Keefy, your posts in this thread absolutely crack me up. Your tone is ridiculously hilarious.
In any case, there's no need to say 'sorry' about the fact that there's no valedictorian at British schools.
I was hoping there wouldn't be! I really did not want to have to invent a valedictorian and give him a speech... it would be MUCH better if the headmistress gave a speech (Because a marvelous prank occurs during the speech.)
So thanks very much for your help.