Review by Padfoot Patronus
First off darling, I think the rating could do with an upgradation. You gave my navel some serious feelings - the monster alive down there, heh *shakes head* I'm very torn while reviewing this, because this is not what I had expected. So the story Exceeds Expectations. And I'll tell you why.
The first part flows. Yes, it does, but some dialogues stood out and fit better than others did. “What was that, Potter? I didn’t hear you.” I still love it when he calls me that. Sometimes he says it dirtily, which makes me shiver, like it did just now.
Gosh, I think this could have been written with even better emotion but the message it what made it peek clouds. The characterisation in other words - the implication that I'd always wanted to read, James being uncouth, rough, dirty. He's a man with an ego to challenge Everest, this behaviour is so expected of him, and how I had been waiting for some one to capture it. The fact that this in some twisted part-pleasant, part-unpleasant way perturbs Lily adds three stars.
I'd also always imagined an exchange between them where James would play perverted responses with Lily in a seemingly simple conversation. I loved this interaction.
Just a little thing, but I'm being picky here: they are just too awake when it's supposed to be autumn morning. But I can't pretend at the same time to know very much about sex craved couples, so I guess you have free rein there.
“Harry, this is your chance. You can learn to walk without your father laughing at you every time you fall. So, start moving those little legs of yours!”
The lines at the ending close the winning deal. James' time and time brought up faith in his friends, and then you have Lily reacting to that in a sharp tone. Good one. I like that she's losing confidence. I particularly was very baffled by the characterisation that becomes apparent from her letter in DH. I like your interpretation better.
Between the two, however, I like James more. You got him spot on. Well done with that.
A couple things: 'Honey' is still very much an Americanism in the Marauder Era. Also in - At page seventy-four, the hero just gave the heroine a four-thousand dollar diamond ring
'Dollar'? She's reading an American novel?