I loved the whole story. How nice!!!
I luv this story!
great story so far!
i love it
haha ur british arnt u
i love your story
Okay, I've taken a look as you asked (sorry it took so long!) and since you asked for constructive criticism, I'm going to do my best to give it. So: The OCs such as Aime and Remus' parents are well drawn and much of the description is effectively done. There are parts of your story I felt were a bit out of character, but that's my personal opinion and not really related to your writing style. I would say there are two things you need to look at in particular if you want to improve your writing - a slightly more solid story plan overall (the story did seem to leap from point to point rather than having an overall arc) and more use of punctuation, especially commas, to break up sentances. Some of the sentances were a little abrupt in places and would flow better for the reader (ironically) if they were broken up. There. I really hope that helps and that you aren't offended by anything I said - you did ask me to take a look and I'm trying to give constructive advice that I hope will help. Good luck with your next writing project and thanks for reading Oblivious! :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for being so honest. I truly appreciate it. I'll take all that you have said into consideration and do my best when I eventually write another 'serious' fic. (There is one in the works but it's bane of my life at the moment)
yea first reviewer great story it was really good.... even if you made sirius bi..... i liked it and i'm glad you made remus happy in it:D keep up the good work ;) lol
when are you updating ? your story is great as it is funny as well as real to life! Update soon . bye
Author's Response: I put in the last chapter about a week ago. I am just waiting on the mods.
YO D!!!...great story....at least with ur story it bridges the gap until we get to read the next book....so keep up the good work and give us the next chapter now!!!! i demand it and as ur best mate u shud give it to us now!!! got it!!! ta mate....cya later 10/10
just trying summat. I'm reviewing myself i'm not that sad.
Author's Response: Oh really is that why your responding to yourself too?
he he he
Woohooo Go Danni!! Nice chapter hon, keep it up! Awww so sweet James and Lily... Engaged! Luff ya xx
Author's Response: thankies. But it's not like we didn't see it coming
Yo Loony....do i really need to say it again.....but i will...i think this stories great....its getting good well done....and thanks for the payment.....neway i am gonna rate u a 10 as usuall......and see ya's later
I hope you know I would never do that kind of thing to someone I didn't know personally!!! But thanks anyway for putting me, Marie in, at least I think that was me your were talking about. What's with this Dave thing? I still rate this story very high, thank you.
Author's Response: (Puts arms in air). Don't be mad at me i couldn't fit you in any other way. It wasn't meant to offend you or presume that that is something that you would do. It would have been detrimental to write you in as a longer stay sort of character. I hope that you continue reading and enjoying what i have written though.
Nice chapter!!! Great story, poor Aime...10
Author's Response: Thank you.
that was really great! i love that reference to Rpcky Horror Picture Show. that is the greatest movie on earth! please update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you. Rocky Horror is one of my absolute faves so it only seemed fitting that is threw in a little refrence. Glad you enjoyed the story.
Author's Response: Thank you glad you like it.
Yo D...great story keep up with the good work 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you dear. Glad you got your payment.
I have spotted my cameo! I am ever so excited, does that mean I will get to be in one of the chapters? Thank you, oh, thank you so much. I love Remus John Lupin and now I will finally get to be a character in a story with him. It is like a dream come true, well almost. : ) I just can't wait, I guess I will just have to reread this story over and over until you update. If you would like to know more about my you can click on my penname and read my Bio, it explains a lot about me. I love this story once again my rating is 1,000,000/10. I know, I am such a drama-queen!
Author's Response: I can guarantee that you will appear in the next chapter. That is all i am going to let on. I am glad you like the story.
I like this story very much, I felt most sorry for dear Lupin in this chapter. I would've dread telling my friends also. I love Remus Lupin, well I practically am Mrs. Remus Lupin. I am getting too ahead of myself there, sorry. If you would like to know more about me, Marie Elisabeth Bennington please do click on LupinLover and read about me. Thank you for writing such a wonderful story! Rating for this story is definatly a 1,000,000/10.
Author's Response: I am glad that you are enjoying the story. I hope that you spotted your cameo :) I will update as soon as i have written and beta'd chapter six.
Oh thank you very much! If you want to know what I look like you can click on LupinLover, you'll also find out my interests there and see just how much I love dearest Remus. I really love this story as well. Please do try and hurry with chapter five, thank you again. I love Remus!
Author's Response: aye aye captain. I know you love Remus. So do I. Anyway. I have posted the next chapter keep an eye out for your sneaky cameo.