House: hiss hiss
Title: The Girl Who Didn't Stay
Ratings/Warnings: 6th-7th, profanity, suicide, angst, cousin ship, bad relationship
Word Count: 763
Link to Post Containing Banner: Black Water Rising by xOxLyDzzOx
A/N: Relation to the banner is a little more iffy. I looked closely at the inspiration behind the banner, (the song lyrics to be specific) and am using the girl(s) on the banner as the same person, and am reflecting their brokenness/sadness. Also, my apologies, barmaids.
Why do you stay?
I put you through hell. You think I don’t notice that I’m breaking you, but believe me … I know. I know what I’m doing, but I can’t stop it. There’s something wrong with me. I know I’m screwed up. It got better for a while, though, when I started dating you.
You don’t believe me. You think I’m lying ? I would never lie to you. You’re … you’re perfect. I’m not trying to flatter you! If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know where I’d be.
I’m not lying to you! Do you think I want to hurt you- that I want to see you this way? You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping- look at me when I’m talking to you! I love you. Why can’t you see that?
You’re the only person that’s keeping me alive right now. You can’t leave me. I can’t be alone. I’m not strong enough; you know what will happen. Do you want me to die, Lily? If I lose you, I have nothing left.
I KNOW I’M A MONSTER! I know, but I’ll try. I promise I’ll try. You have to believe me. We’ve been through so much. Our family … I thought you wanted to tell them. I thought you really wanted to be together. Truly.
No, don’t cry. Please don’t cry, Lily. I love you. Come on, you have to believe me. I’m sorry I got angry, but … I know, I’m trying, Lily, I’m trying. Please. I’ll talk to someone, I’ll see someone, it will get better. Don’t cry. Please.
Do I think you’re beautiful? Of course, love. Why wouldn’t I? You’re perfect. When have I ever told you otherwise?
What? You’re not ugly. No. You don’t hate yourself. You can’t. Please, Lily. Please. You’re not like me. You’re not. Don’t ever say that.
STOP SAYING IT’S MY FAULT! Not everything is my fault! I know I’m f***ed up, I know I’m crazy, but stop saying it! I can’t hear it from you, too. Vic, Dom, even your brothers say it. I hear them. I hear them all. I didn’t mean to hurt that Hufflepuff during Quidditch. I just got so … angry.
I’m trying to control it, love. I really am. It’s just hard. And I can’t do it alone. Please. You’re not going to leave. I don’t know how you stay, but you can’t leave me alone with myself.
You want to run away form this right now. I know you do. I know it’s wrong, I know that I’m wrong, but you are so, so perfect. That’s all that matters, right? If you run, the darkness will catch up with me. I can’t handle that.
Where are you going? Lily, please. I’ll get better. What do you mean you’re done? Stop saying I’m a monster! I can’t hear this from you.
After that, you never came back. You left me knowing who I was, an angry monster. You told me just how screwed up I was. That no one could help me. You’re … you’re happy now. You ran away from the darkness.
You ran away from me.
Without you, it caught up with me. I’m sorry. I tried to run, I tried to fix it. But it’s filling me up like oil in my lungs. Black, slippery, and drowning me. There’s no one to save me this time, though. Everyone gave up on me.
I don’t blame them, but it still hurts. So I’ll leave them out. Goodbye, Lily; lovely, perfect Lily.
A single white rose sits by a grave. It’s been two years. Two long years since everything happened. She tried to tell herself it wasn’t her fault, that by leaving him she hadn’t killed Louis. He was sick, and Lily couldn’t be in that kind of relationship anymore.
But Lily still hated herself. She should have stayed, she should have done something. He didn’t deserve to die.
Lily still loves him. She misses the good times; his smile, his blue eyes, the fire behind his kisses. But she still remembers the bad. When he would just get so angry …
No. Despite everything, Lily loves Louis. She loves her cousin, no matter how wrong it was, and he shouldn’t have died.
So just like every weekend, she leaves a rose. Breathing in the cool breeze, leaving a flower and a flood of tears. But the black water wasn’t filling her lungs. She was free.
Lily’s only regret was that Louis could never free himself.