I've started a story about Narcissia Black's years at Hogwarts, and i wanted to make syre she was well chacterized. The first chapter is finished (not in queue yet, though). So I thought I'd give you an example of how I've chacterized her and you can tell me what you think.

Example:

“No, I don’t think so.” Narcissia felt slightly let down. “My parents are both Moogles, so I doubt anyone in my family wrote a book concerning anything that has to do with magic.”

“What?”

“She means Muggles. Her parents are Muggles, not Moogles, whatever those are.”

“So you’re a Mudblood!?!”

“Watch your mouth!” Elle snapped.

"I can’t talk to you.” Narcissia practically sprinted away from the compartment. Her parents had been painfully clear that she was not to associate with anyone less than half blood.

“Elle,” Lily asked as they watched the blonde run down the train car, “What’s a Mudblood?”



Any imput is greatly aprriciated.
Also, does anyone think it's out of canon for me to have Narcissia start Hogwarts at the same time as Sirius? I looked on the Black Family Tree, but Surius was, of course, removed.

Edit- Thanks for all your help, first chapter is now posted!