MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: allie310195 (Signed) · Date: 01/15/10 0:55 · For: Serendipitous Circumstances
really relly good so far

Name: GringottsVault711 (Signed) · Date: 07/31/09 18:23 · For: Serendipitous Circumstances
So, I decided before starting The Fog Will Cast A Certain Shade, I would review this, this being The Watch Unwinds Until It Stops. Have I mentioned that you are absolutely amazing with story titles? Well you are.

So, this is review will be a bit of a combination of the first two chapters. Something very notable about your writing is how readable it is. It very smoothly integrates imagery, moments of thought and feeling, moments of humour, and real day-to-day motions and interactions of your characters. You don't let your readers get bored, definitely. And you don't seem to write things for "the sake" of being introspective or amusing. It's all just a natural, organic part of your storytelling style and ability.

Next I must say, and you must read the rest of this paragraph before you take offense, but Regulus and Sirius irritate me. Because they are such stupid stereotypical teenage boys. I feel like if I were in a room with them when they were talking, I'd probably get – what they'd term "girly" – and call them idiots. Which is of course a compliment to you as a writer; when your readers start having to fight urges to crawl into the fictional realm and argue with fictional characters over being silly fictional teenage boys, the writer is definitely doing something right. But, yes, sometimes, they're thoughts and words just do not amuse me. Of course, there are many things they say and think that do amuse me, and that helps make up for it.

What also makes up for it is the fact that, despite being stupid stereotypical teenage boys, they're still people. And they have feelings and hopes and expectations, and absolutely most importantly here – a bond. A bond that has, on many levels, been broken. But it's not entirely gone, and the twisting and splintering causes more pain, and it's really quite saddening.

Also, another note; I find Regulus' feelings about Veronica interesting. I like what it shows about his attitude concerning toeing the line and not risking your neck. His logic is actually quite practical, if perhaps a little cold. He has a point, though, and I think that many average people, in a situation where real danger was involved, would do the same and, while maybe not mistreat that particular group, would at least stay away from them. But also interesting is that Regulus just dismisses Matt's involvement as being "stupid". It doesn't occur to him that maybe Veronica is worth it, or that there is *gasp*, another point of view on the matter. And, I like that this shows a possible real chip in his armour, rather than just a series of defences and weaknesses leading to his downfall.

Now, to the OC's, Reeve and Rachel. The latter, might I add, seems to have absolutely nothing in common with you.

( Rachel nodded. “Matt is my best friend, and I love him like a brother, but he and Veronica can be so… together when they’re together sometimes.” ) /except for maybe some things. *wink*

I think that both these girls are nicely grounded, realistic, girls. There's nothing about them I don't believe. I feel a little bit more drawn to Reeve, because she is a bit more feisty and hot-and-cold, as far as I can tell (not that I know why I would be drawn to such a character, ahem). Whereas Rachel seems to tread more on "kind and patient and fragile" territory. But I also think that a big part of how the characters seem to the reader is based in the fact that this story is coming from Regulus' point of view. Though there aren't any words or phrases I can pinpoint that define his views, I can just get a sense that Reeve is a friend, and Rachel is the "apple of his eye". Rachel is viewed with somewhat rose-tinted-glasses, and maybe from a further distance. Whereas Reeve we just accept as being someone we know really well. It's just really impressive how these things express themselves in the way you're telling the story.

And, doubling back on the sibling relationship between Sirius and Regulus, as well as pulling into view the various friendships – from that of Matt and Regulus, Matt and Rachel, Regulus and Rachel, as well as even Sirius and James – I think this is really a defining point of your writing, that relationships are so integral to your stories. I can't remember reading something by you where the connection between the characters was not vitally important, and you definitely convey that to the reader. What is most profound about your writing, and it's present in this story as platonic love, romantic love and familial love, is that – whatever kind of love it is, it is important and it is worth writing about and about reading about. It's a driving force in the world and in your work, and you just convey those connections so well.

And, not that writing that last paragraph made me cry a little with love for you or anything, but I think I shall wipe my eyes and mosey onto the next two chapters, yes?

Name: Dory_the_Fishie (Signed) · Date: 02/28/09 11:36 · For: Serendipitous Circumstances
So, I love the insights we get into Regulus’s life at Grimmauld Place. He has totally different relationships with his parents, and with the pureblood society he’s a part of. It’s nice to see that.

Yay for chance encounters! Serendipity for the win. As much as I want Regulus to, you know, only be with you, I do like Rachel. Her comment about the war is a nice touch; it reminds us of the setting for this fic, and where all the characters are coming from. The reference to the house elves is interesting as well. It isn’t anything obvious or pointed, but it adds another detail to the characters’ family lives and backgrounds.

Ah, how much do I wish Regulus could blow off the Black family party? I hate when characters can’t be together. And yet I love it. So excellent job. And lol, I love the connection between the Regulus and Sirius sections. Stupid bloody party and stupid bloody school indeed. (Except, hmph. A blonde? You and I both know Sirius prefers brunettes.)

The interaction between Sirius and Reeve is nice, though. She does seem like a Sirius type of girl, just as Rachel seems like a Regulus type of girl. Sirius asking to borrow a quill is just adorable. Heart. Moving on to Regulus again, I really like the bit about his thoughts on Muggleborns. Again, you remind us that Regulus does still subscribe to some of what he’s been taught, enough that he finds it foolish to associate with Muggleborns. It’s sad, but he sees it as a practical thing, which is a different spin on things. I like it.

Oh man, the chapter’s over. The little Sirius and Reeve exchange is sweet. I almost like them as a couple, which is saying something. I’m not sure if that was the best place to end this chapter, though. But I also can’t remember exactly what comes next, so maybe that was the better breaking point. -shrug-

Right, next chapter here I come.

Name: Kiryn (Signed) · Date: 01/19/09 21:55 · For: Serendipitous Circumstances
I didn't really understand that last little bit at the end, but really great job! Can't wait for the next update!

Author's Response: :/ Yeah. I completely understand. It's a really abrupt break for the chapter, but it's the only place I had that would work for the chapter break in the arc of the story. It's just supposed to be a short, little piece between Sirius and Reeve to show that they're talking now, and at least at the point of buddies. Thanks for the review.

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