Reviews For Moon
Reviewer: golden_trio
Date: 03/29/12 3:06
Chapter: Zenith

I've read this before and thought I'd re-read it while my homework sat idle nearby. As I was reading, in Chapter Four, there was al line: "She was Lavender Brown, the werewolf, the only living Auror to have despatched a vampire." I was curious about this. Has this been mentioned in any of your stories? Or a piece of Lavender backstory we have yet to come across, like what will happen (supposedly) in Hunters and Prey? Just wondering, and I love Mark as a character. :) He is simply ideal.
- Katie

Author's Response: Katie
Thanks for the review. There are two chapters (and a rough plot outline of the rest) of a story called Exsanguination sitting on my hard drive. It is set immediately after the events of Bare and it is a M.I.T. story featuring Lavender, Susan and Bobbie. It also features Mark meeting Lavender for (what she thinks) is the first time. It isn’t, she’s simply forgotten him. You’ll see their first meeting very soon.
Mark is, I hope, nice and caring, but a bit ineffectual.
-N-

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 06/02/11 9:49
Chapter: Zenith

That was wonderful. I didn't anticipate the ending. I didn't expect him to be sitting there watching her change. I actually thought that, when she started undressing, they were going to have sex. Their first night together sounded very peaceful and loving. Lavender has come a long way. They both have Janey to thank. I wonder if Lavender will get her fairy tale some day. Great story.

Author's Response: Youre he first person to review every chapter of this story, something for which Im profoundly grateful. :-D I had a lot of fun with the last chapter, I tried to see how far I could write before it became obvious that they werent talking about sex. Lavender (pre-Mark) is a member of M.I.T. (the Muggle Interface Team) and Ill be chronicling some of her early life in those stories. -N-

Reviewer: welshdevondragon
Date: 03/07/11 9:34
Chapter: Zenith

Like Soraya, I'd promised myself not to read chaptered fics but am so glad I read this one (a welcome distraction from Alexander the Great). I'm sorry, there's not going to be much constructive crit as I'm just going to say how much I liked this story. I really enjoyed Janey's dialect and, though she was a bit cruel, she was being brutally honest and was the catalyst Lavender and Mark both needed to realise that something needed to change. Mark is really, really likeable (if slightly pathetic) and the dialogue is very realistic. You don't use that many dialogue tags, particularly in the scene with Parvati and Lavender but you don't really need them. I think my favourite scenes were the "talking about family" for the first time (with Lavender starting in such a rush, which was both funny and sweet) and the realisation that Mark's Dad had been a werewolf. It was very well balanced and well- judged. And the bedroom scene, which was also very sweet. I think I've said before how much I like your characterisation of Lavender and the mixture of showy confidence and the vulnerability and fear of being hurt beneath it. Which also led to the funny/ sweet part where she took her top off to show Mark the scars and he just looked above them. You're good on funny/ sweet. Apologies for the rambling review, but really lovely, well-written story- alex.

Author's Response:
I like Alexander the Great! Just watch Michael Woods series In the footsteps of

I keep wondering if I could bring back Janey (I suspect not). Mark is a bit pathetic, but he tries hard, and I hate reading about perfect people.

I actually took a lot of dialogue tags from this when I was trying to make six chapters and almost 12,000 words fit the 10,000 word limit for a one-shot. In the end I simply deleted chapter 6 and reinstated the story to this form after the challenge had been judged. I never put the dialogue tags back because I didnt think they were needed.

I see Lavender as being mostly front (in every sense) and really rather vulnerable in her private life. Shes great at giving advice, but terrible at receiving it.

Thanks for the review.

Neil

Reviewer: xxbabewithbrainsxx
Date: 03/06/11 14:42
Chapter: Zenith

Hi, Neil!

I finally got a chance to read this, despite my protestations against anything chaptered because I simply don't have the time :D

I really enjoyed this. Mark Moon definitely deserved the QSQ he got for Best OC. I loved Mark as an OC and it's rare for me to like any OCs because they're normally so Mary-Sueish (or Gary-Sueish, in Mark's case) but in this story, I think it was the complete opposite. There's something very endearing about an ordinary guy who can actually stand Lavender Brown. :P

In this chapter you did the contended/contented thing again a couple of times and also, it should be ‘That’s the smell of my girlfriend burning eggs instead of frying them,' he told her. (You put the speech marks in the wrong places.) There are other errors too, but they're in other chapters and I'm too lazy to point them all out in a review :D

What I liked the most about this was the characterisation of Lavender. She comes across as such an airhead in HBP but truly, she was just an ordinary schoolgirl who was perhaps a bit too girly, but nevertheless had a good heart.

And I think she, like many other people, both HP characters and people in RL, tend to mellow out and become more humble when life-threatening things happen to them or when they make proper friends, so I'm really impressed with the way Lavender's changed. She's still got the girliness but she's also got the toughness and maturity that she needs to make up for her flaws. I loved Parvati's characterisation too.

What I found the most interesting was Lavender's transformation. When Lavender asked if Mark was sure they should do this, I was wondering if it was the...erm...other bedroom activity, but no, it was full moon. It intrigued me, the Potion, and I think that it's one of your many ingenious ideas which, in my opinion, rivals Fred and George Weasley's in terms of creativeness, so well done for that.

Janey Scott was another interesting idea, although she wasn't too likeable as a character -- and I know that that was your intention. Overall, I'm very glad to have read this, Neil, because it clears up a lot of queries I've had about Lavender, who, in my head, did not become a full werewolf when Greyback attacked her in the Final Battle -- "my" Lavender just has a similar condition to Bill. Besides, I kind of like the idea of a girly girl having a liking of rare steaks :P

Still, this fic displayed how relationships are always imperfect but that doesn't mean they're bad. In fact (for Lavender) they're actually pretty good, minus burnt eggs. :D Ta for writing, Neil.

~Soraya~

Author's Response:
Soraya

Thanks for the review. Moon may well have won the QSQ, but this is one of my least read (and least reviewed) stories. Mark is, I hope, fairly ordinary, a little quiet and very tenacious. I reckon that Mark is better organised, tidier, and a better cook that Lavender, too.

Youre going to make me reread the entire thing to spot my mistakes? :-D Fair enough, its always easier for me to find errors six moths later (embarrassingly so).

Lavender is often there in the background, helping. She joined the DA before Prof. Trelawney was targeted by Umbridge. In another of my stories I had Ginny describe Lavender as a steel fist in a frilly pink lace glove. Thats how I see her.

I had a lot of fun writing both the scar scene in chapter 5 and the bedroom scene in chapter 6. I tried to keep the bedroom discussions sound like they were talking bedroom activities (though I suspect that Lavender wouldnt restrict herself to bedrooms anyway) for as long as possible.

I really like Janey. Shes simply lonely and alone. Her accent was a risk, and I toned it down considerably after the first draft.

Neil

Reviewer: AngelEJC
Date: 02/11/11 20:52
Chapter: Zenith

Thank you so much for writing this story! I'm listening to 'Hallelujah' while I read this, it suits it perfectly. I read Bare too, you have typed two more perfect stories! Keep 'em coming!

AngelEJC

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. The chapters: Waning Moon; Epiphany and Fall; Seamus Awake and Parents (all Tales of the Battle) also form part of Lavenders story. She will appear in MIT: Muggle Interface Team and High Moon too, when I finish them. -N-

Reviewer: rambkowalczyk
Date: 11/25/10 16:15
Chapter: Zenith

Although Mark is an interesting character, I found your portrayal of Lavender more fascinating. The whole dialog she had with Parvarti made me dislike her because she was so ! (rhymes with witchy). It was her ability to change that redeemed her. Good story.

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

Lavender (at least my Lavender) has a complex past. The Lavender in this story is the one who appears in Bare and in the latest chapter (Epiphany and Fall) of Tales of the Battle. Shes not an entirely likeable person, true, but I hope that she has a good heart.
-N-

Reviewer: The_Real_Hermione
Date: 11/16/10 2:24
Chapter: Zenith

I can't believe this fic has so few reviews!!! I think it's great, I loved your characterisation of Lavender particularly, and I especially liked her conversation with Parvati. Mark Moon was great too. I liked the irony about his name.

I thought Janey Scott was an effective and original catalyst for the story and I liked her characterisation.

I liked the contrast between this chapter and the previous one in Mark and Lavender's interaction - shows how far they've come in just a few days.

The Scottish setting added a nice touch to this fic too. Great job!!!

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

Until the Quicksilver Quills award this was by far my least read story. It is still my least read story, but not by such a large margin. Yours is the first review since the Quills, too (I think). Marks surname works because it is both ironic and canon. The second I saw the name moon on the classlist I knew that I would have to use it.

I would like to bring Janey back, but I have no idea how. The next chapter of Tales of the Battle (Waning Moon) features Marks battle and explains one of his comments to Janey.

N

Reviewer: the opaleye
Date: 08/17/10 20:35
Chapter: Zenith

Oh, that was such a lovely way to end this. I'm going to miss Mark and Lavender... I've really grown to love them in this fic. The way Mark desperately wanted to stay up all night with Lavender was really touching. He's such a great character.

Well done, Neil. This has been a wonderful tale to follow and I'm going to miss these updates! I stumbled across your Tale of the Battle on fanfic.net and I was wondering why you haven't posted it here. I loved reading more about Mark (that sounds really bad on my part considering it was a tragic chapter but you know what I mean, hopefully!) and it was good background reading for Moon.

But anyway, great fic, great ending!

Julia XD

Author's Response:
Julia, Thank you.

I have a couple of other Lavender stories rattling around inside my head. I dare not start them, at least not until I finish Aurors and Schoolgirls. One is the vampire story, where she meets Mark for the first time the other is a Meet the Parents story. Im glad that someone likes this story. Its my least read (apart from Summer of 97).

Tales of the Battle are rough (some rougher than others). There will be about 20 interlinked one-shots from different points of view. Several are now with Andrea (for much needed what do you mean? questions) and Apurva (who will probably one day murder me for my misuse of punctuation). I dont know what Id do without them. Im trying to decide an order for publication. The first is likely to be a Madam Pomfrey/Madam Pince story called The Calm Before.
Neil

Reviewer: minervassister
Date: 08/17/10 14:59
Chapter: Zenith

Great story!!
Enjoyed it as a one shot but this is even better.
Loved the ambiguity at the beginning of the chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you. This chapter was deleted in it's entirety to make the story fit as a one-shot. The last chapter had a decent ending, this is better (I think). The ambiguity at the beginning was deliberate. N

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
M.I.T.: Entente Cordial by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
A Squib's Journey by ntoforhp 6th-7th Years
Jeffery Potter always had sensed he was somehow different from his playmates...
Out of the Blue by Secret Marauder 90 1st-2nd Years
This story weaves the tale of James and Lily from the day they met right up...
FEATURED
Five Christmases by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
It took four Christmases for Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks to get together...
Coming Alive by The owl 6th-7th Years
Leanne Gamp hadn't wanted to be at that party, even though it was Christmas...
Graves by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
In December of 1997, Harry visits his parents' graves in Godric's Hollow and...
CATEGORIES