So sorry it’s over ...
“Mmmm.” Sirius breathed in deeply, burying his nose into her hair as she lay against him. He felt her smile on his skin and then Lily began to draw circles on his bare chest. Her steady breathing against his nipples made his spine ripple, and Sirius let out a garbled moan. “Uuungh.”
“Pardon?” Lily asked with a slight laugh, her grin widening as she traced a line with her index finger down to his navel.
“Damn, Evans, you bloody tease,” Sirius growled. He covered her hand with his and pressed it against his body. It was silent for a moment, save for the sounds of their labored breathing, and then Lily spoke into the still air.
“Have you told James yet?”
Sirius’ chest stilled for a split second as he felt the tension in the air thicken, the atmosphere changing like falling sand. Feigning innocence, he asked, “Told Prongs what?” He continued to stare at the wall of the passage they were in, refusing to turn toward her and see her face, look into those beautiful eyes.
Let’s take some time to talk this over
You’re out of line and rarely sober
We can’t depend on your excuses
‘Cause in the end its f*cking useless
“Don’t give me that, Black; you know what,” Lily replied, her tone changing. Sirius’ hand had loosened over hers, and she pulled it out to place on his upturned cheek. “About us. About this. You and me.” She paused, letting her hand slip down his neck to rest on his collar bone. Her tone dropped an octave as she asked, “Or are you ever planning on telling him?”
Sirius stiffened, his body going cold at her words, and he could tell Lily felt the difference. “It’s not the right time yet,” he told the wall.
Huffing, Lily clenched her hand on his chest, scratching him slightly. “Oh please,” she scoffed, the words carrying a new note of bitterness. He felt her body weight leave him and knew she had sat up and turned away from him. “You keep using that excuse, Sirius, and I’m getting sick of hearing it. He’ll need to know eventually, and you’re doing him just as great an injustice by not telling him, by doing this behind his back. He should know. You’re not being fair to him, to me … to yourself.” She was gaining momentum now, and Sirius felt her body leave its spot beside his as she stood and continued speaking. “Do I mean so little to you that you don’t want anyone to know? That you can’t … you can’t even look at me right now?” Her voice caught on the last words, and Sirius felt the hurt in them stab at his skin like a blunt knife.
Finally sitting up, he shook the hair out of his eyes so that he could properly look up at Lily, the green of her eyes betraying the passion within her. “You know that’s not it, Lily, you know I care about you.” Swearing under his breath, Sirius ran a hand through his long hair. “Damn it, why do you have to keep bringing this up and ruining the good moment? Why can’t you just let things be the way they are? We’re doing just fine as it is, why do we need to ruin what we’ve got?”
You can only lean on me for so long
Bring the ship about to watch a friend drown
Sit out on the ledge, begged you to come down
You can only lean on my for so long
Lily visibly bristled at his words, and when she spoke, her tone was like a poison lacing its way through his veins. “Sirius Black, you are a coward. We haven’t got anything for me to ruin because you’re not willing to make it into something.”
At this, Sirius could feel his own temper rising as well. Standing now, he had to work to keep his tone even. “Don’t you call me a coward, Evans. He’s my best friend, I can’t … I can’t do that to him. I thought you understood that when we started all this.”
It was silent for a moment as they stared at each other, the fire between them nearly tangible. “What I thought I understood was that you and I both wanted the same thing, but apparently I was wrong. If you’re not willing to make this real, Sirius, then I’m through with it.” Lily’s eyes were moving rapidly back and forth, searching his for something that wasn’t there. When he said nothing more, she turned on her heel to leave.
There’s so much more that I wanted and
(So sorry it’s over)
There’s so much more that I needed and
(So sorry it’s over)
Time keeps movin’ on and on and on
Soon we’ll all be gone
“Lily, wait, don’t—” But it was too late, she had already gone. Sirius swore colorfully and then turned and punched the wall with a fist, something he regretted doing as soon as he had. His hand began to throb painfully and he swore again. He couldn’t believe his own stupidity. For once, he had been happy, yet he had just let that happiness walk out and leave him alone, alone again.
So sorry it’s over ...*