of one of the Unforgivable Curses at his own son”, it hit me in the same sickening wave that Draco must have felt. It was incredible. I’ve never really seen Lucius as a ‘proud father’. I see him as proud in necessity, as a way of ‘keeping up appearances’, but from the interaction we see between him and Draco in Borgin & Burkes, particularly his sting about Hermione beating him in all his classes, I’ve always thought he was more of the condescending type, always making Draco feel like he wasn’t good enough, and should keep trying to be. Difference of opinion maybe, but I do think you handled your ‘proud’ Lucius very well, and very consistently – that is until the great disappointment of Draco’s refusal to be a Death Eater. Lucius’s reaction there was exactly as I would imagine it, and I loved the way you echoed his words through the chapter.
Which brings me to the contrast between Draco’s perception of ‘nothing’ from that of his father’s. Lucius says he is nothing when he refuses his ‘calling’, but Draco feels that he is nothing only after he as conceded to be a Death Eater. It’s very interesting. It highlights that one difference between father and son – one is willing to follow Voldemort, the other would rather seek the power himself. I could go into analysis of Lucius’ view that he already has power, and that his activities as a Death Eater are merely extra-curricular, but I think I’ll just leave this here and tell you that the layers of this piece of work are infinite, and I’ll probably find myself thinking about it quite often.
Well, if I haven’t written: *madly applauds you*, then I’ll go ahead and add that here in my conclusion. This is the first piece of yours that I’ve ever read, and it was quite the experience! Now I *have* to read Shadows!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review! It gave quite some points to consider.
First of all the character of Draco. I like him teh way he has been described in canon and I prefer to keep him that way. He will never be redeemed, I even see him as doomed. He is after all a Malfoy and with that comes a sheer amount of arrogance and pride which will be sure to lead him to his doom. Which brings me to the fact of his refusal to join the DE. To me it was the only thing that fitted him, that graced him.
As for the scene on the tower. You are not the first one to comment on the fact that it resembles The Lion King. This is something I find very peculiar, because the truth is that I have never seen The Lion King since I dislike most things Disney with a passion. So I have no idea what scene you are referring to. But I must admit that that part of this fic has troubled me too from the beginning. It is just a bit off from the rest. Something I defenitely have to take a look at someday.
All in all I am very glad you liked my story and I am very glad that I could make you appreciate Draco and see him in a different light. Thanks again!
Very emotional, to say the least. This is very impressive; you are an expert at analyzing the interior side of Draco Malfoy; the only one whose story I've read so far that depicted his internal struggles excellently. It "hit me like a ton of bricks" in the words of my English teacher. Really, very nearly brought those tears flowing. 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you very much for reviewing. I am glad you like the way I portrayed Draco and think it shows a bit of who he is inside. :) Thanks again Saphire!
Wow, I’ve got to say this is a pretty impressive and emotional piece of writing. Evidence of this fact is that I absolutely hate Draco Malfoy, yet still found myself felling somewhat sorry for him as I read your story. What really got me into this was the whole poetic ring your first paragraph had to it. I also liked the whole idea of Draco not wanting to join up with the Death Eaters, but still clinging to some of their values. I find that believable. Too many stories I’ve read have Draco realizing somehow that he is one of the good guys, something that bothers me to now end. The torture scene was powerful too. To basically be beaten into submission until you become exactly what you want to. You descriptions combined with the fact that there are people like this in the real world just gives me shivers. Outstanding work here! 9/10.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review. I am glad that I got you to symphatize a bit with Malfoy. To me he is an intriguing character that has motivations. I tried to imagine why he would not want to join and in my mind it could only be because he is self-serving. And it is truly a sad fact that there are such people in the world, people that torture others into submission. Thanks again!
This is impossible, Riyo, impossible. You have done something that few other fanfics have ever done, in fact I think none have ever done, you've actually touched a chord with me. I actually felt your fic, all the meotions you wanted to convey. I could hear the cracked laughing ringing in my ears, I could visualize the whole scene before the mirror. Dark greens, shadows, a falsh of blonde, and void, the blackness, that which you wanted to show. Excellent work! The first person approach to a canon character is good, it's the first time I'm seeing it for Draco. The derision and despair are well brought out. Initially when I saw Lucius I though, hmm a little OOC, but later on I realized he was being manupilative, perfectly Lucius. The pain and shame of being what he is is brilliantly brought out. There is one more case I can give you where I've seen this sort of thing, at the end of George Orwell's 1984. The horror and sheer....I don't know, it's a strange feeling, fear but a strange sort, not for life, but something more than life, soul. You are very good at the Dramatic, the Cinematic, you can visualize whats happening. The last scene is the epitome of you abilities in this field. There are a few minor word issues I noticed, but they are all forgiven in the light of your most excellent story! Bravo, Bravo!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review. You actually made me blush. I am glad that my story touched a chord with you. Writing first person is for me one of the easiest ways to write, it makes it more personal, almost like acting. I tried my best to capture the fear and create a hopeless situation and I am gald to see that that actually paid off. Thanks again! *still blushing*
This was absolutely riveting. It brought tears to my eyes. Your potrayal of the father son relationship between Draco and Lucius was so poignant. Draco's desparation for Lucius' love was so sad...and then to have that man turn on him at the end...there really are no words. I especially loved the first paragraph (which is how I came by your story, being the one line was in your signature on the beta boards). This story is great!
Author's Response: Thanks you very much for your review. I am really glad that you liked my story and that it moved you. The first paragraph is the paragraph that started it all for me. It was a dribble I came up with during class, and my first bit of fanfic ever.
Hey there, dear! :) Well, you know how much I love your stories ... Draco is such a beautiful, mysterious and dark character in this story, I love it. I feel so much compassion for him ... This is a very strong and beautiful story ... and I'm hoping to read some more of its sequel soon :P
Author's Response: Hey you! :) Thanks for reviewing... I know how much you love this one and I am still very glad that you like my portrayal of Draco since he is very dear to me...
This story is fantastic. As I'm reading, I'm hearing Malfoy's voice, snide and haughty. You've caught him perfectly, right down to how he feels about "Potter" and "Granger" as well as his own friends. I like how you've echoed painful thoughts between a rather matter-of-fact POV of how his life is progressing. --I got what I wanted, when I wanted it-- How perfect is it that the reason he doesn't want to follow Voldemort is because he's so self-serving? I thought you did a really good job on this and I hope to see more of your writing. the only thing I might comment on is when he was remembering what his mother said to him and she called him "son." It just seemed a little off. It seems more manly than motherly. Oh well, that's just my nitpicking. I really enjoyed this.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review. It means a lot to me to hear comments like this. I am glad you liked the way I portray Malfoy and the reason I gave for turning away. Your comment about the son remark really made me think and it really is a manly thing to do. I never realised that before and it is definetely one to remember. Thanks again! :)
Wow thats some powerfull stuff. i loed your fic. keep writing u rock at it
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I am glad that you liked what I wrote. :)