If Hogwarts Was Called Catsores... [E-Journal of an Evil Janitor]
In chapter three of "The E-Journal of An Evil Janitor," Voldemort arrives at Hogwarts to find that Mr. Filch (now "The Dark Lord Snoogerblossom") has made some creative changes to the school. It is now called Catsores, and everything is cat related.
So if everything in the school was cat-related (and keep in mind that you need not limit yourself to domestic cats; tigers, pumas, wildcats, jaguarundis, and ligers and company are perfectly welcome), what would be different?
Also, I kind of want some new cat-related house names that sound similar to the originals.
If you could give me some assistance of the wackiest kind, I would be much obliged.
THANK GODRIC YOU'RE FINALLY WRITING CHAPTER THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, now that my fangirl squee-ing is done with, let's think about this, shall we?
Gryffindor = Jaguardor?
Hufflepuff = Tabbypuff
Slytherin = Cheetahin?
Ravenclaw = Tigerclaw?
Gah... sorry... those were rubbish suggestions. I'm terrible at things like this. ^^;
For subjects, what if you had things like:
Defense Against the Dark Arts = Defense Against Hair Balls
(Learning how to get rid of those stubborn hair balls.)
Charms = Cats - The Musical!
(Filch singing... now if that's not scary, what is?)
Potions = Puma Power!
(Showcasing how we should all treat our beloved Pumas.)
Quidditch = Kitty Itch
(Um... itchy kitties? )
Hope that helped some... and sorry if this was a horrible, waste-of-time post!
P.S. HURRY UP AND WRITE, WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.P.S. Sorry. Got carried away.
Think lots of armchairs in sunbeams. No classes in dark dungeons. Also with mandatory nap-time.
The suits of armor would be replaced with statues of cats. Think ancient Egyptian cat-worship. A sphinx would now guard the entrance to Razorclaw (now more incentive to get the riddle right).
The Forbidden Forest would be turned into a wildlife game reserve for wild cats, and the Care of Magical Creatures, would be Catoring to the Whims of Your More Intelligent Masters, and now also mandatory. Potions would be a cooking class, becase we all know how picky eaters cats are.
Other than that, I'm not sure.
Toilets are replaced with litter boxes
Most food is liver and fish related. The door knocker on the Heads office in a cat claw. All doors are giant cat flaps! Fish fills the lake on the school grounds. The uniforms are leotards and they wear cat ears.
The paintings are cat related; there's even cats playing poker or Kitty Itch.
Got to go for now!
The school uniform is a Hello Kitty costume. Mandatory for teachers, too. (Snape in a Hello Kitty costume *giggles uncontrollably*)
Haha, the Hello Kitty uniform idea is great. Add kitty ears.
Also, there could be 'scratching posts' situated almost everywhere (you know, where cats sctratch their claws ). And everyone must purr, hiss, etc.
Bumper Cars in Gringotts
Don't forget to give Mrs. Norris her own chair in the Great Hall!
Detention would be served cleaning litter boxes.
Personally, I would change 'Ravenclaw' to 'Cougarpaw'.
Cat doors would be cut into every single door and room. (Even the fat lady's portrait.)
Cats get free roam in the Owlery all the time!
Don't forget about Hogsmeade either. That's a very un-cat-like name. Why not . . . Catscradle?
What about Giugnador? (For Gryffindor, Giugnas are my new favorite animal, having just beat out the narwhal (a cross between a dolphin and a unicorn)).
Also, you could install a giant one of those kitty condo things (like a house on a stick with a bunch of platforms) in the grounds for the students to climb on. You could feed the students out of gold kitty bowls, and give them milk instead of pumpkin juice (I don't think cats would like pumpkin juice, as cats don't tend to like fruity things... our kitten Bella likes raspberry-currant jam, but I think she's an exception). There could be giant balls of yarn in the common rooms for them to play with, and very large catnip mice. Students could be required to have a cat, not an owl, toad, or rat.
That's all I could think of. Good luck! (Write fast.)
Perhaps replace the houselves with dogs... have the cats rule over the dogs? Sounds interesting Schmergo. Though I hate cats. They give me the skeevies! *Megan* I like Katie's ideas.
Self-bathing would be mandatory!
Students would be expected to spend fifteen minutes (or more if you're feeling particularly evil) a day staring aimlessly at walls.
Potions would be spent trying to create new types of gourmet cat food for Mrs. Norris.
All students would be expected to greet Mrs. Norris every morning, with the proper tone of respect and of course, the correct greeting, spoken in CatTongue.
Detentions for trying to kick Mrs. Norris! Detention for calling Mrs. Norris, "Norris" or "That Cat"! Detention for looking like a cat-hater! Detention for refusing to clean up Mrs. Norris's erm - sick - especially is she was sick because of your "potion" in the first place.
If Mrs. Norris coughs up a hair ball near you, pick it up and frame it. OR ELSE!
Students would be taught the finer points of litter box usage!!!