Perhaps for the hundredth time, Ginny watched her new owl, Waldo, soar out of her apartment window. She had been ecstatic when she received him for her birthday, but now, she felt like she wanted to blame everything on the poor bird.
“ Why did I send him another letter? Ginny thought to herself miserably. “Because I’m weak. Because I’m believing in false hope. ” She thought. “Because…because I still…”
Ginny took a deep breath and could not say it, even to herself. She grimaced sadly and turned to glance around her apartment room. All the lies she had told about this place... Ginny’s excuses for hiding away floated through her mind, filling her head with heavy guilt. Her parents had been so reluctant to let her go after her seventh year. She was, after all, only eighteen and the world was unsafe, especially now with Lord Voldemort still around and plotting. There were still many disappearances and murders threatening the lives of all those who defied Voldemort and his Death Eaters.
Ginny had left anyway. She knew she was not any kind of threat. Why should she be? It wasn’t like she was an Auror and was out there dying for what she believed in. It wasn’t like she was powerful or like she was fighting against Voldemort. It was more like she was left behind to hide because she left home and Fred and George had offered her a room above one of their new location stores. But Ginny did not want to have to be around her brothers, who were so successful and amiable. She had told everyone that she needed her freedom and independence to learn the way of life. What a lie.
She knew she made horrible choices.
Why did she say okay when he asked her, that night so long ago?
Ever since the end of Ron and Hermione’s sixth year, she, Ginny Weasley, had changed. She was no longer the fiery, stubborn, lively girl she used to be.
At the same time, all Ginny needed was to see Harry again. She needed to know that there was still hope out there, a future for her. Ginny had to see Harry, to know that the man she loved was no ghost, no imposter or fake desire or shadow of what used to be. She had gotten no letters from him, only second hand words that she was sure were mostly attempts to make her feel better from family and friends. To know that she could have been out there, living a life worth living, and with Harry, was too much to bear.
She would be able to stand with him in the open world, saving it. She wouldn't be hiding and waiting, just holding on to something that was not there.
Did Harry know of how she was? Didn’t he know what he did, and what he didn’t do? Wasn’t he even sorry? Ginny wanted to cry at that thought.
Or else he was just out there he was out there, somewhere, trying to save the world, and the girl that he loved was sitting here in this lonely apartment, lost.
But even though she needed to see Harry terribly, she felt she could never forgive him.
Did he know what he did to her? He picked her up, let her touch the stars; feel the great divine, and then he dropped her. Didn’t he say that they couldn’t see each other?