QWC - Okay, team seven. Time to huddle.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Welcome!
Unfortunately, I accidentally saved over the original first post, in a moment of extreme stupidity. But we don't really need that anyway.

To reader people/judges: the posts here aren't necessarily all in perfect order.
BUT:
This link should take you to the current final draft, which includes who wrote what:
Voldy's
Deathpants! (http://fanfiction.mugglenet.com/forum/showthread.php?p=75623#post75623)

[wendelin the wierd]

Hey everyone! I am wendelin the wierd aka thorn or you can call me wendelin for short.

I am a hyper active thirteen year old from India!And like mind_over_matter I just keep going on and on and on and on...

*ahem*

Yup! I love writing too! T'is my lifeblood.

I thought it would be cool if we did it from different POV's or something. I amn't too sure since I have almost no experience with writing quidditch fics. I specialise in poetry but still...

I don't know any of my other teamates except by name but I do hope to get to know you all better through this lovely challenge!

Mind_over_matter, I amn't sure what to do. But I think your ideas are pretty good!

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Aloha, my fellow Quidditch-eers! (Wow, that sounded weird...) I'm Schmergo, and I'm a fourteen-year-old American looney.

Ummm... right, I have four stories up on MNFF at the moment, but my only chaptered one is an incredibly silly humour fic entitled "The Dark Lord's Blog." My favourite characters to write about are Theodore Nott and Voldemort, but my favourite characters to read about are Ron, Luna, Neville, Remus, and Voldemort.

As usual, Mind_Over_Matter's ideas are cool on a stick... I do like the idea of the Weasleys playing in the backyard of the Burrow, though. They have enough people to make up a team all on their own.

I would also like to take this opportunity to behave like an immature child and whine that Mind_Over_Matter gets an unfair advantage because the film of "Order of the Phoenix" comes out one day earlier in Australia than in the USA or Britain.

Thank you.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

I would also like to take this opportunity to behave like an immature child and whine that Mind_Over_Matter gets an unfair advantage because the film of "Order of the Phoenix" comes out one day earlier in Australia than in the USA or Britain.

Whoa. That's a first.
But I'm not going to see it until way after it comes out anyway. The movies annoy me.
Never the less, if it makes you feel any better, I'll plan to go one day after I usually would. *Pats head*

^^ I could so imagine us ending up writing some deeply angsty story from the point of view of the Snitch. Or, you know, a bludger.
‘I just get hit around all day. It’s not fair.
Don’t they understand? Don’t they care?
Although a brain, I have none,
I feel as much as anyone.
And yet, still, still, they just take a bat,
And smash me about. What’s with that?
I pray for the day I get the sack,
But until then, I’ll just try to hit them all back.’

LOL. And the snitch would be like,
‘Here comes the Seeker. What a cow.
I guess I will be leaving now.
I try to flee, but, somehow,
She’s caught me. I’m crushed…
Ow.’

But, uh… that’s so completely off topic it’s just not funny.
We really need to get started.

Everyone: Pfft. Easy for you to say.

Yeah, well.
I think we need to at least have a Quidditch team with two full sides, right? Meaning seven on seven. I’m really drawing blanks, which is unpleasant.
The only other point I’ve made was in a PM to wendelin the weird, about maybe setting this in the past. Like, distant past. Come on, am I the only one who has an amusing mental image of the Founders at Hogwarts first ever Quidditch game? Or we could have the Order challenging the Death Eaters/Ministry. Or… the students challenging the teachers at Hogwarts.

I’m not going to come up with any ideas that are serious and deep, at least not today. In fact, today my mind’s telling me we should write the entire match in rhyme, which (although it would be cool) is utterly unhelpful. What we need to do is be definite on what we want to do, because we seriously need to get to the actual writing part of the show.
And, since I don’t want to standing in the middle telling everyone what to do, now I leave this open for someone else’s point of view.

By the way though, what times are y’all online?

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

I'm... usually online, due to me having no life. Or at least, I periodically dart over to the computer and check my favourite sites several times a day.

Actually, your Quidditch poem was hilarious. I dare you to submit that to the archive.

Wow, a Death Eaters versus Order Quidditch game would be hysterical! Somehow, due to the fact that I've usually found sports a bit dull, I kind of feel like our match should be funny. And there can be some kind of stakes-- like, the loser has to surrender magic forever or something like that, only less lame. Something that'll make a Voldy/Harry face-off all the more important.

You know what would be interesting? If we were doing something Death Eatery (which goes with the Voldy's Deathpants name that I STILL like), but, like, one of the Death Eaters is afraid of heights, so at the last second, Voldy hires Dudley or something to play one of the positions... I know, random.

If we did the DE's versus Order, the teams could be:
DEATH MUNCHERS:
Voldy
Lucius
Draco
Wormtail
Bellatrix
Fenrir Greyback
Dolohov (or Dudley?)


ORDER/GOOD GUYS:
Harry
Sirius (Back from dead)
Bill
Mad-Eye
Tonks
Kingsley
Remus

Or the other team could be the seven Weasley kids, with Harry subbing for Percy.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

I'm... usually online, due to me having no life. Or at least, I periodically dart over to the computer and check my favourite sites several times a day.

Yeah, me too. So I guess that works out nicely ^^

Actually, your Quidditch poem was hilarious. I dare you to submit that to the archive.

Well, I don't want to get flaky with it. I'll finish it and then it'll be submitted, because I nev-
...
Uh, rarely back away from a challenge.

I just had a random idea, when I got a PM from Wendelin the Weird. Voldy's Deathpants could be, like, a Horcrux or something. Voldemort would play Quidditch for a Horcrux. It can be like... That's the only way to destroy it. Or Dumbledore found it and didn't get a chance to destroy it, but to make sure it didn't get into the wrong person's hands he did a magical whammy, so if Voldemort tried to get it back he'd need to play.
Ooh, and *random idea* Voldemort and Harry are the commentators, and not allowed to play. What? Random Voldy/Harry showdowns irk me.

So I would be thinking we like totally need to include Rodolphus. Actually, or a dementor. Whoot for dementor Quidditch players. Also, I have this image of FirstMovie!Hooch's 'I want a nice clean game from all of you'.

Plus, my idea of the good guys is:

Ron
Tonks
Kingsley (because dude.)
Gwenog Jones (Captain? What, Slughorn's contacts have to be good for something.)
Lupin
Charlie. Because his exclusion would be blasphemous. Or maybe Fleur.
SNAPE. And the team would be all like, 'what team's he on exactly?'


Then, there would be supporters maybe. Because I could imagine the twins heckling the beaters from the crowd. Also Ron.

And by the way...
ARTPAD LINK (http://artpad.art.com/?j9e55l1mr3ts)

EDIT: Oh, and I just realised (seeing as how we hardly have all the time in the world for this), we should probably be thinking about the structure of the plot too (like... who wins, etc. Because it would be so cool if the snitch split in half or something^^).
Also, about the style of writing too - does anyone have an opinion? Like, about who they'd like to play and all that? Personally, I'm not great with comical Death Eaters...

[cmwinters]

But Snape would be playing for the Death eaters and at the last minute, if he were Seeker he'd have to hex someone on the other team so the Order side could catch the Snitch, or if he were a Beater he'd beat the bludger into the seeker but at the last second it twitches and hits his Seeker, or something. ;)

Also, I can't do poetry to save my life, but that bit about doing the Quaffle, Bludgers, Snitch (and presumably bats and brooms and hoops) is really quite funny and I like it.

[wendelin the wierd]

Or maybe Snape can be the waterboy? (I can just imagine him now running onto the fields with a sour expression on his face, carrying bottles of water.)

Since most of us are into humour in this group, I vote for humour!
Though I like writing dark too!

Also, I loved MOM's idea of having Harry and Voldy as commentators! I totally agree! And I love the DE's playing versus ootp too!

So, all those in favour of our team's name as 'Voldy's Deathpants' say I!

(Three of us have already responded. What do you think cmwinters?)

I think everyone should also post a shortform of their name so we can increase our level of familiarity with each other.

I am thorn!

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

*Enjoys Harry and Voldemort as commentators.*

I think Snape should be the referee! He's perfect for it... no one knows which side he's for.

I love the Voldy's Deathpants artpad... and what if the Snitch, like, got liberated by Hermione or something... or WHAT IF IT GOT STUCK IN VOLDY'S ACTUAL DEATHPANTS (which, naturally, he's wearing), so he technically won the game, but then the Snitch would rip his pants, thusly DESTROYING his horcrux? So he also loses.

'Kay, that makes no sense. I don't know where my mind is.

[cmwinters]

You all crack me up, although I don't know about Snape as a waterboy. Referee I could do. He'd be all calling fouls on the Order team but hexing the Death Eater team when their backs are turned. :P Non-verbally, of course. ;)

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Yay! *Enjoys the fact that the decision process is happening smoothly*
This is very cool.

I think everyone should also post a shortform of their name so we can increase our level of familiarity with each other.

I had no idea what that meant when I first saw it. I was like - form? Like, a job application or something?
And then my brain caught up O_O

I'm usually just known as MOM here.
Actually... yeah, that's all I'm known as. You may call me 'that whacko chick' if you like, but I find MOM is shorter ;)

Now, it seems like we're sticking with this idea. And I love Snape as referee ^^ Very nice. So... what's the official list of Harry's team? Also, if we need to replace Snape, it'd be nice to get another DA member. Like... Zacharius Smith or Neville. You know, or something. It just occured to me that if Voldemort and Harry were commentating and Snape was refereeing, a lot of the story could be told through them.

Do you guys think we could begin writing soon? *Not sure whether everyone's as ready as her*

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

How about:

Ron-- Keeper
Kingsley--Beater
Charlie--Beater (I know, he's supposed to play seeker, but I have a reason for this...)
Tonks--Chaser
Lupin--Chaser
Fleur--Chaser (I HAVE to see this.)
Mad-Eye-- Seeker (You have to admit it would be hilarious-- plus, if he's paranoid, he'd probably be great as a Seeker spotting the snitch.)

Bad Guys:
Fenrir Greyback-- Keeper ('cos everyone's too scared to approach him)
Lucius--Chaser
Wormtail--Chaser
[Somebody]-- Chaser (I don't know who this would be-- maybe Dolohov, Nott Senior, MacNair, even Dudley... or Nagini...)
Bellatrix--Beater
Rodolphus--Beater (the Lestranges would prolly use illegal curses as Beaters!)
Draco-- Seeker

And I'm Schmergo. If you want, you can shorten that to "Schmerg," like in my username, but it's only one letter different.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Oh, oh, please may Draco be a Beater? He'd be all sooky because he wanted to be Seeker, and there could be a really terrible Seeker. Like... I don't know, someone Voldemort likes. Bella could be Seeker but she could keep getting caught up in the rest of the game or something.

EDIT:
And I just realised that Bellatrix and Rodolphus would be an evil pair of Beaters. But sooky!Draco would be fun, somewhere else. If Nagini was made Seeker. You know, or something.

[cmwinters]

I'm not quite sure how we're going to get Nagini - who is a SNAKE for Pete's sake - onto a broom to start with. Which of course, means we need to leave her on the broom. Because it would be funny, and she'd probably swallow the Quaffle, and then there'd be all this hilarity when she flies through the goals and Snape'd be all .o(>_<)o. and Harry'd be all (O_O) and all the Order team would be screaming how not fair it is and then Snape would have to rule that they'd get a new Quaffle in play and SOMEONE has to find Quidditch Through the Ages to find out what's legal and what's not.

You could kick Wormtail off the team. He doesn't strike me as either particularly well liked OR particularly talented, and then you could have Draco AND Lucius as Chasers. :P In fact, switch Wormtail for Draco, and Draco being all petulant about not being the Seeker and trying to do it anyway and neglecting his duties as a Chaser (and so Snape has to tell him that no, Draco, it doesn't count if you catch it) and Bella going off and hexing EVERYONE (including Wormtail) and Nagini swallowing the Snitch and. . . oi. And then Lucius has to preen. And try to hit the bludger with his cane and break it. And spaz out because his wand was in there. And Lucius and Fleur flirting. :P And have it happen sometime near the full moon and the game either start late or go on a long time to spaz poor Snape out about the two werewolves on the pitch because Moody's too busy - I dunno, trying to cast Incarcerous or something on the Death Eaters to bother Seeking.

And, yeah. I need to go to work now.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Well, I think that sounds deliciously chaotic. Actually, it could be amusing to have the three Malfoys as Chasers... They'd all be scolding each other.

Anyway.
I'm really only posting right now (because I'm posting before and after, like, everyone else's posts and it is a little odd) to say that I've tried to change the board name, but it doesn't want to work.
I go to edit and then 'advanced options', and change the board title, but that only changes the subject of the very first post. Anyone know what I'm doing wrong?

Oh, and finally, I can totally imagine Harry and Voldemort, as commentators, arguing about things being legal and illegal, and then getting peeved off and finding out exactly when each other's rule books were published. Poor Snape, getting caught in the middle as referee.

EDIT:
Okay. I've changed my mind. So long as I'm here with nothing to do and without the brain cells to change the direction as my attention. And, you know, if it will actually help us then, why not?
*Thinks what she can do*
Well, for a start:
If we were to say that it was an Order (basically) vs. Death Eaters (and Nagini) game, where there's a Horcrux at stake (Voldy's Death Pants), with the cast running (basically) as follows:

Commentators
Harry and Voldemort

Order Team
Keeper: Ron
Beaters: Kingsley Shacklebolt and Charlie
Chasers: Tonks, Lupin and Fleur Delacour (for some reason, those three names look incredibly weird together)
Seeker: Mad-Eye Moody

Death Eater Team
Keeper: Fenrir Greyback
Beaters: Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange
Chasers: Draco, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy
Seeker: Nagini

AND that Snape was the referee, would that not work for anyone? Obviously, we don't need to keep in the Malfoy-Chasers, but if we do then... you know, Wormtail could be, like, a fangirl or something ^^
*Takes this moment to suggest maybe Tonks and Nagini as Captains. Because I can imagine Tonks fairly trying to shake hands with a snake*

Because if we get that, and some plot points would be lovely (we have heaps, so that'd mainly just be shuffling, organising and pacing), then I'd say we'll definitely be ready to start writing!
And since I'm here...
I think it'd be nice if we could make the game a fast and furious kind of thing (unless we have a couple of
Three hours later:
"I knew it!" screamed Harry. "Page four thousand, two hundred and one. 'If an abnormally ugly serpentine creature happens to be playing Seeker and happens to have eaten, swallowed, absorbed or otherwise consumed the Quaffle, it is acceptable for the opposing team to demand a new Quaffle come into play, until the first can be extricated from the opposing Seeker. On top of this, however, the team making the claim must withdraw their seeker for the duration of time when his/her opponent is undergoing necessary procedures!' And a sharp blow to the evil team's winning streak as a new rule is found..."
"Excuse me!" interrupted Voldemort quite rudely, snatching away the book. "My snake is NOT abnormally ugly!")

And also, I really hope the story can start just before the players come out onto the pitch, because I love the idea of the Order/Death Eaters all stretching their legs and getting pep talks.

Then finally, suggestions on who wins and how?
I'm personally hoping the Order will win, because, well, who doesn't want to see a bunch of random good guys winning something called 'Voldy's Deathpants'?
But now, finally, I end my post.

[wendelin the wierd]

Order! Order!

Ok, what has been decided so far-

1) We are doing humour
2) Snape is referee
3) Voldemort and Harry are commentators

As for the other issues, I agree that Dudley should play! And that Nagini should substitute wormtail! Could be quite funny! Also, Trewalney for the good guys? I can just imagine her predicting that she is sure the quaffle will come to them!

Ok, so here is my version of the team

Referee- Snape
Commentators- Harry and Voldemort

Players-

Bad guys

Keeper: Dudley
Beaters: Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange
Chasers: Draco, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy
Seeker: Nagini

Goog guys

Keeper: Ron
Beaters: Kingsley Shacklebolt and Charlie
Chasers: Tonks, Trwalney and Fleur Delacour (for some reason, those three names look incredibly weird together)
Seeker: Mad-Eye Moody

EDIT- Sorry MOM. I didn't see your edit!


I loved that drabble! It is Amazing!

And yes, I too think that the Order should win 'Voldy's Deathpants'

*snorts*

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Rockin'! (and thanks about the wee drabble)
I wish I could tell a mod from a non-mod. And felt alright randomly PMing people. I'll find someone I know soon enough, but for now (as soon as I've finished this post) we can just do with a big, colourful title.

I suppose what remains to be settled it... Trelawney and Dudley. But now that I think of it, I don't know how we're going to justify Dudley being able to fly a broom...
And besides, whatever poor little characters get left out can just go fangirling on the side. (because anyone can fangirl).

Then, so this isn't spam:
Seriously - what are your guys thoughts on the beginning/opening of the actual story?

[cmwinters]

Maybe we could use a Daily Prophet article. Written by Rita Skeeter, natch . . .

I am really opposed to Dudley being on the Death Eater's team. For starters, he's a Muggle and they'd want to kill him. For another, he hates magic. And there are entirely too many Death Eaters available.

Are we going to feed Wormtail to Nagini? ;)

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Yeah, I kinda prefer Fenrir as a Keeper and Nagini as a Seeker.

Maybe the story could start as a serious thing with Harry and Voldemort, and it sounds like they're discussing a battle to the death that they're about to hold, and then it turns out that they're actually in the commentator's box at a Quidditch game which is about to start?

I think you actually should put that "exceptionally ugly snake' bit in later in the story.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

This plan she sounds brilliant to me. I'd start right now, but I suppose we need everyone's confirmation (of course, when we've started, we can still plan/organise).
And we begin with Harry and Voldemort.
Ooh! And it can be a really serious conversation, and then at the end maybe they can mention something ridiculous or get really petty like stretching or pep talks or having Snape as referee.

Quickly though as well (since we'll need to know soon), are you guys giving the 'yay' or 'nay' to Trelawney? At the moment it's between her and Lupin as Chaser.
... actually, to make everyone happy, we could have Trelawney as a reserve. If Lupin werewolf-ises, there might be something in the rule book about that.
Although then we'd have to pull Pettigrew back into the game to replace Greyback...

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Now THAT would be funny, if he and Greyback morphed halfway through the game.

So would the plot outline be, like:

--Harry/Vold discussion
--Introduction of teams
--Action
--The Nagini Rulebook thingy?
--Action
--Moon rises; Trelawney and Wormtail pulled into play
--Action
--It looks like the bad guys have won, but something, maybe accidental, causes the Order to win
--Harry gets to destroy Voldy's Deathpants, and it's all happy and stuff.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

It sounds about right to me... But there's obviously more to go in there, especially (I hope) before Nagini swallows the Quaffle. Actually, if she did that and then flew around, but got really tired near the end of the game from eating so much that she went to have a sleep, and that was when Moody got the snitch. And if Nagini eats Wormtail, the Death Eaters would be another player down and have to play... erm... Macnair. Or something.

So if we just have up until Nagini swallows the Quaffle... I guess we'd talk about each character/little group of characters at a time.
I just got this grotesque imagine of the Order throwing Nagini through the hoops...
Anyway, yeah.
And also - about having Tonks and Nagini as Captains. I don't think anyone noticed that suggestion, but the Captains shake hands at the very beginning, so it's quite important.

My Goodness, what a disorganised post. *Apologises*

EDIT:
"And my people with smash yours down with the force of an avalanche of lead..."

"Oh yeah, Potter?"

"Yeah. Kiss your Deathpants goodbye, Mr. Riddle."

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Nagini is so funny, you can do anything with her... my mind has probably been skewed by reading "Nagini's Diary," but oh well.

By the way, when I wrote "action," it meant [*something will go here, but I don't know what.*]

I liked the idea of Tonks and Nagini as captains... that just strikes me as funny. I have an idea-- since Tonks is a metamorphmagus, can't she technically transfigure her arms extra long or whatnot? I could see her as a very skilled Quidditch player.

Do you want to start off the story?

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Do you want to start off the story?

*Over dramatic death-scream*
*Followed by the realisation that if anyone has any problem at all with something that's posted, we can always go back and edit*

Yep, I can definitely start. I've had a little experience with the whole 'mock-seriousness' thing. I will be back in a moment with a post.

“So, the time has finally come then, Potter?”

Harry’s skin crawled at the sound of Voldemort’s accursed voice. It was but a hiss filling the silence, and it took every ounce of his strength not to attack.

“This is what it has come to,” Harry answered coolly. “I can promise that you will not emerge from this battle victorious.” Voldemort sneered.

“Confident, aren’t you?”

“I think I have good reason. What with the fact that you don’t have a chance and all.” Voldemort’s red eyes narrowed and his mouth curved into a bitter frown.

“We’ll see about that…”

And I would like to take this moment to reiterate that anything can be changed, if it's no good.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Voldemort's eyes gleamed almost hungrily. "Face it, Potter," he hissed, "You're nothing but an inexperienced boy. What skills could you and your little friends possibly possess?"

Harry betrayed no hint of fear as he stared up into the Dark Lord's flat, masklike face. He knew that the Order of the Phoenix would not let him down, and that the Death Eaters wouldn't stand even the most fleeting of chances. "It's on," he replied in a small, strong voice.

Voldemort's slitlike nostrils inflated. "Then let the match begin."


FIFFFTYYY CHARACTERSSS SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAAAAAMMMMM

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Hope y'all don't mind. I just thought this seemed like a good time to start introducing these guys...

Meanwhile, in the Order's changing room...

"Stretch those legs, people!" cried Captain Nymphadora Tonks spiritedly. “We’ll be on in moments, by the sounds of it!”

Several people rolled their eyes and Ron Weasley, the team’s Keeper, secretly wondered whether Tonks actually knew how to play competitive Quidditch.

“Come on!” she went on loudly, clapping her hands. “Voldy’s Deathpants are on the line here! I want to see some focus!”

“And what are ‘Voldy’s Deathpants’ exactly?” snapped Charlie, waving his Beater’s bat grumpily. Tonks attempted to stare him down.

“Very important,” she retorted. There was an odd pause. “… Apparently.”

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

(I love this. ^_^ My particular blur is rather lame, but I just wanted to incorporate all of the players somehow. I have no idea what possessed me to include the last sentence.)


Remus Lupin, Chaser, sighed. "I thought Harry could tell me everything," he lamented. "Now it's just, 'This is a matter between me and Voldemort, and this match is extremely important, so please do your best.’ Apparently, they've got some sort of wager..."

"Over... Voldemort's Deathpants?" confirmed Kingsley Shacklebolt, the other half of the Beater ensemble.

"So it would seem," growled Mad-Eye Moody, twitching as Charlie’s bat nearly missed his face.

Fleur Delacour, Chaser entered dramatically with a towel draped over her nose. “Mon dieu! Zees dressing room smells worse zan Bill’s month-old underwear!” she exclaimed shrilly.

Charlie sniggered.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Alright, I've got a little post here:

"Then Bill’s obviously paying more attention to personal hygiene these days," he muttered, snickering.

"Excuse me!" Tonks spoke up again. "Minds on the game please, people. Minds on the game. This won’t be a breeze. It won’t be a piece of cake, and you can bet your sweet bippy it’ll be one heck of a lot harder than pie. We’re battling some of the darkest people in the magical world…"

But then I'm thinking we might cut to the Death Eater's rooms? It depends on how we want to introduce them, but it'd be good to show them in there and get a good idea of preening!Lucius, sook!Draco, etc.

EDIT: ... yeah, also it'd probably be good of us to let thorn get a word in edgewise, eh? ^^ *Does that*

Oh, and:
"So it would seem," growled Mad-Eye Moody, twitching as Charlie’s bat nearly missed his face.
I LOVE that! Poor Moody, hit in the face.

...

AND for my next EDIT:
And Thorn's gone again. *Wonders if she imagined it*
Watch me spam.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Said 'darkest people of the magical world' were currently camped out in their own locker room. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy (both Chasers) seemed to be holding a wrestling match over who was to gain possession of the locker room’s one curling iron, while the third chaser, Draco, had snuck off to a secluded corner to indulge in his stash of hair gel, which he had hidden from his usurping parents.

Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange, possibly the most brutal Beaters ever to fly over the earth, were plotting and conspiring as they placed horrible curses on the Bludgers.

Curse this infernal one-hundred-word-maximum drabble limit, and curse this fifty character minimum thingymajigger on the posts.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Look, a quick reply! And besides, why can't you babble like me. For shame.
Everyone's too sensible and consise. It makes me look like a complete moron!

"It would be brilliant!” Bellatrix cried heartily. “And they shall-”

“But dear,” interrupted Rodolphus, “I’m rather sure someone will notice if the opposing team all turn into mutating red globs of pus…” Bellatrix scowled.

“Curses!”

The Keeper of the team, one Fenrir Greyback, looked quite fearsome, sitting alone at the other side of the room. No one seemed to want to go near him, for some reason, but he supposed that was alright. After all, people reminded him of blood, and he didn’t want to eat any more Death Eaters, at least until Voldemort had forgotten the other…
incidences.


Also, do you have any idea of when cmwinters might be coming online/remember when cmwinters came online yesterday? Because I seriously don't think it's a good idea to go much further until some more people are here.

EDIT:
*Is going now*
*Will be back in approximately two and a half hours.*

[cmwinters]

Hahahah, you two are killing me! Hahahah

Ok, yes, Trelawney in reserve. Then she gets on the broom (*after much prodding) and is all spaced out and dreamy and they keep having to draw her attention back to the game. We could easily work Luna into this, trying to talk some sense to her. And Parvati and Lavendar sycophantically on the side.

Nagini - eats the Quaffle, gets pulled out of the game for a penalty for some time, then Lupin & Greyback go off to werewolf things, Snape is SWEATING BULLETS because these two werewolves have *brooms* (better if Snape is on, like, a Nimbus 2001 and Greyback on a Firebolt . . .) >_> (but Lupin has to be on a Comet 260 so Snape isn't all that worried about Lupin catching him even though he's still freaked out).

So Wormtail is subbed for Greyback, and then Nagini comes back in, and eats Wormtail, and someone has to scream at Voldemort "WILL YOU TELL YOUR SNAKE TO QUIT EATING PLAYERS AND EQUIPMENT?" and Snape is all .o(>_<)o.

Tonks and nagini as captains - YES! Because Tonks'd be all . . . . trying to figure out how to morph into something so she can shake Nagini's hand.

And when Charlie's bat hits Moody in the face someone has to say that it makes an improvement over his appearance. <_<

RED MUTATING GLOBS OF PUS!? OMG HAHAHAHA (Ew)

I'll go through and add some things later - I may double post. ;)

I work nights y'all, so go ahead and post without me, it doesn't bother me.

You guys are great!

ETA

I HAVE AN IDEA!!!!



WE CAN WORK ON THIS IN GOOGLE DOCS!!! http://docs.google.com

If you PM me your e-mail address I can get it set up. That way we can add in snippets as we go, and put author right before each drabble, then port it to MNFF.

Sound like a plan?


RE-EDITED TO ADD

http://docs.google.com/View?docid=dgmd37vn_4c35zfz

There's the document as it stands. As soon as I have some way to get e-mails to you (if you are reluctant about giving your e-mail out get a yahoo or hotmail one because I *have* to be able to send an invite to an e-mail address, otherwise I can just copy/paste like I've been doing, which is fine) I'll send the invites so you can make your own edits. I've been word-counting in Word, and that document has my drabbles added. ;)

[wendelin the wierd]

Okay, just to inform everyone that I am putting my drabble here since I can't edit the google doc.

Next to Fenrir sat the team’s seeker, Nagini with a sulky expression on her face.

‘Now Nagini, what did I tell you about playing Quidditch?’ asked Fenrir in the same tone he would use on a five year old,

‘I must not eat team members’

‘Good snakey,’ Fenrir smirked.

A moment’s pause.

‘Hey Nagini, have you seen my boots anywhere?’ Fenrir asked, looking around.

‘You said I couldn’t eat team members. You didn’t say I couldn’t eat their boots.’ she hissed with a smile.

The blood drained from Fenrir’s face.

There is a reason I am so silent, I live in GMT+5.5 so I am usually not on when everybody else is.

*Hangs head*

Ok guys! Continue the RR!

OK- Are entire team is online now! And we are the only people!

[Mind_Over_Matter]

CM, that way of doing things is just BRILLIANT! Honestly, wow.
Fantastic. *Can't shut up about it*

I'll absolutely hop to it with things - the things I can do, of course. And it's unbelievably exciting that this is coming together.
The only thing is - I take it Greyback is a Parselmouth or something, Thorn? I just want to make sure Nagini's still a normal(ish) Horcrux-snake and all, and still can't speak English, right?

CM, I'll PM you my email address... *Personally can't make hide nor hair of this new google... erm, stuff.*

[wendelin the wierd]

Yeah, can you add my round robin to it too?

Actually, I figued that since Sirius as a dog could talk to a cat, Fenrir as part wolf should be able to talk to a snake?

Or we could fall back on the parselmouth theory.

For some reason I amn't able to edit that doc!

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Alright, I obviously can't edit yet, but I wouldn't want to just go ahead with this anyway.
Is it alright with people if we split up this post by Schmergo and slide CM's in the middle. I think it would be good for flow...

Remus Lupin, Chaser, sighed. "I thought Harry could tell me everything," he lamented. "Now it's just, 'This is a matter between me and Voldemort, and this match is extremely important, so please do your best.’ Apparently, they've got some sort of wager..."

"Over... Voldemort's Deathpants?" confirmed Kingsley Shacklebolt, the other half of the Beater ensemble.

"So it would seem," growled Mad-Eye Moody, twitching as Charlie’s bat nearly missed his face.

Oi, watch where yer waving that thing, willya, Weasley?" snapped Moody, as Charlie Weasley's bat made another wild circuit towards his face. "I've got enough scars already, thank you very much! And I'm not a dragon that needs to be beaten into shape!"

"Yeah, but a well placed blow might make an improvement to your looks, you know . . . "

"Why you . . . !" growled Moody threateningly, reaching for his wand. "I oughta hex you into next week!"

"CHILDREN!" shouted Tonks, slipping between the men. "There will be no hexing! We've got a match to play!"


Fleur Delacour, Chaser entered dramatically with a towel draped over her nose. “Mon dieu! Zees dressing room smells worse zan Bill’s month-old underwear!” she exclaimed shrilly.

Charlie sniggered.

*Won't shut up*

CM, would it be alright if we added to the act of walking out onto the pitch? I mean, there would be the darling commentators introducing each player as they come out, and I think we can really use detail to play up the Order's shock at a snake on the pitch ^^ So maybe we can just add drabbles into it a bit, to add on yours? You know, if that's alright...

FINALLY, one last thing:
About the drabble I posted way earlier with Harry and the rule book, we could change that so Harry just says:
Three hours later:
"I knew it!" screamed Harry. "Page four thousand, two hundred and one.
'If an abnormally ugly serpentine creature happens to be playing Seeker and happens to have eaten, swallowed, absorbed or otherwise consumed the Quaffle, it is acceptable for the opposing team to demand a new Quaffle come into play, until the first can be extricated from the opposing Seeker. A sharp blow to the evil team's winning streak as a new rule is found..."
"Excuse me!" interrupted Voldemort quite rudely, snatching away the book. "My snake is NOT abnormally ugly!"

It's one hundred words exactly, and then in the next drabble, if we like, it could be Voldemort snatching the rule book and finding the bit about the opposing Seeker having to sit out too.

EDIT:
Okay, just to illustrate what I mean, here's an example of how the teams might begin to enter the pitch...
“What on Earth are they doing?” whined Voldemort. Because he was commentating, though, the Dark Lord’s irritated comment rang throughout the Quidditch Pitch, and the few spectators shot weird looks at him.
“Obviously not a professional…” muttered Ludo Bagman.
“Probably stretching,” replied Harry off-handedly. A moment later, however, he spotted movement from the entrance to the Order’s changing rooms. “Or maybe they’re… yes they are!” he announced. “Now, ladies and gentleman, welcome the Order – the ‘Good Guys’ if you will – to the pitch! And who are they, Voldemort?”
Voldemort squinted.
“Uh, first there’s the Captain, that weird, muggle-loving half-blood, Tinkadora…

AND YET ANOTHER EDIT, BECAUSE IT'S TRULY AN ART:
Okay, so here's the thing. I was making changes on the document on google, seeing as how I figured I'd paste it in word and get the differences approved, but the thing is, I just realised it auto-saves. If any of the changes are bad, I'm so sorry and I swear I'll go and change everything back.
Hopefully, they're alright though..

[cmwinters]

Yes, googledocs autosaves.

AND IT"S OK. Even if you make a completely bungled thing like *deleteing the entire thing* (please don't do that, but you get the idea), it allows you to REVERT TO AN EARLIER VERSION.

So it's all going to be *ok*. ;)

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Phew! Well, that's just dandy.

And two things while I'm here:
Firstly, are we drabbling right now?
and secondly,
I suggest that, although we can make the changes on googledocs, it might be a good idea to post here WHEN we've made a change.

[cmwinters]

With the Googledocs document, I think we can drabble whenever we like. Got insomnia? Drabble. Break at school? Drabble. Bored at work? Drabble. :P See? ;)

[Mind_Over_Matter]

'Zactly. Which is why it's a brilliant system and you're a genius!

I just mean, if we make a change, it could be useful to post here so everyone knows.

EDIT:
Like... uh, now for example. *Has updated posts*

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

I added a short bit onto the document between MoM's posts in the Fenrir/Nagini area, explaining how Nagini was able to communicate. You can change it if you'd like:

“I can’t believe the Dark Lord picked a snake over me,” Wormtail grumbled, pulling on his cheerleader uniform with extremely little enthusiasm.

“Excuse me!” protested Nagini. “Are you discriminating against me because of my species?”

”No, I’m discriminating against you because it’s almost impossible you to sit on a broom and because you have to communicate via laptop computer with a Parseltongue-to-English translation software program installed!” Wormtail replied.

Nagini lunged toward him angrily. “I would devour you right now if it weren’t for my New Year’s resolution to cut down on fatty foods!”

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Estupendo, estupendo, mein liebschen. *Can't remember how to spell that.*

And that's extra specially cool because Nagini can't really have a laptop with her at all times. *Personally hopes that people won't be able to communicate that well with Nagini*

And Schmergo-burgo (...), are you staying online?

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Yep, dancing between various activities. I've been typing my novel, which I wrote in a series of five thick notebooks, and am now tackling the task of typing/revising it. As I'm on typed page 38 out of 368 and I need to get it done by Christmas to give out as a gift, I'm a tad stressed. (I started typing on Sunday.)

[cmwinters]

I added a short bit onto the document between MoM's posts in the Fenrir/Nagini area, explaining how Nagini was able to communicate. You can change it if you'd like:

Oh dear gods. Pettigrew in a Cheerleader uniform. That entire sequence was . . .. *DIES*

[Mind_Over_Matter]

^^ I think it's cute.

Also, I think Fred and George should be the Order's Cheerleaders. I salute them for their bravery.

[cmwinters]

Oh, believe me, I thought it was a scream.

F&G need to be the vendors. They'll be trying to pass off puking pastilles to the Death Eater team. :P

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Actually, that's a brilliant way to get rid of people we're sick of. For example, if we want a break from posting commentator comments or feel like running riot without a referree (and somehow dumb-i-fy Snape so he accepts food from the Weasleys, of course...)

*Sends out vibes and mind control lasers so people post*

[cmwinters]

Yeah, Snape could conveniently turn his head when F&G give Bella a Puking Pastile and a Nosebleed Nougat to Rodolphus :P

>_>

Snape would never, EVER eat something the twins gave him.

Can they give the Dark Lord a Canary Cream? >_>

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Can they give the Dark Lord a Canary Cream? >_>

!!! *Funny image*
And Harry would just be cacking himself.

They should give him something like... that turns people different colours or something. I have this image of Voldemort being pink instead of white.
OR they COULD give him a Canary Cream, and he could turn into a canary and fly down onto the pitch, then get chased by Nagini for a while and turn back into the Dark Lord on the ground in the middle of the Quidditch Pitch.
Harry's commentary would be so much fun to write if that happened.

EDIT:
Actually, eh, 'nother random thought-
Could we maybe perhaps kind of per chance change your post with Snape, just a teensy weensy bit? Like... I think it'd be cool if, leading up to the game, the pretense of the upcoming 'battle' being just that - a battle - would be cool to keep up. You know, it builds up the tension a little bit, and shows that everyone's really serious about event. Then there could be a post with Snape just a little while later, with him standing in the middle of the pitch with a referee whistle and rather irritated by it all and you realise that this major pivotal role he was asked to play is actually being referee in a Quidditch match.
Does this make sense?
And is it a'septable?

Apparently, I'm a mock-drama junkie.

[cmwinters]

It's ok to change it but at some point I think we should show Snape's general trepidation with werewolves.

Quite frankly, I think it would be humourous to turn Greyback pastel pink. >_> Greyback turns pink, the Dark Lord gets a Canary Cream, the Lestranges get Puking Pastiles and Nosebleed Nougats, you could do something HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING by giving one of the elder Malfoys a Patented Daydream Charm and have him/her be completely unable to restrain him/herself from describing whatever thing s/he were seeing, which will of course completely horrify Draco. (It could be, like, Narcissa begging Andromeda not to leave her even if the rest of the family disowned her and Narcissa pledging to go with her because Narcissa's only marrying Lucius for convenience and doesn't want kids because they're all messy smelly brats anyway, while on the sidelines Lucius is professing his undying love for . . . oh god. Lockhart. *dies*)

*facedesk*

/me whistles innocently and walks away now . . .

[Mind_Over_Matter]

I love it - love it love it love it. The Daydream charm especially - very clever.
But didn't someone say at some point that Lucius would be moronically flirting with Fleur? *Would check if internet connection wasn't so gosh darn slow*

There's just something that's rather confusing me. People keep coming and going, online for a while, offline for a while, but I don't think anyone's posting, except for that post by Schmergo a while ago.
I really get that I'm probably the only one with an insanely huge amount of time on her hands, but we don't have long at all for this challenge. Am I making sense here, or is my computer just messing up (OR I could be completely missing the point of googledocs, but I don't think so)?
The point is... yeah, we need to always be actively drabbling. And I especially just want to make sure that it's not just me not getting the drabbles.

[cmwinters]

The googledoc says no changes were made since yesterday when Schmergo did.

So yes, make sure to save your changes everyone!

(I haven't done anything on it for a day or two because I had another project that was a priority, sorry . . .)

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Not to offend you, but I've been reading the Google document, and although I think the Snape referee drabble is good, the Rita Skeeter article in the beginning kind of takes some of the suspenseful feel away from the Harry/Voldy dialogue later on.

The daydream charm ideas are brilliant, though! Fred and George are love...

[cmwinters]

Pfeh, I'm not offended. You think we should just take it out, or should we change it or . . .?

[Mind_Over_Matter]

I don't know. Might be cool to add in an article at the end. If there's time^^ Hope there's time.
But Schmergo's point.
Schmergo's point.

I just wrote a monologue about Barty Crouch Jr. going mad. Odd mindset.
And apparently incomplete sentences. Just needed to say something, but now I'm thinking might not have been such a good idea. Point is, I'm here if other people are and can write.
And this weird mood writing thing shouldn't last long O_O

[cmwinters]

I work nights. I can't write "with" other people. I have to just write when I can.

Do we *have* to drabble *together*? Because I simply can't do that. Sunday is my only day off. :(

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Oh, no! Of course not; we can all be on at different times. Just more gets done. Plus... well, there's very little for me to reply to until someone else drabbles.
*Stupid look*

[cmwinters]

I might be able to write two or three but we need to prod Wendelin and Schmergo.

/me *PRODS*

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

I've been lurking around this board, and I'll probably post a few drabbles this weekend.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

*Winces*

Come on, guys. Please? Anyone? The deadline's looming like a giant time monster and... well, wouldn't it be nice to get the story finished by the deadline? That's not to mention the fact that we have a definite chance at winning if we get it together. Like, you know, now.

AND that's about as much energy as I can pack into the post.
But the point is, we all need to jump to it if we're going to get through this challenge and finish our lovely story. It doesn't take all that long to post a little drabble here and there, and I'm sure I'm online at the same time as all of you at varying times throughout the day, so there are at least a few chances to bounce drabbles back and forth and get a solid amount of writing down. No one's judging (err... except for the judges, but whatever really) so - you know - just jump in there and have fun! We started this as a team (although I'm pretty sure no one expected to be put into one with three people from other houses), so let's finish it as one.

>< This time when I say that's as much energy as I can poor in, I totally mean it. *Terrible day*
I'm serious though. If we keep going at this rate... well, when the deadline comes there won't be much more story than there is now. Unless we really get to it.

[wendelin the wierd]

I apologise a lot for my absolute deadness but you see...I had a lot going on and I also have trouble with the google doc so I am still adding my drabbles here.

Ok, this one is meant to be inserted in the gap just before the handshakes.

‘ Nymphadora.’ Harry hissed.

‘Right, Tinkadora Tonks is brought onto the pitch.’ Voldemort boomed, ‘And from the other end we have a lovely lady in green. Nagini Riddle steps forward and smiles friendlily at Tonks. Doesn’t Nagini look fantastic next to her?’

Harry scowled, ‘And as usual Voldy-poo’s biased commentary has raised some eyebrows. But there seems to be some confusion on the pitch regarding the traditional handshakes…’


Voldemort signaled to the cameraman. ‘Close in.’

[Mind_Over_Matter]

*Has, for some reason, been given a magnificent boost of excitement*

Yay for Thorn!
*Cheers*

That fills in that gap, and the next bit is still me last. Just to... you know, state the obvious. And absolutely don't worry about just posting here. I have no life most of the time - I've edited this one in and can do the same with the rest of your posts.
Or, you know, other people could. The point is: it can be done!

*Blink*
I never realised quite how exciteable I can be...

[wendelin the wierd]

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ,LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ,LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ecitement of any sort!

Wow! Seeing all this excitememnt I am inspired to write more drabbles. Will definitely write one in a couple of hours anyway and fill more gaps! Guess, I'll just post mine here and MOM or someone else will take care of it.

*Huggles absolutely fantastic deathpants teammates*

EDIT: Brainflash! how about that song about the bludger and the snitch come as advertisement for everlasting but reluctant quidditch supplies? During the substitution?

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Okay, I've decided I love you.
That's an absolutely BRILLIANT idea.
xD They could be an advertisement for more positive Quidditch supplies.
'Are your bludgers not budging? Your Quaffles quabbling? Has your Snitch been snatched?'
etc. I hope people come online and post like crazy so we can get through to and past that point!

AND just following up on my editing proposal. CM, this is my suggestion of an edit to your post. Changed bits are bolded, so you can see the differences.

"Severus," the Dark Lord hissed hissily. "A word?"

Snape nodded and slipped into the hallway.

"Your services are needed."

"Of course, my Lord. I live but to serve you."

"Potter and I will be sending our warriors to battle. We'll need... a mediator, and it seems you are the only one trusted enough by both sides to fit such a pivotal role."

"Or distrusted enough, more like. My Lord."

"Yes, that too. I trust you will use your abilities to keep a metamorphmagus, several Death Eaters, Nagini, Potter's monkeys and two werewolves in check?"

Snape swallowed hard. "Yes, my Lord."

A little more vague, but it gets the job done. What do you think?

*Awaits Thorn's next post so she can drabble*

[wendelin the wierd]

Yay! I LOVE you too!

Ok, here is my long awaited post meant to fill the gap just after-

“Well, justice demands it anyway!” snapped Voldemort indignantly.

Harry examined his fingernails ‘You wish, Voldy. With that message from your unbiased commentator no penalty will be given. Now will the match start already?’

Voldemort turned a nasty shade of green. ‘Alright,’ he said, ‘if that is how you want to comment. No manners in the young people of these days. Humph! Still… yes I do believe, the Quaffle is being thrown up!’

‘By Snape nonetheless! And he’s thrown it towards the Death Eaters. That is a complete violation of referee/player policies!’

‘Nonsense, that’s just the wind, Potter!’

[Mind_Over_Matter]

*Can finally write*
Yay! I really hope you stay online.

Harry was about to argue, but changed his mind quickly.

“And despite the grossly unfair start to the game, the Order have kicked off the ground fast Captain Tonks apparently happy to avoid having to touch the Death Eaters’ slimy Captain…”

“SLIMY!” spluttered Voldemort, infuriated.

“That’s Tonks. Tonks with the Quaffle, and other Order chasers Fleur and Lupin not far behind. Then… what’s this? Order Keeper Ron Weasley being pursued the other Keeper. Fly, Ron, Fly!”

“It’s the other side of the field, moron!” screamed Rodolphus Lestrange, but Voldemort was no help.

“Tear his throat out, Fenrir!”

“Ooh! A bludger-“

That last bit could be said by anyone, and anything could be happening. I had a plan but I don't want to say it. Might ruin things.
I just want to suggest, though, that more members of the teams get a mention, so it only gets clearer who's playing what. The bit with Ron and Fenrir sort of assures that no one will forget who's keeping, so...
Yeah, here I stand in all my deviousness.

*Sends love out to CM*
The term 'Family Emergency' terrifies me now days, so if you read this, good luck with whatever's happened.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

'Ere you go, chaps! *Hands you a drabble, which I've posted on Deathpants*

It goes right after the part that says, "Ooh, look, a bludger!"

“And Fenrir Greyback, the Death Eaters’ Keeper, appears to have attempted to tear the Bludger’s throat out,” Harry announced, cringing slightly at the bloody and disgusting wreck of Fenrir’s mouth. “Luckily, Dr. and Dr. Granger, Hermione’s parents, have offered to fix him up after the game if he agrees not to eat Ron Weasley.”

“Don’t look at me!” roared Fenrir through broken teeth. “He’s cherry-chocolate flavoured! I can’t resist cherry-chocolate flavour!”

Ron looked around to make sure no one was watching and surreptitiously licked his arm.

I know, so random... I actually posted this one before the previous drabble was posted, for some reason, that post isn't displaying on this thread...

And this drabble comes after Snape waves his wand to try to make it rain:

With a mighty FOOMPH! the heavens opened like the proverbial drain. A gigantic torrent of water poured from the skies with the force of a sledgehammer… but this particular torrent was concentrated specifically on one area.

Snape was knocked off his broom and to the ground by the jet of water and splatted face-down in a puddle of mud. “Well, that’s one way to wash your hair, Snape!” Harry called joyfully. He, like everyone else but Snape, was perfectly dry and toasty.

I like the edits for the Severus/Voldemort conversation, M_O_M.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Look! Look! It's Schmergo! It's Schmergo!
*Waving and pointing frantically*
And also I have a post! *Hopes we can drabble for a while. It's the fourth of December where I am, so I'm thus hiding from the deadline*

“Finally, Greyback learns the rules of the game and heads sulkily back to his end of the field…” Harry announced, smirking. Voldemort scowled.

“Which isn’t as bad as Keeper Weasley, who appears to be hovering uselessly by the side of the pitch, contemplating what appears to be his own wrist-”

Ron scowled at the Voldemort. Keepers were meant to hover around the goal hoops. Moron.

“It’s Greyback who should be worrying though,” Harry went on. “As Chasers Malfoy, Malfoy and Malfoy are off to a very slow start, Lucius and Narcissa… What’s this? A hair curler on the pitch! FOUL!”

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Narcissa gasped, and her hands flew over her mouth like albino butterflies. "Lucius!" she gasped, scandalized.
Lucius blushed and frantically tried to hide the fact that hair curlers were spilling out from inside the sleeves of his robes. Quickly, he ripped the scrunchies out of his long ponytail and used them as garters to tie off his oddly bulky sleeves. "That was not me," he insisted. "It was, er Draco!"
Draco pouted. "And people wonder how I got to be such a pansy," he muttered.

It's still December 3 in my neck of the woods... er, suburbs... so I do have hope. But on the thread, it said that they weren't overly concerned with deadlines, so that's a good thing.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Narcissa, possibly in denial about Lucius’s questionable nature, frowned at Draco.

“Draco!” she snapped. “You should learn to stop framing your Father. And with my hair curlers! Is this the child I raised you to be?”

Voldemort made large, frustrated hand movements (funnily enough, with his hands).
“Malfoys! Stop this – this…”

“Family business?” suggested Harry.

“Family business!” agreed Voldemort. “And listen to your Captain, the lovely Nagini, as she tells you to get to the Quaffle! Potter’s team is about to score?” Draco frowned in the indignity of being a mere Chaser.

“Potter? Score?” He scowled. “Not in his life.”

^^ I can so imagine Draco saying that.
*Wishes she had more words in which to properly express sooky!Draco*

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

"And WHAMMO!" Harry exclaimed loudly and mildly obnoxiously. "Our team just scored, due to the fact that Fenrir Greyback was a tad busy trying to take a bite out of Fleur Delacour."

"In other news," said Voldemort, "Harry Potter is a git, and Ronald Weasley's fly is undone."

Ron blushed and looked down at his trousers, only to see Lucius Malfoy zip by on his broom and throw the Quaffle past Ron and into the goal.

"Oh dear, you unlikeable person, this has rather displeased me!" shouted Ron, although he used somewhat stronger language than that.

I'm sorry that everything I write is so incredibly strange, but it's late at night where I am, and I believe I'm half-asleep.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

EEP! Sorry this took so long - my Aunt just called from Canada.

Harry groaned, the sound of it echoing out through the pitch and stands.

“With speed fuelled mostly by embarrassment as his… nancy-ness is shown up, Lucius Malfoy gets lucky and puts the Quaffle through the side hoop. Next time ignore him, Ron! You’re wearing QUIDDITCH ROBES anyway!”

Moody swooped around the pitch, normal eye on Nagini, who was balancing on her belly to ride the broom, like a caterpillar on a twig. Nagini hissed at him several times, and Voldemort let out an unusual laugh.

“How dare you!” Harry snapped angrily. “And I demand a FOUL! Parselmouth on the pitch!”

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

"Takes one to call one," Voldemort said to Harry in Parseltongue. "And by this, I mean both the name and the foul."

Harry pondered this thought. "True, that," he replied submissively, also in Parseltongue.

"And while Potter calls absurd fouls on the stunning Death Eater seeker, the rather smelly-looking Remus Lupin-- did I mention that an anagram of his name is Slurpin' Emu?-- takes the Quaffle from the very, er..." Voldemort struggled to find a word that could accurately describe Lucius without insulting him. "The very, er... THEY DON'T MAKE ADJECTIVES THAT FIT LUCIUS MALFOY!"

IT'S A SPAM IT'S A SPAM IT'S A SPAM SPAM SPAM! IT'S A SPAM IT'S A SPAM IT'S A SPAM SPAM SPAM...

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Severus would have snickered, had he not been quite so irritated with the situation. Just about everything in the game so far could technically be called a foul.

Blundering fools.

“I beg to differ, Mr. Riddle,” retorted Potter childishly. “There are plenty of adjectives to describe all three Malfoy Princesses. Just none that polite society is inclined to favour…”

The reluctant referee’s eyes followed the Quaffle as Lupin passed it to Delacour, who completely unnecessarily cut in front of a slightly dazed and vaguely depressed looking Draco Malfoy, before making her way rapidly towards the goal posts and Fenrir Greyback.

I really think we should start focusing a bit more on the Beaters...
And the Bludger that darling Fenrir bit - that could go wonky, maybe?

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Rodolphus did a spectacular little pirouette in midair and hammered the bludger that Fenrir had bitten over toward the goal hoops, trying to knock Ron Weasley away.
But the Bludger didn't attack Ron's shoulder like it should have. Instead, it simply hovered in midair and... licked his arm?
"Oh, Gladys mother of Merlin!" swore Voldemort. "When Greyback bit the bludger, he passed on some of his more idiosyncratic traits. That's not possible... unless the bludger was tampered with...
Rodolphus sighed. "Bella, what did you do?"
Bellatrix smiled slowly. "Tee," she said. "Heeteeheesnortysnortchucklygigglesnort."
"I was afraid of that," replied Rodolphus.

And what did Bella do to the Bludger? *Insert twilight zone music here*

[Mind_Over_Matter]

“FOUL!” screamed Harry. “I mean it, FOUL!”

Snape reluctantly blew his whistle. It was a blatant foul, and he couldn’t ignore it, even if he was meant to appear on Voldemort’s side.

Several people stared at him, apparently having forgotten this ridiculous game had a referee.

“Free shot to the Order,” he called. “No targeting the Keeper unless the Quaffle is in his region of the pitch…”

Ron kicked at the bludger.
“Someone get rid of this thing; it’s getting creepy!”

As Charlie, a Beater for the Order, swooped in to the rescue, Tonks prepared to take the free shot.

One of the mysteries of the world, eh?
I suggest someone gets the rulebook out regarding the tampered bludger, so the concept has already been introduced when Nagini swallows the Quaffle (possibly during another foul, although probably not this one?). If that makes sense O_O

AND as for the game's ending, how about this:
Someone wins (probably the Order) but the real question is if someone (and if so, who) will be disqualified, due to the huge number of fouls. Then at the end, it turns out both teams are disqualified and a rematch necessary because Tonks and Nagini didn't shake hands way back at the beginning. Then someone (someone from the Order, hopefully) goes, 'well, bugger this' and just takes the Deathpants they were going to award.
The person would have to be someone who's not playing though.
Anyway, yeah. I'll just post this now.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Maybe the person who takes the pants could be one of the Weasley twins? And Werewolf!Lupin will start eating the Deathpants, thusly destroying the horcrux?

Perhaps the last drabble you posted should be the segue into the part where Snape notices that the moon is peeking out and decides to do the weather spell? After all, we've done a bit of action, and we don't have long.

Here's a bit of a link between your last drabble and the Snape bit:

On and on the game went, and the score remained maddeningly tied. They played until the audience members ears began to get full of cobwebs and their bums began to fall asleep. They played until Draco Malfoy finally couldn't take the lack of a soundtrack anymore and turned on his iPod. In fact, they played until the sun called it quits and went to sleep and the moon began to rise in replacement.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Aye, 'tis a brilliant idea.
While everyone's arguing over the technicalities... ^^
And then we could have a brief cut to the next day, with Lupin feeling somewhat frazzled.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

By the way, I edited my previous post: points upward. It has some ideas and a drabble.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Definitely - even better. After all, let's hear it for the twins - lateral thinking.
*Mad cheers*

And I just realised - is the bludger that Greyback bit going to turn into a were-bludger?

“And they’ve played until Potter, my co-commentator, has fallen asleep,” finished Voldemort impressively. “But, with the rising of the moon comes a terrible curse, ladies and gentlemen, whether the little brat is awake or not.”

Remus Lupin froze in the middle of a Chaser arrow formation.
“Oh… flobberworm.”

“‘FLOBBERWORM’ IS RIGHT!” cried Fenrir Greyback euphorically, amazing werewolf Super-hearing powers kicking in. “You’re all done for!”
He paused.
“Especially him!” Fenrir pointed at Ron, who wondered exactly what he had done to deserve this.

As Harry’s magnified snores filled the stadium, so too did the sickly glow of the full moon.

*Is working on next drabble, to follow yours...*

Snape scowled, frowning at the sky. Just a few moments extra to get to the ground and he would have pulled it off. Now he was soaking wet, looking ridiculous and had a very sore back.
Never the less, with a small boost of strength, Severus crawled out of the isolated, yet raging rain storm and lifted his whistle.

“TIME OUT!”

Both teams, tired and annoyed, fought the urge to curse each other or mutate into giant bloodthirsty monsters (also, Lupin attempted to resist becoming a werewolf) as they made their way to their own goal posts.

“Doing good, people!”

And there THAT one is.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Ha! I love it! Er...

So let's see, what happens now? Erm, Lupin and Fenrir werewolfatize, Nagini eats the Quaffle... since we have like no time left to write this, maybe they just have to do a rematch after Nagini eats the Quaffle, and THAT'S when the twins steal the Deathpants and Remus eats them? What say you?

Here's the werewolfatizing scene

[QUOTE]Before Snape could get Remus and Fenrir safely off of their brooms, however, the moon whooshed out from behind a cloud (don't even ask how that's possible, or whether 'whooshed' is even a verb).
"Oh bother," Snape growled.
What happened next was as bad as a really bad thing. In a manner suspiciously reminiscent of The Incredible Hulk, the two men suddenly ripped their shirts off and turned into bizarre giant-Mexican-hairless-werethingies as seen in the film version of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban." [QUOTE])


EDIT: Apparently, we have an extension until the tenth!

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Until the tenth! What a magnificently huge relief. *Is hugely and magnificently relieved*

That means we might possibly have cmwinters back before the deadline.
And I'd also like to take this opportunity to ask:
Thorn! Hello? What's happening? Everything Okay? Have I used enough punctuated sentences?

If we have until the tenth though, Schmergo, I reckon that gives us enough time to keep Nagini's breakfast (aka the Nagini eating Quaffle fiasco, by which I mean the fiasco involving Nagini eating the Quaffle, and not a Quaffle who eats Nagini) as originally planned. What I suggest might be useful, though, would be a plan. In other words, like:
- have werewolf incident (including possible werebludger) finished and werewolves replaced by the beginning of the seventh (although the bludger can still be in play)
- have The Nagini Quaffle fiasco finished by the beginning of the ninth
- then whatever game-y action finished by the beginning of the tenth
- finally, the after-the-game Deathpants stuff done on the tenth, as well as any editing or extra posts to be inserted

That's definitely just a suggestion though. I'm probably over-organising, but it would feel good to have a plan.

Unfortunately, since they were insanely different creatures from regular werewolves, the two monsters were still able to fly on broomsticks. Harry woke up instantly.

“What’s this?” he asked stupidly. “Werewolves on the pitch?”

There was an awkward pause as the two werewolves gathered their bearings. And then…

“Fly, Ron, Fly!” Harry called out, and added to everyone else, “There must be something in the rulebooks about this…” He pulled his copy out from under the commentator’s desk. “Let’s see… Welts, Weminns, Phillip Wendle, Wepons – whoever wrote this couldn’t spell – ‘We Quit’, ah, Werewolves.”

“Hurry up, Harry!” called Captain Tonks urgently.

[wendelin the wierd]

I am so sorry! It's just that there is a lot of real life pressure going on right now and exams!

I am on the boards a lot and I'll try my best to get in as many drabbles as I can!

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

HI THORN! *Waves insanely* I laughed out loud at the 'wepons' thing, M_O_M. Well, have a drabble, I guess:

"If a member of your Quidditch team spontaneously morphs into a werewolf," read Harry, then they should be allowed to consume any chocolate-cherry flavoured teammates."

This statement was greeted by general uproar.

"Hi," said General Uproar.

"HOWEVER," Harry continued loudly, "If one of your players turns into a freaky-Mexican-hairless-were-chihuahua-type-thingy, then they should be replaced immediately."

Wormtail's ears perked up. "Ooh! Can I play now?" he exclaimed.

Voldemort snorted derisively. "No. Stan Shunpike is subbing in."

"But he's not even a real Death Eater!" whined Wormtail.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

*Does the Thorn dance*

And Schmergo, I absolutely adore that drabble.
<3

A sound echoed from somewhere, which sounded almost like a waxy long-limbed non-werewolf’s cry, and, despite all reasonable judgement and common sense, the two hairless, globby, giant dog things tore off after the noise, conveniently leaving their brooms behind.

“I AGREE ABOUT SHUNPIKE!” bellowed General Uproar. “UPROAROUSLY SO! WHAT DO YOU THINK, HARRY?”

Harry blinked.

“Frankly, Sir, I don’t give a damn,” he told the General. “I need someone to replace Lupin though…”

Snape pretended not to notice as Fleur and Tonks took the opportunity to get some extra goals.

“WHAT ABOUT ME?” suggested General Uproar to Harry. “OR TRELAWNEY?”

What? *Defensive look*
I like General Uproar. He reminds me of Barry. Somehow.

EDIT: Well, I did the Thorn dance but forgot to actually say 'hello' to Thorn ><
So here goes then... "HELLO THORN!" =)

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Yeah, I'm quite fond of him, too. He reminds me of Ken Dove from Monty Python:

Compère: With me now is Mr Ken Dove, twice voted the most interesting man in Dorking. Ken, I believe you're interested in shouting.

Dove: (shouting) Yes, I'm interested in shouting all right, by jove, you certainly hit the nail on the head with that particular observation of yours then.

Compère: What does your wife think of this?

Wife: (voice off, screaming ) I agree with him.

Dove: Shut up!


Harry sighed. Either he was beginning to get a migraine, or an elf with a polo mallet was sitting on his head. "Sorry," said Dobby, getting off.

"Whatever you want," Harry muttered, exhaling. "Can you, er, fly?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" the General bellowed jovially.

"Spiffing," replied Harry. "Get on the broom."

At the same time, Stan Shunpike was assuring his team mates of his broom-flying prowess. “Oh, yeh. I actually bought meself one of them brooms wot reaches Jupiter, you know. I’m a real pro—I fly as good as Ernie Prang drives the Knight Bus.”

“We’re doomed,” Draco whined

[Mind_Over_Matter]

“Finally, ladies and gentlemen, we get back to the game!” Voldemort commentated, impressed by Stan’s apparently broom flying prowess. “And the score is, ‘Death Eaters: 23’ to the Order’s 870…”

He paused, and the Dark Lord’s expression soured.

“How did that happen?” he demanded. “And how did we end up with three points?” Harry shrugged.

“That’s just the way of the game, my serpentine nemesis,” snickered Harry.

:oOo:

Meanwhile, in the Forbidden Forest…

“Awoo! Woof!” barked a hairless-dog-creep, who was Lupin.

“Woof! Grr!” agreed the hairless-dog-creep Greyback whole-heartedly. “Woofety woofety grr?”

The Lupin-wolf nodded sneakily.

“Woofety woofety. Woofety GRR!”

<3 I couldn't resist. But I think it's a good idea to follow them, so it's not utterly random and out of the blue when they crash the prize-giving ceremony.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Ummm... I'm confused. He said "five lone points," but it said earlier that their score was 515... maybe my sleep-deprived brain has just taken a vacation or something.



Elsewhere...

"And Draco Malfoy has the Quaffle, he passes to Lucius Malfoy, who hits it with his snake cane-- nice one, Lucy-- and... OOH! Intercepted by chaser Tinkadora Narf or whatever her name is," Voldemort announced. "Meanwhile, General Uproar seems to have trouble mounting the broom..."

"You sit on it the other way," hissed Kingsley.

"BY JOVE, YOU'RE RIGHT!" the General boomed.

“And Tinkadora passes to Fleur Delacour, who fumbles, haha, and the ball is… swallowed by Seeker Nagini?”

Voldemort blinked nineteen times consecutively. Nagini burped. Wormtail stomped out of the stadium. General Uproar fell off his broom.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Oh, I just meant that you can't score five points in Quidditch. It's either ten or one hundred and fifty. I think I'll go change it to... I don't know, twenty-three points to the Death Eaters or something.

Harry would have blinked, but Voldemort had used up the entire stadium’s quota on blinking. Thus, he instead stared, wide-eyed.

“Yes,” Harry agreed, “The ugly, horrible and inept Death Eater Seeker has swallowed the Quaffle, for no obvious reason.”

“DUDE!” screamed General Uproar, who wasn’t, apparently, all that British. “THAT LOOKS QUITE PAINFUL!”

“The biggest question now,” commentated Harry, “is whether the General will ever get on his broom, followed by whether Nagini will manage to stay on hers. Any thoughts, Voldemort?”

“Eem – gleep!” mumbled Voldemort, terrified. “Miggle – neep!”

“I see,” said Harry. “After a few moments, the snake has…

Didn't get time to finish that line.

Also, two things:
Firstly, are we still using the were-bludger idea? I hope so, and we still can, but that would probably have to be soon.
And also, the advertisements about Quidditch supplies - they'll be during the time out which happens when Voldemort and Harry are looking for rules about swallowed Quaffles?

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Yeah, the time-out entertainment sounds good. I was thinking that the bludger would have just taken on some of Fenrir's traits, like Bill, since it was attacked when the moon wasn'' up yet, but if there's a plot bunny hopping around in your brain, by all means use it.

I was thinking maybe the spell that Bellatrix put on the bludger (and, apparently, the Snitch) was that they could sing...

… fallen through the Order’s hoops, effectively scoring a goal for the Death Eaters.”

Harry shook his fist; Nagini misinterpreted it as a friendly wave and wiggled her tail cheerily.

“What should we do now?” Harry hissed out of the corner of his mouth.

His mortal enemy’s eyes suddenly lit up as he formed a devious plan.

“Your eyes just lit up,” Harry stated, somewhat frightened by this biological phenomenon.

“It’s a figure of speech,” snapped Voldemort. “If you’re upset by Nagini’s actions, you can always forfeit to us.”

“There’s got to be a rule against this,” Harry muttered.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Tonks scowled angrily at Nagini, who had just scored two more goals.

“Call a time out!” shouted Charlie, from Ron’s end of the pitch. For some reason, one of the bludgers was very suspiciously starting to resemble a crazy Mexican, hairless were-bludger. Plus, it grew a snout. “Our lead just went down to 817 points!” Captain Tonks winced. The Death Eaters were gaining on them.

“TIME OUT!” she shouted. Snape nodded and blew on his Referee whistle.

Harry pulled out his rule book. “Erm… Phillip Wendle, Wepons, ‘We Quit’, Werewolves, Werebludgers – whoever wrote this didn’t know much about alphabetical ordering…”

I really like the idea of a bludger having a snout. If that doesn't work, it can be changed, but...
Well, bludgers need to stand up for their right to have the ability to nuzzle!

EDIT:
Oh, and they don't need to read about werebludgers. I was going to write that there was no reference to a Seeker swallowing the Quaffle, but - yeah, word limit.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

There's a reference to "The Princess Bride" in this chapter, but if you've never seen the film (or read the book), it's nothing so clever that it has to be explained.

"Werebludgers," he read aloud. "We don't think they exist." Harry gaped like a codfish and skipped to the next entry. "WESTLEY," he read. "Wow, whoever wrote this book was as dense as Hogwarts fruitcake. I declare this match temporarily suspended until I can find something-- ANYTHING-- about snakes eating Quaffles or werebludgers!"

He suddenly realized that he was now shouting at the top of his lungs, sounding very much like General Uproar. He thought back to the anger-management classes that he'd taken after his fifth year and began breathing deeply before delving desperately back into the depths of the book.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Deciding this was a good time to pep up her team, Tonks her group.

“Come here, everyone!” she summoned. Ron, relieved, came down from the goal posts as Charlie caught the Snouted Werebludger. Fleur stopped trying to kick Nagini, Moody joined the group, magical eye spinning, General Uproar trotted over, broom underarm, and Kingsley Shacklebolt, the nearly unpublicised other beater, turned up too.

“WHY?” asked the General pompously.

“Because it’s time for a huddle/huggle. I know we’re only in the lead by barely over eight hundred points, but-”

It was at this moment, however, that Tonks was interrupted, by…

I always have to stop in the middle of such interesting sentences. Funny that. *Blink*

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAM. By the way, my voice teacher used the phrase "mind over matter" today, and I was like, "Whuuut?"

The one and only Bellatrix Lestrange.

"HEHEHEHEHEHE!" she cackled as she rode by on her broomstick in a manner suspiciously remiscent of the Wicked Witch of the West. "Do you want to know what I did to that bludger?"

"It appears to be a werewolf type thingymajigger," Charlie replied sophisticatedly.

"Myesss," agreed Bellatrix (because evil villains can't just say 'yes,' like laymen). "But that was Fenrir's doing. I put a charm on the bludger, and, well, I think it's time for a bit of half-time entertainment. BEHOLD!"

[Mind_Over_Matter]

You'll never ever guess what I put in this post.
</sarcasm>

Charlie tried to hold onto the Bludger, but failed. Ignorant of this, the Snouted-Were-Bludger jumped onto the ground and began to tap-dance, singing in a high pitched voice. The camera zoomed in, so everyone present could see it on the big screen.

‘They just hit me around. It’s not fair.
They don’t understand; they don’t care!
Although a brain, I have none,
I feel as much as anyone.
And yet, still, STILL, they take a bat,
And smash me about. What’s with that?
I pray for the day I get the sack,
But until then, I’ll hit them all back.’

EDIT: About the snitch song, though, I don't think that one can be used, at least not now.
I guess it could have a song, although the bludger would have to sing it on the snitch's behalf. And the Quaffle should, like, SOOO sing from inside Nagini's belly.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

"Somehow, dearest, I don't think that was quite as diabolical as you intended, dearest," said Rodolphus.

Bellatrix flipped her hair and made a snorting noise like an ill hippopotamus.

There we go. Was that the shortest post ever, or what?

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Probably not...
*Thinks*

Did you see my post edit thingy about the snitch not singing? Because it really can't sing out a tune until either it's caught or Moody and Nagini are pulled off the pitch. Otherwise it would be easily spotted.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Should we now have that little post about "Three hours later..."?

And then, after that, comes:

"Yeah, well, you probably think you're not abnormally ugly, either!" laughed Harry.

"I'll have you know that several people think I'm quite the stud," Voldemort replied coldy, but Harry simply ignored him and read,

"While the Quaffle-consuming Seeker is benched, the other, non-Quaffle-consuming Seeker must also be removed from gameplay."

"Curses!" shouted Mad-Eye Moody, pulling over his broom and stomping off the pitch. Moody being Moody, he added, “The Unforgivable ones are the Imperius, Cruciatus, Avada Kedavra, and Bad Hair.”

He sat down, extremely warily, on the bench next to Nagini.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

It's really too abrupt to jump straight to the next post. This is just padding so it makes more sense. Also, to finish up the charm. There's just the need for a little post of some kind between this and the next, so I don't have two drabbles in a row.

“I’ll have you know that this little charm of mine is quite lethal,” she replied snootily, smashing the non-singing bludger across the pitch at the little band of Order players. Rodolphus raised his eyebrows doubtfully as the other team scattered and Snape called a foul for ill conduct during a Time Out.

“Oh?” Bellatrix snickered.

“Yes, my dear. They’ll be having nightmares for weeks.”

As the Lestrange couple giggled in their sadistic delight at Bellatrix’s plan, Harry pulled out another rulebook, three times the size of the first.

Then this one's for after your last...

“Right then!” called Harry blissfully, setting the huge piles of Quidditch books beside him on fire, irritatingly useless as they were.

From the crowd, Madam Pince and Hermione screamed protests to the destruction of innocent books.

“Right team!” called Tonks, waking the rest of the Order team from their stupors. “It’s time to get on the ball, and win back our monstrous lead.”

Most of the team rolled their eyes, and Kingsley Shacklebolt decided to step up (as his voice sounded far more knowledgeable and wise).
“TEAM! ATTACK!” he screamed uncharacteristically, and the team sprung energetically to their respective feet.

What? I like Shacklebolt. Plus he reminds me of this inspirational speaker who once visited my primary school.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

This drabble will pop up eventually, although I think we need a few more in between the one you wrote and it.

In the midst of the chaos, Harry got to his feet. “WAIT!” he bellowed.
Everything froze, like ice, but Harry plowed on, like a zamboni. “According to The Annoyingly Big Book of Little-Known Quidditch Rules, Loopholes, and Plot Devices, if the two team captains do not shake hands at the beginning of a match, then all subsequent action is null and void.”
“SO?” shouted some random bloke in the back row with an electric-blue mullet.
“So, Nagini doesn’t have hands,” Harry explained. “The whole match was for nothing.”
“Well, that’s anti-climactic,” said the random bloke.
This is random, but I really want a zamboni! Last night, my friend and I were talking about how in London a few days ago, some ice-skate-rink guys got on a zamboni and went on a drunken rampage through the city. I wish I could do that.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

*Goes cross-eyed.*

That was really hard to reply to, Schmergo you cruel zamboni genius.
This is for before that drabble, because I can't work upward.
And I'll post something for afterward.

This is assuming, though, that Moody got the snitch. I think what should happen is Nagini goes for it, and then Charlie smashes it over to Moody with the Beater's bat.

“But… the Order can’t win!” gulped Voldemort. “My – poor Deathpants…”

“You’re right,” agreed Rodolphus Lestrange.

“Shall we kill them all?” suggested Bellatrix.

“No, silly. The Order can’t win! Oi, Snapey!” he yelled. “Disqualify them – magical eyes on the field, and playing General Uproar…”

“DARNIT,” Uproar swore. “HE’S RIGHT, FELLOWS.”

Out broke an outbreak of chaos on the pitch, as heightened emotions (and punches) were thrown around like old bits of liver. Several Death Eaters danced, and even Peter Pettigrew waved his pompoms around. Voldemort, now the official owner of his Deathpants, screamed maniacally in happiness and randomly cursed nearby people.

EDIT:

And the second one...

“QUIET, YOU!” roared General Uproar. “I’M THE RESIDENT RANDOM BLOKE AROUND HERE.”

“General, please!” snapped Harry. “This is serious. What should we do?”

“I think we have no choice,” Dumbledore’s wisdom rained from the heavens and through the stadium’s loudspeakers, “but to decide which team is the least disqualified. Only then can they receive Voldy’s Deathpants.”

In a ray of white light, the Deathpants were lowered from the sky, to arrive on the random winner’s podium, a heavenly prize.

Meanwhile…

“Woof woofy!” encouraged the Greyback hairless animally thing.

“Grr, woof growl honk!” snapped the Lupin were-thingo, who hated being hurried.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

This goes after "TEAM! ATTACK!"

The entire team moved in slow motion, accompanied by the playing of “Chariots of Fire.” Then, General Uproar tripped over Charlie’s foot and impaled Mad-Eye’s magical eye on his broom handle, rather spoiling the scene.
Nonetheless, the Order flew with unbounded energy and vigor, fueled by Kingsley’s enthusiasm and the inspirational soundtrack.
“Tonks has the *new* Quaffle and passes to Delacour,” stated Voldemort, “And now…” he gasped. “Nagini’s going in for a dive! Either she sees the snitch, or that Quaffle she ate didn’t agree with her. And if she catches the snitch, we’ll re-capture my red-and-yellow-leather DeathPants!”
Did you know that "Red leather, yellow leather," is really hard to say ten times fast? Try it!


EDIT: Ah, I just saw your new post... and here we go.

There was a stunned silence at this remarkable announcement, broken only by a single voice.
With immeasurable profundity, Fred and/or George Weasley muttered, “Well, bugger this.”
Nobody else in attendance saw the twins sneak off, nor did a single being witness one of the twins flex his nimble fingers and deftly snatch the pants.
“Let’s see how long it takes them to notice.”
“I’m surprised nobody did.”
“Naah, they were too busy listening to the inspirational soundtrack.”
They glanced at Voldemort and Harry, who had their arms around each other and were swaying to “I Believe I Can Fly.”

[Mind_Over_Matter]

“Nagini’s re-entry to the game was highly unexpected,” commentated Harry, being a commentator whose job was to commentate. “But apparently, the Quaffle she ate has been deemed ‘digested’, and both Seekers are back in play. She’s seen it and…”

Harry paused awkwardly.

“Did that red-headed buffoon just hit the snitch away from Nagini?” exclaimed Voldemort, horrified, “and towards the Moody character who’s fixing his magical eye?”

“I didn’t hit anything!” yelled Ron, annoyed.

“And as for the snitch moving,” Harry went on, covering Charlie’s sneaky move, “The Order’s fantastic luck can only be explained by the wind… Catch it, Mad-Eye!”

Uh huh. So's 'red lolly yellow lolly'.
And I think we just might finish this...
*Excitement*

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Did you see my new drabble that I posted shortly before you did yours?

Oh-- and should we edit the Snape part in the document so that it's the way you rewrote it? (And possibly remove the Prophet article?)

Another amazingly short Schmergo drabble:

And, accompanied by a pumping burst of "We Are The Champions," Mad-Eye stretched forth a scarred and knotted hand and... grasped the Snitch by a shining silver wing.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

No, I actually hadn't.
*Does now*

So what happens with the twins - they steal them then the werewolves turn up, and scare poor Fred and George away before eating Voldemort's red-and-yellow leather Deathpants?

EDIT:
And about the edits - yeah, I think so.
It's just such a shame CM and Thorn haven't been able to be here more =(

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

I know, I miss 'em! :(

Yeah, I thought that Fred and George would steal the DeathPants and while they're distracted by something, Lupin would eat them... the pants, that is, not the twins.

EDIT: Because the Snape drabble was written by CM and you, I wrote a really short bridge to connect the two:

As Snape slouched away, Voldemort gazed contemplatively into the distance. "You are my only hope," he whispered, "I cannot allow my DeathPants to be claimed by the Order."

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Ooh - okay, how about this.

Everyone's distracted by the sound track, BUT earlier when there was no sound track, you said Malfoy turned on his iPod. So maybe he's immune to the inspirational power of the sound track, and can challenge the twins, perhaps with a Slytherin side-kick so they're more evenly matched? Then they... I don't know, they duel and the werewolves come and eat Voldy's Deathpants.

This plan, would she work for you?

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Hmm... that sounds a bit complicated for our limited time frame. Maybe Fred and George could just get into a petty argument about which twin is more attractive and while they're debating, the pants lay forgotten on the bench next to them?

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Oh! *Whines*
Okay, I can rewrite or something, but this is the post I've got:

General Uproar wasn’t the most patient fellow, and (seeing as how he wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place) blinked out of that existence with one, final, inarticulate roar.

The twins both rolled their eyes.
“We don’t even need to try to get away with this,” Fred commented.

Just as everything seemed freakishly easy, however, a shout could be heard.
“Oi! Uh – stop that!”

The twins spun around in slow motion. Standing behind them, hidden partly by shadows, were Draco Malfoy and his Slytherin non-chum Theodore Nott, both with iPods, their hair blowing in an unknown, slow-motion breeze.

Because I've read your Theodore Nott and loved him, and think he'd fit in here. You know, to be the voice that says, "oh, by the way, werewolves just ate the Deathpants." and not really care, because he didn't really want Voldemort to have them anyway.
Basically, all that would need to happen would be the twins raising their wands to duel the Slytherins, but because everything's in slow motion the werewolves turn up. Or they just arrive and break the dramatic mood as all four of the would-be duellers scurry away.

BUT, I can just rewrite this simpler, of course.
*Sucker for over-dramatised slow motion*

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

WAIT! No, don't rewrite! I really like yours. I just thought it was too difficult. I also want to imagine Draco and Theo head-banging to their emo music...

*Enjoys spoofing own characterization of Theo in below drabble*

“Uh, why aren’t you distracted by the inspirational soundtrack?” asked George-or-Fred.
Theo smirked and gave him an ironic salute with his iPod. “I have my own soundtrack,” he informed them. “Because I’m just that much of a rebel.”
“And we’re stealing those pants back for the Dark Lord!” Draco added.
“Well, I’m not,” said Theo. “I’m just here for the kicks and the rather flattering slow-motion hair-blowing.”
“Ignore my sidekick,” began Draco. “He—”
“I am not your sidekick!” hissed Theo. “I’m a free man! BORRRN FREEE…!”
Draco elbowed him and Theo stopped singing along to his iPod.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

YAY!
*Does the dance of the... uh... non-rewritingness?*

EDIT:
AND hey, I just noticed.
You said Fred and/or George Weasley.
...
^.^

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Oh yeah, it was YOU who made that up, wasn't it? I knew I heard that somewhere and found it humorous... so I included your Fred and/or George, and you stuck Theo Nott in there...

What's next, will Gideon come out wearing the pants?

On second thought, maybe not...

*points back to previous edited post, with drabble*

[Mind_Over_Matter]

^^ Interesting idea, but he'd have to be both reencarnated and possibly, since they're a Horcrux, possessed.
I could so imagine Morticia in this scene, but that will have to wait for another, more relevant day. Huzzah for Weasleys!

With the conflict ended, the slow motion effect picked up again, as Draco, moved one foot forward and drew his wand steadily.

“Noooooow, haaand iiiit oooooooover, clooooowwnssss!”

The slow motion effects dude got fired.

“NOOOOO!” shouted Fred and George, jumping into heroic fighting positions, wands drawn, and tossing the Deathpants out of harm’s way. George threw a curse at Theodore Nott, who very impressively pulled out two long, spell-deflecting swords from no where. The spell rebounded like a grain of sand bouncing off a three tonne steel block, and Theo assumed dramatic battle position.

“Yoooouu’re gooooing doooowwn,” growled Draco slowly.

EDIT:
And I'd just like to point out that my 'Huzzah for Weasleys' had little to do with Morticia or Gideon, seeing as how neither is... well, a Weasley.
That was just a random cheer, because Ron is cool. And the twins are cool.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

I wrote this for the end of the story, and will edit soon to finish the battle between the twins and the Slyths. Pretty much all we'll need is a description of the werewolfy things consuming the pants and maybe some other fun fillers.


The next morning dawned, bright and clear.
A rather ragged-looking man with grey-flecked hair and an unshaven face groaned and stirred, sitting up with a Herculean effort. His stomach churned like an Amish woman making butter, and he wasn’t sure why. The events of the previous night were hazy.
He stifled a belch with a scratched-up hand. Ooh… what had happened?
A single word floated into his mind—DeathPants.
Remus Lupin gasped… then paused… then giggled evilly.


EDIT: Here's the bit with the Slytherins:

The twins did indeed go down. More specifically, they flopped down on their backs, causing Draco’s incredibly violent curses to harmlessly drift over their head and assail the man with the electric-blue mullet.
It was only then, with the twins on the ground and no longer obstructing the view, that Theo noticed something somewhat unusual going on behind them.
“Erm,” he said, pointing casually. “That’s rather interesting.”

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Meanwhile, a few feet away…

“Growl! Woof!” the creepy Greyback were-monster commented excitedly.

“Woofety woof moo!” agreed the Lupin’s equivalent, both speeding abnormally fast towards a certain battle scene.

“Woof,” Greyback-werewolf commented thoughtfully. “Grr goo mrph.” This meant something like, ‘I think I’d look good in those red and yellow leather pants’.

“Prrup! Woofety,” replied Lupin-werewolf doubtfully. This basically meant, ‘don’t kid yourself, dude’.

Greyback-wolf went for the pants, and Lupin-wolf did too, beginning a werewolf tug-a-war, accompanied by growls that were so abnormally rude, I can’t even tell you what they were in werewolf language, let alone in English.

^^ Hearts. 50characterspambecauseforonceIhavenothingreallytoa dd.

EDIT:
And I think this just had to be written:
Quite a long way away from this inspirational scene of victory and nudity, Hermione and Ginny were arriving home from a sleep-over with a friend out of town. Everything seemed to be a mess.

“What’s going on?” asked Ginny. The sound woke up Harry, who had fallen asleep under the Burrow’s table during last night’s after-party.

“Err – nothing,” he replied guiltily. “Certainly not a highly important Quidditch game, in which Fleur Delacour and General Uproar played (neither of which have played much Quidditch) and you two, a skilled Quidditch player and a brainiac, weren’t even invited.”

Hermione and Ginny blinked.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

That's hilarious! I love the way you make Lupin say things like 'moo' and 'quack.' We just need maybe one short drabble from you so I won't have two drabbles in a row, and then... WE'LL BE DONE!!!

Remus tugged valiantly on the pants. True, Fenrir was bigger and stronger, but Remus was considerably more loveable and usually won such battles in cheesy fanfiction such as this.
Because of this, the two giant-anorexic-chihuahua-typy things remained in a deadlock until a stroke of wolfish inspiration came to Remus's head, the only way he could wrest the pants from his quarry.

EDIT: There were two MoM drabbles in a row during the part where Harry pulls out the new rule book, so I wrote another ridiculously short drabble.

Hippies worldwide sobbed, mourning the death of the hundreds of trees that gave their lives for this massive volume.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

The Lupin waxy-rubber-limbed-were-dog-thing carefully held on with his teeth, but used one of his waxy rubber limbs to reach for Draco’s iPod.
The loveable underdog/vicious killer dog snatched the music player away, causing Draco to be swept away by the current sound track like everyone else, then somehow managed the tricky manoeuvre of getting the earphones on the Fenrir were-monster, before and fiddling with the controls.

For one truly horrifying moment, Lupin-wolf’s opponent was possessed by the music of the werewolf version of Shakira, but a simple touch of the button had Greyback enlightened by musical enlightenment and doing pirouettes.


I'm not sure if I'm happy with this one, but... well... it was either that, or Fenrir would go and eat everyone in the stadium.

EDIT:
And by the way, we are going to move the document from googledocs to here, right? And post the story fully and in order, and all that lovely stuff?
*Volunteers to do the formatting and posting when it's finished, because she really has no life and because it would be a shame and a waste of time for more than one person to work on it*

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

The wolfish Remus Lupin tumbled backward with the pants and... swallowed.

Meanwhile, Theo shook his head in disbelief as he observed the twirling werewolf. "What kind of music do you have on that thing?" he asked Draco.

Draco's shoulders hunched up defensively. "My therapist recommended it," he muttered. "Something about soothing my tortured adolescent soul."

Theo regarded him with a briefly contemptuous expression that then gave away to an expression of contemplation. "Can I listen?" he asked.

I know... random. We need at least one more drabble so that I don't have two in a row...

I actually have the whole Googledoc saved as a word document on my computer, although I removed the usernames and wordcount. Do we want those or not?

[Mind_Over_Matter]

And that's that.

As were-Lupin swallowed the Deathpants, there was a moment of total silence, as everyone froze, staring, and the slow-motion dude was rehired.
“NOOOO!” screamed Voldemort, sinking to his knees in anguish.

“WOOOHOOO!” screamed Harry and Ron, the only other people in the stadium who knew that the Deathpants were a Horcrux.

“YIPPEE!” giggled Tonks, who was just generally a cheerful kind of lass.
And Theodore Nott and the Greyback wolf finished the scene with a well choreographed, perfectly executed ballet number.

:oOo:

We do need to have who wrote what, I think, and it would be a good idea to keep in the word count to prove that all rules were followed perfectly.
Plus I'd like to put somewhere that, although Thorn and CM didn't get a chance to clock up many words, what they could do actually impacted this story... well, hugely.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY !

Erm... spam...

[Mind_Over_Matter]

I know! I agree (about the 'yay', not the spam, although you might have a point there too.)

I'm so proud that we managed to get this done even with the obstacles that came up, and I've had so much doing it. *Happy dance*

So - should I get to the HTML tags to post here (especially so if CM or Thorn wanted to make a change they'd be able to see the finished product, and sort of the same for us)?

EDIT: Oh, and by the way - could you be a darling and add 'The End' to the end? Because I don't have the words to...

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Okay-- there is one change I'd like to make:

“Right then!” called Harry blissfully, setting the huge piles of Quidditch books beside him on fire, irritatingly useless as they were.
From the crowd, Madam Pince and Hermione screamed protests to the destruction of innocent books.

Hermione's not there, remember? I think that should be removed.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Definitely - I'd forgotten about that. *Goes to change*

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Just the words "and Hermione," that is. The rest is hilarious!

By the way, do you think we should make an account on MNFF called "Voldy's DeathPants" and submit this to the queue? It might be amusing, and the summary could include something like, "Voldy's DeathPants is a team of writers including Mind_Over_Matter, wendelin_the _wierd, cmwinters, and Schmerg_The_Impaler."

[Mind_Over_Matter]

I actually don't know... I mean, can you make a whole account to post one story? We should probably ask some nice modly being out there.

And I think we should find some way to give Snape a conclusion. He kind of deserves it.

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Hmm... I frankly can't think of anything for old Sev at the moment, but if you can think of anything, then that would be spazztastic! (That's a good thing, by the way.) I should technically be in bed nowm as tomorrow's a school night, but I frankly don't care! FWAHAHAHA!

I'm just reminding you that as these things are due today, it might be best if we were a bit, er, quick to post the full story... I know, I'm just so nervous about these things. We have about three hours left according to the clock they use on MNFF, but I'm going to be asleep soon.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

Yay! I thought you meant write a whole 'nother closing drabble having to do with Snape. I now see what you meant...

I just realized... look at our ranks! I'm "swallowing the golden snitch," and you have "McGonagall likes my Quidditch skills." That's rather appropriate, isn't it, seeing as we're writing our Quidditch thing?

Well, I'm going to have to vacate these here premises now... goodnight! (Or whatever time of day it is in your neck of the woods.)

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Oh - goodnight! It's about midday here.

I've just spent about forty minutes getting messed over my HTML tags not working.
So it's going to be simpler now, but I'll get it done.

EDIT:
I'm double posting because I want a clean post for the final story. It will be split in three, because I'm not able to post all at once.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Voldy's
Deathpants!

by, in alphabetical order:
Cmwinters
Mind_Over_Matter
Schmerg_the_Impaler
and
Wendelin the Weird
And please do note that, Thorn and CM contributed a lot at the beginning towards the initial premises, but unfortunately didn't get to get their drabble counts up much closer to the end because of RL stuff. It's not like Schmergo and I woke up one day and went, "DUDEOMG! Let's, like, ignore them. BWA HA HA."


(98 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“So, the time has finally come then, Potter?”

Harry’s skin crawled at the sound of Voldemort’s accursed voice. It was but a hiss filling the silence, and it took every ounce of his strength not to attack.

“This is what it has come to,” Harry answered coolly. “I can promise that you will not emerge from this battle victorious.” Voldemort sneered.

“Confident, aren’t you?”

“I think I have good reason. What with the fact that you don’t have a chance and all.” Voldemort’s red eyes narrowed and his mouth curved into a bitter frown.

“We’ll see about that…”

(87 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Voldemort's eyes gleamed almost hungrily. "Face it, Potter," he hissed, "You're nothing but an inexperienced boy. What skills could you and your little friends possibly possess?"

Harry betrayed no hint of fear as he stared up into the Dark Lord's flat, masklike face. He knew that the Order of the Phoenix would not let him down, and that the Death Eaters wouldn't stand even the most fleeting of chances. "It's on," he replied in a small, strong voice.

Voldemort's slitlike nostrils inflated. "Then let the match begin."

(100 words by cmwinters AND Mind_Over_Matter)

"Severus," the Dark Lord hissed hissily. "A word?"

Snape nodded and slipped into the hallway.

"Your services are needed."

"Of course, my Lord. I live but to serve you."

"Potter and I will be sending our warriors to battle. We'll need... a mediator, and it seems you are the only one trusted enough by both sides to fit such a pivotal role."

"Or distrusted enough, more like. My Lord."

"Yes, that too. I trust you will use your abilities to keep a metamorphmagus, several Death Eaters, Nagini, Potter's monkeys and two werewolves in check?"

Snape swallowed hard. "Yes, my Lord."

(30 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

As Snape slouched away, Voldemort gazed contemplatively into the distance. "You are my only hope," he whispered, "I cannot allow my DeathPants to be claimed by the Order."

(99 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Meanwhile, in the Order's changing room...

"Stretch those legs, people!" cried Captain Nymphadora Tonks spiritedly. “We’ll be on in moments, by the sounds of it!”

Several people rolled their eyes and Ron Weasley, the team’s Keeper, secretly wondered whether Tonks actually knew how to play competitive Quidditch.

“Come on!” she went on loudly, clapping her hands. “Voldy’s Deathpants are on the line here! I want to see some focus!”

“And what are ‘Voldy’s Deathpants’ exactly?” snapped Charlie, waving his Beater’s bat grumpily. Tonks attempted to stare him down.

“Very important,” she retorted. There was an odd pause. “… Apparently.”

(70 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Remus Lupin, Chaser, sighed. "I thought Harry could tell me everything," he lamented. "Now it's just, 'This is a matter between me and Voldemort, and this match is extremely important, so please do your best.’ Apparently, they've got some sort of wager..."

"Over... Voldemort's Deathpants?" confirmed Kingsley Shacklebolt, the other half of the Beater ensemble.

"So it would seem," growled Mad-Eye Moody, twitching as Charlie’s bat nearly missed his face.

(100 words by cmwinters)

"Oi, watch where yer waving that thing, willya, Weasley?" snapped Moody, as Charlie Weasley's bat made another wild circuit towards his face. "I've got enough scars already, thank you very much! And I'm not a dragon that needs to be beaten into shape!"

"Yeah, but a well placed blow might make an improvement to your looks, you know . . . "

"Why you . . . !" growled Moody threateningly, reaching for his wand. "I oughta hex you into next week!"

"CHILDREN!" shouted Tonks, slipping between the men. "There will be no hexing! We've got a match to play!"

(28 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Fleur Delacour, Chaser, entered dramatically with a towel draped over her nose. “Mon dieu! Zees dressing room smells worse zan Bill’s month-old underwear!” she exclaimed shrilly.

Charlie sniggered.

(70 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

"Then Bill’s obviously paying more attention to personal hygiene these days," he muttered, snickering.

"Excuse me!" Tonks spoke up again. "Minds on the game please, people. Minds on the game. This won’t be a breeze. It won’t be a piece of cake, and you can bet your sweet bippy it’ll be one heck of a lot harder than pie. We’re battling some of the darkest people in the magical world…"

(97 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Said 'darkest people of the magical world' were currently camped out in their own locker room. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy (both Chasers) seemed to be holding a wrestling match over who was to gain possession of the locker room’s one curling iron, while the third chaser, Draco, had snuck off to a secluded corner to indulge in his stash of hair gel, which he had hidden from his usurping parents.

Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange, possibly the most brutal Beaters ever to fly over the earth, were plotting and conspiring as they placed horrible curses on the Bludgers.

(99 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

"It would be brilliant!” Bellatrix cried heartily. “And they shall-”

“But dear,” interrupted Rodolphus, “I’m rather sure someone will notice if the opposing team all turn into mutating red globs of pus…”

Bellatrix scowled.

“Curses!”

The Keeper of the team, one Fenrir Greyback, looked quite fearsome, sitting alone at the other side of the room. No one seemed to want to go near him, for some reason, but he supposed that was alright. After all, people reminded him of blood, and he didn’t want to eat any more Death Eaters, at least until Voldemort had forgotten the other…incidences.

(90 words by Wendelin the Weird)

Next to Fenrir sat the team’s seeker, Nagini with a sulky expression on her face.

‘Now Nagini, what did I tell you about playing Quidditch?’ asked Fenrir in the same tone he would use on a five year old,

‘I must not eat team members’

‘Good snakey,’ Fenrir smirked.

A moment's pause.

‘Hey Nagini, have you seen my boots anywhere?’ Fenrir asked, looking around.

‘You said I couldn’t eat team members. You didn’t say I couldn’t eat their boots.’ she hissed with a smile.

The blood drained from Fenrir’s face.

(72 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“Why-” he began to growl, but it was all in vain. Nagini was important to Voldemort, and turning into a pretzel very much against the rules of Death Eater-dom. Stupid… Dark Lord’s pet. Obviously knowing this, Nagini went on smugly.

“And Fenrir, what did I tell you about playing Quidditch?”

Fenrir felt his eyebrow twitch.

“I must not eat team members.” Nagini smirked. Well, as much as she could, being a snake.

(93 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

“I can’t believe the Dark Lord picked a snake over me,” Wormtail grumbled, pulling on his cheerleader uniform with extremely little enthusiasm.

“Excuse me!” protested Nagini. “Are you discriminating against me because of my species?”

”No, I’m discriminating against you because it’s almost impossible you to sit on a broom and because you have to communicate via laptop computer with a Parseltongue-to-English translation software program installed!” Wormtail replied.

Nagini lunged toward him angrily. “I would devour you right now if it weren’t for my New Year’s resolution to cut down on fatty foods!”

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“What on Earth are they doing?” whined Voldemort. Because he was commentating, though, the Dark Lord’s irritated comment rang throughout the Quidditch Pitch, and the few spectators shot weird looks at him.

“Obviously not a professional…” muttered Ludo Bagman.

“Probably stretching,” replied Harry off-handedly. A moment later, however, he spotted movement from the entrance to the Order’s changing rooms. “Or maybe they’re… yes they are!” he announced. “Now, ladies and gentleman, welcome the Order – the ‘Good Guys’ if you will – to the pitch! And who are they, Voldemort?”
Voldemort squinted.

“Uh, first there’s the Captain, that weird, muggle-loving half-blood, Tinkadora… "

(68 words by Wendelin the Weird)

‘Nymphadora.’ Harry hissed.

‘Right, Tinkadora Tonks is brought onto the pitch.’ Voldemort boomed, ‘And from the other end we have a lovely lady in green. Nagini Riddle steps forward and smiles friendlily at Tonks. Doesn’t Nagini look fantastic next to her?’

Harry scowled, ‘And as usual Voldy-poo’s biased commentary has raised some eyebrows. But there seems to be some confusion on the pitch regarding the traditional handshakes…’

Voldemort signaled to the cameraman. ‘Close in.’

(100 words by cmwinters)

The two teams left their locker rooms from opposing ends of the field and met in the center, Tonks as captain, leading the Order's team, and the Death Eater team being preceded by what looked to be a very large snake.

They met and Nagini raised her head to Tonks' eye level, as Tonks looked around the animal a bit, analysing what would be the most advantageous way to shake the beast's non-existent hand.

"Um . .. " Tonks asked with a confused look on her face. "How is, uh, 'that' . . . going to get on a broom?"

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Voldemort’s eyes narrowed in anger.

“‘THAT!’” he cried indignantly, coming pretty darn close to deafening everyone within a three mile radius of the stadium. “‘That!’ she says! Of course, the crowd demands an instant penalty to the Death Eaters for the Order Captain’s blatant insult towards Nagini!”

A ball of tumbleweed rolled across the Stadium floor. Then out into the forest, and through the nearest muggle town until a little boy called Mitch caught it, remarking upon the phenomenon of finding such poetically meaningful tumbleweed in his humble little English home town.

“Well, justice demands it anyway!” snapped Voldemort indignantly.

(89 words by Wendelin the Weird)

Harry examined his fingernails ‘You wish, Voldy. With that message from your unbiased commentator no penalty will be given. Now will the match start already?’

Voldemort turned a nasty shade of green. ‘Alright,’ he said, ‘if that is how you want to comment. No manners in the young people of these days. Humph! Still… yes I do believe, the Quaffle is being thrown up!’

‘By Snape nonetheless! And he’s thrown it towards the Death Eaters. That is a complete violation of referee/player policies!’

‘Nonsense, that’s just the wind, Potter!’

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Harry was about to argue, but changed his mind quickly.

“And despite the grossly unfair start to the game, the Order have kicked off the ground fast Captain Tonks apparently happy to avoid having to touch the Death Eaters’ slimy Captain…”

“SLIMY!” spluttered Voldemort, infuriated.

“That’s Tonks. Tonks with the Quaffle, and other Order chasers Fleur and Lupin not far behind. Then… what’s this? Order Keeper Ron Weasley being pursued the other Keeper. Fly, Ron, Fly!”

“It’s the other side of the field, moron!” screamed Rodolphus Lestrange, but Voldemort was no help.

“Tear his throat out, Fenrir!”

“Ooh! A bludger-“

(86 by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

“And Fenrir Greyback, the Death Eaters’ Keeper, appears to have attempted to tear the Bludger’s throat out,” Harry announced, cringing slightly at the bloody and disgusting wreck of Fenrir’s mouth. “Luckily, Dr. and Dr. Granger, Hermione’s parents, have offered to fix him up after the game if he agrees not to eat Ron Weasley.”

“Don’t look at me!” Fenrir roared through broken teeth. “He’sh cherry-chocolate flavoured! I can’t reshisht cherry-chocolate flavour!”

Ron looked around to make sure no one was watching and surreptitiously licked his arm.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“Finally, Greyback learns the rules of the game and heads sulkily back to his end of the field…” Harry announced, smirking. Voldemort scowled.

“Which isn’t as bad as Keeper Weasley, who appears to be hovering uselessly by the side of the pitch, contemplating what appears to be his own wrist-”

Ron scowled at the Voldemort. Keepers were meant to hover around the goal hoops. Moron.

“It’s Greyback who should be worrying though,” Harry went on. “As Chasers Malfoy, Malfoy and Malfoy are off to a very slow start, Lucius and Narcissa… What’s this? A hair curler on the pitch! FOUL!”

(85 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Narcissa gasped, and her hands flew over her mouth like albino butterflies. "Lucius!" she gasped, scandalized.

Lucius blushed and frantically tried to hide the fact that hair curlers were spilling out from inside the sleeves of his robes. Quickly, he ripped the scrunchies out of his long ponytail and used them as garters to tie off his oddly bulky sleeves. "That was not me," he insisted. "It was, er Draco!"

Draco pouted. "And people wonder how I got to be such a pansy," he muttered.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Narcissa, possibly in denial about Lucius’s questionable nature, frowned at Draco.

“Draco!” she snapped. “You should learn to stop framing your Father. And with my hair curlers! Is this the child I raised you to be?”

Voldemort made large, frustrated hand movements (funnily enough, with his hands).

“Malfoys! Stop this – this…”

“Family business?” suggested Harry.

“Family business!” agreed Voldemort. “And listen to your Captain, the lovely Nagini, as she tells you to get to the Quaffle! Potter’s team is about to score?” Draco frowned in the indignity of being a mere Chaser.

“Potter? Score?” He scowled. “Not in his life.”

(96 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

"And WHAMMO!" Harry exclaimed loudly and mildly obnoxiously. "Our team just scored, due to the fact that Fenrir Greyback was a tad busy trying to take a bite out of Fleur Delacour."

"In other news," said Voldemort, "Harry Potter is a git, and Ronald Weasley's fly is undone."

Ron blushed and looked down at his trousers, only to see Lucius Malfoy zip by on his broom and throw the Quaffle past Ron and into the goal.

"Oh dear, you unlikeable person, this has rather displeased me!" shouted Ron, although he used somewhat stronger language than that.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Harry groaned, the sound of it echoing out through the pitch and stands.

“With speed fuelled mostly by embarrassment as his… nancy-ness is shown up, Lucius Malfoy gets lucky and puts the Quaffle through the side hoop. Next time ignore him, Ron! You’re wearing QUIDDITCH ROBES anyway!”

Moody swooped around the pitch, normal eye on Nagini, who was balancing on her belly to ride the broom, like a caterpillar on a twig. Nagini hissed at him several times, and Voldemort let out an unusual laugh.

“How dare you!” Harry snapped angrily. “And I demand a FOUL! Parselmouth on the pitch!”

(95 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

"Takes one to call one," Voldemort said to Harry in Parseltongue. "And by this, I mean both the name and the foul."

Harry pondered this thought. "True, that," he replied submissively, also in Parseltongue.

"And while Potter calls absurd fouls on the stunning Death Eater seeker, the rather smelly-looking Remus Lupin-- did I mention that an anagram of his name is Slurpin' Emu?-- takes the Quaffle from the very, er..." Voldemort struggled to find a word that could accurately describe Lucius without insulting him. "The very, er... THEY DON'T MAKE ADJECTIVES THAT FIT LUCIUS MALFOY!"

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Severus would have snickered, had he not been quite so irritated with the situation. Just about everything in the game so far could technically be called a foul.

Blundering fools.

“I beg to differ, Mr. Riddle,” retorted Potter childishly. “There are plenty of adjectives to describe all three Malfoy Princesses. Just none that polite society is inclined to favour…”

The reluctant referee’s eyes followed the Quaffle as Lupin passed it to Delacour, who completely unnecessarily cut in front of a slightly dazed and vaguely depressed looking Draco Malfoy, before making her way rapidly towards the goal posts and Fenrir Greyback.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

(100 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Rodolphus did a spectacular little pirouette in midair and hammered the bludger that Fenrir had bitten over toward the goal hoops, trying to knock Ron Weasley away.

But the Bludger didn't attack Ron's shoulder like it should have. Instead, it simply hovered in midair and... licked his arm?

"Oh, Gladys mother of Merlin!" swore Voldemort. "When Greyback bit the bludger, he passed on some of his more idiosyncratic traits. That's not possible... unless the bludger was tampered with..."

Rodolphus sighed. "Bella, what did you do?"

Bellatrix smiled slowly. "Tee," she said. "Heeteeheesnortysnortchucklygigglesnort."

"I was afraid of that," replied Rodolphus.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“FOUL!” screamed Harry. “I mean it, FOUL!”

Snape reluctantly blew his whistle. It was a blatant foul, and he couldn’t ignore it, even if he was meant to appear on Voldemort’s side.

Several people stared at him, apparently having forgotten this ridiculous game had a referee.

“Free shot to the Order,” he called. “No targeting the Keeper unless the Quaffle is in his region of the pitch…”

Ron kicked at the bludger.
“Someone get rid of this thing; it’s getting creepy!”

As Charlie, a Beater for the Order, swooped in to the rescue, Tonks prepared to take the free shot.

(73 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

On and on the game went, and the score remained maddeningly tied. They played until the audience members ears began to get full of cobwebs and their bums began to fall asleep. They played until Draco Malfoy finally couldn't take the lack of a soundtrack anymore and turned on his iPod. In fact, they played until the sun called it quits and went to sleep and the moon began to rise in replacement.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“And they’ve played until Potter, my co-commentator, has fallen asleep,” finished Voldemort impressively. “But, with the rising of the moon comes a terrible curse, ladies and gentlemen, whether the little brat is awake or not.”

Remus Lupin froze in the middle of a Chaser arrow formation.

“Oh… flobberworm.”

“‘FLOBBERWORM’ IS RIGHT!” cried Fenrir Greyback euphorically, amazing werewolf Super-hearing powers kicking in. “You’re all done for!”

He paused.

“Especially him!” Fenrir pointed at Ron, who wondered exactly what he had done to deserve this.

As Harry’s magnified snores filled the stadium, so too did the sickly glow of the full moon.

(99 words by cmwinters)

Meanwhile, high above, Severus Snape eyed Fenrir Greyback, Remus Lupin and the approaching full moon with increasing trepidation. Lupin he could probably outfly on that Comet 260 the man was wielding; Greyback, not so much. Snape surreptitiously but frantically waved his wand. He – wanted it raining, pouring nay, the proverbial 40 day flood, a glacier to pour down out of the sky more than he wanted to be in the air with TWO werewolves on the full moon. He wondered if he'd have to be on the ground to do the complicated bit of weather magic he was attempting.

(82 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

With a mighty FOOMPH! the heavens opened like the proverbial drain. A gigantic torrent of water poured from the skies with the force of a sledgehammer… but this particular torrent was concentrated specifically on one area.

Snape was knocked off his broom and to the ground by the jet of water and splatted face-down in a puddle of mud. “Well, that’s one way to wash your hair, Snape!” Harry called joyfully. He, like everyone else but Snape, was perfectly dry and toasty.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Snape scowled, frowning at the sky. Just a few moments extra to get to the ground and he would have pulled it off. Now he was soaking wet, looking ridiculous and had a very sore back.

Never the less, with a small boost of strength, Severus crawled out of the isolated, yet raging rain storm and lifted his whistle.

“TIME OUT!”

Both teams, tired and annoyed, fought the urge to curse each other or mutate into giant bloodthirsty monsters (also, Lupin attempted to resist becoming a werewolf) as they made their way to their own goal posts.

“Doing good, people!”

(85 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Before Snape could get Remus and Fenrir safely off of their brooms, however, the moon whooshed out from behind a cloud (don't even ask how that's possible, or whether 'whooshed' is even a verb).

"Oh bother," Snape growled.

What happened next was as bad as a really bad thing. In a manner suspiciously reminiscent of The Incredible Hulk, the two men suddenly ripped their shirts off and turned into bizarre giant-Mexican-hairless-werethingies as seen in the film version of "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Unfortunately, since they were insanely different creatures from regular werewolves, the two monsters were still able to fly on broomsticks. Harry woke up instantly.

“What’s this?” he asked stupidly. “Werewolves on the pitch?”

There was an awkward pause as the two werewolves gathered their bearings. And then…

“Fly, Ron, Fly!” Harry called out, and added to everyone else, “There must be something in the rulebooks about this…” He pulled his copy out from under the commentator’s desk. “Let’s see… Welts, Weminns, Phillip Wendle, Wepons – whoever wrote this couldn’t spell – ‘We Quit’, ah, Werewolves.”

“Hurry up, Harry!” called Captain Tonks urgently.

(85 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

"If a member of your Quidditch team spontaneously morphs into a werewolf," read Harry, "then they should be allowed to consume any chocolate-cherry flavoured teammates."

This statement was greeted by general uproar.

"Hi," said General Uproar.

"HOWEVER," Harry continued loudly, "If one of your players turns into a freaky-Mexican-hairless-were-chihuahua-type-thingy, then they should be replaced immediately."

Wormtail's ears perked up. "Ooh! Can I play now?" he exclaimed.

Voldemort snorted derisively. "No. Stan Shunpike is subbing in."

"But he's not even a real Death Eater!" whined Wormtail.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

A sound echoed from somewhere, which sounded almost like a waxy long-limbed non-werewolf’s cry, and, despite all reasonable judgement and common sense, the two hairless, globby, giant dog things tore off after the noise, conveniently leaving their brooms behind.

“I AGREE ABOUT SHUNPIKE!” bellowed General Uproar. “UPROAROUSLY SO! WHAT DO YOU THINK, HARRY?”

Harry blinked.

“Frankly, Sir, I don’t give a damn,” he told the General. “I need someone to replace Lupin though…”

Snape pretended not to notice as Fleur and Tonks took the opportunity to get some extra goals.

“WHAT ABOUT ME?” suggested General Uproar to Harry. “OR TRELAWNEY?”

(99 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Harry sighed. Either he was beginning to get a migraine, or an elf with a polo mallet was sitting on his head. "Sorry," said Dobby, getting off.

"Whatever you want," Harry muttered, exhaling. "Can you, er, fly?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" the General bellowed jovially.

"Spiffing," replied Harry. "Get on the broom."

At the same time, Stan Shunpike was assuring his team mates of his broom-flying prowess. “Oh, yeh. I actually bought meself one of them brooms wot reaches Jupiter, you know. I’m a real pro—I fly as good as Ernie Prang drives the Knight Bus.”

“We’re doomed,” Draco whined.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“Finally, ladies and gentlemen, we get back to the game!” Voldemort commentated, impressed by Stan’s apparently broom flying prowess. “And the score is, ‘Death Eaters: 23’ to the Order’s 870…”

He paused, and the Dark Lord’s expression soured.

“How did that happen?” he demanded. “And how did we end up with three points?” Harry shrugged.

“That’s just the way of the game, my serpentine nemesis,” he snickered.

:oOo:

Meanwhile, in the Forbidden Forest…

“Awoo! Woof!” barked a hairless-dog-creep, who was Lupin.

“Woof! Grr!” agreed the hairless-dog-creep Greyback whole-heartedly. “Woofety woofety grr?”

The Lupin-wolf nodded sneakily.

“Woofety woofety. Woofety GRR!”

(98 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Elsewhere...

"And Draco Malfoy has the Quaffle, he passes to Lucius Malfoy, who hits it with his snake cane-- nice one, Lucy-- and... OOH! Intercepted by chaser Tinkadora Narf or whatever her name is," Voldemort announced. "Meanwhile, General Uproar seems to have trouble mounting the broom..."

"You sit on it the other way," hissed Kingsley.

"BY JOVE, YOU'RE RIGHT!" the General boomed.

“And Tinkadora passes to Fleur Delacour, who fumbles, haha, and the ball is… swallowed by Seeker Nagini?”

Voldemort blinked nineteen times consecutively. Nagini burped. Wormtail stomped out of the stadium. General Uproar fell off his broom.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Harry would have blinked, but Voldemort had used up the entire stadium’s quota on blinking. Thus, he instead stared, wide-eyed.

“Yes,” Harry agreed, “The ugly, horrible and inept Death Eater Seeker has swallowed the Quaffle, for no obvious reason.”

“DUDE!” screamed General Uproar, who wasn’t, apparently, all that British. “THAT LOOKS QUITE PAINFUL!”

“The biggest question now,” commentated Harry, “is whether the General will ever get on his broom, followed by whether Nagini will manage to stay on hers. Any thoughts, Voldemort?”

“Eem – gleep!” mumbled Voldemort, terrified. “Miggle – neep!”

“I see,” said Harry. “After a few moments, the snake has…

(99 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

… fallen through the Order’s hoops, effectively scoring a goal for the Death Eaters.”

Harry shook his fist; Nagini misinterpreted it as a friendly wave and wiggled her tail cheerily.

“What should we do now?” Harry hissed out of the corner of his mouth.

His mortal enemy’s eyes suddenly lit up as he formed a devious plan.

“Your eyes just lit up,” Harry stated, somewhat frightened by this biological phenomenon.

“It’s a figure of speech,” snapped Voldemort. “If you’re upset by Nagini’s actions, you can always forfeit to us.”

“There’s got to be a rule against this,” Harry muttered.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Tonks scowled angrily at Nagini, who had just scored two more goals.

“Call a time out!” shouted Charlie, from Ron’s end of the pitch. For some reason, one of the bludgers was very suspiciously starting to resemble a crazy Mexican, hairless were-bludger. Plus, it grew a snout. “Our lead just went down to 817 points!” Captain Tonks winced. The Death Eaters were gaining on them.

“TIME OUT!” she shouted. Snape nodded and blew on his Referee whistle.

Harry pulled out his rule book. “Erm… Phillip Wendle, Wepons, ‘We Quit’, Werewolves, Werebludgers – whoever wrote this didn’t know much about alphabetical ordering…”

(100 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

"Werebludgers," he read aloud. "We don't think they exist." Harry gaped like a codfish and skipped to the next entry. "WESTLEY," he read. "Wow, whoever wrote this book was as dense as Hogwarts fruitcake. I declare this match temporarily suspended until I can find something-- ANYTHING-- about snakes eating Quaffles or werebludgers!"

He suddenly realized that he was now shouting at the top of his lungs, sounding very much like General Uproar. He thought back to the anger-management classes that he'd taken after his fifth year and began breathing deeply before delving desperately back into the depths of the book.

[Mind_Over_Matter]

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Deciding this was a good time to pep up her team, Tonks summoned her group.

“Come here, everyone!” Ron, very relieved, came down from the goal posts as Charlie caught the Snouted Werebludger. Fleur stopped trying to kick Nagini, Moody joined the group, magical eye spinning, General Uproar trotted over, broom underarm, and Kingsley Shacklebolt, the nearly unpublicised other beater, turned up too.

“WHY?” asked the General pompously.

“Because it’s time for a huddle/huggle. I know we’re only in the lead by barely over eight hundred points, but-”

It was at this moment, however, that Tonks was interrupted, by…

(87 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

The one and only Bellatrix Lestrange.

"HEHEHEHEHEHE!" she cackled as she rode by on her broomstick in a manner suspiciously remiscent of the Wicked Witch of the West. "Do you want to know what I did to that Bludger?"

"It appears to be a werewolf type thingymajigger," Charlie replied sophisticatedly.

"Myesss," agreed Bellatrix (because evil villains can't just say 'yes,' like laymen). "But that was Fenrir's doing. I put a charm on the Bludger, and, well, I think it's time for a bit of half-time entertainment. BEHOLD!"

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Charlie tried to hold onto the Bludger, but failed. Ignorant of this, the Snouted-Were-Bludger jumped onto the ground and began to tap-dance, singing in a high-pitched voice. The camera zoomed in, so everyone present could see it on the big screen.

‘They just hit me around. It’s not fair.
They don’t understand; they don’t care!
Although a brain, I have none,
I feel as much as anyone.
And yet, still, STILL, they take a bat,
And smash me about. What’s with that?
I pray for the day I get the sack,
But until then, I’ll just hit them all back.’

(29 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

"Somehow, dearest, I don't think that was quite as diabolical as you intended, dearest," said Rodolphus.

Bellatrix flipped her hair and made a snorting noise like an ill hippopotamus.

(88 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“I’ll have you know that this little charm of mine is quite lethal,” she replied snootily, smashing the non-singing Bludger across the pitch at the little band of Order players. Rodolphus raised his eyebrows doubtfully as the other team scattered and Snape called a foul for ill conduct during a Time Out.

“Oh?” Bellatrix snickered.

“Yes, my dear. They’ll be having nightmares for weeks.”

As the Lestrange couple giggled in their sadistic delight at Bellatrix’s plan, Harry pulled out another rulebook, three times the size of the first.

(19 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Hippies worldwide sobbed, mourning the death of the hundreds of trees that gave their lives for this massive volume.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Three hours later…

"I knew it!" screamed Harry. "Page four thousand, two hundred and one of ‘Obscure, Often Useless Quidditch Rules’.
'If an abnormally ugly serpentine creature happens to be playing Seeker and happens to have eaten, swallowed, absorbed or otherwise consumed the Quaffle, it is acceptable for the opposing team to demand a new Quaffle come into play, until the first can be extricated from the opposing Seeker.’ And a sharp blow to the evil team as a new rule is found..."

"Excuse me!" interrupted Voldemort quite rudely, snatching away the book. "My snake is NOT abnormally ugly! "

(91 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

"Yeah, well, you probably think you're not abnormally ugly, either!" laughed Harry.

"I'll have you know that several people think I'm quite the stud," Voldemort replied coldy, but Harry simply ignored him and read,

"While the Quaffle-consuming Seeker is benched, the other, non-Quaffle-consuming Seeker must also be removed from gameplay."

"Curses!" shouted Mad-Eye Moody, pulling over his broom and stomping off the pitch. Moody being Moody, he added, “The Unforgivable ones are the Imperius, Cruciatus, Avada Kedavra, and Bad Hair.”

He sat down, extremely warily, on the bench next to Nagini.

(98 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“Right then!” called Harry blissfully, setting the huge piles of Quidditch books beside him on fire, irritatingly useless as they were.

From the crowd, Madam Pince screamed protests to the destruction of innocent books.

“Right team!” called Tonks, waking the rest of the Order team from their stupors. “It’s time to get on the ball, and win back our monstrous lead.”

Most of the team rolled their eyes, and Kingsley Shacklebolt decided to step up (as his voice sounded far more knowledgeable and wise).

“TEAM! ATTACK!” he screamed uncharacteristically, and the team sprung energetically to their respective feet.

(98 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

The entire team moved in slow motion, accompanied by the playing of “Chariots of Fire.” Then, General Uproar tripped over Charlie’s foot and impaled Mad-Eye’s magical eye on his broom handle, rather spoiling the scene.

Nonetheless, the Order flew with unbounded energy and vigor, fueled by Kingsley’s enthusiasm and the inspirational soundtrack.

“Tonks has the *new* Quaffle and passes to Delacour,” stated Voldemort, “And now…” he gasped. “Nagini’s going in for a dive! Either she sees the snitch, or that Quaffle she ate didn’t agree with her. And if she catches the snitch, we’ll re-capture my red-and-yellow-leather DeathPants!”

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“Nagini’s re-entry to the game was highly unexpected,” commentated Harry, being a commentator whose job was to commentate. “But apparently, the Quaffle she ate has been deemed ‘digested’, and both Seekers are back in play. She’s seen it and…”

Harry paused awkwardly.

“Did that red-headed buffoon just hit the snitch away from Nagini?” exclaimed Voldemort, horrified, “and towards the Moody character who’s fixing his magical eye?”

“I didn’t hit anything!” yelled Ron, annoyed.

“And as for the snitch moving,” Harry went on, covering Charlie’s sneaky move, “The Order’s fantastic luck can only be explained by the wind… Catch it, Mad-Eye!”

(28 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

And, accompanied by a pumping burst of "We Are The Champions," Mad-Eye stretched forth a scarred and knotted hand and... grasped the Snitch by a shining silver wing.

( 100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“But… the Order can’t win!” gulped Voldemort. “My – poor Deathpants…”

“You’re right,” agreed Rodolphus Lestrange.

“Shall we kill them all?” suggested Bellatrix.

“No, silly. The Order can’t win! Oi, Snapey!” he yelled. “Disqualify them – magical eyes on the field, and playing General Uproar…”

“DARNIT,” Uproar swore. “HE’S RIGHT, FELLOWS.”

Out broke an outbreak of chaos on the pitch, as heightened emotions (and punches) were thrown around like old bits of liver. Several Death Eaters danced, and even Peter Pettigrew waved his pompoms around. Voldemort, now the official owner of his Deathpants, screamed maniacally in happiness and randomly cursed nearby people.

(95 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

In the midst of the chaos, Harry got to his feet. “WAIT!” he bellowed.

Everything froze, like ice, but Harry plowed on, like a zamboni. “According to The Annoyingly Big Book of Little-Known Quidditch Rules, Loopholes, and Plot Devices, if the two team captains do not shake hands at the beginning of a match, then all subsequent action is null and void.”

“SO?” shouted some random bloke in the back row with an electric-blue mullet.

“So, Nagini doesn’t have hands,” Harry explained. “The whole match was for nothing.”

“Well, that’s anti-climactic,” said the random bloke.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

“QUIET, YOU!” roared General Uproar. “I’M THE RESIDENT RANDOM BLOKE AROUND HERE.”

“General, please!” snapped Harry. “This is serious. What should we do?”

“I think we have no choice,” Dumbledore’s wisdom rained from the heavens and through the stadium’s loudspeakers, “but to decide which team is the least disqualified. Only then can they receive Voldy’s Deathpants.”

In a ray of white light, the Deathpants were lowered from the sky, to arrive on the random winner’s podium, a heavenly prize.

Meanwhile…

“Woof woofy!” encouraged the Greyback hairless animally thing.

“Grr, woof growl honk!” snapped the Lupin were-thingo, who hated being hurried.

(99 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

There was a stunned silence at this remarkable announcement, broken only by a single voice

With immeasurable profundity, Fred and/or George Weasley muttered, “Well, bugger this.”

Nobody else in attendance saw the twins sneak off, nor did a single being witness one of the twins flex his nimble fingers and deftly snatch the pants.

“Let’s see how long it takes them to notice.”

“I’m surprised nobody did.”

“Naah, they were too busy listening to the inspirational soundtrack.”
They glanced at Voldemort and Harry, who had their arms around each other and were swaying to “I Believe I Can Fly.”

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

General Uproar wasn’t the most patient fellow, and (seeing as how he wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place) blinked out of that existence with one, final, inarticulate roar.

The twins both rolled their eyes.
“We don’t even need to try to get away with this,” Fred commented.

Just as everything seemed freakishly easy, however, a shout could be heard.

“Oi! Uh – stop that!”

The twins spun around in slow motion. Standing behind them, hidden partly by shadows, were Draco Malfoy and his Slytherin non-chum Theodore Nott, both with iPods, their hair blowing in an unknown, slow-motion breeze.

(98 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

“Uh, why aren’t you distracted by the inspirational soundtrack?” asked George-or-Fred.

Theo smirked and gave him an ironic salute with his iPod. “I have my own soundtrack,” he informed them. “Because I’m just that much of a rebel.”

“And we’re stealing those 'Pants back for the Dark Lord!” Draco added.

“Well, I’m not,” said Theo. “I’m just here for the kicks and the rather flattering slow-motion hair-blowing.”

“Ignore my sidekick,” began Draco. “He—”

“I am not your sidekick!” hissed Theo. “I’m a free man! BORRRN FREEE…!”

Draco elbowed him and Theo stopped singing along to his iPod.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

With the conflict ended, the slow motion effect picked up again, as Draco moved one foot forward and drew his wand steadily.

“Noooooow, haaand iiiit oooooooover, clooooowwnssss!”

The slow motion effects dude got fired.

“NOOOOO!” shouted Fred and George, jumping into heroic fighting positions, wands drawn, and tossing the Deathpants out of harm’s way. George threw a curse at Theodore Nott, who very impressively pulled out two long, spell-deflecting swords from no where. The spell rebounded like a grain of sand bouncing off a three tonne steel block, and Theo assumed dramatic battle position.

“Yoooouu’re gooooing doooowwn,” growled Draco slowly.

(68 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

The twins did indeed go down. More specifically, they flopped down on their backs, causing Draco’s incredibly violent curses to harmlessly drift over their head and assail the man with the electric-blue mullet.
It was only then, with the twins on the ground and no longer obstructing the lovely view, that Theo noticed something somewhat unusual going on behind them.
“Erm,” he said, pointing casually. “That’s rather interesting.”

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Meanwhile, a few feet away…

“Growl! Woof!” the creepy Greyback were-monster commented excitedly.

“Woofety woof moo!” agreed the Lupin’s equivalent, both speeding abnormally fast towards a certain battle scene.

“Woof,” Greyback-werewolf commented thoughtfully. “Grr goo mrph.” This meant something like, ‘I think I’d look good in those red and yellow leather pants’.

“Prrup! Woofety,” replied Lupin-werewolf doubtfully. This basically meant, ‘don’t kid yourself, dude’.

Greyback-wolf went for the pants, and Lupin-wolf did too, beginning a werewolf tug-a-war, accompanied by growls that were so abnormally rude, I can’t even tell you what they were in werewolf language, let alone in English.

(61 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

Remus tugged valiantly on the pants. True, Fenrir was bigger and stronger, but Remus was considerably more loveable and usually won such battles in cheesy fanfiction such as this.

Because of this, the two giant-anorexic-chihuahua-typy things remained in a deadlock until a stroke of wolfish inspiration came to Remus's head, the only way he could wrest the pants from his quarry.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

The Lupin waxy-rubber-limbed-were-dog-thing carefully held on with his teeth, but used one of his waxy rubber limbs to reach for Draco’s iPod.
The loveable underdog/vicious killer dog snatched the music player away, causing Draco to be swept away by the current sound track like everyone else, then somehow managed the tricky manoeuvre of getting the earphones on the Fenrir were-monster, before fiddling with the controls.

For one truly horrifying Moment, Lupin-wolf’s opponent was possessed by the music of the werewolf version of Shakira, but a simple touch of the button had Greyback enlightened by musical enlightenment and doing pirouettes.

(77 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

The wolfish Remus Lupin tumbled backward with the pants and... swallowed.

Meanwhile, Theo shook his head in disbelief as he observed the twirling werewolf. "What kind of music do you have on that thing?" he asked Draco.

Draco's shoulders hunched up defensively. "My therapist recommended it," he muttered. "Something about soothing my tortured adolescent soul."

Theo regarded him with a briefly contemptuous expression that then gave away to an expression of contemplation. "Can I listen?" he asked.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

As were-Lupin swallowed the Deathpants, there was a Moment of Total Silence (or MTS), as everyone froze, staring, and the slow-motion dude was rehired.

“NOOOO!” screamed Voldemort, sinking to his knees in anguish.

“WOOOHOOO!” screamed Harry and Ron, the only other people in the stadium who knew that the Deathpants were a Horcrux.

“YIPPEE!” giggled Tonks, who was just generally a cheerful kind of lass.

Snape rolled his eyes and stalked off the field, completely fed up with this whole affair.

And Theodore Nott and the Greyback-wolf pirouetted again, before finishing the scene in first position, with twinkling magic fingers.

:oOo:

(77 words by Schmerg_the_Impaler)

The next morning dawned, bright and clear.

A rather ragged-looking man with grey-flecked hair and an unshaven face groaned and stirred, sitting up with a Herculean effort. His stomach churned like an Amish woman making butter, and he wasn’t sure why. The events of the previous night were hazy.

He stifled a belch with a scratched-up hand. Ooh… what had happened?
A single word floated into his mind—Deathpants.

Remus Lupin gasped… then paused… then giggled evilly.

(100 words by Mind_Over_Matter)

Quite a long way away from this inspirational scene of victory and nudity, Hermione and Ginny were arriving home from a sleep-over with a friend out of town. Everything seemed to be a mess.

“What’s going on?” asked Ginny. The sound woke up Harry, who had fallen asleep under the Burrow’s table during last night’s after-party.

“Err – nothing,” he replied guiltily. “Certainly not a highly important Quidditch game, in which Fleur Delacour and General Uproar played (neither of which have played much Quidditch) while you two, a skilled Quidditch player and a brainiac, weren’t even invited.”

Hermione and Ginny blinked.

The End

[Schmerg_The_Impaler]

*Does the completion dance, which involves much head bobbing and is remarkably similar to the Numa-Numa*

Thank you SOOOO much MoM! I was kinda, well, cranky last night, so I'm sorry.

I think we should mention that CM made the DeathPants Google document, which was a huge contribution. And Thorn made up the Deathpants themselves! They both had a LOT to contribute on the plot. This story is something especially weird, and I'm so glad that I was able to help write it! :)

[wendelin the wierd]

Hey people I am back and ready for action!

Oh wait, it's done. *mouth drops open*

You guys finished so much. Well, no point staying away from MNFF anyway, I did really badly in the exams. (though I did score the highest in my history class)

Hmmm....my contributions. I wrote a few drabbles, and I came up with Voldy's Deathpants!

Haven't done much then have I?

Will you guys forgive me? *hangs head in shame*

[Mind_Over_Matter]

Aww - Thorn!
I'm so sorry you didn't get the chance to be on more. But you can be very sure that what you did do went a freakishly long way ^^
And-and-and I'm sorry it got finished without you! It's just the deadline's approaching... and I'm just thinking now that there might be more than, like, twelve hours ago.

And guys - still, any changes can go in until the deadline. Last minute contributions - the HTML tags took a ridiculously long time so I'm completely all for making it just perfect^^

[cmwinters]

You guys are fantastic. I really needed that laugh.

Sorry to have bugged out on you like that, but my mother died, I'm the oldest, and I had a great deal of family matters to attend to. I'm still going to be stupid busy for the next few weeks at least, but I'm glad you got this done. *hug*