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Thread: May Activities 2009

  1. #21
    XhayleeXblackX
    Guest
    Title: Here Comes Goodbye
    Photo: Three
    Word Count: 680 without the lyrics
    Warning: Character Death
    Note: Lyrics from "Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts
    “Here comes goodbye.
    Here comes the last time.
    Here comes the start of every sleepless night,
    The first of every tear I’m gonna cry.
    Here comes the pain.
    Here comes me wishing things had never changed,
    And she was right here in my arms tonight.”


    Ron sat in the chair beside the bed; his head bent low in his hands, fingers pulling strands of graying red hair. His brothers had gone to get some lunch while Harry, Ginny and Hermione had opted to go to the gift shop to get new flowers for the room, and he’d agreed to stay behind – he didn’t want her to be alone.

    It had been almost a year since their father had passed. It had been a difficult time for them all, of course, but their mother had never been quite the same. Losing her son many years before and now her husband had left her a broken shell of the woman she had once been, and over the past few months her health had been deteriorating.

    Ron sighed for what seemed the thousandth time. He hated to see her lying there so helpless, struggling with all her might to hold onto her life. She’d done so much for them all, and he couldn’t do a thing to help her, he was useless. He reached out and placed his hand on top of her own wrinkled and fragile one, smoothing circles between the small folds.

    “Ron?” asked a shaky voice.

    “Mum,” he replied, breathless. It had been a days since she’d last spoke. “Yeah, Mum, it’s me.”

    Molly tried to say something else, but couldn’t. Her eyes shifted from Ron’s face to the water on the bedside table. Ron quickly poured her a glass, holding it up to her trembling lips. She drank shallowly, only enough to keep her mouth from being dry, and pushed the glass away.

    “Are you all right, Mum? Do you want me to call in a Healer?” Ron asked nervously. He wasn’t sure what to do; he didn’t want to disturb her if she was peaceful, but he didn’t want her to lie in pain, either. Molly simply shook her head, though.

    “Ron… I can’t…,” she mumbled.

    Panicking, Ron moved closer and began questioning her. “You can’t what? What’s wrong?”

    She opened and closed her mouth several times, swallowing; Ron lifted the glass to her lips again. “Mum, please, what’s wrong? Let me go get the Healers.”

    “No,” Molly demanded. Even weak, Molly Weasley’s orders where enough to stop Ron from rushing into the hall.

    “Then talk to me, tell me what to do,” he pleaded, taking her hand once more.

    “I can’t… can’t…” Molly sighed. “Let me go, Ron.”

    “What? Go where?” he asked, surprised and frightened, unsure if his mother was truly awake.

    Molly smiled softly, as best she could. “To your father.”

    Ron let out a deep breath. “Uh… Mum… Mum, Dad’s gone. He’s been gone for a long time, now,” he explained gently.

    “I know, Ron,” she answered. “Let me go to him.”

    “Mum, I… I,” Ron mumbled.

    He didn’t know what to say, what to do. He wished that his siblings were with him, were able to help him. They sat there staring into each other’s eyes – Molly’s full of desperation and longing; Ron’s full of confusion and pain.

    “Ron, please.”

    Ron stared back into the face of his mother, the woman that had raised and supported him throughout his life, and felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow. She was physically hurting; she was lost without her husband. Who was Ron to keep her in that kind of pain? When she had given so much of herself to him, to her family? It wasn’t fair to force her to hold on when she’d done so much for them.

    A few tears escaped his eyes as he slowly nodded, taking her hand in both of his now. His mother smiled again, a tear falling from her eye as well.

    “Tell them why… Let them know I loved them,” Molly mumbled softly, squeezing his hand and Ron nodded.

    “I love you, Mum. Tell… tell Dad we miss him,” he replied, swallowing hard, tears now streaking his face. Grief overpowered him as he watched his mother’s eyes close and felt her hand go limp as she was finally able to let go.

    “But here comes goodbye.”
    -Haylee

  2. #22
    cirelondiel
    Guest
    I didn't know people wrote story commentaries until this discussion popped up. So no, I've never written one (although in year ten, I handed in a short story for English class with at least half the story's length again of handwritten notes detailing all of the symbolism I put in down to the significance of each character's hair colour >.>).

    I find the idea really interesting, though. Commentaries on DVDs are always great fun to listen to - you get interesting facts about how and why certain things were done, as well as funny stories from the making.

    I would definitely consider writing commentaries on some of my own stories... it would help me critically review my own writing (I pretty much pour a story onto the page, read through it to check for glaring errors and then post it), and it would also be a way to share some of the quirky facts and thought processes behind my work with others. For that second reason, I'd also like to see others write commentaries of their own work - I always like to skim the reviews of a story to see if the author mentioned any interesting tidbits.

    As for writing commentaries on someone else's work... I think I would probably only do it for fics that are amazingly detailed and well-written, for an opportunity to squee over how brilliant the author is. There are fics that I don't review because I don't feel like I'd have anything constructive to add, but I'd love an opportunity to share their genius with others.

    Elements of commentary do come into my reviews, though. When I've beta'd I've tended to slip in comments about what I liked, as well, but commentary can be quite a large aspect of reviews on MNFF. I can think of some authors who have a fanbase that leaves detailed responses to the events of each chapter - in fact, conversations can almost develop on the review pages. And I know that I recently mentioned in a review that a scene reminded me of a movie... a relevant inclusion in a SPEW review? Not really. But I think we do this because a review is the most direct link we have to an author and their story. If we want to share with them how the amusing part of their story reminded us of an experience we once had... well, most of us are not likely to strike up a conversation via PM or something to make those sort of comments? But this sort of response to a story is probably better suited to a location outside the review box (especially for SPEWers). The problem is, no such location really exists.

    Commentary-like aspects of reviews are something that the RAC frowns upon, I've noticed - but I can completely understand why reviewers continue to include them. Even if not helpful, they're relevant to the author and there doesn't seem to be any other place to put them.

    But they are definitely an interesting way to respond to a story other than in a review, and it would be great to see more of them around.

  3. #23
    jenny b
    Guest
    Haylee dear, here's my review for A Fine Choice.

    I don't actually have any questions, because everyone has already asked all the good ones and I feel bad for this being so late. >.>

  4. #24
    A.H.
    Guest
    Title: Untitled
    Photo #2
    Word Count: 793
    A/N: I know I don't use the picture much in description, but this was inspired by it. Also, I've been needing to work on my dialog/tags so if you find the abundance of dialog deterring, well... at least I'll get better in the future.

    "Next year's our last, mate," Sirius said jovially, plucking an apple from a tree and biting down into it. "Anything you want to do to kick off our last year?"

    Before James had the chance to answer, Sirius said, "And don't go on about Evans. That date you two went on last year should teach you well enough that the two of you just aren't meant for each other."

    "No," James sighed, finding a good spot beneath one of the flower-clad trees and flopping himself down. "I suppose were not. But you can't blame me for trying."

    Sirius leaned against the tree, his eyes fading into a thoughtful expression. "Perhaps you tried too hard, you know. I mean, a woman likes attention but not at the amount you gave her."

    "Oh, and you're an expert on women?" James shot, rolling his eyes. "You can't hold onto a girl to save your life!"

    After a very meaningful finger went up to solute James' retort, Sirius tossed the apple core aside and sat himself down beside his friend. "D'you think it matters?" he asked after several moments of lazy silence. "Girls, you know. Love, relationships—the attacks have been rising, people gone missing. Do you think we'll have time for anything after school? I mean, what if this Voldemort bloke really is behind everything? What if things get as bad as the Ministry says they will?"

    "I think they will," James said darkly, resituating himself so that the tree branch beneath him wasn't going directly into his leg. "But I don't think that means we should give up on life."

    "Always the melodramatic one, Jamesy!" Sirius shouted dramatically, clapping James on the shoulder. "I don't mean we should give up! I just mean…."

    "You just mean we should give up, mate," James provided, rubbing his shoulder.

    "Yeah… but then what's the point? If we can't live how we want to live—if we have to fight because some bloke's got it in his head that he's some powerful overlord, what's the point of going back to school, pretending life is okay? Shouldn't we just go, then? Go fight this war?"

    "Do you want to fight?" James asked.

    "'Course I do! What, you think I'm just going to sit by and let the world go to hell?"

    "No, I just meant… well, you're right, aren't you? We won't have a chance for anything else, whether we fight or not."

    "I don't suppose we will… Merlin, you're always so upbeat, aren't you, James? I was looking for a little reassurance and all you're giving me is this hopelessness. What's gotten into you?"

    When James didn't answer, Sirius let out a long sigh. "It's Lily, isn't it?"

    James nodded and stood up, brushing the dust from his pants. "I mean, if I haven't got her in six years, what's the chance she'll realize her undying love for me next year? And after that, what becomes of us? She's a Muggle-born, Sirius! She's in more danger than anyone, and if I'm not there to protect her--!"

    "Does it matter if you're together or not, James?" Sirius interrupted, staying where he was beneath the tree. "Will you fight for her if she runs off with Snivelly or some other git?"

    "'Course I will!"

    "Then give it up! Quit pining after Evans and find another girl. You liked the Prewet girl you went out with last year, what happened? She too un-protectable for you? You have to be a hero?"

    "It's not like that!"

    "Whatever it is, then, find another girl who wants your protection, you big bad beast, you."

    "The way you're talking, I'd expect it to be you," James retorted, tossing a pine cone at Sirius' head and smirking when it hit him directly in the forehead. "Like you say anyway, there's really no point to it."

    "Oh, of course there bloody well is. You and me've gotten along just fine and who knows, you could kick the bucket any time now and I don't hold it against you."

    "Yeah," James said, apparently unable to find anything else to say. He offered his hand down and Sirius took it, pulling himself up from the ground.

    "Mum will have supper ready by now," James said, as the two of them made their way back down the winding path.

    "Your mum makes the best beef stew, you know. My mum wouldn't know what to do in a kitchen to save her life."

    James laughed lightheartedly, speeding his walk so as to make it back to the house quicker. Once they'd found the path that led back up to the humble manor Sirius stuck his foot out, causing James to topple over himself as Sirius made a dash for the door.


  5. #25
    witch6
    Guest
    Hello, Haylee!

    Here is my review for A Hopeful Arrangemet.

    I really liked your take on the Malfoys in this story, and it even gave me a plot bunny for my SPEW 007. Thank you!

    While going through your Authour's page I noticed that you have written a lot about war, loss, death, especially your poems. So, what is it that makes you comfortable to write about such topics? Also, do find it easier to express your feelings and thoughts on these topics easier in poetry than in prose?

  6. #26
    XhayleeXblackX
    Guest
    More questions?

    BB's Questions:

    Which category do you think you'd be the most likely to win a QSQ in? Which one the least?
    Most likely to win? Um... wow. I really don't believe that my writing is anywhere near QSQ worthy, but perhaps for Dark/Angst or Female OC, if all goes well with my upcoming one-shot. However, I think perhaps a more likely option would possibly be for the poetry one.

    As for least, I would say all of them, actaully. Though Humor is the most definate.

    Which of your stories is your least favourite? Why?
    Hm... I think that of my stories that are up on the archives, my least favorite is Unexpected Memory because I think I could have done a much, much better job with it, and it doesn't showcase Keighlyn very well at all (and also confuses up a couple of her background points, I think). My second least favorite would probably be Lost in the Moment because it's very cliche.

    witch6's Questions:

    While going through your Authour's page I noticed that you have written a lot about war, loss, death, especially your poems. So, what is it that makes you comfortable to write about such topics? Also, do find it easier to express your feelings and thoughts on these topics easier in poetry than in prose?
    I think I find them more comfortable to write because it's easier for me to get into the mindset of themes that may result in depression, which is because I find it easier to write than happiness.

    And yes, it is much easier to write about in poetry than prose. Prose takes much more time for me, while poetry seems to come very easy. I think that's because I have more personal writing experience with poetry than I do with writing prose.

    Thank you so much, everyone! I really enjoyed your questions.

    -Haylee

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