Thanks and a new question
Thanks for the help everybody, and Maple and Justice.
I went with this one:
"Fell for that did you?" the voice said with silky harshness. The moment Draco's eyes lay on the man, he knew the guard was not to be trusted. And the nasty smile on the guard's face was pure...
I have two dialogues where one speaker as British street accent. You now the one even American can't always understand. I gave it my best but since English is the third language for me, I have no idea if it sounds realistic. I'll copy-paste them here and if you can give me some advise how to make it better, I'll be really grateful.
No1 - Ms Nobbs who is answering questions in court is your usual someone brought up in English gettho somewhere.
“What did Whittacker Walters tell you exactly, Ms Nobbs?”
“Only that someone was gonna pay 'im a lot of dosh for a job.”
“Do you know what kind of job it was?”
“No, he didn' tell me.”
“But you had an idea?”
“Yeah, well...” Ms. Nobbs flushed scarlet. “There's only one kind of well-payin' job tha' Wally got. I think-”
I'm not sure I want Ms Nobbs to use the word 'job', but I have no idea what else could she use.
No2 - Ms Cantu is obviously of Indian origin (according to name) but it does not always mean anything, so she can speak usual British everyday slang and she's also quite a foolish woman who gossips about celebrities, tries to look better than her neighbours and puts on airs.
“Oh, Mr. Malfoy! I saw your picture in the paper just this week! It was such a pretty picture too-” Then she seemed to remember the reason for the picture appearing in the Prophet in the first place and her face changed into what was obviously a fake pity. “I am so sorry about your wife, sir! So very sorry.”
“Ms Cantu, you remember the reason we invited you here?” Harry tried to remind the woman she had a suspect to identify; he was still somehow hoping that the woman would realise who it was.
“Oh yes, yes of course!” Ms Cantu said and, to Ginny's horror, looked at Mr. Briggs, the barrister. “But his hair is all wrong, Mr. Potter! Much too dark and short too, I told you, the man was blond! Quite light, in fact.”
Or if there is something else wrong with the style or the infamous 'flow', let me know. Please? :)