Charlie Longbottom is yet another OC in my fic Albus Potter and the Phantom's Ring. Charlie is the son of Hannah and Neville Longbottom and was Sorted into Gryffindor. He is friends with Albus Potter, Scorpius Malfoy, Rose Weasley, and my OC Rowan Greenhill. He has a bit of a crush on Rose, but she does not think of him in that way.
Charlie and the others are currently in their first year. Charlie and Scorpius do not like each other much, but he gets along fairly well with Albus. Charlie's best subject is Herbology, just like his parents. He is good at Potions but often messes up because of his teacher's dislike of him.
Charlie has shaggy light brown hair and brown eyes. He has his father's build and figure, but his mother's kind and encouraging personality. Charlie, like his father, owns a pet toad (although, unlike his father, he chose it of his own free will).
I would like to give Charlie a bit more depth. He wants to play Quidditch, but is rubbish on a broom. He is most eager to learn Transfiguration, but it is his worst class. He is worried about having his father as a teacher, wondering what others will think whenever he gets good grades and the majority of the class does not.
Right now he sounds a bit too much like his father. You said his personality is different, so I'd suggest you work on that closely so he doesn't end up as Neville Version 2.0
What are his good traits? His bad traits? How does he handle himself around other people? Try to make his personality as unique as possible.
I'd point out that both Neville and Hannah are blond. While brown hair is fine, blond is more likely.
Although Neville was never pushy (nor was Hannah initially) both hold down jobs which require a lot of social skills, perhaps he's a lot more forward than his parents - maybe there's a lot of the redoubtable Great-Gran Augusta in him?
Just a suggestion.
He does sound quite a lot like Neville: Redux at the moment. Perhaps focus on the fact that he's rubbish at flying but still keeps trying? As far as we know, Neville never even held a broom again after that first disaster. Athleticism is probably something his father won't understand, even if he follows the games, which is something that can help set them apart.
Is there a reason why his Potions teacher dislikes him? Perhaps because he's the son of one of the other teachers? That could help play on his self-consciousness problem.
As for being worried about the (incorrect) assumption his classmates will make about his father playing favorites, he can probably point out to anyone who cares to bring it up that he's up to his elbows in dragon dung just like everyone else, he's addressed by his last name just like everyone else, and he has to write ten inches of parchment on the proper hydration of Flutterby bushes just like everyone else. In fact, if he starts to get that embarrassed about it, I could even possibly see him deliberately causing trouble in class to see if his father will dock points or set a detention. Or intentionally failing a homework assignment. He'd probably go so far as to go through a phase in which he ignores and avoids his father entirely to try and prove that he's there on his own merits.
You need to put your introduction in first person, in the character's voice, per the rules of this forum. It would also help if you answered the questions in character.
I have to agree with Indigo Cygnus: Why would he be bad at Potions? He probably doesn't have a very good instinctive grasp of it (I doubt Hannah or Neville did much complicated Potion making) but why would the teacher pick on him? Snape picks on Neville because Voldemort could have picked Neville instead of Harry (per the prophecy). Who is the Potions teacher? Why would he have these issues with Charlie?
I would also like to point out that according to JK, Neville and Hannah live at The Leaky Cauldron. Charlie would have grown up with a lot of people around all the time, he might have even had to help cook, serve and clean.
And who do you have as Head of Gryffindor House?
Why would he be bad at Potions? He probably doesn't have a very good instinctive grasp of it (I doubt Hannah or Neville did much complicated Potion making) but why would the teacher pick on him? Snape picks on Neville because Voldemort could have picked Neville instead of Harry (per the prophecy). Who is the Potions teacher? Why would he have these issues with Charlie? Professor Morag MacDougal dislikes Charlie because, in his first lesson, Charlie was doodling on some parchment and missed the "wands away, quills out" instruction.
And who do you have as Head of Gryffindor House? Neville Longbottom.
You sound a lot like your dad. Do you spend lots of time together?
Any idea where you got your brown hair?
Note to author: please continue!