“Where have you been? Father said that you two would be gone for a while but didn’t say where to, but you-you… you just came in through the fireplace! WHAT’S GOING ON?”
haha. That's just how i would react. :-)
“Make a wish, she said.”
That doesn't make any sense. Is it supposed to be "Make a wish," she said. ?
btw, how long is this story gonna be? I know you have 11 chapters up already!
On to chapter...7, i think?
Thanks for pointing out the error, Hermiones_Therapist. It has now been fixed. Concerning the storyís length, I now have 12 chapters, but I honestly have no idea how long it would be total. At least 100K words, certainly. I also donít know whether Iíll have the entire story in one piece or split into several parts. Thanks for reading!
~ Tim the Enchanter
Chapters five and six were another two interesting and well-written chapters. I really like your fiction, your way of telling Dieter’s story. Your narration sounds natural, and what most fascinates me is that you create Dieter’s worlds with a love to the detail. Everything from the clothes via the names of streets to the currency is minutely described without overpowering the plot else. You obviously spend a lot of time on the details, and you show them, not just tell, which makes reading easy, fluent and enjoyable. The narration thus flows naturally.
What I also liked very much is that in the last two chapters you introduced the other side of Dieter, Dieter the wizard. He’s a typical eleven-year-old boy who is fascinated by the prospect of doing magic, of being something special. You showed nicely his enthusiasm of discovering the hidden world of magic, and it adds perfectly to what we already know about Dieter from the first four chapters. Also, it fits completely how I imagine any child of that age would react when confronted with what Dieter experiences. I can already see that Dieter will one day be an important personality in the Zweites Zauberreich, even maybe dangerous, but still a likable character with which I as the reader have spent a lot of time.
Chapter six in itself is a diamond of fiction because you have so many similarities to the Harry Potter books and Diagon Alley, but still inserted a lot of new ideas, your own, of how another hidden shopping place could look like. The similarities make it obvious that your story is a fanfiction to Rowling’s books, but the differences in details show that you try to create something original nonetheless – with success. Then the addition of an unknown wandmaker and his friendly banter with Odoaker who talk about Gregorovitch (which is spelt with a t according to my copy of GoF, by the by) and Ollivander answer a question of mine: Why didn’t Dieter get his wand from Gregorovitch? Your answer bridges back to the Harry Potter books, completing the circle of canon and fanfiction with original details. Also, I liked that you gave the tailor in The Spinster as a name the translation of her profession – Nšherin. Genius, but I doubt many will notice.
Though, a small advice: Depending on where Durmstrang and the Gellert Grindelwald Platz are located, I would be careful with giving a lot of people German names or having them say German words all throughout their sentences. It might start tending towards too much. With Dieter, I can imagine him saying “Mutti” and such words easily, but having an unknown small child say “Mutti” feels a bit weird if the family isn’t German – which I couldn’t know since they’re only passers-by. And remember, Viktor Krum, a Bulgarian, went to Durmstrang, too. I doubt he would speak much German, if any at all. Maybe you could vary even more with inserting fragments of other languages such as Bulgarian, Slavic etc. Knowing you, I’m sure you can pull it off correctly so that it fits the story beautifully.
Another detail I found truly enticing was the little four-line poem you inserted in chapter six:
All Wizards are Brothers
All Witches are Sisters
All wizardkind, forward!
For the Greater Good!
Again, it reminds me of the speeches of Hitler’s time and it draws me into Dieter’s world even more. I can see many similarities between Germany of 1939 and the Zweites Zauberreich, and yet the story is still vague enough to not spoil future events. I know how WWII ended for Germany and can imagine how the Zweites Zaubbereich will end when Dumbledore defeats Grindelwald, but I’m curious of what will happen to Dieter. How will he fare? You make me curious and I’m looking forward to read more.
Overall, I can only repeat what I said in earlier reviews: Tim, you leave me in awe. Please keep updating regularly. FŁr das GrŲŖere Wohl is brilliant.
I must offer a million, billion apologies for responding to your lovely review so late. So, five months and three chapters later, Iím here for comments!
First of all, thank you for reading and reviewing this story. Also, I must thank you for your comments on my writing style. I can be quite wordy at times, so Iím glad you think that my description is interesting to read, adds to the story, and doesnít overpower the plot.
Concerning my main character, Dieter, Iíll admit that Iíve developed a bit of a soft spot for him, regardless of his morally objectionable beliefs. But behind the National Socialist, heís just a curious eleven-year old boy, and Iíve come to like writing about him. Heís certainly been a challenge to write, but an enjoyable one nonetheless.
Iím glad you enjoyed Dieterís experience in Gellert Grindelwald Platz, as it was very fun to write. Little was actually planned in advance, and I pretty much made up details of the marketplace as I went. I did originally plan on having Gregorovich make Dieterís wand, but I realised that would be introducing a Slav into the story early, and thus disrupting a major plot point Ė how Dieter reacts to being in a multi-ethnic community at Durmstrang. Since I wanted Dieter to be shocked at how the school has Eastern European students in addition to Germans, I replaced Gergorovich with Herr Starkerstab. And concerning Frau Nšherin the seamstress, I was actually being lazy and I couldnít think of a good name for her. In desperation, I just used an English-German dictionary and made her name her profession.
Gellert Grindelwald Platz is definitely within Germany Ė though its actual location will eventually be revealed, it is sort of like Diagon Alley in which it resides within a large Muggle city. However, as you pointed out, Durmstrang is not fully German, and this is a major plot point.
Naturally, Nazi Germany is the obvious parallel to Grindelwaldís Zaubererreich, and Iíve been looking at National Socialist propaganda material for inspiration. Though Iíve designed the Zaubererreich to have some recognisable similarities, the two dictatorships are very, very different, as Dieter will come to find out Ė another major plot point!
Anyway, thanks for this amazing review, and Iím again sorry that Iíve responded so late. Enjoy the rest of the fic! Iíve just finished Chapter Ten, so expect to see it soon.
~ Tim the Enchanter
AMAZING STORY! I am really excited to see how you describe Durmstrang.
Thanks! Iím also exited to write about Durmstrang, but Iím stuck writing the blasted summer chapter before Dieter even gets there!
Tim the Enchanter
wow! cant wait for the next chapter! x
Thanks for reading and for liking the story! I hope you like the next chapter when I am finally done with it!
Tim the Enchanter
Your story has really got me hooked. I have so many questions!
What is Dieter going to think about the prejudice against Muggles? He's going to be on the receiving end in Durmstrang because of his blood, so is he going to figure out that it's just like what the Nazis think about the Jews and change his worldview? Or is he going to be prejudiced about Muggles too? What about his parents... most importantly, what about his beloved Hitler? They're all Muggles too, after all.
How cool would it be if a pureblood non-Aryan looked down upon Dieter just because he's Muggle-born, when in Dieter's mind, he's supposed to be superior?!
Very, very intriguing!
Good job, I look forward to reading the next chapter as soon as possible.
Hello phoenix_526, thanks for the review! You bring up some very interesting points about the conflicting prejudices of German Muggles and wizards. Incidentally, this clash of worldviews is one of the reasons why I decided to write this story to begin with! So, congratulations on spotting the central theme of this story!
And enjoy the next chapter whenever I finish writing it, and I have no idea when that will be! Unfortunately, the transition chapter between shopping at Gellert Grindelwald Platz and going to Durmstrang has proven excruciatingly difficult to write. But Iíll finish it eventuallyÖ
Tim the Enchanter