Chapter 1
This is a very effective opening chapter. You set the stage. We know the year the relationships, the direction we're headed. The descriptions are well balanced and you generally have a good ear for dialogue.
The concept of a woman's love saving Harry a second time is symmetrical and I like the idea.
Constructive comment: Scaredy cats seems odd coming out of Harry's mouth there. I don't think it's an Americanism. It just reads off to me.
Chapter 2
This is so different from where JKR went with her story. It's interesting to read this other path. :D Your characterizations are solid and you're leading us along in a logical progression.
Constructive comments:
There are a couple of awkward phrasings in here that I want to tweak.
Example:
Once they arrived, all four of them were surprised to see the elder Weasley’s, Lupin, Tonks, Kingsley, and Moody there with Dumbledore and were sitting on the couches that graced the room.
The reader has to stop and read at least twice to figure out who is on the couch because of the phrasing.
This is quite lovely *reads on*
Chapter 3
The characterizations are definitely your strong point. Ginny and Harry and Dumbledore come thorough very strongly.
Constructive comments: You have a favorite homonym error like me. Mine is your vs you're. Yours is its vs it's. It doesn't matter if you know the right one, your fingers refuse to type it. *smiles* There were a couple of other small blips in capitalization and dialogue.
Overall: This is still flowing forward at a steady enjoyable pace.
Chapter 4
I think you have a beta reader as of this chapter. The technicalities were much cleaner. Harry and Ginny happy always makes me worry -- and you write the pairing well. JKR has never let Harry have more than a moment's happiness so any time he finds some, I start looking for the bottom to drop out.
Constructive comment: I do this too, but italicizing cast spells.
Chapter 7 – No this isn't a SPEW Review but the boob scar made me giggle. I don't know why! And this is crazy speculative insanity, but I had this strange though cross my mind this chapter, maybe, just maybe Dumbledore is going to give them Barry White albums, a couple of VHS tapes of British porn, and tell them to learn the greatest magic of all.
Chapter 9 – The end? That is not the end. That's the end of the beginning at best! To leave us there is a tease. The music was a lovely creative plot (why you didn't go with Barry White I'll never know).
This is the moment to give my overall feelings, what you evoked, where you shined. You write a good moment of preparation, Harry and Ginny happy. It brings a smile to my face. This feels like a picture of happiness in a snowglobe, artificial in it's idyllic moments, but lovely just the same. I want 20 more chapters, the grit and the pain that's to come. It makes the sweet moments so much sweeter.
All in all this is a lovely story, and I'm so glad I took the time to read it.
