Reviews For A Promise to Keep
Reviewer: OkiBlossom
Date: 05/01/10 12:25
Chapter: Chapter 1

Jess,

This story surprised me on so many levels; I never expected things to happen, so it’s nice to see you have that skill as fan fiction writer because not that many use that element. I’m in that group, incidentally; it’s nice to see that done for a change. You understand the element of marriage: it’s simply continuing life after a ceremony. The phrase ‘insipid smile’ paints such a mental image and you jump right into the introduction of Gabrielle. The first few sentences of the usual ‘wedding ceremony’ might sound a little cliché, but you make it unique but adding that spin and such a visual picture. This bride is clever, not taken away or masked by wedding bliss, and, just as Ginny is often described as a ‘clever girl’, you show how in tune she is with Harry because she is just that observant. That is the expected reaction when a workaholic, even if he or she does this with good intentions, lives in the office and forgets the other life they have promised to live with their family.

Just as a characterization thing, I don’t know, but I reread this to make sure that I had this right. Kingsley Shacklebolt acts as the one who conducts the wedding ceremony. Isn’t he the newly elected Minister of Magic? I’m a little curious as to why you chose him. You usually are spot on with characterization and exploring its limits, but this seems a little off. I did not catch this in the first read. Kingsley most likely would have attended the wedding ceremony. Harry probably was his most promising Auror in the reshaping of the Wizarding world, but why would he go out of his way to do this? Kingsley comes across as a reserved man, only getting involved and adding his opinion when strictly necessary. It’s usually insightful. I’m curious as to what you think.

Tying in the ‘phlegm thing’ made me giggle a little. Just reading through that sentence, I thought, ‘Ginny said that,’ and you allude to that in the following lines. Your word choice seems a little weird at times, sometimes it almost sounds as though it can be reversed in phrases like: ‘treacherous mind silently replied’ (although JKR often messes up on placing personification, so you might want to keep this). There are others here and there, but a quick reread, as you know I always suggest reading things out loud, will clean this up a bit. It’s impressive that you have Gabriele stand up for Ginny and chew Harry out a bit. You know, I’m sure some people wondered why she wouldn’t appeal to Hermione, but that would put her in an odd position. Putting Harry ‘in his place’ is an interesting move, for you do not overwrite as the amazing genius called Harry Potter; this is a new, very realistic side to him as character development, and it makes perfect sense with balancing a new family and career.
The entire piece follows a line that is completely logical, at least when you consider marriage and the real life of it not being all that gooey romance. The love scene, simple, sprinkled with hints, shows your talent at presenting a story and weaving it through canon to make it plausible to the storyline. People forget their lives; they forget these are the simple things that matter in a relationship. I don’t usually go for stories that follow this slash theme, not because I stray away from it, but because it usually carries no reason for why the author presented it in such a light. The theme of companionship makes me think of the whole concept of ‘love’ pleases me to no end.

Well done.

Very well written,

Jen

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for hte review! I always wished that this one got more reviews, because it really is something that I worked hard to make realistic and plausible.

I chose Kingsley as the presiding minister, because although he is the MoM, Harry is also his friend and the resident savior of the world, so it's not a stretch to think that he might do that. At least not in my mind anyway. Plus, where I have this taking place, Ginny is 23, Harry is 24, and Gabby is 18. The battle had been over for almost 7 years, so by this time, Kingsley had already acclimated to his role as MoM. 

I'm not really sure what you mean by the language, because it's meant to be like that during the narration. That's just the way I write. I don't, of course, write that way during speech, but it is my style. I don't know what you mean by the line that you cited, the 'her treacherous mind silently replied' and how that doesn't fit in. There really is no other way to phrase it that is accurate, and I didn't use any flashy words, because that is exactly what I'd meant to say. Maybe if you gave me a further example, I could look at it and maybe improve upon it if possible.

 

As a matter of interest (or not...you might care), that 'break' that Harry took off of work at the end, this is when I imagined that James was conceived, which helped Ginny move on from her affair.

Well, anyway, if you have any more questions, you know where to find me, and I shall endeavor to give you the best answers I can. Thank you again for reviewing. :D

Jess

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