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Thread: The LOL Challenge

  1. #1
    'Til the end of the line Ravenclaw
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    The LOL Challenge

    Yes, brave Hogsmeade weekenders, we are back and better than ever, and your chaperones have decided to bring the laughs! Welcome to the first ever wizarding joke challenge!

    Your task is an mighty one: you are charged with the onerous duty of making us laugh out loud. Below, you are to come up with original (write your own, and no Googling!) jokes with a wizarding slant — either Potterise old standby jokes or come up with ones you think would slide into wizarding culture. The type of joke is up to you. You can write knock-knock jokes, one-liners, anecdotal (Two wizards walk into a bar, etc. etc.), or even rhyme-based ones. I'm sure you've all heard a joke before, so the type of material can be whatever you're most comfortable and familiar with.

    A note about ratings: Us chaperones love our bawdy jokes. However, if a joke feels a bit too rude to post on the forums, it's probably best if you tone down the vocabulary if you'd like to enter it into the challenge. Basically, if you don't feel comfortable imparting this bit of hilarity to a twelve-year-old, then it's likely too high-rated for the forums. But if you feel quite proud of it, feel free to PM them to us anyway, and we might be able to work something out. XD

    Five points will be awarded for your first five jokes (you must do five jokes to earn points), and one point each for every successive one that we deem joke-y enough to earn points. We reserve the right to disallow jokes for not fitting the criteria of a joke or if it looks like you put zero effort into making it clever at all. We ALSO reserve the right to award extra points to ones that make us laugh or even cry with the hilarity. Just something to think about.

    With that, get started! Please use the first form below for your first entry, and the latter portion for successive entries.

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  2. #2
    Seventh Year Hufflepuff
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    Name: Minna
    House: Hufflepuff
    Title: Sob story
    Rating/Warnings: 1st-2nd, none

    Moaning Myrtle walked into a bar. Nobody noticed.

    Title: He doesn't have a leg to stand on
    Rating/Warnings: 1st-2nd, none

    Q: What do you call a forgetful member of the Headless Hunt?
    A: Nobody.

    Title: I'm sure you all know the punchline to the original joke
    Rating/Warnings: 6th-7th? and sexual innuendo

    Knock knock!

    Who's there?

    Slytherin.

    Slytherin who?

    Oi, I don't want to hear about your love-life.

    Title: Butt of the joke
    Rating/Warnings: 1st-2nd, disembodied butts

    Did you hear about the bloke who tried to Apparate while flying and Splinched himself? There was a full moon over Islington.

    Title: Home improvement
    Rating/Warnings: 1st-2nd, none

    I was talking to my friend about this new house she bought, and you know, she was completely stunned at how awful it was. They had to Rennervate.

    Title: Spore-ious advice
    Rating/Warnings: 1st-2nd, moldy bits of anatomy

    Q: How do you prevent a hairy heart?
    A: Don't leave it out on the countertop overnight.

    Title: As they stroke their raven claws
    Rating/Warnings: 1st-2nd, none

    Q: How do monsters get into Hogwarts?
    A: Through the griffin door.

    Title: And her ex is a total fox
    Rating/Warnings: 1st-2nd, age disparity in a relationship?

    Two old friends met to catch up on each others' lives. When the talk turned to girlfriends, one of them bragged, "Well, mine's fifteen years older than me, but she's gorgeous, and clever - she's an Animagus."

    "She's a cougar!" said the other.

    The first wizard stared at the other. "How did you know?!"

    Title: How illuminating
    Rating/Warnings: 1st-2nd, none

    Q: Why did the witch turn out the lights so quickly?
    A: She came from the school of hard Nox.

    Title: Putting the heat on the suspect
    Rating/Warnings: 1st-2nd, none

    One day, the Ministry sent a witch to check out a claim that someone was harboring an illegal dragon. The wizard suspected of it insisted he knew nothing about any such claim, but suddenly the witch smirked. "I know you're a liar."

    "Oh, really?"

    "Your pants are on fire."
    Last edited by minnabird; 03-19-2013 at 03:27 PM.

  3. #3
    Wizengamot Hufflepuff
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    Will write five ... promise

    Name: Equinox Chick
    House: Hufflepuff
    Title: (I really need a title for my joke ... um ...) Lightbulbs
    Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd. None

    Q: How many Chudley Cannons players does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: What's a lightbulb?

    Title: Bar
    Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd. Violence

    Ron walks into a bar. 'Ouch!'


    Title: Hexed
    Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd



    Draco Malfoy walked into the Three Broomsticks. He approached the bar noticing that Rosmerta was eyeing him with distaste.

    "I don't want trouble, Malfoy," she said.

    "I don't want any either," he replied.

    She raised her eyebrows. "Then avoid my back room at all costs. You are not to go in there. Do you understand? If I see you approaching, then I'll hex you."

    He nodded, appearing to agree with her, but his mind was working overtime. What was so important about her back room all of a sudden? He'd been there before and it was just a room. As he sipped his Firewhisky he became consumed with curiosity, until finally, when Rosmerta was serving another customer , he stepped towards her back room. His hand was on the handle when ...

    "PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" shrieked Rosmeta.

    He fell down, stiff as a board.

    "I'm sorry," he managed to squeak out of the corner of his mouth.

    She stood over him. "I'll release you but you have to promise not to go near my back room."

    "I promise," he muttered.

    With that she waved her wand and he felt the Body-Bind spell leave him. Getting up, Draco returned to the bar and resumed drinking. But soon, curiosity again overwhelmed him. When Rosmerta had gone to her cellar to fetch more Butterbeer, he edged towards the back room. His hand once again gripped the handle.

    "PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" she shrieked again.

    Merlin, the floor felt hard when he crashed onto it. "I'm sorry," he whimpered. "Please let me go."

    "No, you had your chance!" Rosmerta said scornfully. "And as you were so eager to see what was in my back room ..."

    Draco's eyes lit up excitedly. Rosmerta creaked open the door and nudged him with her foot.

    "Go on, then. Slither in."



    Title: Your True Self
    Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd - silly



    Ginny Weasley was walking back from Hogsmeade with Luna Lovegood. It had been a wonderful day, and she was pleased she’d agreed to go with Luna.

    “What’s that?” she asked, when Luna took out a potion bottle.

    “I bought it at the Apothocary,” Luna said, sounding mystical. “It’s a Transfiguration Potion that will change you temporarily into what you truly are.”

    “Really?” Ginny was intrigued. She examined the bottle, noting the dark green liquid, and the small writing on the label. “Do you think it works?”

    “The Potioneer said it would only last five minutes,” Luna replied. “I thought it might be interesting. Would you like to try it with me?”

    Ginny considered. She knew she shouldn’t try untested Potions, but there was something really intriguing about knowing your real self.

    “Go on, then?” she whispered and started to laugh. “You go first, and I’ll keep watch in case Hermione turns up.”

    Luna smiled, opened the bottle and then took a slow sip. In awe, Ginny watched as Luna’s body began to change. Her skin darkened, becoming leathery. Her hair shot back into her scalp, becoming wiry and black. And her body ... well, her body crumpled inwards, becoming smaller, thinner and strangely pointed. No longer excited, Ginny stared at her friend in horror.

    “HELP ME!” Luna yelled enraged. “WHAT’S HAPPENING?”

    “I’ll get help,” Ginny cried. She backed away from Luna, now writhing on the grass, her bulbous eyes spitting fury.

    Unfortunately, the first person Ginny ran into was the head girl, Hermione. Breathless, she explained what had happened.

    Frowning, Hermione ran with her to the clearing, but when she saw Luna, she started to laugh.

    “It’s not funny!” Luna shouted, sounding most unlike her usual placid self. “What have I become?”

    “I wouldn’t worry,” Hermione replied. “You’ve merely changed into a raving claw.”



    Title: Hog's Head
    Rating/Warnings: If you don't squint then it's 1st/2nd, but by squinting this could be Professors. (Apologies to minna for plagiarising.)

    How did the goat get in The Hog's Head?
    Through the Dumble-door.


    Title: I say, I say, I say
    Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd. Painfully unoriginal.

    Snape: I say, I say, I say, Voldemort has no nose.
    Wormtail: How does he smell?
    Snape: Blooming awful.

    Title: I say, I say, I say (again)
    Rating/Warnings: as above


    Bellatrix: I say, I say, I say, my Master has no nose.
    Lucius: (yawning because he's heard this joke before) How does he smell?
    Bellatrix: (sighs)Absolutely wonderful.


    Title: Bar 2
    Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd. None

    Grawp walks into a bar.
    It collapses.




    I bet you're all very pleased I discovered this challenge.
    Last edited by Equinox Chick; 03-19-2013 at 06:53 PM.
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  4. #4
    Fourth Year Ravenclaw
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    Name: 1000timesingoldenink
    House: Ravenclaw (though you wouldn't know it from these jokes...)

    Title:
    Top swap
    Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd, involves Fred and George

    What do you call it when silly English twins switch monogrammed sweaters?
    Brit twits outwit knit fits.


    Title: Quite a scare
    Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd, also involves Fred and George

    What are the onlookers doing when Fred and George are thrown out of the Age Line, white beards and all?
    They're staring at a daring pair who share a rare flair for wearing fair hair.


    Title: I still have all my teeth, look...
    Ratings/Warnings: 1st/2nd, excessive mediocrity

    Why did the skeleton grin?
    Because it heard that smiling makes you look years younger.


    Title: Rabbit droppings
    Ratings/Warnings: 1st/2nd, grossness

    "Eurgh, that was the worst Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean I've ever tasted!"
    "No wonder. That one was dropped into the bowl by your rabbit."


    Title: Another bar
    Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd, more mediocrity

    A bar walks into a man. He needs to work on his locomotor spells.


    Title: Come to think of it, I doubt Aberforth likes knock-knock jokes
    Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd

    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Banshee.
    Banshee who?
    Banshee who comes to your bar wearing a black veil. She's actually a man who was already banned years ago.



    P.S. minna, your disembodied butts joke made me laugh.
    Last edited by 1000timesingoldenink; 03-29-2013 at 04:44 PM. Reason: new joke

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  5. #5
    Queen of Foals Slytherin
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    Apologies for not judging this challenge sooner. We will get on to it as soon as possible. Thanks for entering!

    Lovely banner by Minna! Icon from toreadabook on lj.

  6. #6
    'Til the end of the line Ravenclaw
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    After a long wait (and possibly a couple of negligent chaperones who may or may not have forgotten that this was a thing), we are here and ready to dole out points for our participants.
    The Best Joke — 2 points
    Butt of the Joke by minnabird
    Kudos for making Julia snort wine, as well as giving my roommate a side-cramp from cackling.

    The Court Jester Award — 10 points
    Minnabird
    While all of our jocks of the jocular gave the judges something to smile about, there was a special quality of cleverness to Minna’s entries that made them stand out to the judges, who give her not only points, but a standing ovation.


    That’s all! We thoroughly enjoyed judging these and wish we had done it sooner. These were delightful and exactly what we were looking for. You all deserve a round of applause. But also points…yeah, points are good. Here are the points:

    Gryffindor — >.>

    Hufflepuff — 30
    Equinox Chick: 8
    Minnabird: 10 + 10 Court Jester Award + 2 Best Joke = 22

    Ravenclaw — 6
    1000timesingoldenink: 6

    Slytherin — >.<
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