Will write five ... promise
Name: Equinox Chick
Title: (I really need a title for my joke ... um ...) Lightbulbs
Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd. None
Q: How many Chudley Cannons players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: What's a lightbulb?
Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd. Violence
Ron walks into a bar. 'Ouch!'
Draco Malfoy walked into the Three Broomsticks. He approached the bar noticing that Rosmerta was eyeing him with distaste.
"I don't want trouble, Malfoy," she said.
"I don't want any either," he replied.
She raised her eyebrows. "Then avoid my back room at all costs. You are not to go in there. Do you understand? If I see you approaching, then I'll hex you."
He nodded, appearing to agree with her, but his mind was working overtime. What was so important about her back room all of a sudden? He'd been there before and it was just a room. As he sipped his Firewhisky he became consumed with curiosity, until finally, when Rosmerta was serving another customer , he stepped towards her back room. His hand was on the handle when ...
"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" shrieked Rosmeta.
He fell down, stiff as a board.
"I'm sorry," he managed to squeak out of the corner of his mouth.
She stood over him. "I'll release you but you have to promise not to go near my back room."
"I promise," he muttered.
With that she waved her wand and he felt the Body-Bind spell leave him. Getting up, Draco returned to the bar and resumed drinking. But soon, curiosity again overwhelmed him. When Rosmerta had gone to her cellar to fetch more Butterbeer, he edged towards the back room. His hand once again gripped the handle.
"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" she shrieked again.
Merlin, the floor felt hard when he crashed onto it. "I'm sorry," he whimpered. "Please let me go."
"No, you had your chance!" Rosmerta said scornfully. "And as you were so eager to see what was in my back room ..."
Draco's eyes lit up excitedly. Rosmerta creaked open the door and nudged him with her foot.
"Go on, then. Slither in."
Title: Your True Self
Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd - silly
Ginny Weasley was walking back from Hogsmeade with Luna Lovegood. It had been a wonderful day, and she was pleased she’d agreed to go with Luna.
“What’s that?” she asked, when Luna took out a potion bottle.
“I bought it at the Apothocary,” Luna said, sounding mystical. “It’s a Transfiguration Potion that will change you temporarily into what you truly are.”
“Really?” Ginny was intrigued. She examined the bottle, noting the dark green liquid, and the small writing on the label. “Do you think it works?”
“The Potioneer said it would only last five minutes,” Luna replied. “I thought it might be interesting. Would you like to try it with me?”
Ginny considered. She knew she shouldn’t try untested Potions, but there was something really intriguing about knowing your real self.
“Go on, then?” she whispered and started to laugh. “You go first, and I’ll keep watch in case Hermione turns up.”
Luna smiled, opened the bottle and then took a slow sip. In awe, Ginny watched as Luna’s body began to change. Her skin darkened, becoming leathery. Her hair shot back into her scalp, becoming wiry and black. And her body ... well, her body crumpled inwards, becoming smaller, thinner and strangely pointed. No longer excited, Ginny stared at her friend in horror.
“HELP ME!” Luna yelled enraged. “WHAT’S HAPPENING?”
“I’ll get help,” Ginny cried. She backed away from Luna, now writhing on the grass, her bulbous eyes spitting fury.
Unfortunately, the first person Ginny ran into was the head girl, Hermione. Breathless, she explained what had happened.
Frowning, Hermione ran with her to the clearing, but when she saw Luna, she started to laugh.
“It’s not funny!” Luna shouted, sounding most unlike her usual placid self. “What have I become?”
“I wouldn’t worry,” Hermione replied. “You’ve merely changed into a raving claw.”
Title: Hog's Head
Rating/Warnings: If you don't squint then it's 1st/2nd, but by squinting this could be Professors. (Apologies to minna for plagiarising.)
How did the goat get in The Hog's Head?
Through the Dumble-door.
Title: I say, I say, I say
Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd. Painfully unoriginal.
Snape: I say, I say, I say, Voldemort has no nose.
Wormtail: How does he smell?
Snape: Blooming awful.
Title: I say, I say, I say (again)
Rating/Warnings: as above
Bellatrix: I say, I say, I say, my Master has no nose.
Lucius: (yawning because he's heard this joke before) How does he smell?
Bellatrix: (sighs)Absolutely wonderful.
Title: Bar 2
Rating/Warnings: 1st/2nd. None
Grawp walks into a bar.
I bet you're all very pleased I discovered this challenge.