MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: OkiBlossom (Signed) · Date: 05/01/10 13:29 · For: There's nothing I can say...

I was going to read your most recent piece, and I plan on doing that eventually, but, as you recommended, I decided to give the ‘Colour of Distance’ a shot, for I did not want to miss anything. The blended medium s of poetry and prose are really interesting; it’s interesting you have decided to play with such a skill because you really set up both with a natural flow. The first part that has ‘Lips Touch’ and ‘Hand in Hair’ etcetera, highlights that you’re playing with style, and that’s a rare talent, especially within fan fiction, that’s style and voice. I knew you were a poet, but this just adds to what you’ve learned as a writer.

The limbo scene says a lot for what’s going on here. People have that break, a moment of hesitation before they jump into any decision. Hermione would have had this going through her head before either she or Harry made a move. No error, for there is no fault (according to most people) in simply having those thoughts of ‘what if’ when our minds wander. That is, of course, where much of these odd pairings come into play and this is a simple portrayal with a painted scene. It’s interesting you set this is in an ‘imaginary world’, sort of speak, for this is not canon, and that helps to move the piece along in a way, it sets up the idea of jumping into temptation.

I’m weaving the timeline through my mind here, and there’s only one thing nagging me, but I couldn’t help thinking this. You are neither right nor wrong, but it seems a little odd that Harry and Hermione are so involved with each other on such an intense level so quickly. They have only been together this one weekend, right? Harry seems totally wrapped up in her in a matter of one weekend just sitting there at the water. This is a chance meeting for both of them, in a way, yet there is little to no evidence that this has built out of anything. Do you understand where I’m coming from here? It kind feels that there’s a piece missing here.

The poetic way in which this is written is not flowery in any sense, which makes me think again of your poetic technique. The adultery scene is just flawless, for this is how it happens sometimes; the partner goes off for a ‘business trip’ or what-have you, and that’s what makes this believable. It reminds me of the flavor reminiscent of those ‘romantic love complex’ movies where you get a connection; sitting through reading this fic, you want – you feel – Harry and Hermione should be together. It’s adultery on a level (technically, we don’t know whether either of them are married), but it’s shown in this attractive, alluring light. The love scene was written so tastefully. The way you describe things always comes as a pleasant surprise throughout; it’s like you’re writing this as a lengthy poem.

Yes, I realise you wrote this ages ago and that I’m just now stumbling in. Well done.
I’m very surprised to find the poem isn’t yours, Jewels. You had me going there.

A very pleasant read,


Author's Response: Hey Jen! Thank you for the fantastic review. It's always a nice surprise to get reviews for older fics! I'm glad you could appreciate the poetic style. I did not really intend to write it that way but so many people point it out that I suppose it is just my style. I wanted to write something very sensual and I think the effect comes off as poetic. You have a very valid point about the timeline. I wanted this to be more of a snapshot piece and didn't want to take away the sensuality by going into more detail about how the two of them reached that point. In my mind I can imagine this attraction they feel (and more than that) to have grown slowly over months, even years. I sort of touch on that in the companion piece but I hope it didn't detract from the overall fic too much. As for the love scene, I always prefer less is more in my writing and I'm so glad you could appreciate that. Again, thanks so much for this wonderful review. You've made my day! ~Julia

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