I don’t know…
I mean, I’ve liked guys before and all. This isn’t new to me. I’m eighteen, for crying out loud! I’ve been in love like… three times already. Honest to Merlin. Loads of people would just turn around and say, “You’re too damn young to have been in love that many times. They’re just silly passing fancies.” Well, who the heck is the judge, eh? Who the heck is the one with the heart on the line?
I’m not new to this. And I’m not trying to give you some crazy idea that I’m all full of knowledge, and veteran-like. I’m not that either. I’m just not new to this.
I can’t understand it. I really can’t. I’m going crazy here. I think about him every waking minute. I can’t stand not seeing him for two bloody seconds. I’m out of my mind. I know it. We’re in the middle of a war, and I think life’s gorgeous just because he smiled at me. It’s not that he’s all that great-looking either. He looks terrible. Cuts all over his face, arms, back, chest… everywhere! I doubt his toenails aren’t cut. And his hair’s grown out crazy and all over the place. He doesn’t care. His clothes are all ragged, too. Like he just got out of a fight. That’s what he always looks like; like he just got out of a fight.
But I just can’t help myself. I honestly, truly, don’t give a damn about the cuts and the clothes and the hair and the bleeding toenails! I don’t know what in the stars is wrong with me. I’ve lost my mind. I wish he’d ask me to marry
him for goodness sake! And I would, too, if he asked. That’s the worst part. I mean, we’re not even a couple. He doesn’t have time for something as flighty as love. He’s a serious man. We’re not a couple, he doesn’t see me as anything more than just a girl who’s gone to school with him for seven years and, for Merlin’s sake, I’ve never even once held his hand.
But I’d marry him. I would, I swear I would. I’d get down on my bloody knees
and marry him tomorrow. Today!
I’d do it today. Right now.
I’m out of my mind in love with him. I really am. Just right out of my mind in love. He’s crazy if he doesn’t notice. He probably does, anyway. He probably feels sorry for me and all. Because he doesn’t love me.
Oh, Merlin, don’t let that be true! He’s just a serious man. He doesn’t have time for love; love’s too flighty. Once this damn war is over, it’ll be fine. I’ll confess. I’ll walk right up to him and I’ll tell him, “I love you! I love you like crazy.”
And he’ll be so stunned I’ll kiss him right on the lips.
And he’ll love me. I’ll do everything.
Merlin, I don’t know…